he's a complete idiot.

[Mum2Lucas]

i thought i'd post this here because i'm a single parent to a 2.5yr old and i'll be a single parent again in september when bub #2 is born.
ok well both bubs will have a different dad and my son never see's his dad. now the guy whos the father of this child didn't want much to do with us until he found out he can get residency here, he's irish, because he has a child here. and i'm only 12 weeks but i want everything sorted before the babies born because i have another child to think about. now i was trying to discuss what i'll be doing with the baby for example i'll probably co-sleep because my son still sleeps in the bed and ill be too tired to take the time to get up, get the baby go to the lounge to feed it and change it then get it back to sleep and put it in it's bed and then get myself back to sleep. and i'll be breastfeeding for as long as the baby wants it too. now apparently i'm disgusting and selfish because of the way i parent. i'm not going to ignore a natural instinct just because he has some stupid idea in his head that it's wrong. he's not gonna see the baby much because he likes his single life all too much. and to make matter's worse he told me the other night that he didn't want anyone else he just wanted to be with me and since then he has led me to believe that he lied. which he probably did. what i do at home doesn't impact on his life at all. he lives an hour away from me for starters and he works so he'll only be able to see the baby on a weekend. but i can't stand him. he got me so upset yesterday and i don't know how to make him see that how i feel about certain thing's isn't wrong, or disgusting and is completely natural. he thinks because he has spent some time with other peoples kids that he knows everything. he doesn't understand it's different when u have a child 24/7 and you can't give it back. he'll still be able to give this child back because it won't live with him. i just don't know what to do. sorry it's so long guys
just wanted to get that out.

[silvercat]

mum2lucas,it sounds as if you have made some lovely decisions regarding bubs number two(co-sleeping and breastfeeding for as long as able),so I wouldnt listen to a word this man says.Its very easy for others to make judgement on whats best for a child(Im sure I did the same before I had mine too),but really it boils down to whats best for you and bubs,especially if you are going to be the main caregiver.I wouldnt bother trying to explain my decisions to be honest,I would just tell him the way its going to be!

[LilShenanigans]

It's hard but ignore him... tell him he can only have valid input on the raising of the child if he actually wanted to be part of the process and committed.

Though, whatever he says, take it with a grain of salt (or a bucket), sounds like a toss pot and best just to do what you feel is right.

[Mum2Lucas]

well i think he's been talking to his mum. because he called last night and apologised and said that it didn't matter what i did with regards to all that stuff. and then he said he could get his 3 months of farm work closer to me so he can come see me a bit more. and i said at the moment i wasn't ready to see him. he was quite nice but i have to meet his mother in august or september becuase she's coming over to ireland to visit. but yeah i've told him the way its gonna be. i've even discussed when he can come visit the baby once it's born and he's agreed that that is fair which is good. so i'm sure eventually he'll be ok with the way i do things its just the initial **** that stresses me out

[Mum2Bug]

Hopefully this man will step up to the plate and be a good father to your child. At the moment though his attitude is childish and I can only hope for everyones sakes that he snaps out of it by the time bub is born.

Good luck with it all:hugs:

[mum2littleman]

goodluck with everything i really hope that everything works out....

with everything else i wouldnt listen when it comes down to it ur mum u do want u want and wat u feel is right not wat sumone else says is right or wrong...:hugs:

[shazlee83]

I know is prob not the answer ur looking for, but as single mum 2 single mum, u know u could do this on ur own. if it was me, i would disappear, have the bubs all to myself, no dad on the birth certificate.... but then again, maybe ive just got issues cause this is so close 2 home. My bubs dad is english... he was fine most of the pregnacy, until he left 2 go to england @ 6mths for a 'quick holiday to visit family'...i tried to do the right thing, givin him as much imput as i could, put him on the birth cert* but at the end of the day i didnt even like him, i couldnt stand the sight of him... so now Im goin to court in the UK for childsupport, and i still have to get the ******* to sign forms for a passport for jb and he wont. n e ways, i spose, i just want u 2 know, that the overseas thINg, does and prob will make life a lil more tougher. i wish sum1 gave me this advice 16mths ago.

[Mum2Lucas]

I know is prob not the answer ur looking for, but as single mum 2 single mum, u know u could do this on ur own. if it was me, i would disappear, have the bubs all to myself, no dad on the birth certificate.... but then again, maybe ive just got issues cause this is so close 2 home. My bubs dad is english... he was fine most of the pregnacy, until he left 2 go to england @ 6mths for a 'quick holiday to visit family'...i tried to do the right thing, givin him as much imput as i could, put him on the birth cert* but at the end of the day i didnt even like him, i couldnt stand the sight of him... so now Im goin to court in the UK for childsupport, and i still have to get the ******* to sign forms for a passport for jb and he wont. n e ways, i spose, i just want u 2 know, that the overseas thINg, does and prob will make life a lil more tougher. i wish sum1 gave me this advice 16mths ago.

I have been contemplating just disappearing. he irritates me so much and i don't want him to touch me at the moment and i don't really like talking to him either. he won't be on the birth certificate but i'll get him to pay child support and if he wants to see the baby he can. but there will never be a relationship between me and him because he couldn't handle having a family he likes his freedom too much. i'd much prefer to do this all by myself. i did it all the first time i can do it again. he thinks it's all about him but it isn't. he's not the one who's pregnant. he doesn't have to give birth or wake up every 2 hours to feed a hungry baby. it's not actually happening to him really it's happening to me.

[SPC]

My Mum is Irish. Be warned, Irish grannies are hard to dodge! Once she gets a whif of grandchild she'll be on at at him to marry you...run whilst you have the option?! Good luck.

[Mum2Lucas]

thanks guys. well he came over last night and i told him we won't ever be in a relationship with each other and he agreed that he can't handle a family. but then he mentioned something about child support and was there a way where we could work something out privately. now i said to him that even so i still have to tell child support about that agreement. so long story short he doesn't like the percentage of child support he will have to pay and is trying to get away with paying a significantly lesser amount which won't wash with me i can assure you. i'm not an idiot. i simply mentioned that there will be no private agreement and if he doesn't like the child support system then i'll just simply not claim child support not get the extra centrelink benefits i'm entitled to with having this child and then he won't see it. so now he's thinking he'll either go back to ireland in june and leave me alone or he'll suck it up and pay what he's supposed to and then he'll see the child.