Are you happy with your Care Provider??

[V8]

I am having a midwife and doula attend my homebirth. I am more than happy with my doula, but my midwife just seems really slack. Like if i make contact with her it takes her days if at all to get back to me. I find it quite frustrating, surely i shouldn't have to be chasing her up all the time?? I am only having her for birth so no ante-natal care, are my expectations a little bit too high to expect her to contact me once in a while? I worry that i don't hear from her now it makes me very anxious when it comes to birth/labour that she may not answer my calls and be unavailable. That is my biggest fear. The thing is unfortunately there isn't much choice when it comes to midwives in Brissy so i just chose her cause she was available. I really like her when i speak with her, but it's just the follow up (or lack of) that has me concerned. :( I have been concerned for a while about it, but haven't posted as i don't want her to find out that i'm having concerns as i know people here that know who she is. So what to do??

[V8]

Another thought, has anyone changed midwifes later on in pregnancy? I'm 30 weeks and am contemplating finding someone else... not sure how my luck would be anyways.

[Tam-I-Am]

I'd have a really good chat with her, TBH, and explain your concerns. I'd probably tell her that you don't expect her to not have a life, and be waiting by the phone in case you call all the time - but the lack of response makes you wonder what her availability and response time really is going to be when you're in labour.

If she doesn't respond appropriately, you don't feel that she's really taken on board what you've said, or you still don't feel comfortable - then perhaps look at other middies. But maybe there's a good explanation for her behaviour, and I would at least give her the right-of-reply before firing her, iykwim.

Hope you sort it out soon, cause it sounds really stressful :hugs:

[Pixie]

I agree with Tami, if you can get hold of her to talk to her of course :D

Me am I happy.....Lets not go there eh :D

[shed]

Because there are so few of them I guess there is not as much competition, but they are a business and customer service is part of any business.

You need to talk to her, you can preface it with "I am probably just being a hormonal pregnant woman but I have some concerns, etc etc"

Good luck. Its a bummer that there is not more choice ay.

[V8]

Thanks guys, i am in actual fact quite intimidated by her, not sure why... but yeah find it hard to approach her. Last time i happened to bump into her at the hospital she said, 'so you'll just call me if you need me at the birth?' I was a bit taken aback cause of course i will call her for the birth, it's like she doesn't take me seriously... I dunno. It's just a shame as there isn't much choice in midwives here and i don't really like the idea of searching for one at 30 weeks. It's quite stressful as i said my worst fear is her not showing up. Be good to at least feel supported and confident in her service. Maybe i am being a tad hormonal i dunno, but yeah she never contacts me it's always me contacting her. I feel it doesn't take much to drop an email or a quick phone call to see how i'm doing.

[shed]

Vee, you know what I reckon?

I reckon she's got you mixed up with someone else.

I do! :yes: I reckon she has gone the wrong end of the stick and thinks you are going to freebirth and only call her if you need her.

You need to set her straight!!

[Tam-I-Am]

Vee - I'm really quite concerned that you feel intimidated by her. That's the LEAST conducive situation for you being able to birth comfortably at home, being intimidated by the person who is supposed to be helping empower you.

There have been a couple of things that my middie has said that have stressed me out at the time, and after going away, stewing on them a bit and then approaching her and telling her what was on my mind, we've been able to establish a really open, honest, and trusting relationship. If i didn't have that with her, she wouldn't be welcome at the birth of my baby.

Seriously - I would try talking to her. TELL her you're intimidated by her, tell her you feel she doesn't take you seriously, or take enough interest in your wellbeing, TELL her that you're feeling stressed she won't be there, or won't emotionally support you.

If she STILL intimidates you at the end of that conversation - or if you feel intimidated throughout it - then you've got your answer. She may just come to the party though, and pull her finger out.

Hope you find a solution :hugs:

[reAllytee]

I havent got anything to add as the lovely ladies have covered it all & its true you really need to talk with her & get it sorted.

I also believe that if she isnt meant for you that you will find someone. I had a hard time finding a Doula but then one was handed to me on a silver platter at around 30wks funnily enough ! Dont give up hope !!!!

I just wanted to send you some of these :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[V8]

Shed, that's what i thought too, cause i was concerned and spoke to my doula about her, and she said that when she spoke with my midwife she said that she wasn't sure what i wanted to do? I have told her a few times i just want her for the birth only, but i still need her there from the moment i go into labour. So yeah i thought so too before, but now i'm unsure again what she really thinks i want? I don't know how much clearer i can be.

But yeah she does intimidate me, not sure why, i think it's cause she doesn't get back to me and is quite abrupt (this is online mind you) So always harder to tell if they are just busy or whatever. But yeah to have to message her and then wait a few days, and message her again to get a response, really irks me. I don't see her on a regular basis to have a face to face chat and sort it out, i'm just relying on her saying she'll be there and she will, but then yeah don't really feel very confident of the fact.

[stellarella]

She does sound a little detached but I think it's a tricky situation because you have only asked her to attend the actual birth....so it's hard to build a relationship, thats something that normally happens at your home visits. It would be natural that she has a better relationship with other clients and probably they have first priority unfortunately...she probably thinks what do you need her for until you are in labour iykwim.

Having said that I don't think it's ok as you are not comforatble. Not sure what you can do about it other than talk to her about it.

I am happy with my midwife so far, as happy as I can be at only 14 weeks :) Time will tell, however we clicked and have really similar ideals.
Except she would like me to book into Mullumbimby birth unit which is 45 mins from my house whereas Murwillumbah is only 10 mins away so I am not keen on that...of course it's up to me but she has had negative experiences at Mur'bah and has a good relationship with the OBs at Bimby and really feels it would make my experience better if I went to Bimby for PPH or bad tearing....really it's unlikely I will transfer but you never know.

[V8]

Thanks for the different perspective Stella. I am feeling a little bit better today as i heard from my doula and will be meeting up with her soon. I might even brouch it with her and ask that she be the first point of call when i'm in labour and then i might ring the midwife if anything arises or ring her near the end of labour. You're right it is hard to establish a repoir with someone when i have only met her twice and have barely discussed anything to do with the birth. So yeah after hearing from my doula i am much more confident and relaxed, she is a great support and she has been there and done that before, so she gives me lots of hope that i can do it too.

As for the midwife i'll just have to keep trying to get in touch with her so we can have a face to face chat and see where we go from there.

Thanks heaps all, so helpful to talk it through here with others. :D