Bucks night- strip club. Opinions please! [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

MyFourCubs

20-02-2008, 16:59

I am beginning to think I am the worst wife to be around. I have asked my DH to be to refrain from strippers / strip clubs on his bucks nights. As you can imagine, he is less than impressed and his mates are just so pee-d off. We have been together 10 years and have 3 kids, I don't even understand why he has to have a bucks night!:confused: It's not as though he is farewelling his life of being single!! He hasn't been single for years! I cannot stand the whole strip club idea, and I don't think it's neccessary. I sure as heck won't be having any male strippers at my "hen's night," not that I really plan to have one. However, I am yet to find anybody that agrees with me. So give me your feedback and I'm prepared to cop it sweet:D

Sara

Oscar's mum

20-02-2008, 17:06

I don't see a problem with strippers but if you do perhaps you need to sit down and explain why you are not comfortable with him having strippers on his bucks night and compromise?

Lollie86

20-02-2008, 17:08

Well I wouldnt actually mind if DF wanted to go to a strip club on his bucks night. Im sure as hell getting male strippers for my hens night! :laughing:

Lollie86

20-02-2008, 17:10

I don't see a problem with strippers but if you do perhaps you need to sit down and explain why you are not comfortable with him having strippers on his bucks night and compromise?

:iagree: talking about it will help bc the last thing you would want is for him to be sh!tty with you on his bucks night bc you said he cant have strippers. Explaining it will be better for you.

Ashleigh<3

20-02-2008, 17:11

Ew male strippers. *Throws up*

I would talk to him and explain to him why, (as oscars mum has posted above). :thumbsup:

I can totally understand where you're coming from.
I myself don't have a problem with strippers but I know a lot of people do and I respect their reasonings. I used to have issewes with it but, eh something changed. :)

SalTheGal

20-02-2008, 17:15

SalTheGal

20-02-2008, 17:16

I myself don't have a problem with strippers but I know a lot of people do and I respect their reasonings. I used to have issewes with it but, eh something changed. :)

I am the same Ash...and what changed was my confidence in myself as a beautiful person who DH finds just as sexy (no, more sexy) than any stripper any day! :D

missie_mack

20-02-2008, 17:19

I was quietly relieved that my now DH didnt want to do the stripper thing for his bucks night and TBH I dont think he is really interested in them period. Not that I would have said 'hell no you must not go' Its just that I have seen people do things they would never have done elsewhere (the worst being watching a very quiet girls grandmother get really drunk, remove her teeth and proceeded to show her grandaughter how to a-hem 'swallow em whole' as she said at the time.

So if he doesnt do the whole strip joint thing normally why does he feel compelled to do it now?

Dhs was all very civil. Dinner and poker. Which I much prefered to dinner and poke-her (boom boom :raspberry:)

Mamalicious

20-02-2008, 17:26

Its just that I have seen people do things they would never have done elsewhere (the worst being watching a very quiet girls grandmother get really drunk, remove her teeth and proceeded to show her grandaughter how to a-hem 'swallow em whole' as she said at the time.

Oh my lord....

Dhs was all very civil. Dinner and poker. Which I much prefered to dinner and poke-her (boom boom :raspberry:)

:laughing: Much better!!

M~T~J~M

20-02-2008, 18:40

My DH's buck night was to be a get together of mates at a local club. Little did I know what they actually had in store for him.....

My lovely BIL had hired an upstairs function room. They all ventured up there at about 10.30pm - late enough to have a tummy full!

He had hired a stripper for DH. Not for the group, but for DH! She went as far as stripping off naked, and squatting over DH's face....she then touched his penis to 'check' how it was feeling afterwards.

I had no idea that there would be a stripper, and it was probably better that way. I was upset about it afterwards, especially knowing what she did, but at least DH told me about it himself. If he hadn't of, then I would have been more upset, like he was hiding something from me.

He also told me of a smart **** comment he made to her, after she touched him...something about only me being able to do that to him...

Anyway, I would be happier for DH to go to a strip clucb, cos then at least they are there for all to see....not necessarily a 'one on one' like my DH had.

Mum&bubs

20-02-2008, 18:53

My DF isn't allowed strippers at his bucks night either. I don't mind if we go to strip clubs together, but I don't like the idea of him going alone- or with his mates.

People have often said that I have a leash on my DF, but I don't care what they think. It makes me feel like sh!t so its simple. DF doesn't want me to feel like that, so he doesn't go- Talk to your DF see if he will understand.

Lastcenturymum

20-02-2008, 18:56

Tell him if he's that into silicone you will by him a new sealing gun for the wet areas around the house :D

I don't get the 'allowed' bit......but then maybe I married a totally different guy, he just wouldn't be interested in such tacky 'entertainment'

pinkishbunny

20-02-2008, 19:00

I wouldnt mind one bit if my hubby had strippers at his bucksnight It dont bother me...Just like if i had male strippers at mine!

But really if his mate's are going to organise a night out then stippers will be on the cards!
You could try and talk to him anyway...and tell him youd rather him not have strippers..

kymmy

20-02-2008, 19:03

I would have a problem with it too. Its fair enough that you do too.

Luckily hubby is never been interested. I know he has been to bucks nights like that but he casually gets up and leaves.

MrsO

20-02-2008, 19:27

Well personally I don't have an issue with strip clubs and/or strippers, in fact I would have loved to go to DH's bucks night, it sounded so fun! But I have to agree with what others have said that you need open lines of communication on this issue. You really can't just say "You're not allowed to go to a strip club" and expect him to understand. Explain to him how it makes you feel as his partner and as a woman, and see if you can come up with a compromise. Perhaps he can go to a mates place for pizza, poker and porn instead?

Hokey Pokey

20-02-2008, 19:38

I didn't want my dh to go to a strip club either, I didn't tell him he couldn't but I made it clear how that kind of thing makes me feel and luckily for me he respected that :)
It doesn't make you a bad wife at all.

lj1977

20-02-2008, 19:39

Well I am with you -my DH wouldnt want it though, so i dont need to tell him not to. I feel for you, hope it all sorts out.

-Well I must be either old fashioned, a stick in the mud, or just totally perplexed at why this kind of stuff is necessary!!

Jaileth

20-02-2008, 19:43

I told my dh that I didn't care if he had strippers, but he told his mates that I said 'none at all' cause he didn't want them but didn't want to dissapoint. I love being a scapegoat.

I don't care if he sees a stripper, watches or buys porn or keeps it in the house. My only rules are a) I'd like to know about it and b) keep it away from the kid/s.

As the others have said though, if you don't want your df to have a stripper at his bucks night, explain why - just remember (as my dh keeps reminding me) guys don't do subtle, so lay all your cards out on the table. Better to do it now than to let it all fester for years.

Hope that you have a good hens night, and that he has a good bucks as well (hopefully stripper free)

xxSerendipityxx

20-02-2008, 19:51

Sweetheart, I know where you are coming from, I had the same issues with my DH and his buck's. He understood and he told his best man and he seemed to be ok with it as well.. and then I found out that the went to the Dolls House. Needless to say I'm still ****ed off about it and I have never forgiven his best man nor his other groomsmen. Some people say it's a bit of harmless fun but if I can refrain, why can't they?

I guess some people would think that I made a big deal out of nothing but for me, it was a show of complete disrespect for my wishes and to me, that's really ****. I'm still upset about it now, but I do have "issues"... lol...

Definitely speak to him about it though, there are heaps of people out there who aren't comfortable with their future husbands doing that sort of thing... lay down the law I say!

DivinelySophistimicated

20-02-2008, 19:54

Its tradition!!! Guys do these things (not all guys)

I feel that you have security and self esteem issues?? If so then I don't understand why your marrying him. I think the rule is "you can look but don't touch"...Thats what a strip club is about. Let him go, just ask for there to be no lap dances just some looking at nakey tarts on stage whilst drunk :)

HelenHasTwins

20-02-2008, 20:09

He also told me of a smart **** comment he made to her, after she touched him...something about only me being able to do that to him...

:laughing: sounds like my DH bucks night, his friends took him to a strip place and my brother said all DH keep saying to the stripper was "your boobs aren't as good as my Helen's" :D

I had no problem in letting him go, as I trust him and it is only a bit of fun....

shed

20-02-2008, 20:13

ugh, if that's what he wants then let him. Hopefully my DP is past all that but you never know.

I don't see it as a very nice way to start off a marriage, but I wouldn't tell DP he wasn't allowed.

I would be a bit annoyed that he put me in the position of having to either put up with it or be seen as a b!tch about it though.

Surely he is mature enough to take your feelings into consideration and make up his own mind. It is a tradition though, even if it is a stupid one, but it seems to be becoming a bit of a thing of the past with the increase in the age of marriage.

I trust my DP implicitly, I wouldn't be marrying him otherwise, but the thought of other women's smelly bits near him makes me feel a bit sick so he won't be coming near me after it, if that's what they end up doing

I won't be having strippers at my hens night. I am past all that. Not interested

OJandMe

20-02-2008, 20:19

DH didn't do it. Isn't interested, feels it's disrespectful to me, and honestly doesn't want to be in that environment when he's about to make the biggest commitment of his life.

He thinks it's stupid....

How would your DF feel if you and your friends hired male strippers and got all raunchy with them?

I think if he's doing it... you should do it too!:yes:

JesLiz

20-02-2008, 20:29

my DP isnt going to a strip club either
1. cause he has an underager in the bridal party
2.he doesnt want to

Super Trooper

20-02-2008, 20:32

Well I wouldnt actually mind if DF wanted to go to a strip club on his bucks night. Im sure as hell getting male strippers for my hens night! :laughing:

:iagree: Damn striaght!!!

Im going to have a stripper (my friends have already said they are hiring the fattest, dirtiest man they can find :laughing:)

i dont see the harm if you 100% trust each other. for me its not about 'sexy', but about the novalty factor, as ive never seen a stripper before and its just another fun thing id like to have done in my life, IYKWIM?

and i dont see the point in denying my hubby to be, or his mates:laughing:, this one last opportunity to see a stripper

MyFourCubs

20-02-2008, 21:39

The question is- do you implicitly, totally, and completely trust this man who you are going to marry? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you need to look inside yourself to understand why you don't want him going there?

I personally don't see the harm- but I think that you need to have 1. Confidence in yourself, and a good self esteem, and 2. total trust in your relationship for it to be ok.

Is this more about him....or you?

Well, I have to say you hit it right on the head, there.
1) I trust him absolutely- implicitly. No problems there at all.
2) My self esteems and my body confidence, after having 3 children including one ceaser is ROCK BOTTOM.:( The last time he went to a strip club for a mates bucks night, I was a big pregnant whale. I thought I would be fine with it until afterwards when all I could think about is that he had these gorgeous perfect bodies gyrating in front of him and then he was coming home to ME. Now I think it's even worse. Once upon a time I thought I had a pretty good body- or so I was told. I would have liked to think I could keep up with the best of them. (Not really, but more so than now!) Now I don't even want him seeing me naked- it's lights off or not at all!! So, yep, I agree the problem is more with me, but not sure how I can change that :confused: Even if I let him do the stripper thing I know it is going to seriously upset me and I just don't know why it's worth it for one night of fun?????????

xkwzit

20-02-2008, 21:57

My DH and I have an agreement, neither of us watch strippers. The thought of him "enjoying" someone else's body would make me feel bleugh. I have taken myself outside when the stripper arrives (and I'm sure he has too). I think that we are lucky in that most of our buddies aren't really into strippers either, so there's no peanut gallery to cry foul.

Cheers

Angelmist♥

20-02-2008, 22:19

I organised my now DH's strippers for his bucks night:D I don't have a problem at all with them.

Nowhere

20-02-2008, 22:29

I dont have a issue with my DH going to a strip club on a bucks night he didnt on his BN wasnt interested but has been on others KWIM

The way i see it is yes the guys are there to look and and get lap dances, and act cool in front of there mates, the girls are there for the money there not interested in your man there stripers not desperate preditors, Any guys is more likely to get busy at a normal club than at a strip club

ideamum

20-02-2008, 22:38

I dont see the problem with it..

But I do have one real life example for you A couple who where both friends of mine two months ago where getting married they where having their bucks hens nigts a month before the wedding and she said that she doesnt want him to go and all that and he said well if your trying to keep me on a tight leash and we are not yet even married than stuff it...

No CR@P!! They have missed their edding and are trying o sort the stuff out now!!

I doubt most guys who agree and say "ok we wont see any" will listen. And i really doubt their friends will listen..... A stripper would prob turn up anyways.....

shed

21-02-2008, 07:53

Im going to have a stripper (my friends have already said they are hiring the fattest, dirtiest man they can find :laughing:)

i dont see the harm if you 100% trust each other. for me its not about 'sexy', but about the novalty factor, as ive never seen a stripper before and its just another fun thing id like to have done in my life, IYKWIM?

Well, see, there lies the difference. I have seen many a stripper, it was a huge thing back in the early nineties when I was in my partying days. The male strip shows used to tour regularly (back in the days of Jamie Durie) and my aunty (yes my aunty, dirty old bag) used to round us all up. I am all stripper'd out these days, lol.

Definitely something you should do though and I understand about the novelty factor! Enjoy it!

AlirasMummy

21-02-2008, 08:25

:iagree: with you glcksandthe3bears! Our hens and bucks are this weekend and I told DH no strippers. He's not really into them but his friends are and they most likely would organise one. I'm not having one either. I don't agree with paying these sleazy women to get their gear off. My brother had one at his 21st and the stripper stripped him off down to his undies and let him grope her everywhere. It was so disgusting and distasteful!

Fuchsia!

21-02-2008, 08:29

i wouldn't care. I trust him and i wouldn't be with him if i didn't trust him.

Its more of a novelty factor anyway. If he wants to perve on someone else thats cool, men do it all day long its natural for them to do it! And at the end of the night i know he comes home to me :)

Ana Gram

21-02-2008, 08:38

The way i see it is yes the guys are there to look and and get lap dances, and act cool in front of there mates, the girls are there for the money there not interested in your man there stripers not desperate preditors, Any guys is more likely to get busy at a normal club than at a strip club

:iagree: The majority of strippers are not sleazy little hos trying to get their claws in your man. They couldn't give a toss about your man, they are there to earn money. Did you know that women are actually much worse with their behavior with strippers than men are. A good strip club will have excellent security.

To me it is really no different to a man staring at my cleavage while walking on the street. And if I had a dollar every time someone did that, I would be a millionaire.

ideamum

21-02-2008, 08:42

:iagree: The majority of strippers are not sleazy little hos trying to get their claws in your man. They couldn't give a toss about your man, they are there to earn money. Did you know that women are actually much worse with their behavior with strippers than men are. A good strip club will have excellent security.

To me it is really no different to a man staring at my cleavage while walking on the street. And if I had a dollar every time someone did that, I would be a millionaire.

I agree with yours and the post you quoted...

And LOL i would be a millionaire also!

MyFourCubs

21-02-2008, 12:42

It's truly facinating getting everybodies opinions on this. Very divided but I expected that! I have explained very calmly and nicely exactly why I did not want the strippers. I didn't just flat out tell him he wasn't, "allowed," Like I have said, I have made it very clear that there are to be no male strippers at my hen's night! Yuk, couldn't think of anything worse! I just feel that if it will upset me DH should respect me enough and my feelings enough not to do it. It's not that I don't trust him, I do, absolutely. It's just the thought of him getting turned on and enjoying a body, (or bodies,) that ain't mine!:D I wouldn't do that to him and I think we are mature enough to be past something so stupid and sleazy. Obviously that is just my opinion and for those of you who genuinely have no problem with it, good on you! I actually kind of envy you because it would make life easier. But I can't change who I am.
Sara

madcate

22-02-2008, 15:03

I think you're well within your rights to ask him not to have strippers. I completely agree with this.

You aren't a horrible wife to be at all, you're entitled to your feelings and your H2B should respect that.

My H2B and I have agreed on a no strippers rule for our Hens & Bucks. His groomsmen have agreed to it as well and promised me there won't be any.

Everyone has an opinion on our decision, some agree some don't, I don't really care and neither should you.

I often ask people, why on earth when you're about to commit yourself to someone, you're about to take vows to honour and cherish etc etc, why would it be o.k to have one last final rage involving a naked person of the opposite gender, dancing around, girating and most likely touching you?

I know a lot of people think its fine and that's great...for them....not for me. I don't think its o.k to have strippers.

and yes, I may sound bitter and insecure, maybe I am, but that's too bad. Yes, I trust my H2B, I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me or betray me. However, I don't want another woman touching him or pushing her boobs into his face, for me personally, its not right.

Like a few previous posters have said, sit down with your H2B and tell him how the thought of him and strippers make you feel. Rather than just laying down the law, open up to him and let him know what's going on in your head right now.

Although my H2B doesn't have a problem with strippers, he chose to consider my feelings before the idea of having a strippers, I'm sure your hubby will do the same.

and...as for the groomsmen, bugger em, its not their bucks night, its your H2B's and that's all that matters. Their opinion is irrelevant.

Good luck darl, I know this is a difficult issue, but you need to be true to your own feelings and realise you're important in all this as well.

CharlisMummy

22-02-2008, 15:25

Nowhere

22-02-2008, 16:02

My DH had a stripper come to them and they weren't very impressed! Lets just say she did something with beads and dipped them in my dads drink :barf:.Thats when they'd had enough!
My friend's DH had a similar experience too! Icky!
I don't have a problem with strippers, but I didn't want them at my Hens night. We went to a theme restaraunt and funny enough I ended up on stage with 3 other hens, taking a G- String off with my teeth! Oh Well! It was on top of his clothes though but I was under his coat so it 'looked good' to the audience, lol!

I think its all in good fun but if you have a problem with it you should stick by your 'no strippers' request :yes:

See the beed incodent ( i will call it an incodent) is something that would only hapen with a striper that comes to the house or private function, the rules and regulations forbid this to happen in the clubs as they hold a caberate licence, where as the ones that work for agencies or themselfs are basicly free to do as they please

CharlisMummy

22-02-2008, 16:10

Yeah it was kind of last minute, they'd spent the whole day at paintball then went back to my BIL house for drinks and they just got one out the Yellow pages, lol because they thought they'd better have one because its the 'done thing' at bucks parties!! They've learnt their lesson!

rynosmum

22-02-2008, 16:19

I can completely understand why you don't want girls like this at his bucks party. I didn't want them at my DH's either but I knew that his mates were 'planning' something.

I bit my tongue and let them plan it as they might. Remembering that I trusted my DH-to-be implicitly and deep down that his mates were doing this as they are boys, it's tradition and to be honest, they probably wanted to see the girl more than DH did.

Well, my DH who has been known to party a bit, likes a few drinks and loves his mates, was home by 11 o'clock - stone sober! He had been drinking but the act that the girl put on was enough to even sober him up, not to mention that my father was one of his guests as well. She did things that I could not believe and certainly attempted to push the boundaries but my DH went along with some of it, they all had a laugh and then he decided to cut the night short and come home. We then had a couple of drinks together on the back deck and he explained the whole night - I was so relieved. She was so tacky, it was hilarious!

You're marrying your fiance because you love him and trust him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. His friends will be wanting to do this, it's just tradition. Grin and bear it if you can. Let him have the night with his friends and for them all to have a laugh over something like this. It isn't up to him to reign in what they want to organise. The show will no doubt be a very short part of the night and you will be able to renew your faith in what a great guy he really is.

our little treasures

22-02-2008, 16:41

You wouldn't be the first to ban strippers on a bucks do, and you certianly won't be the last. :D

The question is- do you implicitly, totally, and completely trust this man who you are going to marry? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you need to look inside yourself to understand why you don't want him going there?

I personally don't see the harm- but I think that you need to have 1. Confidence in yourself, and a good self esteem, and 2. total trust in your relationship for it to be ok.

Is this more about him....or you?
:iagree:

I don't get the 'allowed' bit......'
I don't either:no:

I was all for DH having a man's bucks night, he didn't though.

I have been to see male strippers and I am currently working on my besties hens night and I intend to have strippers:yes:

I think if you have complete trust and respect for each other you shouldn't be worried about him going. I am sure there are a lot of girls who might take it too far but at the end of the day it's your husband to be who has to say NO!

hailsntwang

22-02-2008, 16:42

This sort of subject really gets me fired up.

All people have different beliefs in relationships on what is right and what is wrong, that is their feeling on such things and they have every right to it.

I hate strip clubs. I hate what a strip club represents. If my man visited a strip club on his bucks party, there would be no wedding and thats all there is.

Why would you want to pay someone to parade around in front of you, touch you, flash themselves and try to turn you on, when you can get it at home for free??

To me, in my mind and in my opinion it would be just like him cheating on me without the actual penetration.

I don't have social issues, trust issues or otherwise, I don't mind him going out with his mates, I don't mind watching a little bit of porn with him, I just think strip clubs and paying strippers is one step away from paying for sex.

The first time I met my partner's best friend he dragged him into a strip club in Melbourne. He proceeded to pay two girls to give my partner a private lesbian strip show. No one else was involved in it, just him. These girls gave him more then a strip show, they gave him a porn show, both were right into it, (I'm not going to get into the details but nothing was left untouched, unlicked or unfingered).
When they were done with each other they proceeded to try and undress him (fully undress him). There is only so much I could take and I had to leave the room. He came after me so the show ended pretty much after then.

From that time on his best mate has hated me. I don't think I over reacted. That is the reason I am now so against strip clubs as more happens then just the undressing and dancing. A lot more.

SweetSerenity

22-02-2008, 16:45

MyFourCubs

22-02-2008, 17:01

I hate strip clubs. I hate what a strip club represents. If my man visited a strip club on his bucks party, there would be no wedding and thats all there is.

Why would you want to pay someone to parade around in front of you, touch you, flash themselves and try to turn you on, when you can get it at home for free??

To me, in my mind and in my opinion it would be just like him cheating on me without the actual penetration.

I don't have social issues, trust issues or otherwise, I don't mind him going out with his mates, I don't mind watching a little bit of porn with him, I just think strip clubs and paying strippers is one step away from paying for sex.

I really had to laugh here because I couldn't have put it better. I totally agree with you! That is basically what I have said to my DH2B. I realise others don't feel the same and that's fine but you can't change how YOU feel. So good to see I'm not the only one!!!!!:D

MyFourCubs

22-02-2008, 17:06

I often ask people, why on earth when you're about to commit yourself to someone, you're about to take vows to honour and cherish etc etc, why would it be o.k to have one last final rage involving a naked person of the opposite gender, dancing around, girating and most likely touching you?

and yes, I may sound bitter and insecure, maybe I am, but that's too bad. Yes, I trust my H2B, I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me or betray me. However, I don't want another woman touching him or pushing her boobs into his face, for me personally, its not right.

:iagree:This is EXACTLY what I said to DH2B. I just don't get it. Especially when, in our situation, we have 3 children together and have not been "single" in over 9 years!!! I have no desire whatsoever to ogle some naked gyrating man and the thought of him doing "whatever," with a stripper honestly makes me sick. I did actually say to him that if there was a stripper there would be no wedding. I didn't want to admit that on Bubhub in case you all thought I was a possessive, insecure cow but I know somebody else said it so I'm not the only one. I think at the end of the day this issue really comes down to individual relationships and what is right for the both of you. It's been great to get so much feedback though.
:yelclap:
Sara

MissSparkle

23-02-2008, 14:17

My DF is at his bucks night TONIGHT! Agh!

We had a sit down before he left because his mates were very keen to take him to a strip club.

All I said was dont do ANYTHING that u wouldnt want me knowing about or u wouldnt do infront of me. THat pretty much covered it for us. I know for a fact he would not pay for a lap dance if I was sitting next to him so why do it coz Im not there (and Im at home looking after his kids?)

Mamaduke

23-02-2008, 14:23

There are a lot of girls in those clubs willing to do a lot more than just lapdance for money.

That's funny because there are A LOT MORE 'ladies' in pubs and nightclubs willing to do the same for the chance of a Bacardi breezer...you do the math.;)

Doesn't matter where anyone's significant other goes...if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat - they don't need a stripper in order to do something sexual with a woman.

I think it's much ado about nothing really.

Mamaduke

23-02-2008, 14:31

he dragged him into a strip club in Melbourne.

He proceeded to pay two girls to give my partner a private lesbian strip show.

This is what get's me...it's always the mates and the strippers that bear the brunt of the girlfriend/wive's anger!
How about directing your anger at the person who was 'dragged' into a strip club & 'made' to watch a lesbian strip show.
Was he held at gunpoint?:p

Nowhere

23-02-2008, 17:25

One of my besties was a stripper - I know what goes on in those places and I wouldn't be happy about it ... I think if most girls knew that it's actually Not just taking their clothes of that happens then they wouldn't be okay with it either.

There are a lot of girls in those clubs willing to do a lot more than just lapdance for money.

I suppose it comes down to trust at the end of the day ... trust and respect.

What ever dodgy establishment your friends is working at are lucky there licence isnt revoked, I hope your friends is able to not get involved with the ones that are doing extras (yuk)

That being said but there are also alot of girls out there willing to do what anything for free, in my opnion there just as bad

Also for some ones man to play up it goes both ways they have to be willing to get busy, and if they are then its not just the girls fault

My DH is on a buckn night tonight for his mate he is a grooms men in the wedding next week, they have got some skimpy waitresses that im sure will be nude by the end of the night once the guys get the tipping just out, but i know that yes my DH will look as wil all the others but i also know that is all he will do, as with all his mates.

delirium

23-02-2008, 17:45

Yep, strip clubs and strippers were banned on both sides for our bucks/hens night. We ended up having a combined bucks and hens night and we had a ball! There was no fights, no "where did you go"... both of us were glad we did do it this way. I never pressured him btw, he wanted to have a combined party.

I guess my argument for not allowing strippers etc is it comes back to respect really. I find it interesting that when men get married, it's like they have to go all out on their Bucks night to commiserate the end of singlehood like it's a bad thing - almost like a last meal before an execution :laughing: we on the other hand, wanted to celebrate our union :yes:

StrawberryTheMilkshake

23-02-2008, 20:04

We have friends who have a friend who is a stripper. She came to a 3 year old birthday party hardly wearing anything. It really bothered me as i caught DH looking and i was having huge depressive/ weight issues. When we went to talk about it, i said "you cant tell me that you would pick me over her if we were standing together and you had a choice". He said to me "dont get me wrong, everyone would want to have sex with a stripper but they arent the type of girls you have relationships with"... man did that screw with MY head. MEN *sigh*

This was some time ago and i didnt bring it up again... i dont think he realised what he'd said... and how much it broke my heart.... oh men.... honestly......

So no, i dont really like strippers etc, as its my own insecurities (yes, i know), that would bother me!!!! I dont want my DH thinking that she was better than me at such and such.

Ok emotional rant over.
Thanks
STM

hailsntwang

23-02-2008, 20:39

This is what get's me...it's always the mates and the strippers that bear the brunt of the girlfriend/wive's anger!
How about directing your anger at the person who was 'dragged' into a strip club & 'made' to watch a lesbian strip show.
Was he held at gunpoint?:p[/quote]

It was the peer pressure and being under the scrutiny of his best mate that made him go into the strip club in the first place (I saw it go down and I know it was how it went. The best mate doesn't like anybody saying "no", and back then my partner did not know how to say no to him.)

However my partner did pay for it. He was the one that sat in the chair, and he was the one who let it get as far as it did. It came up plenty in the months to follow!

My partner bore the brunt of my humiliation (that's how they all made me felt afterwards because i couldn't cut watching anymore), and my anger. I felt disrespected and ever since then my partner has understood exactly where I stand on this issue.

The same goes for me though, I would never go to a strip club but then again theres something about men in g - strings and shaking their doodle all around that just doesn't turn me on.

smummy

24-02-2008, 13:30

I am not allowing him to have strippers at a function but as a compromise he can go to a strip club, i dont want any kind of one on one action, and i have also told him that he wont hear from me for a week if he does chose to go. That will kill him. I hate the thought of it, I feel like Im not good enough the second he mentions it. He has never been to a strip club while with me, so why does he have to go now. I hate it.

smummy

24-02-2008, 13:56

Ok, so after actually reading what others have written and heard of some things that go on, I have now literally just told him if he has strippers there will be no wedding. I have explained how much it would just absolutely hurt me so if he would rather have a great night then not hurt the woman he is supposed to love and adore, then I don't want to be with him. Yikes, big one. Wedding is 3 months away so bucks in the near future, wonder what will happen

madcate

24-02-2008, 21:54

madcate

24-02-2008, 22:09

:iagree:This is EXACTLY what I said to DH2B. I just don't get it. Especially when, in our situation, we have 3 children together and have not been "single" in over 9 years!!! I have no desire whatsoever to ogle some naked gyrating man and the thought of him doing "whatever," with a stripper honestly makes me sick. I did actually say to him that if there was a stripper there would be no wedding. I didn't want to admit that on Bubhub in case you all thought I was a possessive, insecure cow but I know somebody else said it so I'm not the only one. I think at the end of the day this issue really comes down to individual relationships and what is right for the both of you. It's been great to get so much feedback though.
:yelclap:
Sara

Don't feel bad for saying that to him. I've said varying nasty versions of that to mine over the last few months. We've had a few discussions about it, he's more than happy to forego them, but he's got a few sleazy friends whose noses are out of joint about it, not close friends or groomsmen though. I'm concerned they're going to take it upon themselves to book some girl out of the yellow pages without telling anyone. H2B says he can't see them doing it and he's probably right, but I'm a worrier.

I told him that if they do book a girl and if he does anything less than walk out or kick them and the girl out, then there will no wedding and I'll be sending him a bill for the money I've spent so far on the wedding. Very mean I know and I felt bed at the time and feel bad now for saying it.

So, like I said, don't beat yourself up over it, its a very touchy and emotional subject and sometimes it can bring out the nasties in people. I know it does in me.

our little treasures

24-02-2008, 22:17

See the beed incodent ( i will call it an incodent) is something that would only hapen with a striper that comes to the house or private function, the rules and regulations forbid this to happen in the clubs as they hold a caberate licence, where as the ones that work for agencies or themselfs are basicly free to do as they please
I have to say all those saying no to strippers, I can bet almost all will have the private ones :yes:

My DF is at his bucks night TONIGHT! Agh!

We had a sit down before he left because his mates were very keen to take him to a strip club.

All I said was dont do ANYTHING that u wouldnt want me knowing about or u wouldnt do infront of me. THat pretty much covered it for us. I know for a fact he would not pay for a lap dance if I was sitting next to him so why do it coz Im not there (and Im at home looking after his kids?)
Not long now!! How exciting

That's funny because there are A LOT MORE 'ladies' in pubs and nightclubs willing to do the same for the chance of a Bacardi breezer...you do the math.;)

Doesn't matter where anyone's significant other goes...if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat - they don't need a stripper in order to do something sexual with a woman.

I think it's much ado about nothing really.
:iagree: I also think your right about how everyone blames the pers for their partners actions! That really is a pet hate of mine, it's all about choices

We have friends who have a friend who is a stripper. She came to a 3 year old birthday party hardly wearing anything. It really bothered me as i caught DH looking and i was having huge depressive/ weight issues. When we went to talk about it, i said "you cant tell me that you would pick me over her if we were standing together and you had a choice". He said to me "dont get me wrong, everyone would want to have sex with a stripper but they arent the type of girls you have relationships with"... man did that screw with MY head. MEN *sigh*

This was some time ago and i didnt bring it up again... i dont think he realised what he'd said... and how much it broke my heart.... oh men.... honestly......

So no, i dont really like strippers etc, as its my own insecurities (yes, i know), that would bother me!!!! I dont want my DH thinking that she was better than me at such and such.

Ok emotional rant over.
Thanks
STM

I am sure if she wasn't a stripper and had the same outfit on your DH would have had the same thing to say.

madcate

24-02-2008, 22:41

I have to say all those saying no to strippers, I can bet almost all will have the private ones :yes:

Huh??? How would you know that?

You really have no idea whether the fiance's of those who are saying no, will go ahead and do exactly what we've asked them not to do.

I have 100% faith in my H2B that he will respect and consider my feelings and won't partake in anything to do with strippers. He loves me and wouldn't risk our future together for the sake of eye balling some naked chick.

Nowhere

24-02-2008, 22:57

That's funny because there are A LOT MORE 'ladies' in pubs and nightclubs willing to do the same for the chance of a Bacardi breezer...you do the math.;)

Doesn't matter where anyone's significant other goes...if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat - they don't need a stripper in order to do something sexual with a woman.

I think it's much ado about nothing really.

LOL they do what for barcardi breezer the most anyone got out of me was a thankyou lol

but yes I agree with what you are saying

MyFourCubs

25-02-2008, 12:45

I guess my argument for not allowing strippers etc is it comes back to respect really. I find it interesting that when men get married, it's like they have to go all out on their Bucks night to commiserate the end of singlehood like it's a bad thing - almost like a last meal before an execution :laughing:

:laughing::iagree: Absolutely. I don't get it either!! Also agree with the person who said they have no desire to see naked man jumping around with his doodle flopping around. I just find this ... yeah. Not my thing. It's like I said to DH2B, I find him most attractive when he is in a nice suit or dressed up to go out in a sexy collared shirt with a splash of aftershave:thumbsup: Yep, that's my thing. Naked man I could take or leave!
Sara

Ange&Seth

26-02-2008, 07:44

I don't have a problem with DF going to a strip club but I don't think he's overly interested in it.

What I do have a problem with is strippers coming to a bucks night that's being held elsewhere such as someone's home or a function room or whatever. I also would have a problem with the whole lap dance thing.

From what I understand there are rules in a strip club about touching the strippers - as in you're not allowed to. That's why I think stripping should be confined to strip clubs :laughing:

Ana Gram

26-02-2008, 09:34

Also agree with the person who said they have no desire to see naked man jumping around with his doodle flopping around. I just find this ... yeah. Not my thing.

:barf: I think there are a lot of women don't find this very appealing either. I'd rather watch female strippers!

Tulp

26-02-2008, 09:44

DH did not even want a bucks night and actually did not have one. He said he did not see the point of it. He just went out with his friends for dinner/drinks and even asked if I wanted to join them :D (like he usually does if he went after work.)

Ana Gram

26-02-2008, 09:58

My best friend was a stripper for a long time as well and none of that went on. Might just be the clubs your friend worked at.

Ange&Seth

26-02-2008, 10:00

Infedility is infidelity at the end of the day

So would you consider your DP going to a strip club as infidelity?

MyFourCubs

26-02-2008, 16:58

All I know is that I'm fairly sure the amount of girls willing to put on a sex show say with another stripper or to then get the guy involved in the show wouldn't be a regular occurance every weekend at a pub or club.

It is at Strip Clubs.

I just know what goes on and I wouldn't want my partner there...

Infedility is infidelity at the end of the day and it really does come down to trust.

That's good enough for me!:yes:

defaipe

27-02-2008, 00:08

squiglet

28-02-2008, 08:23

Dh did not have or want strippers for his bucks night.
I would have toataly freaked out if he had.:thumbsdown:

I think stick with it. If he loves you why does he need to see other naked girls?
It actully ticks me off a lot the whole "last night as a single man" thing. When it's so obviouse that most relasionships going into a maraige have been going for years. So the male is so not single.

Ashleigh<3

28-02-2008, 08:33

:barf: I think there are a lot of women don't find this very appealing either. I'd rather watch female strippers!

I agree.
The female body is beautiful, I'd rather go to one of those tasteful burlesque shows.

As for male strippers.
Why do they only ever pick men who are built with muscle and muscle only?
When I see way too much muscle I am not pleased...

MissSparkle

28-02-2008, 19:33

I agree.
The female body is beautiful, I'd rather go to one of those tasteful burlesque shows.

As for male strippers.
Why do they only ever pick men who are built with muscle and muscle only?
When I see way too much muscle I am not pleased...

I agree....male strippers are :barf:

I'd much prefer to see female strippers..... DF told me everything about his bucks night and I was appreciative that he didnt do anything that he knew would upset me. There was no one on one and the club they went to is a more "corporate" joint (LOL) so there is no contact or ur imediately kicked out. The girls were also always on the stage which meant there was no boob in face action. To be honest Im a lil jealous I didnt get to go too! :devil:

MyFourCubs

02-03-2008, 12:26

As irony would have it, my DH2B was invited to my brothers bucks night yesterday. Originally was told lawn bowls with a bus to the city and club hopping which my man was never going to do because I was going to the hens night and somebody had to look after the kids. (I pulled rank as I am family:yes:) Anyway, day before he gets a message with an invite to beers and "entertainment," obviously a stripper. (Or 2!) Anyway, I wasn't impressed but said it was up to him whether he went or not. Apparently he left just as my brother was pantsless, bent over and the stripper was donning rubber gloves.:confused: If he saw anymore than that he's not letting on. Apparently there was another girl with her in case they wanted a lesbian sex show for an extra few hundred. Seriously, just reitterated my point about not having a stripper at HIS bucks night. NO WAY!!!!!:thumbsdown:

madcate

03-03-2008, 16:25

Apparently he left just as my brother was pantsless, bent over and the stripper was donning rubber gloves.:confused: :thumbsdown:

OMG!!!! that is seriously worse than ANYTHING I had ever imagined.

How is your FSIL going to feel about this, assuming she get told or finds out?

I'm speechless, I wouldn't be able to handle that at all if it were my H2B.

SassyDiva

03-03-2008, 16:48

You wouldn't be the first to ban strippers on a bucks do, and you certianly won't be the last. :D

The question is- do you implicitly, totally, and completely trust this man who you are going to marry? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you need to look inside yourself to understand why you don't want him going there?

I personally don't see the harm- but I think that you need to have 1. Confidence in yourself, and a good self esteem, and 2. total trust in your relationship for it to be ok.

Is this more about him....or you?

:iagree:

If he was going to strip clubs as a night out or entertainment then I'd have something to say. But as lame as it is, doing the strip club thing for bucks and hens nights are the done thing and its for more of a laugh really. Cant imagine a married man or woman to be actually getting off from a strip show..

kellyanneg

21-01-2009, 15:03

OMG My husbands best mate is getting married and we are both in the bridal party, ore hens night is just going to be dinner then drinks then back to a house to party, nothing to fancy. I just got off the ph to the bride and the grooms brother is organising the bucks night and she is not impressed.. the brother is single.. and the other men most have wifes and children. I heard that he is organising a stripper sex show then a bus to the cross. I looked up stripper sex shows on the net and OMG its basically 2 or 3 or more strippers getting naked and doing things to each other, lots of things and lots of toys. I am so discusted and afraid. I really dont want my hubby to go to something like this, and after a lengthy discusion with all the bridesmaids and bride neither of them are happy about it either. I know the boys are going to tell us to get ****ed and its there night.

sockstealingpoltergeist

21-01-2009, 15:24

Just because you do not want hime going to a strip club, does not infer that you are insecure.

Just because you ask for respect regardless of his bucks night also doesn't mean that you are insecure. I hate the fact that it is even inferred that you are insecure.

I am actually secure enough to tell my husband that I won't stand for anyone disrespecting women in any way and that includes strip clubs.

Is the marraige about the two of you, or is it about the chance for him to go to a strip club??? Really it isn't even something he should be focusing on right now.

I see strip clubs as disrespectful to all women everywhere, it is a trading of the flesh for money, not much better then prostitution IMO.

Would it be ok with you if you came home and found him in the room with a naked/ half naked girl dancing in front of him?? Why is it any better if he goes to a club and pays for it. That makes it worse IMO.

If you have a daughter, would it be ok with him if she bacame a stripper??? If not then why would he degrade himself by going to strip club? It is someones daughter stripping, or someones sister/wife/mother.

I would be telling him it is never OK to see women as less then human beings and that is what happens in strip clubs, women are reduced to no more then a piece os meat.

So in short it wouldn't be ok with me.:)

delirium

21-01-2009, 15:38

NibbleCurlynBub

21-01-2009, 15:42

I don't think that is unreasonable!

Maybe offer him something else he would really enjoy that DOESN'T include nudey women.

Maybe you can offer for him to take all his mates to a private hotel-ish thingy for a nice manly BBQ and offer a large drinks tab, or rent out a private pool room and have a big drinks tab there too.

A bucks night shouldn't have to have nude women to be fun or blokey. :)

mum of 3

21-01-2009, 16:32

strippers:barf:
my dp knows if he ever goes within ten feed of them its over i detest them

HappyLittleChappy

21-01-2009, 18:06

Well we're getting married in 7 months time and haven't discussed the bucks/hens night yet. Until I saw this post.

I'm not comfortable with strippers in any form as I find it disrespectful to me, and women in general. DF knows that, but I reminded him tonight and asked him what he intended to do for his bucks.

Well he said he doesn't have control over it, as his bestman will organise it. I said you DO have control over it as you don't have to do anything, you have a choice.

He says it's what bucks nights are all about and he would be doing something with strippers or we wouldn't get married.

I want to slap him right now. I want to cry. I want to crawl into bed and never come out.

I won't allow myself to be disrespected in that way, but I don't want to call off my wedding either!

I know DF does respect and love me, so why is he insisting on this? How do I get him to change his mind? I would rather not marry him than let him have a bucks including strippers. (we would still remain together, just not married lol) He's never wanted to do it any other time, well not since we've been together all of these years.

NibbleCurlynBub

21-01-2009, 18:10

What an odd thing to say M2P..
Its HIS bucks night.. Why wouldn't he get to decide?

I'd honestly say that the groom should organise it in collaboration with the bride. No bride would refuse to organise her hens night with her hubby to be, why should the men be so secretive.

Honestly, the whole idea of a night before the wedding when the man gets to go and treat women like objects and 'celebrate' his last night of not being married... It makes me feel sick, how awful for the bride that he feels the need to celebrate not being married.

JATS

21-01-2009, 18:52

M2P you say you know he loves and respects you yet he says "he would be doing something with strippers or we wouldn't get married."?

That's not love or respect. :no:

DH has just been asked to be a best man and has already spoken to the groom about the 'bucks party' so he has an idea what the groom is comfortable with, and strippers or anything of the sort is out of the question.

The problem he and the groom now face is other mates coming who are less respectful organizing one anyway. :thumbsdown:

If the bride is all for it there's nothing wrong with it but I think it's sad when a man uses this particular event to 'validate' behavior he knows his partner is uncomfortable with.

HappyLittleChappy

21-01-2009, 22:00

NibbleCurlynBub

21-01-2009, 22:10

Maybe the fact that lots of blokes DON'T have strippers, for various reasons.

The fact that it makes you feel disrespected and hurt by it (it should be enough just to say that outright to him) SHOULD make him realise that its no fun if its hurting someone.

Does he REALLY want to hurt his fianc�e that badly right before he makes her his wife? :confused:

canberramomma

21-01-2009, 22:20

Well ... to me it's sorta a rite of passage (no pun intended) as is a male stripper on a hens nite.

If it doesn't sit well with you, though, you should talk to your intended and come to an agreement. Ie - 'I won't have a total stranger strip off and thrus his pen!s in my face if you don't have a female do the same.' Obviously substitute pen!s for something else, otherwise your intended might feel you are threatening his sexuality!

Whispers

21-01-2009, 22:24

DP Will be having bucks nite with my hens nite no secret strippers for him:laughing: unless of course i suprise him ;)

canberramomma

21-01-2009, 22:30

Amy81 - or I would have a houseful of buff oiled young men willing to do my EVERY bidding including washing pooy nappies!

When, oh when will I win lotto?

I don't think it's the same. I have lots of mates that have done stripping (including the guy on my hens nite, which was just too funny!) who have loads of 'respect' for themselves.

My ex used to act as personal security for a lot of them and the case where it got out of hand were minimal for a public performance! It's very tightly regulated here!

Whispers

21-01-2009, 22:34

sockstealingpoltergeist

21-01-2009, 22:43

Yep you could be right. Maybe he isn't respecting me in this situation.

But how do I get him to understand? To understand that I feel disrespected and hurt by it?

His answer was "well what about you respecting my want to have a regular bucks night like every other guy, strippers involved"
I would ask him several things.

Are we getting married because we want to be together excluding all others for the rest of our lives???? If so why did our wedding become about an opportunity for you to get your rocks off to other women???

Do you understand that I will regard this as cheating?? If I came home and you were partying with a naked dancing chick in our home I would boot you out, why would it be any different to you doing the same in a public strip club???? In fact it's worse if you pay for it.

Having strippers at your bucks night is not a right, it's one excuse men have used to be perves. It reduces women to nothing more then eye candy and I am saddened to hear that you would treat women with such disrespect, seeing as you are marrying one, and you have a mother/ sister/ daughter.

I would also say that if he is saying he has no control over it and can't say no, then I would state that I couldn't trust him, as no one can ever force you to do anything you don't want to do. If he is that suseptable to being swayed to doing things then he musn't have much of a back bone.

Also is the outdated opinion of his mates worth more then the opinion of the women he loves and will live with for the rest of his life??? If so perhaps he should marry them instead.

Ok that's just what I would say.

Whispers

21-01-2009, 23:01

I would ask him several things.

Are we getting married because we want to be together excluding all others for the rest of our lives???? If so why did our wedding become about an opportunity for you to get your rocks off to other women???

Do you understand that I will regard this as cheating?? If I came home and you were partying with a naked dancing chick in our home I would boot you out, why would it be any different to you doing the same in a public strip club???? In fact it's worse if you pay for it.

Having strippers at your bucks night is not a right, it's one excuse men have used to be perves. It reduces women to nothing more then eye candy and I am saddened to hear that you would treat women with such disrespect, seeing as you are marrying one, and you have a mother/ sister/ daughter.

I would also say that if he is saying he has no control over it and can't say no, then I would state that I couldn't trust him, as no one can ever force you to do anything you don't want to do. If he is that suseptable to being swayed to doing things then he musn't have much of a back bone.

Also is the outdated opinion of his mates worth more then the opinion of the women he loves and will live with for the rest of his life??? If so perhaps he should marry them instead.

Ok that's just what I would say.

and well said :yelclap:

Lil07

22-01-2009, 05:44

My hubby's friends got a stripper for him for his bucks. I was naturally annoyed at first but it really wasn't that big a deal and I was over it pretty quickly.

A bit of T&A and even a but of fuzz doesn't bother me. It's the stories of heard of when the two strippers show up with their little 'box of tricks' that I don't agree with. Stripping off your clothing is really just showing a bit of flesh. When there are sex toys and penetration between the girls, that's verging on prostitution IMO. Not cool at all :no:

If you ban it all together, more than likely, it'll happen anyway and you'll end up fighting over it when you find out all of the details. It's a stupid tradition and the majority of the time, it's the buck's mates that get the most out of it!

Try not to make too much of an issue and it might end up being mellower than you think. ;)

delirium

22-01-2009, 07:32

But how do I get him to understand? To understand that I feel disrespected and hurt by it?

His answer was "well what about you respecting my want to have a regular bucks night like every other guy, strippers involved"

I would be asking him why it is so important that he would risk his future marriage to see some naked chick gyrating on him :confused: Seems to me that if you are clearly stating you don't want him to have strippers and he is saying he won't marry you if you don't, that he cares more about strippers than his marriage.

I would also ask him if he would be fine you YOU having male strippers? :detective: Somehow I suspect he wouldn't like that.

See to me, bucks and hens nights should be a celebration of the upcoming union. It just seems that bucks nights in particular, are not a celebration, but a commiseration of getting married. Like OMG I'm stuck with the 'ball and chain' soon, I want to have one last horrah before I'm tied down.

MyFourCubs

22-01-2009, 07:48

:laughing: I started this thread back in March! Well, we have had our wedding and of coarse our hens and bucks nights- I stood my ground. I told my dh that if he went to anything that involved strippers than we would not be having a wedding. Full stop. I got the "my best man will organsie it:ecomcity:" so I also went to his best man and I explained my feelings to him. I told him very nicely that strippers upset me enormously, I am not comfortable with the idea and if he respected me and cared about mine and dh's relationship than he would not organsie anything that included strippers. Yes, he was "put out,":rolleyes: but he respected my wishes. I honestly and truly believe that they did not have any strippers on the night- I have several friends hubbies that also went and I would have found out if otherwise!:devil:

I think it all comes down to respect. If seeing a stripper is more important than your feelings than you should not be getting married. That is what I put to my husband.:yes:

MyFourCubs

22-01-2009, 07:51

See to me, bucks and hens nights should be a celebration of the upcoming union. It just seems that bucks nights in particular, are not a celebration, but a commiseration of getting married. Like OMG I'm stuck with the 'ball and chain' soon, I want to have one last horrah before I'm tied down.

Exactly.:iagree: Whichis why I said to Dh that this would not be his last "hurrah" before he was "tied down," as we have been in a relationship for 9 years and have 3 children and he has not been "single," for a bloody long time! The whole idea o the bucks night was not appropriate or relevant in our situation, imo. For my "hens night," which I only had at the insistence of my bridesmaids, we went to dinner and watched Juno! Hardly a wild night out but I had a blast.

HappyLittleChappy

22-01-2009, 08:28

Well I tried to stand my ground and explain my piece last night but it didn't end well. I think there will be more discussion after work today.

I explained that I would be extremely hurt and disrespected if he had strippers at his bucks night and basically what I got back was that I was being disrespectful and hurtful to him for not letting him do it.

I have body issues, well hidden ones, but deep down they're there. He knows that, and I tried to tell him that all of his encouragement and support and love over my body issues are completely wiped out by his want to see other women naked.

Apparently I'm trying to be controlling, over this one night.

I got too upset to continue the conversation but we will be discussing it again tonight, I'm not going to let it rest.

Oh and I said to him "Why do you want to see strippers on your bucks night?" He claims "I never said I wanted to see them, I just don't agree with you NOT wanting me to see them" GRR Men are idiots sometimes.

I tried telling him plenty of men don't have strippers on their bucks night. He challenged me to name one, and I couldn't. Because all of his mates had them!

He has issues with his mates opinions of him. I remember a few times before he couldn't go out to a pub or something because of whatever reason and his so called mates told him he was weak that he should just tell me he's going and go. That he's not a man and that I wear the pants in the relationship not him blah blah blah. So if he tells them his bucks night won't include strippers I can imagine the hell they will give him for it.

Phyllis Stein

22-01-2009, 09:14

I'm not going to let it rest.

And so you shouldn't. Good luck this afternoon.

sockstealingpoltergeist

22-01-2009, 09:36

Mummytopheonix, rather then have a confrontation with him, have you thought about writing out your reasons in a letter and have him read it and think about it.

I would say to him that the real measure of a man is how he treats and respects his family, and that if he wants to measure himself to a so called friend who has no respect for your family then he isn't much of a man to YOU. I would aks whose opinion of him is more important yours or some mate who outright encourages him to be flipant about his relationship and family.

How is he hurt and disrespected??? Because you are standing up for yourself??? Get him to explain exactly what is husrtful and disrespectful. He is disrespected because you don't want him to be involved with naked girls? That doesn't make sense. Again when did your wedding become about him being a perve and not about the two of you?

Good luck.

HappyLittleChappy

22-01-2009, 09:50

Well we just had a brief discussion from work.

Apparently the issue isn't the strippers. He claims he hadn't even thought about his bucks yet.

He was more concerned and upset that I wanted to dictate what he could and couldn't do for the night.

I explained that all I was doing was expressing my upset and concern over strippers so he knew my opinion on it.

He's calmed down about the issue and hopefully now understands my concern.

I guess now we have to wait and see what he says to his best man, since he hasn't even asked his mate to be his best man yet!