How Do I Help Him Quit?

[mischief79]

DH is a dope smoker. He has been since he was about 15, and he's now almost 37. That's a long time! Anyway, when I met him he was smoking a cone every hour on the hour, I just didn't know the extent of it at the time. I've never been a dope smoker, it doesn't interest me and it doesn't agree with me. Because I didn't do it, he felt wierd and quit at one stage. He went through the worst withdrawals and ended up a different person. He was moody, angry, snappy etc. On dope he is so much nicer. He only quit for about 2 months and then started up again.
But now we have a daughter. I don't want her around it. I don't want her to smell it on his clothes. He already knows that if he's had a cone he can't pick her up, and definately not drive the car. I'm at the point were I'm nagging all the time. He says it's not something he can quit because he's done it for so long, now its just part of his life. I'm on anti-depressants, and he says that if I don't have to give them up, then he shouldn't have to give up dope - his own form of medication.

I know what it's like to quit something. I've used drugs in the past, and I've quit smoking. How do I get him to quit?

[the_queen]

If he doesn't want to, he won't. Simple as that. You can't help him or make him or force him or encourage him. All you can do is be his very best friend who loves him unconditionally, and make sure that he knows that when he is ready, you will support him.

Fair enough though to not want your kid around it - and as a compromise he could have a "smoking jacket" which he puts on when he's smoking, and takes off when he comes back inside. That way at least he won't smell like it as much.


When he is ready, he should contact the local Drugs and Alcohol Services Council (or whatever it's called in your state) because they have free drug counsellors and programs available. He probably laughs off the words "drug addict" because it's just pot isn't it, it's a soft drug it's not like he's doing heroin or something. But there are marijuana addiction rehab clinics (some are free) where he could go and get intensive counselling and medical help through his withdrawals. So when he is ready he should get some good quality drug counselling.

But like I said - he won't quit until he wants to. I wish I had advice for you :hugs: There are two ways to go I suppose: tough love, where you kick him out until he is absolutley clean and in regular counselling; or harm minimisation, where you are there to love him but not judge him or nag him, and when he is ready he will ask you for help.


:hugs: :hugs:

[mischief79]

Thanks The_Queen, you always have great advice! Not sure which path I will take yet.

Does anyone else have firsthand experience in this?

[Laine]

Sorry hun not much advice I can give just wanted to offer these :hugs::hugs::hugs:

as the_queen said he will only quit when hes ready, you would be fighting a losing battle till he reaches that stage unfortunatley. I really admire your strength though for having beaten your own addictions to smoking etc. You are a great chicky hun, hopefully your DH realises what his pot smoking does and how it upsets you and asks for the help he needs soon.

[Little Gorilla]

Quite simply - I would not tolerate someone living in my house who smoked pot on a daily basis - let alone do so under the same roof as my child.

He isn't 15 anymore - he's 37 - he has responsibilities.

And putting a bit of guilt trip on you for taking anti-depressants - well, that isn't on.

If it were me, I would take the tough love approach.

Or have you looked into re-hab services around your area? This may be the only way he is going to give up. My BIL recently went to re-hab for drinking, pot, and gambling - it seems to have worked - but there is no way he could have done it himself - he needed the support that the re-hab offered him.