i feel so guilty

[kass]

HI, im new to this site, just registered today! I would love to hear from anyone out there who has some advice and tips on how to adjust going back to work full-time. My daughter is 9mths old and i feel so guilty for going back to work. i went back to work about 3weeks ago but am only working around 20hrs per week. I am due to start back working 4 days per week full days (35hrs p/wk)
I feel like there is no support for mums returning to work. The girls at day care think that it is sad for the babies! that their mums are working which makes me feel even worse! I feel so bad that i am working and really wouldnt if i didnt have to! I am so upset today as I really dont know how i am going to cope working 4 full days. Are there any employers out there that really care and are willing to be flexiable????
Am I the only woman out there that has her baby in care too much????
kass.

[whatwasithinking]

I have been working fulltime - 5days pw 8.30-5 since my youngest was 4months. Yeah sure I get some people critising me but tuff to them. It is my choice and my children and I won't put up with anyone trying to make me feel guilty.

It was hard for the first week but both my girls are happy well adjusted children.

If you let it stress you it will if you don't then you will be happy and a happy mum is what a happy child needs.

[samecutie222]

you are NOT alone
i work 5 days a week
i love the drive workin gives me. no more pjs till 3 or 4pm for me :thumbsup: hehe

i would love to work 4 days a week tho, but it just is what it is.

my work is "ok" they aren't what i would call to flexible, but they aren't nasty!

[ADL-WorkingMum]

i went back to work when DD was only 4 months old by choice. i really take my hat off to those of you who choose to be a SAHM, but i simply couldn't do it. i enjoy work & i enjoy the "adult time". my boss was pretty good though, if my girl was sick, i would take a couple of hours off to go to the doctor, etc. will have to wait & see though because i start my new job on monday!

it really depends on what you do, in regards to your boss being flexible in your hours & needs etc. i don't think it would hurt for you to speak to your boss if you need to change your hours.

i've noticed there is a jobshare forum which no one has started yet. maybe this could be of use to you? you never know, there may be a lot of other people like yourself who possibly wants the same thing...

i wish you well with whatever your decisions are.....

[missmum05]

I know you you feel my little bub is nearly 5 months old and I start my new job
on Monday full time and dakota goes to child care 3 days a week and my mother
has her 2 days. It's hard I have spent all week feeling so bad and thinking about it so much if I am doing the right thing like I feel like I am going to miss her so much anyway see how things go, there is so many children in child care I am sure
so many parents must feel the same. let us know how you go juggling work
and putting bub in care.....;)

[melbryan]

I don't know if it's just me but being nearly thirty I couldn't stay at home even though all my friends are SAHM's. I feel it is a personal choice and helps me to be a better mother. The weekends and after work help me to organise my time with my little one and give him quality time. I go to work for financial stability as well as adult interaction ( am a school teacher) so I feel fortnate for the hours and holidays I have. I have found a lovely lady who does day care which my son absolutely loves as he loves the other children. Don't ever feel guilty if you can handle being a mother and a working one at that ( i feel exhausted but keep going). I worked since my son was 6 1/2 mths. I love to do what I do . I feel I can contribute to my community as well as bring up a well adjusted young man for the world.
I love my son but he is trying to be around all day everyday which I can't handle (not a baby person). Maybe I am used to being on my own for so long ( a little self absorbed my first was born when I was 28) and my only way of adjusting and coping is to spend a little time away so I can learn to love the time I am around him. I had mothers who made me feel guilty also but they do not have to live my life, I feel happy with what I am doing. I am cutting down to 3 days in June for my second one, I will get to spend time with both of them and we have worked out we can afford this. It's true they are only young once and you don't want to miss anything but there are ways around this and in this day and age working mothers contribute very positively to our society. I am proud to be a working mum. I don't envy SAHM's they deserve a medal as I would go in sane very quickly. M ydrive to work is my time, thinking, organising etc I love it.:smiliedance:
Good luck with this, it is a hard one,:ecomcity:

Melbryan 30

[rynosmum]

I went back to work fulltime when bubs was 4.5 months. Within a month, I had resigned from my job and literally jumped at a similar role which had me based from home. I still can't focus on my job with bubs around (he's now 21 months) so he is at daycare 3 days per week and at our home with my MIL 2 days per week.

This works really well for us and it allows us to be quite flexible (DH works from home as well - for a different company). This means he often gets to daycare at about 9-10 and picked up around 2-3. On days he is here at home, we get to have lunch and some playtime together.

Sometimes it's really worth putting your feelers out for a more flexible role (if possible), it makes life so much better.

I adore my son and would love to be a SAHM, but I also want him to grow up in an environment where we are all more financially settled. If he was affected by my working, I would stop immediately but the variety in his life keeps him a happy, healthy, polite and loving little boy.:D

[WTsmum]

Kass, take heart, it does get better. I went back to work when my little boy was 4 months old and he's in Daycare and loves it. I felt so awful (especially as some family members said we were cruel) but I think that the interaction with the other children and his teachers has done him a world of good. He loves it.

I'm still getting used to working (only been back for 6 weeks). I don't really want to be there, I'd love to be a SAHM, but even if I stopped working, I'd probably still having him in daycare for a couple of days.

[kass]

Thanks, that has made me feel a bit better knowing that i am not alone. I too am 30 and had my first child at 29. Maybe it is because of my age and that I am used to working. I too feel as though I am a better mother for getting away some times as i have never really been a huge baby person. Thanks again for your thoughts

kass:kiss:

:kiss:
I don't know if it's just me but being nearly thirty I couldn't stay at home even though all my friends are SAHM's. I feel it is a personal choice and helps me to be a better mother. The weekends and after work help me to organise my time with my little one and give him quality time. I go to work for financial stability as well as adult interaction ( am a school teacher) so I feel fortnate for the hours and holidays I have. I have found a lovely lady who does day care which my son absolutely loves as he loves the other children. Don't ever feel guilty if you can handle being a mother and a working one at that ( i feel exhausted but keep going). I worked since my son was 6 1/2 mths. I love to do what I do . I feel I can contribute to my community as well as bring up a well adjusted young man for the world.
I love my son but he is trying to be around all day everyday which I can't handle (not a baby person). Maybe I am used to being on my own for so long ( a little self absorbed my first was born when I was 28) and my only way of adjusting and coping is to spend a little time away so I can learn to love the time I am around him. I had mothers who made me feel guilty also but they do not have to live my life, I feel happy with what I am doing. I am cutting down to 3 days in June for my second one, I will get to spend time with both of them and we have worked out we can afford this. It's true they are only young once and you don't want to miss anything but there are ways around this and in this day and age working mothers contribute very positively to our society. I am proud to be a working mum. I don't envy SAHM's they deserve a medal as I would go in sane very quickly. M ydrive to work is my time, thinking, organising etc I love it.:smiliedance:
Good luck with this, it is a hard one,:ecomcity:

Melbryan 30

[greengreen]

Hi, I'm a newbie/lurker, but thought that I would respond to this thread...

I've also been back at work since my boy was 3 months, it was a quiet time so I was able to take him with me. At 4 months he started 2 days of day care. The girls at the centre are fabulous, and he is always happy when I leave and return. He's 9 months old now. Some weeks he's there up to 4 days.

About feeling guilty... I don't. I think the idea that we are the only ones who should be taking care of our little ones is flawed, possibly a hangover from the 1950s-isolated-housewife-must-do-everthing model. If we lived in a more communal society, or more family-based one, he would be spending time with others in that way; in my particular case, it's daycare instead. :)

[ADL-WorkingMum]

i agree. & regardless of what the stereotype is for the "better mum" producing & raising the "better child', my dd knows that i love her, & we still have play time together, & i think she's doing just fine.

i can't see anything in her to suggest that she will be smoking pot, stealing cars & (GOD FORBID!) falling pregnant as a young teenager with a dole bludging boyfriend who has a ring in his nose......

as for the 1950s housewife i can only say i'm glad i'm not her. i enjoy my job, & i enjoy being a working mum. i think if i was a sahm mum, then i just wouldn't be happy & eventually my dd would pick up on that. don't get me wrong, i go through days when it's just not fair, my MIL was the first to see her tooth & my mum was the first to see her stand up.... but my dd wont remember those things. she'll remember me being the one who kisses her goodnight & me being the one who took her shopping for her graduation dress.

I HOPE........???

[Isabella'smum]

Hi Kass,

My DD is 9mths old now. I started back at work when she was 6mths old full time, it was so hard but i decided i couldn't have her in day care 5 days also so i have split it up so that she goes to my mum 2 days and daycare the other 3 days.

She loves going to daycare. but lately i have been feeling so down about it as i am tired of missing out on so much a day as i get up at 5 with her, drop her at daycare by 8am and dont get to pick her up till after 5pm. then by the time we get home its dinner, bath and bed time.

I do understand how you feel, and hope that it gets easier.

Liz

[Devs Mum]

I started back at work (4 days a week) 2 months ago when DS was 11 months. I dropped him off at daycare bawling my eyes out and spent the first hour in tears in my bosses office (luckily he was very understanding and made me a cup of tea).

It got better very quickly - my DS loves Daycare and we feel it has really helped his development and social skills.

The staff at your daycare should not be judging you, without working Mum's and Dad's they would not have jobs - they should have confidence to make the children's day away from their parents as enjoyable and fullfilling as possible.

I only have praise for the lovely ladies who take care of Dev - they always tell me what he's been up to, so that I don't feel like I've missed out too much. So far we are really lucky in that he has never cried when we've dropped him off and he always has a big smile when we pick him up - this makes going to work soooo much easier.

Good Luck
Dev's Mum 34
Dev's Dad 34
Our Little Man 13 months

[Tam-I-Am]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm heading back to work on Thursday next week and am a little apprehensive about it - luckily for me, my MIL who only lives next door is going to look after DD. I'm only going back 2 days initially, but eventually that will build up to 4 days, and I'll have to put her in childcare for the other two days. We just figured that it was kinder to her to be introduced to me not looking after her everyday slowly, and with someone she knows and loves than putting her into daycare straight away - but I know this isn't an option for a lot of people

I don't have any solutions either - I'm just scared that I'm going to hate working when I know how good being a SAHM can be! I guess if that's the case, I'll just have to re-evaluate the situation, but I don't think we can afford for me to stay at home.

Its a connundrum.

[katesmum]

I started back at work 3 days a fortnight when DD was 3 months old and have slowly worked that up to 4 days a week (she is now 1). My employer has been very understanding and allowed me to return at my own pace. There is some pressure to do 5 days but I am resisting this with all my might - I think if it came down to it, I would find another job. I love having that 1 day a week with my girl - we go swimming and go to mothers group.

I am really lucky when it comes to care: MIL 1 day, my mum 1 day and a nanny 2 days. I originally looked for nanny share but couldnt find anyone and decided to go it alone - it has worked out really really well.

I do get guilty sometimes - that I am not the one with her all day but i really enjoy what i do and i couldnt do the SAHM thing (but really admire those that can:o )

[Isabella'smum]

Hi!

I so wish i could cut back to 4 days a week... but work just wont let me...

I am finding it so hard.. i started back at work in january.. my DD is 10mths now and she loves daycare and going to my mums but it's just not the same.

I feel i am missing out on so much... when i hear what she's done new i just think that should be me telling someone else not other way around...

But what can we do... its just way it got be i guess, others do it dont they...

have a good day

Liz

[Fairyfloss]

I really dont know how i am going to cope working 4 full days....... Am I the only woman out there that has her baby in care too much????
kass.

oh dear, I know it feels horrible to leave your baby, but consider yourself lucky, when my maternity leave finishes I will have to leave my bub at care 5 days a weeks plus casual care for most of teh weekends and public holidays, as I can't go back part time, so have to go back full time, to my shift work.

Don't let what other people are saying effect you, at the end of the day, a mother got to do what a mother got to do, as long as you have your baby's best interest in heart and spend quality time with them both of you will be OK.

Hope you have an easy transition:hugs: