I feel left out, will I ever be part of the group

[HelenHasTwins]

Sorry girls I am feeling really down in the dumps tonight.....I know I am not alone here on bubhub with ttc for so long....but

Do you ever feel it will never happen....I feel like I am always the last to do EVERYTHING...

It took me soooo long to find my wonderful DH, I use to cry myself to sleep at night thinking I was going to be single forever, and it was such a long journey to find him....

Now, it feels like I am being punished and have to wait again, for something I want so bad....a baby:crying:

WHY WHY, can't I be the one that falls pregnant so easy.....I feel that I have to work so bloody hard for everything....

I know I am being selfish but I sometimes just feel like I can't keep up the appearance of being strong anymore....my DH is so patient and loving...but I sometimes feel like I am letting him down....

I am really really struggling at the moment, you see I have a relative that is in a same sex relationship, I love her dearly, we are like sisters...anyway she feel pregnant on her first go of IVF with a donor sperm....I am so happy for her and wish her and her partner all the best...but I feel jealousy and resentment creeping up and I do not want to be that person....I know she is finding it hard also, as I have not heard from her much since she got the good news...( I think she is worried how I am feeling)... she has been there for me for the past 4 long years of Dh and I ttc......I just don't know how I will handle it when the bub comes alone, I know I will always put on a good front and would never say anything to her to upset her ever.....

Thanks for listening,( well, reading) I just really needed to get this out before it ate me up inside....

Helen:rain:

[Lyglc]

Sending you :hugs:.
I don't know how you feel as I haven't been through that (and I don't want to pretend to know because it must be incredibly hard for you). With my 3rd child (I am pregnant with this baby at the moment) it took 11 months which seemed to take forever compared to my first 2 kids which it happened very easily. I know when I got pregnant 1st month with my 2nd child, I felt so bad for a good friend as she had been trying to have a baby for a couple of years. I already had one child and I wished it could have been her that got pregnant then rather than me. Even though she was so wonderful and was happy for me I could see her sadness for herself (Although she now has a beautiful 16 month old boy).

Your relative is probably trying to be really sensitive to your feelings and probably doesn't quite know how much to involve you so that it isn't painful for you. If you can, it would probably just be better to talk to her and maybe you can both get your feelings out.

I really hope that you do get pregnant soon. If I could wish it for you I would! It doesn't seem fair that for some people things come along rather easily and for others it seems to be a hard journey.

You sound like you have a wonderful husband and I'm doubt he would feel like you are letting him down - you never know he might be feeling like he is letting you down....Just try to stay strong leaning on each other for strength.

I do think it was a good idea though for you to write this down as sometimes just putting the way you feel in words can really be helpful.

I truly hope that everything works out wonderfully for you and you can have the future that you dream of.

[HelenHasTwins]

Your relative is probably trying to be really sensitive to your feelings and probably doesn't quite know how much to involve you so that it isn't painful for you. If you can, it would probably just be better to talk to her and maybe you can both get your feelings out.


Thank you, your words mean so much :hugs:...you are right, I need to talk to her, she would be trying to be sensitive to my feelings....I have bought her a little present to send to her, because we live in separate towns, to show her I am truly happy for her.....I will ring her when I send it and talk.........

As for me, it is just one of those days:(....some times I am strong and other days I am not so....

[KatiesMum]

Hi Helen

Huge :hugs: hun. It is such a long hard journey, with so many bumps in the road.

I do know how you feel (not so much about the relationship as I was lucky and met DH early) but ttc for such a long time .... I honestly felt like it would never ever happen for me.

My niece got married when we had been ttc for around 3 years, and said to me at her wedding 'oh yes hubby and I will have a baby next year (this was in October)' - and she did!!!! I was absolutely devastated .... not because I wasnt happy for her, I was, just incredibly sad for me. (luckily for me I actually fell pg before she had the baby, so didnt have to deal with that)

I also had a close friend who was at the same place as me ...had endo, did lap etc. I fell pg just before we were both due to start IVF. Telling her I was pg - and being around her during my pregnancy and with DD as a newborn was actually one of the hardest things I have done. She was really happy for me, but obviously distressed for herself ....and it did make it incredibly awkward.

All I can suggest is - talk to your relative - she WILL understand. Talk about how happy you are that she is having a baby ...but how sad you are for you. Talk about your struggles, your journey and let her help you with it. She WILL understand.

and - chin up - you will get pregnant. You will have a beautiful bubby. You will be a great mummy. :D


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Julie
xox

[HelenHasTwins]

:hugs: Julie, you always know just the right thing to say. thank you for your support..............

[thetronalmighty]

I am really really struggling at the moment, you see I have a relative that is in a same sex relationship, I love her dearly, we are like sisters...anyway she feel pregnant on her first go of IVF with a donor sperm....I am so happy for her and wish her and her partner all the best...but I feel jealousy and resentment creeping up and I do not want to be that person....I know she is finding it hard also, as I have not heard from her much since she got the good news...( I think she is worried how I am feeling)... she has been there for me for the past 4 long years of Dh and I ttc......I just don't know how I will handle it when the bub comes alone, I know I will always put on a good front and would never say anything to her to upset her ever.....

My best friend had a baby on the 8th of February, 2 of my friends from school are currently pregnant, and my cousins wife is pregnant with #2, this has all happened since I decided to TTC in August this year. It's not easy, but one day it'll be your turn and people will be jealous of you, I'm sure of it:hugs:

[Baldie's Mum]

:hugs: to you my lovely friend. :hugs: I do know how sucky it is to watch everyone around you fall preg with ease! I am sorry that mother nature is testing you to the max......she really is a horrible b*tch at the best of times.

xoxoxoxox

I hope you feel better soon sweetie. :hugs:

loads of love........and :goodvibes: for you and hubby!

[Baldie's Mum]

you will get pregnant. You will have a beautiful bubby. You will be a great mummy.




Oh julie, i have got the positive affirmations running hot havent i!!!!!!!! i totally agree Helen with Julie. Now you need to affirm to yourself and tell it like you mean it.
:babydust2:I will get pregnant. This year I will get my :bfp: . I will have a beautiful bubby. I will be a great mummy.:babydust2:


:hugs: :goodvibes:

[HelenHasTwins]

Thank you Ains:hugs:....I am going to say this over and over in my head tonight when I am jogging in the rain at boot camp:laughing:, but seriously it is a great idea, I know I need to be more positive, I usually am the positive one always, but something has happened lately....

I WANT POSITIVE HELEN BACK.....

[kittykatz]

:hugs: Helen.

I know how difficult this has been for you and i can feel your pain.

I just know it WILL happen, because we will never give up. And it will be hard and painful and we will have good days and bad days, but can you imagine how wonderful it will feel when it DOES happen? We just have to focus on that feeling.

:fingerscrossed:

[Baldie's Mum]

****Ains shouts across the hub****

"POSITIVE HELEN WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK! WE MISS YOU!!!!!!!!"
:babydust2::goodvibes::smiliedance::flowerz::sunsh ine::babydust2:

[HelenHasTwins]

:laughing::smiliedance::yelclap::iagree:

[kittykatz]

:hugs: It happens to us all. Positive Helen is in there :yes:, she's just having a brief time-out.

[Baldie's Mum]

Its ok helen, i am having a crying day:crying:.......so it is ok that you are down. But you will feel better after you find positive helen and to make sure she never leaves you again do like peter pan did and sew her to your feet like a shadow! So the positivness follows you always!

:hugs:

[meltux]

Helen....:hugs: and :bee: for you! It is terribly hard to deal with this isn't it? It does tear you apart and play with your self esteem something shocking....I would love to hug you right now!!!!:hugs:
I really know how you feel at the moment as I too am going through some serious mind/body issues at the moment! My Dh and I have been together for 8 years and yes it took some toads to get to him! Now we have been ttcing for 4 years and are now with ivf...which hasn't worked for us (yet). It is terribly straining on the both of us.
NOW.....after 5 years of not hearing anything, DH's 13 year old daughter has made contact and is wanting in to our lives....it was a bad time in his life when she was born, he is not on her birth certificate and the last time he saw her was when she was 3. Now in the passed 4 days we have had two phonecalls, so many tears it is not funny, anger, guilt etc etc etc the list goes on! We are strained AGAIn and here I am totally lost because I am not the one to give him a child.....it hurts like crazy.
Sorry to babble on but
HELEN, i am so sorry that you have to go through these feelings too.....I do understand tho!:hugs:

[MEKISS]

Gosh I feel the same, very hard to stay positive when it seems everyone around you seems to be pregnant. I am so sure it is going to be everyone's turn so soon either this month or in my case March. I feel so positive at the moment that it is going to happen for us that I will be bitterly disappointed if I don't see heaps of BFP soon, if not for myself at least for everyone else.

On another note being not so positive I have a SIL (who I had as my bridesmaid, can I please turn back the clock & choose someone else?) is the type of person that just has to try & go one better than me (bigger ring, got married without telling anyone, then wanted another wedding when she got home, building bigger house, you get the idea) that's another reason why I haven't told anyone we're TTC cause I know as soon as she finds out she will start & she'll probably fall straight away (if not preg maybe on her face??? hehe).

WE ARE ALL GOING TO GET BFP IN FEB OR MARCH & WE WILL BE THE BEST MOTHERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!

[TJ]

Oh Helen, it has been such a long jouney for you. There is nothing that I can say that will make it any easier on you.

I can totally sympathize how you are feeling, as you know it took us many ups and downs to fall pregnant as well.

Ill be thinking of you, and sending you positive vibes ok babe xx

[kali]

Oh Helen. Sending you a thousand :hugs::hugs::hugs: I wish I had a magic wand to bring your BFP. Life is simply not fair. Its a long and painful road full of all sorts of mixed up emotions. And then you feel awful for having those feelings... I also had some friends fall when I was going through TTC and IVF and while I was happy for them there was always that feeling of resentment at some level - which I felt so guilty about.

Now I'm in the other position. I have my BFP but my Sister in Law went through three IVF cycles (year before me) and found the whole process so tough that she decided she couldn't cope with more. So my brother and her have decided to remain childless. We've just reached 13 week mark so have been telling friends and family. It was the hardest email I had to write (i'm still overseas) so I chickened out and wrote a group email to all my brothers - thinking once I heard from them I'd say something more personal to brother and SIL. Well that was a week ago and I haven't heard from them so worried that I've just upset them. Its really hard to know how to approach the situation. I feel guilty, and sad for them as I know how they feel. I feel like talking about my pregnancy around them would be inappropriate and don't want to shove it down their throat.

Anyway, I suppose what I'm saying is that I kind of get both sides.

But most of all just wanted to send :hugs: to you Helen. You will get your BFP this coming cycle. I just know it!

[Baldie's Mum]

oh Kali :hugs: to you sweetie. I am so excited for your pregnancy!!! :smiliedance: I am sure your SIL is just getting over the "why not me" time. As you know IVF aint easy......so you know best.....she will come around! :hugs:

:goodvibes: for you and your family!!!!!

[HelenHasTwins]

Thank you Ladies, some days I don't know what I would do without you all....:hugs:

Kali, I hope all goes well with your brother and SIL, I am sure they don't want you to feel guilty, remember your BFP was a long journey too, so please don't feel bad....

TJ : Lovely to hear from you,, thank you for your kind words...

Meltux, you are always there for me, thank you...

Well you will all be happy to hear, I went shopping and did some retail theropy:smiliedance:....So I am feeling a bit more postitive...I have boot camp tonight ( yuk in the rain) so that always makes me feel positive and energized.

THANK YOU....YOU ARE ALL ANGELS...

[KatiesMum]

so glad you are feeling a little better Helen.

And best wishes for boot camp :D

:flowerz: :goodvibes: :flowerz: :goodvibes: :flowerz:

[Livy]

Sending you heaps of big :hugs:

I was lucky enough to fall pregnant after taking clomid, but I do know the feeling. When we were trying everyone around us was falling pregnant so easily and it felt like it would never happen for us.

You have done a great job of staying strong so far - best of luck with your next round of IVF. Hope this is the one as you deserve it so much :yes:

Go the retail therapy - it always does the trick ;)

[HelenHasTwins]

Found out 2 more friends are pregnant last night:laughing:Sorry but I have to laugh or I will cry.....

Isn't life funny sometimes, now they are coming thick and fast.....Oh well I am happy for them...

[Baldie's Mum]

grain of salt helen....water off a ducks back!

laugh baby laugh!!!!!


:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing: :laughing:

[kel262]

Hi Helen,
Im only new, just started my 1st Ivf cycle. Th Things come in 3's (or so they say) so hopefully there will be no more surprises!!!
I hope your feeling a little better, I do know how you feel. I have been TTC for 3ys and my younger sister is now about 28wks pregnant. I think she was scared to tell me at first and when she did all I could do was Cry:crying: down the phone at her!!! But she totally understood and at times I can tell she might be holding back to try not hurt me, But we have talked/cried and it made it much easier as we are very close I dont want it to drive a wedge btwn us. I do wonder how I'll cope when the babe arrives though, hopefully Ill have my own pregnancy to worry about!!!! The toughest thing is dealing with my family this will be the 1st granchild that my parents have been waiting for for 13yrs (since my older sis decided no to have any), next in line was me and sometimes it feels like I've let them down. Enough negative thinking though, ONLY POSITIVE THOUGHTS FROM NOW ON!!!!!

Kel

[Baldie's Mum]

oh the 1st gandkid thing gets me too!!! My BIL had a gf (thank god she is gone) and i am sure the reason i didnt fall on clomid was because he added SO much stress to my life. they didnt use contraception at the best of times because she is a gold digger!!! ( i heard her say she "cant wait to get her hands on the companies money)

I want to have the first grandchild/ren. I want to be that person that announces the LONG awaited BFP....and sometimes it is so scary that it may not happen.

****AINS SHOUTS ACROSS THE HUB****

POSITIVE AINS COME BACK!!!!!!

[HelenHasTwins]

Hi Helen,
Im only new, just started my 1st Ivf cycle. Th Things come in 3's (or so they say) so hopefully there will be no more surprises!!!
I hope your feeling a little better, I do know how you feel. I have been TTC for 3ys and my younger sister is now about 28wks pregnant. I think she was scared to tell me at first and when she did all I could do was Cry:crying: down the phone at her!!! But she totally understood and at times I can tell she might be holding back to try not hurt me, But we have talked/cried and it made it much easier as we are very close I dont want it to drive a wedge btwn us. I do wonder how I'll cope when the babe arrives though, hopefully Ill have my own pregnancy to worry about!!!! The toughest thing is dealing with my family this will be the 1st granchild that my parents have been waiting for for 13yrs (since my older sis decided no to have any), next in line was me and sometimes it feels like I've let them down. Enough negative thinking though, ONLY POSITIVE THOUGHTS FROM NOW ON!!!!!

Kel

Kel,

:hugs: Oh honey, please don't feel like you are letting anyone down.....It would be really be hard in your situation, but it sounds like you have a great sister....I am really proud of you, and thank you so much for sharing your story with me....

Thank you for taking the time to comfort me when you are in the same situation, even harder than me.....

Helen xx

By the way, I see you live in Ipswich, I live in Camira, if you ever feel like having a chat or just need someone to talk to or have a coffee etc, pm me....I am actually going to meet some of the IVF ladies in town next friday from bubhub for lunch....

[Disney Baby]

I WANT TO GIVE THE FIRST GRANDCHILD (for my family) TOO!!!

:babydust2::babydust2::babydust2:

WE WILL GET OUR :bfp: SOON!!!

:fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:


POSITIVE VIBES!!!

[Disney Baby]

1 million :hugs: for you Helen

I feel your pain.

Xx

[garfield84]

Hi there Helen,

:hugs: to you huni.
Dont feel selfish. I know how you feel. Its hard seeing others go by with the things you have dreamt of your entire life. Watching all my friends get married and have families is hard.. Let alone my sister who is due in 5 weeks!
It is a big congratulations to your friend, but I do recommend talking to your friend, it does help with those sneaking feelings that creep up every now and again.
It will happen, you have just got to have faith and know it will be your time when its ready.:fingerscrossed:

I shall say a prayer for you tonight hun.

xoxo Kels xoxo
:angel:

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

Hey garfield, don't know if you noticed Helen's new user name and signature...;)

[HelenHasTwins]

OMG I had forgotten I wrote this post, thank you Garfield for your lovely post....

As Nic said, about my new user name, we have been blessed finally with our own pregnancy, with twins I am now 10 weeks:smiliedance::smiliedance:

[Lyglc]

that's fantastic news - congratulations!!!!!

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

Helen- looks like you will not only be PART of the group, but you will have your own!!
;)
CONGRATS!!

[garfield84]

*lol* thanks for the heads up nic.
After I sent the message I had a double look at the nicknames and realised.. by then it was too late and I couldn't be bothered editing my repsonse. *lol* (I get lazy late at night) *hehe*
But a very big CONGRATULATIONS for you hun!!
Twins are a fantastic and beautiful blessing!! *claps*
Your now apart of the club hun :)
Some day, I shall join you ladies :D