GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!Very Angry!

[SweetSerenity]

:banghead:
Why is it my DH can't understand the importance of family time??

Lately, his "best mate" has come before Peter and i and it's really making me SOOOO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:
Like this wekk i had to work alot more than normal and i told brett that i'll need his help more this week etc etc....so what does he do, on one of the days i have to work till later, then go pick peter up and come home and try to organise the house....his best mate "needs" his help to take his work ute back to his work then get a lift back with brett....i said to him....but i needed your help this week, and he replied "and i have"....whatever!!!!!

So this week, i've worked Sund - Wed and normally i only do three days in the WHOLE week. So Mon night we barely spent time together (his best mate was over), Tuesday night he went to go "help" his best mate, Wednesday (tonight) he had his course, got home late, no time together, now tomorrow his best mate is coming over to "play" with him and his new Xbox 360, then on Friday he'll have cricket training with his "best mate", then Saturday he has cricket, Sunday and Monday im working and the cycle continues.............SO WHERE DO ME AND PETER FIT IN HIS LIFE????

We just had a fight then over it because he told me his mate was coming over (again) tomorrow and i blew up at him saying "Well when are we meant to have time together"??? He replied "We did tonight"....a WHOLE hour of watching NCIS is time together??? WTH????

Ever since we moved out of mum and dads his best mate is ALWAYS over and he frustrates me so much...i can't stand it! I get barely any privacy or time with brett because he's always here!

I'm so mad and angry...am i over reacting...because this time i don't think im in the wrong...Sorry if it's long, i had to get it out otherwise i wont sleep tonight!

[WeThree]

No Natalie, I dont think you are overreacting, it is your home and you have a right to privacy and the right to feel comfortable in your own home, i dont really have any advice for you sorry other than to try and explain how you feel (which im assuming you already have done anyway) but i can offer a hug :hugs:

[the_queen]

First: you are NOT over-reacting.

Second: rant away, it's better to get it off your chest than to stew on it. Because if you stew on it, you'll end up blowing your top in a way that does sound "over-reacting". Because you'll have thought of so many reasons and so many arguments and he'll just see it as you having a go at him.


I have this exact same problem. Mine doesn't have his mates over, he goes out to their places. He's out at least 2 nights a week. And every other night, he gets home from work and goes straight on the computer. It doesn't make any sense to me - surely if he has been away from his daughter all day long, he'd want to spend an hour or so with her at night before she has to go to bed??? But apparently that's not a good enough argument...

Anyway, this is not just a sympathy-rant. I do actually have some advice :D Tonight when DH got home, he sat down with Vallerie on the couch and read some stories to her, and basically just "hung out" with her for an hour and a half! :smiliedance: Then after tea he went to his mates house:banghead: ..... but oh well, it's a big improvement!! I think that finally he's listening to what I'm saying. I've changed the way I "nag" him about it. I have lately been telling him things like : "I am quite happy to do all the parenting by myself. I am not asking you to give me some time off. I just think you will eventually regret not spending time with her. Soon she'll be able to read by herself, and this precious ritual of us reading to her will be over forever. I love you, and it will break my heart if you realise in 20 years that you should have spent more time with your kids. It will break your heart when you finally realise it." etc etc. I've stopped making it in any way about me (I'm not saying you're making it all about you - I'm just saying that men are pretty egotistical in general, so if you make it totally about him then it might make a difference).

I can't help with the issue of you two spending time together. But sometimes men are really just big boys. It's not fair, because as mothers we have to grow up quickly and we don't get to "regress" to acting like a teenager again. Unfortunately men in general are just very.... well this smilie expresses it perfectly :banghead:
An old friend once gave me some good advice about men - try talking to them after sex (that is, if he doesn't fall straight asleep LOL) because they seem to be more receptive at that time. Because all their testosterone has just been, erm, released... so it's they're in their most "feminine" (and therefore most logical and reasonable!!) frame of mind.

Good luck matey, be firm in the knowledge that you are totally in the right!!

[reAllytee]

I agree with what the_queen said you have to find another way of reaching him & with males this usually means making it all about them LOL.
Remember they think differently & the likes so yes an hour in front of the t.v watching NCIS is "us" time :rolleyes: They are strange creatures !
Ive had this fight over & over but ive come to realise that males see time together differently than we do & well its not suprising really when they think very differently to us normally anyways LOL.
Our thing is now that while DP sorts out dinner i either do stuff in the laundry so we can talk etc as they are next to each other, make boof's bottles or i help out this way we are interacting & talking even if its about nothing really then we sit & have dinner together then depending on whats going on later that night we either watch t.v together, a movie or i do my own thing & he does his. Ive found this works waaaaay better for us because we have that "talk" where i can release all my "ive been at home all day alone with a baby" which means i am a lot calmer then & find im happy to let him do his own thing.
That being said you are also entitled to have YOUR house as that ! Talk to him about the fact his best mate is always over etc & say you both need time to relax with work etc but just remember to never attack with what you say cause thats when the trouble begins & they get their backs up so assume your nagging etc.
Good luck i know its hard but remember this is a new thing for you guys being out by yourselves so it will take time to adjust just hang on for now things will get better. :hugs:

[JenNT]

Hey Natalie, I'd be having a word with his mate and telling him you need a break from visitors for a few days so you get some time together.Would that work? Probably not hey, your DH would prob just go over his place:banghead:

Have you tried being brutally honest with him?

[SweetSerenity]

Hey JenT,
Wish i had the courage to tell Bretts mate not to come over for a while, lol, but i know Brett would have ME in his bad books then! Not that im not in it already, but you know what i mean...
Do you mean brutally honest with Brett or his mate??
Nat xx

[vespertine]

Just be honest. Nothing's going to change unless you express how you feel to your husband. If nothing changes, and he doesn't make the time and effort for your and Peter, I'd be giving him a swift kick. He needs to re-prioritise in a big way. I second the idea of talking to his 'mate' too. Tell him you need some time to yourselves for a while. I doubt he'll return somewhere he's not welcome.

[SweetSerenity]

I appreciate everyone who offered me advice :) It has been sorted and we had a big talk about it!
Thanks again to those with useful advice:thumbsup:

[the_queen]

Good to hear things are better now :D

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Nat - Just caught your thread glad your feeling better & you guys sorted things out. Its always hard isn't it but they say persistance pays off in the end. And :eek: :thumbsdown: to meshan's comment, not very helpful I'm afraid.

Take care Nat

Cheers Tara

[maybe1more]

Hey Nat- glad to hear you sorted it out:) family time is the most important time ever!!

[SweetSerenity]

I totally agree first bub :) INfact brett and i are having a movie night together at home after peter goes to sleep which should be good :) We haven't done that in ages!! We're even getting the whole take away thing and everything...im so excited:smiliedance: ...i know it's silly but its been so long!!! We haven't doen it since we were first dating! hehe

[caro224]

Hey Nat!

Great you sorted things out! I had similar probelms with DP and we now have the ritual that we do the movie and take away food thing every Sunday! I think rituals are very helpful and can help. We also have a smoke every night together then we talk about what happened during the day. (I think this is the only reason I smoke ... :rolleyes: ) Are you having meals together? I think the most importatnt thing is to keep each other up to date about even little things that happened during the day ("Emily made a funny face today..." ect).
However, despite all the improvement, DP still comes home and is on the computer straight away. On the weekends he has sleep ins until 2pm, because he spend the night playing stupid PC games. When he gets up then he goes on the PC again, even ignoring Emily who asks him to play. :mad:
Today is Saturday and he didn't spend 5 minutes with her. Well, had to get this off my chest aswell. Still a lot to work on...

So good luck to you and me and everyone else ;)

[Melissa1983]

Hey Nat

I'm glad you and Brett had a talk about sorted it out. Remember i am only a phone call away if you ever wanna chat!

:hugs:

[jembelina]

However, despite all the improvement, DP still comes home and is on the computer straight away. On the weekends he has sleep ins until 2pm, because he spend the night playing stupid PC games. When he gets up then he goes on the PC again, even ignoring Emily who asks him to play. :mad:
Today is Saturday and he didn't spend 5 minutes with her. Well, had to get this off my chest aswell. Still a lot to work on...

So good luck to you and me and everyone else ;)

Just have to say..........I am a 'nazi wife' :laughing:
The rule in our house is that computer or gamecube are only allowed on when ds is asleep. I suggested this to df whan I was pregnant as I said I didn't want ds hearing the horrible computer noises or seeing the graphics. This worked and has stuck really well. Also, if your big enough and stupid enough to stay up till 3am playing computer games then you are big enough to get up at the same time as the rest of the house the next day!! And join in with enthusiasm. And no falling asleep all over the place unless ds is asleep. I have no sympathy whatsoever for self inflicted lack of sleep.
I sound like a real b***ch :o My df isn't perfect btw.....far from it!! But there are some things I just will not cop!! And he knows it!!

[jembelina]

Oh, and I think of things to do that don't really need to be done......."can you jsut watch ds for a minute while I........" Then I just go to the laundry or the other end of the house and do bits and pieces - forces him to spend time with ds when he's being a bit slack!! And if therea re any complaints - "well, I'll watch ds, while you....then" - works a treat. Just say it casually though, not like your trying to be a smart ar**! Cos you're not, of course!