View Full Version : Amusing birth tales
We've had the funny kids stories, but I was wondering if people would like to share funny (or at least unexpected) things that happened immediately before, during or after birth.
For example, after DD1 was born, I was surprised at how embarrassed my OB was when he whipped into my room to see me trying to breast feed my newborn, tongue-tied, receding-chin baby. I could not imagine how, having delivered thousands of babies (and doing thousand more vaginal examinations) that a pair of breasts could freak him out :D
Similar tale for DD2 birth: OB (different guy) popped his head into my bathroom to check up on me. I don't know why he expected to find me decent in the bathroom :rolleyes: . I was in the process of showering my stitches down below, but hey, having given birth tends to remove any false modesty you have about your body. So here I was happily showering and answering his questions while he tried to sheild his eyes from the lower half of his view of me (in all my post partum glory) with his hand :D (that STILL cracks me up).
And there was also the time that nurses nearly cleaned out my room (thinking it was empty, as I was in the bathroom). They had missed the sleeping newborn on the bed :eek: .
Any more amusments out there? (I'm sure this is just a little educational as well)
Cheers
The stand out moment humorous moment from my first labour was the doctor asking for the TV to be turned off as it was distracting him - he was meant to be doing an episiotomy and using the vacuum and/or forceps to get my baby out, after 36 hours of labour, and was distracted by "The Addams Family" on cable TV!!!??? What concerned me in hindsight was that the TV was actually behind him, and the sound had been off for hours, so it did make me wonder why he was turning to watch it at that particular time :eek: !
Jimmyjones
11-05-2005, 08:48
Mine is with my first DD and that my waters broke in the shopping centre and when I tried to tell my husband he tried to give me a bottle of water as he thought I meant that I needed some water, and when he realised what had happened he freaked out and I felt really bad as he had just sat down to eat his lunch on a non-take away dish :( and when we got home before going to the hosp he was running around the house as all he wanted to do was brush his hair!!!!!!I had packed the hair brush
Cheers
Kate
PS: I also asked the doctor if he was using disposable stitches on me after the birth gee the things we say under gas......he loved reminding me at my check-up
willsmum
11-05-2005, 09:25
There I was sitting in bed in my PJ's breastfeeding at 11.30am. The cleaner was hovering outside my room for what seemed like ages. Then at 12.00 noon (the usual lunch time) no lunch turned up, they hadn't restocked my nappy supply, and no nurse had been near me for hours since my last pain killers and blood pressure check at 9.30am.
Next thing, the cleaner came in and asked what time I was actually planning on leaving cos she needed to clean the room and check-out was at 10.00am and it was now 12.30pm.
My answer: "er, I only had a c-section 2 days ago, so Tuesday next week I expect".
Turns out they put the wrong date on my admission form so the computer thought I had gone home and dropped me off all the lists, told them to clean the room out, not feed me etc.
Big apologies all around and they got the kitchen to make me a special lunch. :p
alicesmum
11-05-2005, 11:04
wow willsmum. which hospital did u go to that they supplied your nappies? (my middies couldn't emphasise strongly enough how important it was to remember lots of nappies as they wouldn't supply any!!).
The funniest part during my labour i think was when, nearing transition, my DH said I sounded like Dori from Finding Nemo trying to do whale song!!! Thanks darling!
It was also funny when the middie said "only one more push and it will be all over", and I screamed "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?" and my mum said "I think she's done this before!". Thanks mum!
willsmum
11-05-2005, 13:20
Burnside War Memorial Hospital in Adelaide (private hospital). They supplied everything for the baby - nappies, sorbolene for bum-cleaning, even singlets and smocks for them to wear. Mind you I had my own baby clothes with me that I used straight away. I only had to bring things for myself (breast pads, maternity pads etc).
cheeky boys mum
11-05-2005, 15:12
I can laugh now but at the time....During a long labour at one point I was on the floor crouched over one of those exercise balls and my husband was lying on his side on the bed offering words of encouragement. The words got quieter and quieter and I looked up between labour pains to find him a sleep. :D
this isnt my own funny story but the other night my mum, who is a midwife was helping a woman give birth and as she left the room she said 'when i come bacl i'll do a PV' when she came back the woman was in peals of laughter and her husband was begging her not to say anything. she told my mum that he had thought pv meant 'poke vagina!" which i suppose it does really :)
shellbell
11-05-2005, 21:06
embarassing moment #1 - pushing with my first baby, who was in a little bit of distress. There was 1 middie and 1 Ob in the room and i had my eyes closed as i was pushing. when the contraction was over, i opened my eyes and the room was full of people, including a cute, young pediatrician who was waiting in the corner in case bub needed help. Oh, did i mention i was lying on the bed with my legs in stirrups, in all my glory ?? :eek:
moment #2 - not embarassing, just funny (looking back on it now, but not at the time). i was pushing again, this time on the floor with my middie on one side of me and DH on the other side of me. DH is a nurse and he and the middie were chatting away, discussing nursing stuff, seemingly oblivious to the fact that i was in just a wee bit of pain. NOT HAPPY JAN !!!
Duing transition with both my labours I declared "I can't do this I'm going home". Not realy ann option at that stage. The funniest moment would have to be when the very young pediatrician came to check my son before discharge. As he is taking off my sons nappy my little darling does a great big poo. The Dr looks at me a little bewildered then proceds to take the nappy away placing his pooey bottom on the nice clean sheets. After several attempts to wipe him I felt sorry for him and stepped in to help. When it came time to put the clothes back on he decide I might be better at it then him.
About 5 hours into an 8 hour labour, I asked my hubby to move in front of me so I could focus on him better (he was sitting beside me). He seemed a little reluctant to move, but he did. It wasn't until later that I realised that he had been watching the cricket and when he moved in front of me, he couldn't see the telly any more!!!!!!!
alicesmum
12-05-2005, 10:30
Rell
that's so funny about saying you wanted to go home. At one point I remember saying to my mum and DH, "I just don't want to do this anymore. I just want to go to a movie and sit down with some popcorn!". :D
Hmmm! Not really an option!!! But I just didn't want to be there anymore! :p
Mine was sort of amusing while have my 2nd c/s it was around lunchtime and the surgeon, assistant and nurse were saying I am hungry need some lunch might have a burger for lunch haven't had one for a long time etc etc. Here I am blood and guts on the operating table and they were talking about lunch :rolleyes: I am thinking just shut up and keep sewing!! :p
Tea Lady
16-05-2005, 09:22
My husband and I weren't bothered about how things happened at the birth, and who did what (I guess my part was pretty clear!) so long as the baby was OUT at the end of it - also, my husband wasn't too keen on doing any of the blood and guts stuff. Anyway, the mwives decided it would be nice if he cut the cord and told me the sex of the baby, so when our baby girl was born, they dumped her on my chest, and I was so happy she was out I wasn't thinking about much else, and after awhile the midwives were saying to my husband to tell me what we had (I should add that hubby hadn't had much to do with newborn babies at this stage) and he looked at her and said "I don't know - is it a girl?" and he had to get the midwives to check. How embarassing!
kamckellar
17-05-2005, 21:53
I Had An Emerg.ceas With My Twins And Having Had 2 Natural Births I Found It Really Painful.i Was So Scared To Sneeze,cough Or Laugh Incase My Insides Spilled Out.but What I Didnt Know Was That It Was Really Hard To 'fart'.after Three Days Of Not Passing Wind And Given Ample Laxetives To Help I Finally Got The Urge.oh Boy ,i Farted To My Hearts Content.the Nurse Came To Check On Me And My Wound And After She Looked At Me She Told Me I Had An Infection In My Wound And That It Smelled Of Rotten Meat And Left To Get A Dr To See Me To Take A Swab To Send To Pathology.my Partner And I Laughed So Much That It Hurt So Then I Was Crying From Laughing.when The Nurse Came Back I Tried To Explain That The Smell Was Me Passing Wind But She Didnt Believe Me.she Gave Me A Tube Of Triclosan And Told Me To Go And Have A Shower Because I Hadnt Been Showering Properly.
With my first I had every intention of having an epidural but my labour went too quickly and as I was getting sick from the gas and air I did it pain-relief free. I was in so much agony that I called my husband over numerous times, then when he came over squirted him the face with my water bottle and cursed like a trooper at him. Then the nurse kept putting the stethoscope down on my belly during the contractions whilst pushing and eventually it got too much so I squirted her too and told her where to go in no uncertain terms! My ob said for everyone to ignore me and sent the upset nurse out.
With my second I got the epidural in place and was happily pushing away for 2 hours when the epidural started wearing off. I had my feet against my husband and the midwife's bellies for support when pushing. My husband mentioned something to the midwife about me being weak for giving into an epidural (thinking through my pushing I couldn't hear him). The pressure of my foot subsequent to that remark left a bruise on his hip. Serves him right!
I'm sure he'll be in full waterproof armour for our third!
pregasaurus
15-06-2005, 13:57
After the emergency forceps birth of my first baby, she weighing in a 8p 6oz. I needed several stitches. The guy was literally down there for an hour! After a while I'd lost the feeling in my feet (from being in stirrups) and was impatient to sit up and hold my baby properly, so I yelled out "What ARE you doing down there??" he popped his head up and replied "You've torn very badly and I need to make it look neat". I was tired and fed up so I barked back at him "Oh for God's sake, stitch it all the way up for all I care, I'm never having sex again!!" The midwife in the corner couldn't stop laughing!
With baby no.2, I was lying in the bath on my side squeezing hubbys hand very hard with every contraction. After the contraction had passed and I became aware of my surroundings again I noticed a sharp pain in my left hand. I looked up at my husband and said "Um, honey, could you please stop squeezing my hand so hard, you're really hurting me?"!
pregasauras, i got the giggles good n proper after reading your comment re sewing up - got many stitches with my first bub so know exactly what you meant!! :p
Baby Girl
15-06-2005, 14:59
While in labour with DD2 we only just made it the hospital as she was well and truly crowning and as I was screaming for pain relief of some description the midwife, who I thought was awful at the time, was telling me it was too late and I could "just push the baby out". Well, in my state of mind at the time, I thought this was incredulous - JUST push it out - Honestly!!! So I told her that I would not be pushing until I was given something for the pain!!! She just smiled and said "yes dear" and then my next contraction came and blew that theory out the window!!
I had to giggle to myself afterwards when I actually thought about it, not push indeed - what was I thinking!!
Supermum
06-07-2005, 04:56
At the last stage of my first labour I decided to go on strike. I was tired, hungry, confused, scared and in dire need of some pain relief. (just have to mention that my labour was very fast and nothing compared to some of the stories I've read here but it's all relative at the time)
My obstetrician calmly informed me that I just needed to give him one more good push before he could deliver my little boy.
"No, p1ss off" I said.
"Come on Deb - just a good push, it's not going to be as bad as you think"
These words were enough to send me from calm and controlled into a verbal frenzy.
"Like you'd know" I screamed "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A VAGINA!"
"If you want him that bad, go in and get him yourself".
My husband said the look on our Ob's face was priceless.
My baby boy was born less than a minute later.
Have loved reading all these posts and having a good belly laugh!
Briannabear
06-07-2005, 09:36
This thread has had me laughing so hard!! :D
I didnt really have anything as funny as that happen to me.
The only things that I can think of is:
My DH and I decided to play uno to pass the time while I was in labour. We continued to play until I just couldnt concentrate anymore. The last game that we played I was getting prety out-of-it, and I proceeded to tell my DH exactly what cards I had in my hand! Despite that, I still ended up winning! (I dont think my hubby was game to let me lose!!!). I then got the hysterical giggles, which brought on my contractions harder and faster!
The other thing I remember is that the doctors who performed my emergency caesar spent the whole time cracking jokes + laughing amongst themselves. I'm lying there thinking OH MY GOSH! PAY ATTENTION!!! I was pretty freaked out by that point though!
Keep 'em coming!! :D
Chickadee
06-07-2005, 15:15
The morning I was booked for my caesar I told my hub I wasn't ready to stop being pregnant. He thought this was hilarious but I was serious!
The night before my milk came in one of the midwives gave me a couple of cold cabbage leaves to put in my bra as my boobs were rock hard and hurting. I sent an sms to my hub to tell him. He sent back:
"woohoo, hey baby you look great in red cabbage, how about a swiss chard number? ;) "
Gotta love him! I still have it saved on my mobile.
During crowning of our daughter, the OB was running his fingers around the babies head, stretching out the perineum to make room and my HB leans over to me and says 'don't worry you've got plenty of room!' I think he decided if the OB could get 2 fingers in there we were fine! I'd like to see him do it!
My obbie only just made the delivery of Scarlett in time,...a very quick labour,.thank God! He rushed into the room,.and I had a brief moment of clarity when I announced - in a very loud voice - 'Well Stephen,..you could have at least brushed your hair!",... He was looking very sleepy and still had his jarmies on underneath his jeans!
mummy_to_4
18-07-2005, 21:01
Whilst in labour with the twins (it was a homebirth) my nosey neighbour thought we were having a bit of a domestic - i was quite vocal during labour but didnt think I was that loud. Anyway about 11pm there was a knock on the door and when answered 2 quite young police men where standing there saying that there was a report of a domestic going on and they were here to investigate it. My then husband ushered them into the lounge room where i was sitting in the middle of the floor in the middle of a contraction. They quickly appologiesed and left and apparently where quite red and flushed in the face and quite embarrassed about what they had just seen :eek:
A friend recently jsut gave birth to her 4th child and apparently during transition decided that it wasnt the time or place to give birth and asked if she could go home and come back later (one of her other sons birthday was on that day and she didnt want 2 kids bdays on the same day). When she got told it was too late and that she was going to have this baby any time soon she asked if they could at least stop for a coffee break then as she was in desperate need of a coffee and she would get up and make them. 5 minutes later she was holding her new baby.
red crayon
20-07-2005, 18:11
my moment of embarrassment came post birth. i was in my room having a quiet fart and then I heard a knock at the door. the door opens and in walks an elderly nun! she wanted to offer a prayer for my baby and me. what could I do but agree to the prayer and hope she didn't smell anything :o
i also want to throw in a funny story from one of my work colleagues whose ob didn't turn up until after the birth. apparently he walked in and said, "it's a boy and you need stitches". My friends looked up at him and responded, "No sh*t, Sherlock".
ecomumma
21-07-2005, 12:46
Oh you guys have me in stitches (pardon the pun) :D I am pregnant with number 2 and as I have a planned c/s last time have not experienced labour (although I hope to have a vbac this time) I dont know whether to be more relaxed or petrified by your stories. You have given me a good laugh anyway....thank you :p
Howdy,
I have a couple of stories...
When I had my daughter I was sitting in my hospital talking away when the nurse came in to do opps. When she turned to me and asked me how my stitches were going and then asked if she could see. Now this is fairly normal however, she did not ask my guests to leave, pull the door close or shut the drapes, so there I was bent over the bed with my mother and husband sitting there and I could wave to the gardener outside my window!!! :o
The other was when I was giving birth to my son and the middie I had was telling how beautiful and natural birth was and I replied 'no it's not it f*****g sucks!' and you could here the ob and the two (yes two) students giggle at the door way! :p
When one of my best friens had her son she decided that seeing as we all couldnt be there she would give us a call to update us personally.And i must say the epidural worked wonders because she was chatting away,not even a hint of pain in her voice and just calmly said "sorry guys i have to go i'll call you back,they are telling me to push!!!" needless to say we hung up and found out later that she had the baby within 5 minutes of hanging up!!
Thats the kind of birth i want!!! :D
mummycloud
31-07-2005, 01:58
I've just had the best laugh reading these posts :D
With my second baby, I was told at midnight that I was 2cms dilated and was only in early labor. The midwife told me the doctor would be in to induce me at 9am.
At 9:30am I was contracting one after another, but still thought the doctor was coming to induce. He came in to see me at 9:45am and checked me and I was 9cms. He then broke my waters and she slid down so fast he had to push her head back up so the midwives could get ready to catch her.
I freaked out at the pain of giving birth backwards and kicked him into a bunch of equipment :eek:
Bubs was out 2 minutes later. As soon as she was out, I turned to the midwife and said, well I guess I won't be needing the induction after all!
With my 3rd, I was in transition but the machine to measure contractions wasn't on properly and was showing very mild contractions. The midwife said they weren't strong enough to be real labor pains.
She then walked out of the room and as soon as the door clicked behind her, bubs crowned.
My mum and DH ran out screaming, the baby is being born now!
At that time Skye was born to her shoulders and I was laying across the bed rolling my eyes saying, great, leave me to do it MYSELF why don't you!!!!
The birth of my daughter itself wasn't funny, but the tales from my mother and fiance` the next day were!!! I can't remember parts of it as I was trying very hard to go to sleep!!! Instead of yelling, screaming or swearing - I insisted on repeatedly saying "ow ow ow" and "can't you just pull her out now?".
The midwives and my mother had to keep telling me not to close my legs because the baby's head was out and that I would force her back in - I was insistent that I needed to lie on my side, curled in a ball and go to sleep!!!
Apparently, my midwife, my mother and fiance` were all in hysterics at my very polite manner in the birth suite!!!
Ondine
j&k'smum
16-08-2005, 22:13
I remember the day after my sons birth, I was in a shared room ,chatting away to the girl next to me, breastfeeding (by boobs were HUGE - a far cry from what they are now, gladly). There were a few people walking past the door as it was visiting time, but I noticed this man just full on staring at me the whole time. I thought "what the heck is he looking at "and chatted for a bit longer . I looked down, as I went to change breasts for feeding,( i had been burping) there was my watermelon of a breast just hanging there out for the world to see.! Then it dawned on me what the bloke was looking at!!! :o :)
There I was sitting in bed in my PJ's breastfeeding at 11.30am. The cleaner was hovering outside my room for what seemed like ages. Then at 12.00 noon (the usual lunch time) no lunch turned up, they hadn't restocked my nappy supply, and no nurse had been near me for hours since my last pain killers and blood pressure check at 9.30am.
Next thing, the cleaner came in and asked what time I was actually planning on leaving cos she needed to clean the room and check-out was at 10.00am and it was now 12.30pm.
My answer: "er, I only had a c-section 2 days ago, so Tuesday next week I expect".
Turns out they put the wrong date on my admission form so the computer thought I had gone home and dropped me off all the lists, told them to clean the room out, not feed me etc.
Big apologies all around and they got the kitchen to make me a special lunch. :p
I couldn't stop laughing at all the stories. My experience was like yours willsmum. I had been in hospital for 12 days. And I had said to the cleaners that I was leaving the day before. And lo-and-behold they came in all ready to do a full clean for another patient and there I was b-feeding in bed. (I was wondering at that point what happend to my breakfast as it was 8:30 and breakfast usually came at 7:30am always in time for hubbie to have breaky with bubs and me before he went to work). They said to me you were supposed to be released today and I said that the obny (he was on holidays and his partner was supposed to take over) had released me the previous night but I was waiting for the padeatrician to release bubs. They left and brought me breakfast and told the nurse at the front desk I was still there.
The midwife came in and thought I had gone home too. I told her that I was waiting for my paedetrician and was told he was in theatre and would be told about my release he didnt come till 12pm all apologetic as the original paed (he was not working that day) hadn't told him that he had to discharge bubs so he discharged all the other mum's in the ward and left me there starving to death and all packed and ready to go. I finally left the hospital at 2pm. I didn't even get lunch :p
Also when he came in I was breast feeding on the chair just behind the door (it was next to door and it was behind the door if you closed it) and he came in looked at the bed and looked for me and saw only bags thought I had left and a new person was about to come and nearly left to room and would have if I hadn't said I'm here please release me. He looked very embarrased as i had boobie hanging out and bubs on the other one he couldn't look at me at all.
With both my labours I had my husband , mum and sister with me as support people. The first time during pushing I remember my mum descretely wiping my bottem so that I wouldnt feel embarased that I had soiled myself ( as you do when your birthing). All I remember saying is " gosh it has been a long time since I have had to have my mother wipe my bum"
Pickles
j&k'smum
19-08-2005, 00:54
:D
I am crying here with laughter!! These stories are SOOOOOOOOOO funny.!!!
nemosmum
19-08-2005, 07:47
The birth of our son is all still a little blury, its like I went out on the drink and couldnt remember it all in the morning......this is probably because I had alot of gas during labour!
After my inducement I felt like I needed to really use the bathroom so I went and it wasnt pleasant if you know what I mean, but when I came out of the little toilet there before me were three midwives and the doctor who I just happened to know (I teach their children) :( I was sooo embarrassed
Afterwards my Dh told me I was saying thank you all the time and being really polite I even said I LOVE YOU to the guy who gave me the epidural :p
All I remember was grunting alot and asking if they could see the baby's head. When the midwives told me it would be another hour of pushing I immediatley asked them to suck him out.....they brought the doctor down (who I knew) and she proceeded to try and suck him out which she couldnt coz he had sooo much hair. They eventually used forceps and then took him to the special nursery coz he'd swallowed maconium. Then I spent the next hour with my legs spread and my friend (the doctor) getting my placenta out and stitching me up- the funny thing was all we did was chat about her daughters progress at preschool :p
Hopefully next time I'll get to use my birthing bag (I'd packed, music, incense burner, uno cards, checkers and all sorts of things to entertain me thru the long hours of labour) as my labour only lasted 5 hours and all of that was pain every 40 seconds :eek:
During my very intense labour with DD2 I was demanding an epidural and they were having trouble finding the anaethetist. When he did show up he started to give me the speil about the risks etc. I interrupted and yelled at him "I'm a lawyer, I know the risks - JUST DO IT". My obstetrician was very amused when he heard about this and said he has never heard that one before!
j&k'smum
19-08-2005, 10:18
My first labour was somewhat of a nightmare for me. I opted for the gas and complained after awhile "are sure it's on?". I was convinced they were making me beleive it was! Because bubs got stuck, i had to have an epidural, which to me was fine. "Just get it out! because if you don't ,I am going to DIE!!" I thought to myself. The anesthitist(no doubt incorrect spelling) who came in hadn't done one before, so that was a comforting thought! NOT! There i was signing my walking abilities away, this guy was definately going to put the needle in the wrong spot!!! "just lie on your side and don't move please dear!" Don't move???? Just as he was being instructed where to put it, a contraction came!!! There I was, lying on my side , contracting, with a learner putting needle into my spine, being told "Don't move,don't move", yeah, ok! I grabbed that gas mask and sucked on it for my life!!!! A couple of minutes later, it set in and then I couldn't feel a thing.! At some point about six interns came in to see the floor show.."yeah, come in guys, no worries." I'm suprised there wasn't a fee charged at the door.I just couldn't beleive it. To top all of that off,( yes, there's more) when the doctor came in to do the delivery, he informed me that the woman standing next to himwould be doing the delivery. She had never done one before!!! "WHAT?!". So there she is, holding the 'salad tongs' not sure of which way to hold them, and she was going to pull my baby out??? ah, Hello. (Waving on the bed) "i am not an animal, I am a human being!!" came to mind!!
So, any way it was time to do some pushing. That word was even hard for me to read on a door after that!! Push?, I couldn't feel anything, how did I know what the heck I was pushing."C'mon love, just push" It became like a chant, "push,
push,push!" " I AM PUSHING". I think it was my only vocal outburst for the whole day! I think in the end I just made out I was pushing, !!!
Baby finally came out, and when they took him to the table to check him out, I bacame overwhelmed with pride when I saw a glistening ray of spray go all over the doctor. "thats my boy" He was only in the world a minute a looking out for his mamma already.. lol.
I haven't laughed so hard in ages! I had an emergency c/s for my dd & reading these stories made me feel like I missed out. :(
The timing of my dd birth couldn't have been better. My dh had just had a laser eye op 5 days previously & was at the end of his recovery when my waters broke at 11.30pm. We were so unprepared - I was actually meant to get the baby capsule fitted the next day & I still hadn't finished packing my bag! :confused:
A couple of days after the birth, I told my husband to give our dd some nappy free time. and he did until she promptly decided to pee all over his brand new NHL Hockey jersey which then also dribbled down into his shoes! :D
The problem I had afterwards was that i would just fall into a deep asleep right in the middle of conversations - not good when you've got doctors, lactation consultants etc trying to talk to you about all the important stuff! That was the last time I experienced a nice deep sleep too . . . . . and god how i miss them! :)
Briannabear
22-08-2005, 15:16
You are all so funny!! Im laughing so hard!! :D
During the birth of my daughter I was leaning on a bean bag on the bed sucking on gas. Next thing I know I'm hanging upside down with my partner holding me by my hips, the nurses didn't think to put the rails up on the bed. DP was screaming for help and apparently I was just hanging there laughing hysterically. Not suprisingly beanbags were banned from being on the bed after that.
With my sons labour I was in a position that I could not see what was happening (I had a mirror to watch DDs), the nurses and dr kept commenting on how sweet he looked. So mid contraction I'd had enough of missing out, I stopped pushing and demanded that the enrolled nurse get my camera and take some pics for me. I must admit they're not from my best angle but I treasure them anyway.
Can I just say these posts are brilliant!
I didn't think I'd be laughing about my birth experience this soon but I am a little. I had my first bubs 5 months ago.
Ok so after antenatal classes, I felt quite positive about what to expect. The midwife had told us...when your waters break it doesn't gush out, that only happens in the movies and that when you start to feel your first contractions, relax, go out to lunch, have a glass of wine and get your hair done, make yourself look pretty for this big event! (Honestly she said this) This labour thing can take time with your first. What? I was thinking. Maybe it's not so bad after all...
So ok, I had just moved house at the last minute which probably sent me into labour. I was due in a few weeks. I woke up at 4am unable to sleep, as usual, made myself a cup of hot chocolate, lay back on the sofa that I'd been sleeping on for the past 4 months (having bad back pains and unable to breath on the bed). My cat jumped on top of my stomach (as per usual) I heard a few pops in my stomach and thought whoa! what's that? I was sure something was up. Afraid to move, thinking oh my God, the baby. I whispered to my husband, laying on the sofa bed. I moved and the pool of water came gushing and gushing out...it just wouldn't stop. All I could think was..**** the sofa is ruined and I can't go into labour now, I've not unpacked any of the boxes and the house is a bloody mess!
I called the hospital and they said pop in. I went by cab and although it was the first stage and I had started contractions they read out their standard brochure stating..first pregnancies can take up to 14 hours labour blah blah blah (can't rememeber the exact blurb) so I they sent me home. As I walked in the door the strong contrations came hard and fast and I was swearing like a trooper. I timed them at least 2 mins apart and called the hospital back and in between me having contractions ( this midwife must have been deaf) she was saying...hmmm, just wait a little while. I was screaming down the phone saying I can't cope but she was just not listening and kept saying, we may send you home again! Next thing my hubby calls an ambulance because I didn't think a cabbie would be able to cope with me wailing and screaming. In the ambulance the guy said...umm, I don't think you're going to make it to your hospital, I think I should take you to the nearest one and I said : You get me back to those ******** that sent me home, I don't care if I'm holding the baby!"
love the stories!
mumsy
pregasaurus
10-09-2005, 14:48
The only time I swore during the entire labour was while waiting for the anaesthetist. I was 20 hours into a 36 hour posterior labour and I just snapped and screamed "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, GET ME AN EPIDURAL NOW!!!!!!".
Silly me thought that a woman in more pain than is humanly imaginable might get some prompt service, but apparently I'm not the first woman to have done this, so an hour later of having the gas superglued to my mouth I was getting a little terse as to why no one had come to inject me whith lots of lovely drugs. I completely lost it and started yelling "WHERE THE F**K IS THE F**KING ANAESTHETIST??!!"
My darling husband who is a quiet and reserved man was politely saying "He's standing right outside the door talking to the nurse darling, I probably wouldn't swear about him right now"
"WHAT THE F**K'S HE DOING OUT THERE?? GET HIM IN HERE NOW!!".
After the nice man had numbed the lower part of my body I apparently said "the next baby I'm going to have will be his" and fell asleep.
Imogensmum
14-09-2005, 23:09
Wel i am so glad that i've been doing my pelvic floor exercises i haven't laughed this hard in weeks,
I have a very quick first labour- 4.5 hrs all up and an 8lb 11oz girl.. my little pumba.
All i remember is telling the nurses that they were lying to me, what had i done wrong for them to lie. "One more push sweety you can do it" :mad: I was screaming "but thats what you said an hour ago" turn out i only had a 17min 2nd stage! sure feels a loooootttttt longer.
And when they put my beautiful little lady on my tummy i remember feeling mighty proud at how humongous "his" penis was- needless to say i was shocked when they started to cut it! "He" turned out to be a she- and what a lovely job the doc did on her belly button :) :) :)
I had my partner quite entertained at the start of my labor.
I was induced, so my first contraction was VERY painful and having a very low pain threshold I asked for an epidural, luckily the anaesthetist was only 10 minutes away. But in those very long 10 minutes I was carrying on like i was the only person in the world to experience this kind of pain.
I was told at 1pm that if i was still at 5cm at 3pm, i was going to have a c-section. Come 3pm i'm fully dilated and it was time to push, only problem was they topped up the epi only half an hour before hand!! So i was told when to push, the midwife kept chanted "push, push, push, push, etc...." halfway through pushing I screamed "I AM" which made everyone in the room laugh. I also yelled at DP to shut up for something stupid he saying to me at the time.
But the most amusing thing was when bubs was born, one of the midwives turned to me and said "I thought you were having a girl?" I told her that's what the u/s showed at my 20 week scan, I turned to DP and he threw his hands in the air and said "IT"S A BOY!!!"
Natasha'smum
01-10-2005, 15:54
My story is no were near as funny as some others I have read but i will share anyway.
I was induced with dd and as some of you may know it is full on one minute all is good next you are in full blown labour, I was sitting on the toilet as I was so sure I was going to poo myself at anytime. My ob kept comming in asking me if I was actually doing anything or just sitting there :confused: (don't know why he really cared). Anyway as I was sitting on the toilet sucking in the gas I hear dh go up to the midwife and ask her to "tell me off for having to much gas and not taking a break from using it :mad: . I could not believe he said this as if he could ever imagine how much pain I was in.
Another thing was when I was being preped for my emergency c/s and they were there shaving my pubic hair :o this gorgous young orderly was waiting to put me on the trolley, to make things worse there I was in those lovely back opening hospital gowns with it all hanging out and he could not move me as I had already had the epidural. He needed to call in more orderlys to help roll me onto the trolley.
HI! :)
When I woke up at about 4:30am, 2 weeks before my due date, I thought I could feel something wet, so of course I went to the bathroom and had a gush. I yelled out to my husband that my waters had broken, he mumbled "so" or something like that. I yelled back, "it is all over the floor come and help me". Then he said, "Call a plumber then!" He thought that there was some sort of a plumbing problem. It didn't take him long to come rushing in with a couple of towels once he had come around a bit more. The poor guy had been working too much!!
Ellen
Funkychicken
09-10-2005, 21:25
My husband and I manage a thoroughbred stud and between aug and dec each year we are often up at weird hours watching. observing and/or delivering foals. Just past 37wks preg with babe #2, I was due to stay up from midnight to six but as there was no imminent signs of any mare foaling, I decided to sleep until 3am and get up to check the mares. Trudging through a muddy steep paddock, I felt as though something would soon happen with my own babe. Back to bed for half an hour and my hindwaters starting trickling, along with a show. I tried to wake my husband, who was exceptionally tired from all the night waking to horses, and as he sat up I was trying to explain and all I got from him was "Who's waters broke? Do I have to come and help or can you foal her down?" Needless to say we eventually got the communication going and we were both grateful not to have to atttend to any foalings that night. Instead we were blessed with our beatiful little girl, Ella Jeune, who was born on Oct 29th, 2000, in a birthing centre, not a paddock or stable.
PS The staff also ran a book on what I would have-girl, boy, weight, date etc.
We do this for the mares each year, so that year I was included!
I know that a lot of you have started out by saying that "it wasn't funny at the time, but looking back at it..." but your stories have made me feel heaps better!!
I'm a bit worried about the whole birth thing - seeing this is my first pregnancy - but now I know that you can look back and laugh, it makes thing a whole heap easier.
Thanks muchly for the stories!!
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