Wish I had Waited....

[LachlansMun]

I'm starting to feel a bit depressed about being a Stay - At - Home - Mum.

All my old friends from school have careers and exciting lives, working overseas and travelling etc while I just stay at home with the kids while DP works everyday.

I've thought about getting a job but It's not worth it cause it won't cover the childcare and DP works days and sometimes nights cause he's in the RAAF.

I havn't had a full time job ever (I fell pregnant at 18 and am now only 21) and I'm starting to wish I'd waited a few years til I began my family.

Does anyone feel the same???

I just feel like my life is wasting away in front of me?

:(

[forbetoel]

Maybe it is because you are still so young, and a lot of people your age are just doing different things. Just enjoy your babies now why you can, because in a few years time when all of your friends are at home enjoying thier own children, you will regret just not enjoying it while it were your turn.

For me, I love being a sahm. My kids are my life, so I am certainly not wasting it by being at home with them. I am investing in my children by being at home with them. I want them to know that I am always there for them and love them more than anything in the world.

I know that the world will still be turning once they are all at school, and that it will wait for me. But until then, I am enjoying this very special stage in my life.

Maybe join a playgroup, they are a wonderful meeting place for mums to get together.:)

[HunterzMummy]

Sweet heart... I completely understand how your feeling i too am 21 and a young mum... i have days like this too.. but ive resolved to the fact that there is no use wishing or hoping cuz we got blessed with these little ones at this particular time for some reason. And i know that amazing doors of opportunity will evolve when the time is right. We have not miss out just postponed :D

:hugs::hugs: hope your feeling better soon hunnie

[mrsdlc2007]

I sometimes feel the same,.... Mind you Dh and I have a very active social life....

Just look at it in this light, you will grow up with your kids and you will still be young enough to do the travelling when they are old enough to look after themselves...

One piece of advise I always give is " just becuase you are a mum doesnt mean you still cant be a woman" So make sure you still get that me time and do some things that you want to do... Its okay to be selfish every now and then....

Take care
Amanda:flowerz:

[poshBecks]

in a few years time when all of your friends are at home enjoying thier own children, you will regret just not enjoying it while it were your turn.


And also, you will be able to go & and have adventures while they are at home with their babies. And you will appreciate it a lot more by then :)

I dunno... i look at some of my old school friends who dont have kids... and I feel my life is much richer because of what my children give me. Parties and nightclubs never really did it for me though....

AS for travel... DH & I are planning on doing that when the kids are adults... we will still only be 40 then :thumbsup: And 40 is the new 30 :p

[Lil X-men]

And also, you will be able to go & and have adventures while they are at home with their babies. And you will appreciate it a lot more by then :)

I dunno... i look at some of my old school friends who dont have kids... and I feel my life is much richer because of what my children give me. Parties and nightclubs never really did it for me though....

AS for travel... DH & I are planning on doing that when the kids are adults... we will still only be 40 then :thumbsup: And 40 is the new 30 :p

Totally :iagree: I see alot of school friends on bebo etc and think that my life is so much more fullfilled, I have a loving partner and two beautiful children and out own home- we are saving for our future, when alot of my school mates have nothing, and are wasting all their hard earned money on parties, not mention destroying their health with excessive alcohol intake!
I love the fact that I am enjoying my kids now and will still be very young when they are grown up so DH and I can go crusing. We already have our trip planned lol!! So one day the tables will be turned and we will be the social butterflies, where as our old friends will be "stuck " at home with little ones to run around after lol!!

[KatiesMum]

Have you thought about doing some study at home? (in an area you enjoy of course!!!!)

Will keep you busy and not envying your friends having a different life to you - will allow you to make new (adult) friends so your life does not revolve 100% around when your bubs sleeps and poos :laughing: - gives you an interest to keep your mind busy - and will give you the oppurtunity to get a job in an area you enjoy when your bubbies grow up and go off to school.

Otherwise ...there is always community activities - playgroup, toy library etc - maybe join the committee of whatever you are involved in and take a more active role.

[shed]

Maybe you could do some study through OTEN or go to TAFE? is there anything in particular you want to do when your baby is at school? Maybe if you start working towards it now it will cheer you up a bit?

Your life is definitely not wasting in front of you. Those friends of yours aren't doing anything all that exciting. A 21 year old's career is usually just starting off and really nothing all that exciting yet.

When I was your age I had friends who had babies and we just sort of fitted them in somehow. They had babysitters etc sometimes and sometimes we would just all hang out, babies welcome. If you found a mum's group then maybe you would feel better?

It doesn't have to be a young mums group, older mothers often enjoy the company of young mums even though young mums can't seem to get their head around that, lol!

I agree that you should be having fun at your age, even if you have a baby doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be 21 and enjoy the things that 21 year olds usually enjoy. And don't be afraid to try and keep your friendships and make new ones, lots of girls your age looooove babies even if they aren't ready to have their own.

You don't have to wait till you are 40 to travel. Just take the baby with you.

Cheer up chicky, there is more than one way to skin a cat.

[butterflybaby]

Sometimes well lately I've been thinking about how everything could have been different. I didn"t really ever think about being with DP the rest of my life, didn't think I would get pregges. Didn't really expect SAH ment I did everything cleaning cooking washing. Thats this is what I do with my life. Love him and the kids to bits but what about me and my life. I haven't made any new friends since school and the few friends I do have we just don't seen to click and more. I'm looking for something more, trying to get fit, healthy, maybe some confidence back. Thinking about joining a sports team or maybe Tafe.

Sometimes i wish i waited

[Maxs_MumMy]

I think everyone thinks this to a degree sometimes..
I have done in the past.

I personally don't give two hoots what my friends think when it comes to my life and when I chose to have a child as everyones life is different..

Your life isn't wasting away, YOUR 21!

All I say is do what you want, if you want to study do it, if you want to travel overseas start small maybe and save to go to NZ..

Nothing/Nobody can stop you...like I said your 21!

[ann n mick]

hi im 21 turing 22 this year i found out that i was pregs with my son when i 17 week later i was 18
when i told my friends they diddent realy talk to me they was to busy drinking and partying a few friends are now mums to i talk to them every so often
but on the bright side i made heaps of friend who are mums and made more on bub hub i had my dd when i was 21 i do feel like i should of had a job and saved for a house but im in a 2 bedroom unit but its ok as long as my kids have a roof over there heads thats all i care about

[kittykatz]

I'm 30 and have done all the travel, married, bought a house, worked my way up career wise, but i still don't have what I want the most - children.

You have the advantage of having heaps of time on your side. So, like people have suggested, maybe look at some study or joining a club, sports team etc so you still have things to look forward to outside of your home.

[zanesmummy]

i can relate to you so much. i am 22 and my son is 5 and a half months. as much as i love him i still think of what it would be like if we didnt have him. we are now stuck in a rutt so to speak, it seems every day i am doing the same thing......ds wakes up has a bottle and a play, i put him down for a sleep i put a load of washing on do dishes and a general tidy up then a shower by that time ds has woken up. he has farax and a bottle, we play more or go for a walk or to the shops to get what we have to get. home by 1 to make dp lunch by 1.30 (usually something cooked) ds goes for another sleep sometimes not with out a huge tanty, so i clean up lunch stuff dp has gone back to work. ds is soon awake so i havent sat down for 5 min ( i actually just get the kettle boinled). then dp comes home, i am trying to occups ds and cook dinner for me and dp. 6pm is ds dinner time, (dinner is usually on) ds is screaming by this stage because he is so tired dp is on the computer, in the shower or watching tv. 7pm is bath time, then bottle and by 7.30 8pm ds is in bed. we eat dinner i have a shower then i am in bed. that is whay i do every day and i get over it and want more out of life. my friends are all partying and all that as well and i so want to do it but then ds smiles at me or giggles and it makes it ok. i suffered depression when i had him so i joined a mothers group and met a beautiful friend i am going to have forever. u arent alone

[zanesmummy]

my son and partner are my life..as much as i would have loved to have waited i wouldnt change anything

[LachlansMun]

The thing is I do stuff all week and I have travelled with both the kids!

I take the kids to Playgroup once a week and Lachlan has swimming as well. We also watch Daddy play soccer.

In the past year we have lived in Brisbane, Wagga Wagga and now Townsville and have travelled to Fiji twice and NZ once.

I am studying a photography course from home and now thinking about getting a job in childcare.

Even though I do all these thing, it still feels like it's not enough. I just want to be doing something more with my life, you know???

[shed]

um, no then, I guess I don't know!! :laughing:

good luck with whatever it is you are seeking!

[forbetoel]

um, no then, I guess I don't know!! :laughing:

good luck with whatever it is you are seeking!

Yep, I am thinking htis too..:confused:

[Nex]

:laughing::laughing:

No matter which way around it happens there are some regrets!

I'm having my first baby at 36 and now I'm the one who thinks I'm crazy to have waited so long.

I'm regretting not having done it sooner, younger.

So look on it as a blessing to have your family while you are young. Just think. In 15 years (which will just fly by, believe me!) you will be free to do as you please!

[Shauna]

Crystal or anyone else, please dont feel like your life is wasting away just because you have children young...i always wanted to be a young mum. I wanted to know that when my kids were running around i could too and that when they were at school i was still young enough to start a career what ever that might be....My DS and son to be are my life. My DH is in the army so going away or moving is part of our lives but i knew that when i met him..

Crystal i too am in Townsville and there is a mothers/playgroup almost every day of the week organised through bubhub or mother and baby or mummies online....if you need some time out its what we are all here for...support. Also think about speaking to DCO or the family one..they can help also you dont have to do fulltime daycare there are 2 casual care centres here only $6.50 an hour and you still get the rebate so cheaper still all day is 830 to 330 mon to fri..

Sorry just rambling now...Chin up everyone. Whether religious or not god gave you these children as young as you are/were because you were ready, whether you think it or not... :thumbsup:

[SassyMummy]

I understand OP (and everyone else who can relate).

What happened to ME?! Before figuring out who I am, I've just dissolved into this boring, uptight homebody who just sits around getting fat and thinking, "Geez my life is sucky."

It's not that I don't love my daughter - because I do. It's just that... well... I'm not me. This isn't me. Sitting around at home with a toddler isn't me - but what else can I do? I can't afford to do anything differently - we're too poor, DP works too often... I just can't DO anything differently.

I dunno what I need to do to find ME and still be a good mother...

I'm hoping that once she begins school it will be easier because she'll WANT more independence and I'll be able to be a bit more of myself again... so for now, I'm just sticking it out, TRYING to keep some sort of memory of myself in the back of my mind, so I can reclaim "me" once the time is right...

[HarvestMoon]

SassyMummy I can completely relate to everything you wrote!

Everyday is the same, everything is the same. There is nothing new and exciting anymore.

I am so stuck in this rutt. I've got no idea who i am anymore.

I am just hanging out for the day the kids are both at school and i've got the chance to reclaim my life somewhat as well. I think at least then i can work or study and maybe even form some friendships!

[jag5000]

from a former young mum - I had DD when I was 21

my biggest regret from when she was little was that I kept (or tried to keep) my pre baby friends and didn't go and try to meet other mums or people I could relate to. My pre baby friends pretty much drifted off and I was left with not many mates at all...

I was too nervous to go to mothers group or the like 'cos I thought I'd be looked down on being young... big regrets

this time around I still don't have many friends with kids - but I am determined to go out and try to meet some, for all of us - me, DH, DD and new bub (but mostly me! so I don't get into that, sitting around the house lonely thing again)

[~BEXTER~]

I can say i do feel the same way on hard days. lol
however i do work and have since i was 15 up until i was 3 month preg and went back when keiara was 2.
but i do it all alone so i do wish i had of waited as it is really hard.
but she is hear and life goes on :)
cheer up you'll be right

[LoveMyBoys]

Maybe you should look into a career that has meaning for you? Like nursing or something??

Im a young mum too, i had my first baby at 17 and im now 24 with 4 boys and ttc #5.....i cant say that ive felt the way you do......yeh i get sick of the same old ****...mainly just the housework:rolleyes:....but then i think about what my life would be like without my boys and it would be awful!! Your friends may have great jobs etc but what do they come home too?

I went to a mothers group with my first baby but i was judged because of my age......now it seems to be the amount of children i have.....I get into a rut about having no friends....As for ME...atm i am my boys mum and dh's wife....Im still me.....thats just my job.....being a mum doesnt take away who you are......enjoy your kids while there young coz they grow up so damn fast:(

[bebhed]

I do understand how you feel but i totally agree with Hunterzmummy you haven't missed out just postponed. Think about when all your friends start having children you will be starting to get your life back and do things you want to do again and they will all be wishing they had children young.
It seems like you need to do something thats your own and nothing to do with children. Join a sport or do a short class at Tafe that way you can talk to other people about a different subject. Hopefully your partner or someone around you can babysit one night a week?

[Leisa21]

I just turned 21 and my son is 3 months old. I dont feel that I have wasted anything. To be honest I think from about 17-20 my years were wasted. Except meeting DH of coarse. I drank, I partied and spent all my money on rubbish. Now I'm 21 with a husband and a wonderful little boy. I look at my friends from school, they are still doing that. I really dont think thats living. DH and I still have a really active social life. You should try going away. Not overseas but maybe for a weekend somewhere. We live in brisbane and are going to coochiemudloo island for easter and cant wait. We also venture out to dinner with little oou. We have a blast. Enjoy them because I've only been at it for 3 months but it feels like i've blinked and is gone.

[blissfullybonkers]

i dont wish that i waited,
but sometimes i think dp does... he wouldnt trade dd for the world but he is still sometimes in the 'party mode' ifykwim.
he has no probs with going out and leaving me at home with dd (which doesnt worry me) not that often anymore but when she was younger it got a bit out of control...:rolleyes:
i think i have been out 3 times since dd was born and had a good time, spent most of it thinking about dd tho:laughing:and then had the worst hangovers ever the next day:barf:, once dd gets a bit older il go back to work part time etc, but im just savouring this little life that i get to see grow and get cheekier everyday.
i know what its like having friends who dont have kids etc so im trying to get out there and make some new ones, and a few girls i used to know have bubs now so im trying to get in contact witht them too.
i think im still me,im still the same crazy person, i think being a mum is a blessing, the miracle of having a child is an honour not a burden... if anything dd has made me a better person.

[xygirl351]

I had my DD 18days before i turned 20. I would not change it for the world. We are now talking about trying for another one very soon.
I enjoy having my DD so much, she is so much fun. My partner works full time and has done from the moment i met him. I am a full time stay at home mum. I make sure i get out with my DD, even just a walk around the block tends to break up the day.
The way i see it as we had her young so once they all grown up we will still be young enough to enjoy our life's and work and do everything we have given up to be mummies.

Hope ya feel better soon :)

Bessieboo (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/member.php?u=23996) what is your DD DOB she is the same age as my DD

[xygirl351]

2nd Jan 07 so very close in age :)

[mummyof1beauty]

hi lachlans mum, yes i kinda understand how you feel.but then if i did go out and get a job i'd miss out on all the good things. Do u know many people in wagga i understand how boring it gets at home. i'am from wagga and looking to meet mums with bubs. :)

[Jaileth]

A few months ago, I would have said that that was me to a tee. I can't really tell you what's changed for me as it was only yesterday that I decided on some correspondance courses that I want to do, and I can start on them before dd arrives.

As challenging as my boys can be (dh and ds :P) I'm finding that the last few months I haven't wanted what my friends have.

I hope that you can be happy with what you have, other wise try for what you want or what you feel you need to be happy.

[susmamma]

frankly i think being a stay at home mum at any age is boring.

(dont shoot me down girls i am a stay at home mum).

i'm 35 and some days i feel like my brains are shrivelled up little prunes because the most they have to think about are what to feed, how to clean and what time is bath time (look i'm even refering to my brain as a multiple entity ... that is how brain dead my old noggin is!)

but i look at it this way.
i am with my children whilst they are the young little rugrats that they are and in my opinion giving them the best start by having me at home looking after them. it wont be long til they are all at school racing around.

i think these early years are about managing time so that you dont end up going nutso. try and get out everyday. have an activity planned every day and dont waste your time with them wishing it away (it's a conscious effort to do that at time i know).

i really dont think it's an age thing. I think we all find it tough.

and as others have said. you'll still be a spritely thing when they're buying you beers at the bar.

:D

[3blue&1pink]

It has crossed my mind more then once 'I wish I had of waited'... but these have been on days that have been 'bad days' with the boys.

Honestly I love the fact that I am 19 a mum of 2 (Lachlan is 3 and Noah is 2 in 2 days) I am also expecting another boy in July! We are planning on having more.

I have worked full time, I have completed my studies in the beauty industry and I am going to start an aged care course in April, and my Nursing course in Feb next year. So that I am prepared with a 'career' to work when the kids are in school.

The only enjoyment I got out of working full time was that I was not Mummy.. I was Brooke.. I didn't speak baby language and change pooey nappies all day.. and fight with a child to eat his food.. or get dressed or have a day time sleep. I didn't do any of this.. I went to work I was Brooke.. I done my work and came home to be mummy at night.

But honestly.. My mum had me at 16.. she lost all her friends because they were not having kids they were having fun at night clubs and random one night stands. I remember when I was 9.. ALL her friends wanted to spend days with me because they realized they wanted a child but they didn't want to have.. to have a newborn and raise a child.. they wanted one that came at my age.

I get the biggest smile come across my face when I think about it like this.. my mum is currently 36 and has a 19, 17, 14, 13 year old... when I am 34 I will have an 18, 16, 14 year old.. thats fantastic :D

With any hope I might still have a few years of no grey hair left in me ;)

[*~Kate~*]

Yeah i can kinda relate to what you are saying.
I have the 3 little boys , has ds1 when i was 17 , ds2 when i was 18 and ds3 when i was 21.
I love my boys to pieces and they are my life but somewhere along the way i seem to have lost , me !!!
I have no friends , no life basically apart from the kids.
Its depressing sometimes , but i am trying to make new friends with kids.
(((hugs)))) can be so hard sometimes

[lukaelmo]

I just want to be doing something more with my life, you know???

Sure, lots of people feel like that...

What would you like to be doing instead of being a SAHM?