NOW iM THE BAD GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[abo84]

When my DH first moved in with me I was living with a flatmate, then I was pregnant 3months later, so we moved into another rental on our own and of course 2 of his mates got evicted and had no where else to go so they moved in for a while,(forever)
we moved to find cheaper rent to try and save for a deposit for a home loan, they moved with us.

Then DH got transfured to a way way away town so they had to find there own place, this was great we had just gotten married and finally we can spend time as a family on our own.

WRONG!!!!!!! His grandma didnt like living who she was living with so came to live with us, fine.
We have now just brought our own home back in the northside of brisbane, I had big plan for everything to do with it.

His grandma was ment to go live with her daughter, however has changed her mind and will join us in our own home.

I am dissapointed:crying:

She is a great lady and I do love her, but Im preg again with no.2, and feel I havent yet had time with my family.

we have had a few probs like, Grandma give my daughter too many biscuits, knowing I dont like her having too many.

then we are sitting in the same room, and I was folding washing and my DD stole a pair of my undies and put them on her head, I told her she looked beautiful and went to find the camera, Grandma after hearing me say all this, took them off her and told her she didnt like her playing with that.

My mum explained that its hard for different generations to live togeather, etc.

But when I tell my DH he just tells me to talk to her, but I wont as I spoke to him mother about blowing her pay and asking us for money up to 3times a week!
Then his mother went crying to him and I was the bad guy?????????:banghead:

Im tired of being the bad guy, I am sick of feeling second best, and I want more for my kids.

Am I stupid????? I feel like moving in with my parents again. What do I do???:(

[Ange&Seth]

Oh my God! I so feel for you Chic! :eek: I don't know how you handle his grandmother living with you! I think I would honestly go crazy. It was bad enough on the weekend my own grandmother was at my parents place for a bday party (she lives 750km away) and she heard me call my 5 and a half month old 'Bubba' which is just my pet name for him and she told me not to call him that coz it might stick and then he'd grow up being called "bubba' all his life. I so felt like telling her what I thought of that but I just walked away. Have you told your other half how much it upsets you? Maybe if you put it to him that if he doesn't speak to his grandma and get her to cool it then you'll lose it and say something you don't mean and really upset her? Maybe he might take you seriously then? I don't know what else to do really. I have a bit of a problem with my FIL saying things bout my bub and joking about things I don't think should be joked about and no matter how many times I tell him it upsets me he just laughs and keeps going.

It's really hard and frustrating. Maybe you could also try saying, politely, this is our house and we make the rules and those rules are - not more than 3 (or whatever) biscuits etc.

I've found that guys are sooks when it comes to their family. I know mine is. Whereas if my mum's ****ing me or my partner off, I tell her straight out.

I don't know that I've been much help Chic, but I hope it all works out for the best. :D

Ange :smiliedance:

[abo84]

You know its not even that, all the pets in our home are "put out" becuase of her dog, and we have to cats right, she loves the old one and spoils it, everytime I come home my young kitten is locked in the laundry.

Im at my mums now will pick DH up at midnight from work will talk on the way home, but so far all I get is she is my grandma, I wonder why she cant live with one of her kids???????:rolleyes:

[cwsmum]

Does she give you guys money for food, board etc? Maybe you could save that money and get her a caravan to go in your backyard...then she is still close to you all but has her own space...away from you where you can lock the doors and spend time alone with your family.;)

I refuse to have family live with us coz I know that it would drive me mad...my family and DH's are as bad as each other.

[reAllytee]

Dont worry i often think i should go back to my mums !
But then thats not going to work cause i have a bubba now etc.
I have no idea what this must be like cause i couldnt let any come live with us even if temporarily as its hard enough now let alone with an added extra !
Try & be strong & remain calm have another talk with your hubby & try explaining how you feel overwhelmed with having her around with bubba #2 on the way etc just try & get him to see how you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Maybe also try & tell him the bonuses he will get not having his grandma around like walking around naked LOL or just having more alone time with just the 2 of you.
Good luck :hugs:

[Maghan]

Buy an investment property in a retirement village then make out you can't get anyone to rent it and see if she'll "help you out" by moving in and paying the rent so you don't "lose everything". Win, win...:smiliedance:

[shed]

I just moved in with DP and I am 19 weeks pregnant. His flatmates haven't moved out yet. There are two of them and there seems to be no signs of any activity regarding them looking for another place.

Whenever I ask DP about it he says he will talk to them, but I don't know if he has or he hasn't. Its going to get to the point of me being the Bad Guy soon because I want to get the house ready for Bubby but I don't want to be cleaning up their cr*p and I haven't moved all my stuff over from my old place yet because there is no where to put it.

One of them is allright, but the other one is just a grub.

I like reading threads like this because it makes me realise I have to be strong from the start when the baby comes, especially with DP's mother. She needs to learn that this is OUR baby not hers. She's nice but I can see potential for MIL from Hell behaviour in her sometimes and I think it will come out when the baby arrives. Must nip it in the bud and make her scared of me from the get-go :laughing:

[abo84]

I think you just have to be strong, my DH has very strange parents, that he is well aware of, he has no probs with telling anyone what they are like, but for the first 3yrs of our relationship, they were very nasty to me and did things like, borrow my things for something and wont give them back, yelling at me and my family, paid someone to go around and tell my aunty and uncle not to come to our wedding.

I hated all of this as much as Dh did, but when I tried to speak to them it didnt work and when he said he would, mother would cry and get her own way.

Thank god he stands up for me more, and as a result his parents have calmed down.

I really love him grandma though, she is nothing like this, I really believe she is just tryng to help, which makes it harder to say anything.
But when we have noone living with us thats it no one will ever get in.

But shed, pls be strong from the start, and put your foot down if you arnt happy with something, or it will go on forever.

When you bring that baby home from hospital you want to be living on your own with you DP.

As for MIL just do what ever works for you. I know how you feel.:hugs:

[moonblossom]

You are a bloody saint, I know I couldn't and wouldn't do it. END OF STORY. Its hard enough sometimes to take care of your bubs needs and your partners, without having to look after someone elses problems and personalities. Good luck to you.

[Rahmi'sMum]

OMG!!! I made it a condition of marriage that I woul never have to have any in-laws live with us.

My MIL is Malaysian and the most important person to her is her mum - she tells this to her husband often. So - of course she thinks DH should put her first. I DON'T THINK SO!!!

You are verrrrry patient, I would have flipped out by now. I couldn't imagine sharing our house with anyone.

[diamonds22]

I think that you should totally tell your hubby that her living with you is not on!!! I think its unfair that she has put you in that position...yeah shes old and whatever...but she isnt being considerate to what is best for your family! (y isnt she living with her kids??? your hubbies mum and dad?? its not YOUR responsibilitie!)

Your lil family is the most important now....not your hubbys mum and dads (selfish as that sounds..but its the truth...you need to do what feels best for you ..and if people cant understand that...well its there prob..not yours...not anymore!)

IMO your hubby should start listening to you more or it may cos probs between you two further down that track..like u might feel resentment towards him or something.

I know this sounds *****y...but lol the grandma has had her holiday long enough now...if your hubby wont say anything....I think u should tell him that enough is enough and go ahead and tell the grandma yourself. Just say how you reallly feel....like u said she may be a lovely person, but tell her you dont feel its in you families best interest..and with your new home you want to share it alone ...tell her about your past flatmates...she might be actually end up understanding where your coming from...and if the **** hits the fan...then let it...in the end you will get what YOU want for a change!


lol oh I totally sound like a selfish *****...I knew I shouldnt have posted!! lol just do what you feel is best...just dont let people walk all over u

[Baby Girl]

DP and I went through something similar a couple of years ago. I ended up leaving with DD and it took 6 days before all the 'flatmates' and his brother were gone!! Including his brother there was 4 people + DP, DD and I (carrying DD2). Admittedly we were living in a very big house at the time but there is nothing that can make up for your own personal space!! I was fine with it being for a couple of weeks or a month or so until they found somewhere but it just kept going and going and becoming more and more people.

I was surprised at how quick DP got everyone out (they all moved in another house together) but it was too little too late and it took us a fair while to get things back on track with us. The living arrangements had put other pressures on us as a family and it took a long time for me to get over it.

Speak to your DP now about it before it gets to a point that you can't cope with her anymore and he needs to realise that he is the one who should be talking to his family - not you.

You and your babies should be his first priorities. He can still help his family and friends but that doesn't have to be by them living with you guys.

Good Luck.

[DjF]

Hey Bub - since you havent moved all your stuff yet - offer your old place to the two that wont leave! That might give them a hint!!!
D

[LittleBoysRock]

Hi there,

I am currently living in My Mum's house with her, DH, DS, my sister, My brother and we usually have here Mum's BF, Sisters BF and Brothers GF. BIIIIIGGGGGG Family!

I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing and shopping for all of us as well as looking after my son, doing uni and having a social life. I know how you feel honestly!!

Congrats on buying your new home!! :yelclap:
We have moved back with Mum so we can save for a place of our own. When it is my place it is my rules. Your not the bad guy at all.

Goodluck! Hope things improve for you really soon. :)