Don't know what to do

[Melissa1983]

My youngest DD is picking on my eldest DD.. She is turning in to be a real bully, which she ever been before. On saturday Abby scratched Mikayla above the eye so Mikayla has got a big scratch on her right eye. And they yesterday she threw a DVD case at Mikayla's Face and got her just below her other eye, and now Mikayla has a black eye from it. Than the this morning she went up and scratched her on her chest. She pulls her hair, pinches her, bites her... Mikayla doesn't do anything to her.

How can i get Abby out of this? I have put her in her room, but it isn't helping. Is it just a stage Abby is going through or is she trying to tell me something?

I feel so sorry for Mikayla as she is copping it all.

Every now and again Abby will hit me when she isn't getting her own way so i put her in her room for that.. I feel that she is going to live in her room soon!

[xkwzit]

Hi Mummyof 2
I think that you are doing the right thing in sending her to her room (or anywhere away from the fun). I think that its important that you let her know that you just don't tolerate that - AT ALL. Can you get her to apologise later? I know 2 is very small, but even if you can get her to give her an "I'm sorry" hug it might make her stop and think. I've also read that its good to give the wronged child lots of positive attention, so that the agressor sees that and realises they get nothing but exile while lots of fun stuff is happening elsewhere to ppl who behave. Just an idea...

Cheers

[Lauz]

Ok.. try these things....

*being two abby understands you. You say "Abby, that makes me very sad that Mikayla is hurt and crying. Poor Mikayla. Please use your gentle hands- (then show her your "gentle hands"). try this a few times.... positive reinforcement normally works better than a forced sorry or you saying "don't do that"... try and use "please do this" not "don't." ... plus depending on how much abby is talking this could be a sign of frustration of not being able to coherantly say what she wants to, or a sign of "show me more attention".


*Or... when it happens... turn abby around so her back is facing you and mikayla... say "bye bye abby" and pay LOTS of attention to mikayla... "i love you mikayla.... " and distract mikayla form being upset by playing games,giving cuddles etc.... do not make a big fuss over what abby does. say nothing to her.. just show her no attention for the next 10 minutes. abby will soon learn that doing these things just make syou pay MORE attention to mikayla. try this one after the first option...

It's always handy to try and think about the situation of WHY you think abby is doing these things. what is happening before she does these things. what does abby gain from the behaviour? what could she be trying to say? what are you doing when she does these thigns? see if you can think of any consistant patterns in the behaviour... it will give you a better idea of how to treat it and reaact. :D hope this helps!:D