Am I asking to much? (Long winded sorry)

[Kachow]

I am extremely angry at my family atm.

My mother was suppose to visit this week from NSW for 5 days, but this morning called and cancelled. Apparently my dad had an accident at a caryard yesturday whilst looking at a car and has injured his back. So Mum rang this morning and asked me to cancel her flights etc.

I understand that Dad needs her there at home for him, but its just EVERY time my family come anywhere near my house they have to cut thier visit short or cancel on me because someone else needs them. I live in QLD so its not if we see alot of each other anyway.

Last time they were here, someone dies and they had to leave. Another time my sister got sick ( the flu !!) and they left early. Its garenteed EVERY time they come here, someone dies, gives birth or is sick and they rush home to them.

For those of you who dont know, we lost our baby girl on 04/01 and we are finally getting to say goodbye to her this weekend with a little service.

My mother was coming up for that. Now not one person from my family will be in attendance. To make it worse my SIL is due to have her baby this week.

I just feel like no one really gave a flying hoot that we lost Lillie and everyone elses drama is more important.

And if I hear one more time that my SIL is sooooo close to going into labor IM GOING TO SCREAM !!!:hissy: Its someting I really dont give a rats about atm.

Am I asking too much for my family to pay some attention to me and my needs?

[HunterzMummy]

I dont have anything to say just want to give you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Kachow]

Thanks, I'm just sooooo :hair: atm. I really dont know what to do . I feel so abandoned by my family.

[WorkingClassMum]

I am so sorry for your frustrations ATM. Can you ring your mum and vent to her? She needs to hear that you need her.

Do you have a sister or Aunty or someone esle to support ATM?

I have nothing else to give you, but I have you in my thoughts:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[HunterzMummy]

I can imagine.. I would feel exactly the same way..

I would write a letter to her detailing your feelings.. she may just be completely oblivious to how she is making you feel IYKWIM. This way it avoids any arguments and lets her mull over it as well.:hugs: Hope it all works out

[TyBean]

I would feel much like you!!!

I can't believe that no one from your family will be coming!!! :(

I don't think it's too much to ask at all... Lillie was their granddaughter!!

Maybe call her and tell her how you feel? Would she come up even just for the day?

Hundreds of :hugs::hugs::hugs: for you hun!! :hugs:

[Kachow]

I have sisters and a brother but they all live in NSW, are married with their own kids etc.

Its not that I expect everyone to drop everything and run to me, I just get frustrated with no one giving me two thoughts when I need some support.

All I am hearing about atm is about my SIL who will have her baby soon, and it think it is so insensitive of them to rub it in my face so to speak. They would have to be half darft to think Im not hurting after losing a child. A little recignition is all im after.

:( and I think its sad that I have to come to a forum and seek support from people i dont even know !! and its even sadder that the people in this forum give me MORE support them what my family does.:(

[TJ]

Stacey, Im sorry babe :hugs:
People especially family dont seem to understand at times huh.

I feel for you I really do, and NO I dont think its too much to ask. Everyone needs support and love at one time or another, and about now seems like just the time that you need it most.

:hugs: :hugs:

I hope the service is a beautiful one.

[WorkingClassMum]

Its not that I expect everyone to drop everything and run to me,


they should be dropping everything and come running - that's what families do

ring them - now and tell the you need them -now!

get hubby to ring them all and tell them that you both expect all of them to be their on the weekend for you


tell them - YOU NEED THEM!

[Kachow]

I just called mum and shes gone out to the hospital to pick dad up ( overnight stay nothing serious) anyway... This gets better.

She ( my sister) and her husband and her 2 kids 9 my niece and nephew) just informed me that they were on the friggin GOLD COAST LAST WEEK !!!! for a holiday for 5 days. Now I live 1hr 10 mins away from where they were staying and they didnt even call or make arrangements to see us !!!!!!!!!!!!

They couldnt even make an hours drive up the coast to see me but I could drive 15 hrs for a friggin weeding I really didnt want to attend !!!!!!!! ( i cant stand my BIL).

:hair::hissy::hair::hissy:

[WorkingClassMum]

I'm so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Somebody needs to tell your family how shallow they are

[Qube]

:hugs::hugs:That is terrible. They are being awful!! I think you should ring your Mum and tell her that it is really important to you that she be there to say goodbye. YOU need the support. Are you the kind of person who says it's ok and then comes on bubhub to vent? (I am the same!). :hugs:I am sure that all of us on bubhub will be thinking about you

[SalTheGal]

I am so sorry for your frustrations ATM. Can you ring your mum and vent to her? She needs to hear that you need her.

Do you have a sister or Aunty or someone esle to support ATM?

I have nothing else to give you, but I have you in my thoughts


they should be dropping everything and come running - that's what families do

ring them - now and tell the you need them -now!

get hubby to ring them all and tell them that you both expect all of them to be their on the weekend for you


tell them - YOU NEED THEM!

KayteO is spot on once again!

You need to spell it out to your mum- she is being very insensitive in my mind, and maybe its a generational thing- but YOU JUST LOST YOUR BABY FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!!

She is your mother- she needs to be there to support you- I would be making it very clear to her how disappointed you are.

If you were my family- I would have dropped EVERYTHING to be with you right now.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this alone without the support from your family. Make sure you surround yourself with as many people who do care as possible.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[tobmac]

i can only offer :hugs::hugs::hugs: about them not coming to your place for this weekend and i know how hard it is being around someone so close to have a baby after you just lost one. Its very insensitive on there part.


But i just lost the plot at my family after so many years of c**p of doing similar and there response was oh we didnt know that you felt like that why didnt you say anything sooner WTF??? so maybe its about time you tell them what you think and make them feel horrible as they keep doing it to you:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[HelenHasTwins]

Stacey:hugs: I am so sorry none of your family will be there for you this weekend....I know it is not what you need but your bubhub family is here for you....PM me if you want to talk..I don't mind meeting up with you for a coffee or wine if you need someone to talk to or just have a cry...

:hugs: I wish I could take the sadness away darl.....

Bloody family:hair:

Helen xxxx

[Kachow]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your support in all this.

Sorry to bug out on the thread for a while but I was in desperate need of some retail therapy :yes: and it worked.

Im not going to bother contacting them and getting in a massive fight (like it will).

I know the people that will be here are the ones that really care.

And theres no way I will be travelling down to NSW when my SIL has her baby...... but it will be expected of me im sure.

[Kachow]

Stacey:hugs: I am so sorry none of your family will be there for you this weekend....I know it is not what you need but your bubhub family is here for you....PM me if you want to talk..I don't mind meeting up with you for a coffee or wine if you need someone to talk to or just have a cry...

:hugs: I wish I could take the sadness away darl.....

Bloody family:hair:

Helen xxxx

Thanks mate.... I just might take you up on that offer.... the wine more then the coffee !!

[Jadee]

Kachow,

I can only begin to imagine how your heart must be breaking. My advice is to only think of you and your husband as you say goodbye to your baby girl. You need to grieve and be with your friends and the people who there for you.

Families have a wonderful way of making the most important things to us . . . about them:hair:.

I think that you are right to avoid contacting them a big fight is not what you need right now. It would probably be more theraputic to put it in writting to your mum and dad.

Thinking of you take care of you first :hugs:

[SammyG]

Kachow,

Friends are the Family we choose for ourselves!

I hope you have supportive friends around you and DH when you get to say goodbye to Lillie Faith. Lots of hugs for this difficult time.

[vikki a]

I jsut wanted to give you some of these:hugs::hugs:
Familys:hair::hair:

[Shanaynay]

:hugs: to you - your family sounds a bit insensitive. Especially your sister not visiting you on her holiday!
Although perhaps she knew how you would be hurting and thought it would be best NOT to visit..... who knows - maybe she had the best intentions :hugs:

[sunnyflower]

I think your family sound really totally insensitive and selfish.
I would NOT be going to see the new baby when it arrives.

I probably would send them all sarcastic cards saying thank you for being their for us during this difficult time.

I think the loss of your baby is so much more important than a stupid sore back.

Your family needs to get their proprities right.

[PrincessT]

Oh darling - what they have all done is more than unacceptable. What they are doing is plain offensive and disrespectful to both you and your partner as well as to your angel, who clearly was too pure for this earth.
When siblings and grandparents make the choice to holiday near you and cancel scheduled visits it tells me that they have their priorities lying the the wrong place. You mother and sister in particular should be ashamed of their actions. You have lost your child, for goodness sake, they too should feel overwhelming grief for the grandchild and niece they have lost. Instead they are enjoying a vacation, fussing over a dads day stay in hospital and thoughtlessly talking about another impending family birth.
I think you should write one generic letter to the family as a whole, addressing what each of them have done to make you feel so alone and upset. They need to know jointly what eachother have done and why you think its unacceptable. I would then include a photo from your angels memorial and dig it in to them. As an endnote I would say, that you are not going to give them the honor of your presence for the birth of your SIL baby as they could not give your dead child the honor in attending her memorial.
Sorry if I sound rude or nasty but they are being so horrible to you. Even if they were grieving privately, they need to put it aside for YOU. Thats what family should do.
Keep strong xx

[chrysalis]

kachow, it's hard to know what to say. Sometimes our families let us down when we need them the most. It is very distressing when they can't support us emotionally, and at a time you really need to see they care.

sorry to hear of your situation

Some people don't know how to cope with miscarriage. I found that after mine, most people did not know how to approach it. They either totally avoided it, or just did not want to talk about it. Maybe your family is feeling the same way, and they are not being insensitive so much as uncertain what to do?

I found it very difficult to cope with though, and would have preferred people being open and letting me express my grief.

I agree - tell your family you need their support and that you are grieving for the loss of a cherished and much wanted little one. You could express it in a way where you acknowledge that it may be difficult for them too, and hard to talk about or know how to approach. That way it doesn't sound like you are "accusing" them of deliberately hurting you.

As for the birth of your SILs child - it would be very hard to cope with. But be careful ... She may remember how you dealt with it for a very long time ... If you could be discreet about it, I'm sure she would understand. I would wish her well, but say that right now you are unable to celebrate with her because you are still mourning/grieving - but don't sound angry at her etc. I would be polite but at a distance.

anyway, it's a really hard time for you and I'm sending lots of hugs your way. Hang in there!

[tiggles]

Im so sorry your family have let you down when you need them. I agree, many people don't know how to handle when someone has had a miscarriage, and wont understand your grief if they too haven't been through it. BTW, I'm not justifying their actions.
:hugs: To you and your DP.