i need some help please

[tanni_83]

hi everyone, i need your help/advice.

Tonight i lost my marbles, it was 9pm and elise was so tired and cranky she fights sleep so much. i tried to feed her and put her to sleep (its the only way i can) but she kept lashing around (shes 10mths), so i gave her a bath to try and calm her a bit, she loves the bath...and then took her up to bed, we co-sleep and again she'd feed then lash about...this went on for ages and i was so mad and upset and cranky that i said "right thats it im setting up the cot!!" (we only have a port-a-cot)...i set it up stuck her in and walked away...at first she thought it was great, a new play thing kinda (ya know?) then she realised she couldnt see me then the tears came....she was crying. i was crying....shes finally one to sleep on my lap now while typing. but i just felt so cranky then i dud that and now i feel terrible for making my bubby cry :crying: my hubbys going to be asking questions when he gets home coz im so against controlled crying...and the cot being set up in our room and all

i want to get elise into her cot at one stage but just not yet, but when i do, how do i go about doing it without feeling terrible about it? pls shed some light on this for me :confused:

thanks ladies i know you understand :hugs:

[the_queen]

:hugs: oh lovey :hugs: give yourself the credit you deserve, you sound like a wonderful mummy and you should not be so hard on yourself :hugs:
I don't think what you did constitutes "controlled crying". I think you were at boiling point and you needed to just have some time away from her. It's hard for us mummy's to admit that. But we all get to that point sometimes and IMO it's better to put her down somewhere safe and go give yourself a "time out". How long did you leave her to cry? It probably felt like forever, I know. But it wasn't - it was just long enough for you to gather yourself together and get back into "AP" mode.

I don't have any advice about getting her into her own cot but someone on here will. I just wanted to make sure you know you are not a bad mummy, and that you haven't done her any damage by taking the time to calm yourself down a bit. You needed to have a cry - I read recently something about crying, apparently they have analysed tears, and a big part of our tears is a stress hormone, so having a good cry will have gotten a lot of stress hormones out of your system.

Repeat after me: I am a fabulous and perfectly normal mummy. Repeat this to yourself 1000 times a day. Because it's true. :hugs:

[squirtle81]

Hi,

I co sleeped with my DD till she was 7 months and i found it hard to get her to sleep in the cot, so what i did was got her to sleep in my bed, then once she was asleep i would just put her in the cot. I still do that now because she always falls asleep when i give her the bottle on my bed.

Hope you can work something out that suits you and bubs :fingerscrossed:

[JodieC]

Sometimes you need to put them somewhere safe to scream while you have 'time out' and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Your an excellent mother who loves her baby, dont let anyone tell you differently

[Chickadee]

Having been at that point of frustration and tiredness myself, I think you absolutely did the right thing. Yes your daughter cried, but as other's have said you needed a break at that moment so the best thing for you both was to take the time. You were obviously able to go back to her a little while later for the comfort you both needed. So please don't beat yourself up over her tears.

We have only just started co-sleeping with our toddler, not entirely by choice, so I haven't had to shift DD from our bed to her own and can't really give advice. But I do think that you need to plan it for a time when the whole family is healthy, caught up on sleep, and when there are minimal other stresses or upsets going on.

[Rainbowbrite]

I totally understand :hugs: . I did that with MJ last week. She was frustrated & over tired & so was I so I put her in the portacot, shut the door & walked away. I was gone for 1 minute & it killed both of us. She sobbed for an hour in her sleep :( I just needed space for 1 minute.

Cant help with the movement to cot either as DH, MJ & I are not ready yet.

Goodluck, & please know that we're always here if you need to talk :hugs:

[fee's]

When I went from transition to cot and his own room, we spent time playing in his room so it wouldn't be a foreign place for him and I started putting him in his cot for some daytime sleeps.
Couple of days later he was sleeping in cot at night. We have worked out what works best for all of us and he has been sleeping through most nights from about 6mths. He still has the occasional 'bad' night and then we all get 'big bed snuggles'. doesn't seem to have any trouble going back to cot the next night. I still feed him to sleep but some nights he sounds just like your little one and I have to just leave him for a bit and let him tire himself out kicking etc. good luck

[Priscilla]

You poor thing..... but don't you worry too much about what happened. I'm in the same boat as you. There are times when Cameron has gotten me so angry that I end up swearing and cursing (pretty loudly mind you) then putting him in his cot, shutting the door and just letting him SCREAM and cry while I go dunk my head under the tap just to cool down.

I NEVER let him go on for more than five minutes and usually i find that in that five minutes, I've cooled down enough to go back to him. Half the time, I've begun sobbing too but that's ok. We all have to walk away for some time out.

After five mins, I pick him up, give him a million kisses and cuddles until he's calmed down a little then I put him on my boob and he's out within minutes.

LEts face it, none of us wants to plonk our babies down and let them cry. It makes us feel guilty and it makes us feel like we're incompetent. And its OK to feel these things just so long as you also know that you are by far NOT a bad mother and that those feelings only creep up when both you and bubs are overtired and worked up.

Another thing that I do is just simply STOP trying to put him to sleep. I'll just bring him out into the lounge for some quiet play. THen I just try again in an hour or half and hour.

[Jo_Jo]

hi mums and bubs,

you know there is one thing i do know for sure is that when you are a parent you cant always be the good guy!!!!! as much as you want your kids happy and you hate to see them cry, sometimes it comes with the job:banghead: wheather there bubbies trough to teenagers it hurts to see them cry and i hate to be the bady:mad: i would rather be the goody:D so hang in there because this job as all you mums out there know is the hardest job there is,but hell it can make you feel great and proud!!!!!


happy sleeping mums cheers....jo

[tanni_83]

thank you all so very much for your replies....they really make me feel much better and knowing there are other 'real' people out there that its not always happy times at home with a bubby!!! :thumbsup:

i didnt leave her in the cot for long...was less then 2 minutes...

thanks for the warm and encouraging words. im still not ready to have elise sleep in her cot in her own room or in her cot in our room just yet, but i will be starting to soon i think. dh thinks we should start but he's not even home at night so its all depending on me to do it on my own as he's on night shift :confused: its going to be soooo hard for me. i hate sleeping alone and she is my security blanket as much as i am hers at this time.

thanks again. cheers. tanni :hugs:
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