Anyone disappointed in your parents reaction to your newborn?

[lilly]

I was just thinking about this this morning...

When my DD was born, my mother came to visit us in the hospital. She took one look at my DD in the basinet and said, kinda sneeringly, 'gosh! can't say I see any resemblence.' then plonked herself down in the chair on the other side of the room, like, ok, what are we going to talk about now.

then later, when my MIL and FIL arrived and where all over the baby, saying 'she's so beautiful' etc. etc. my mother decided she wanted to hold the baby, and then turned to her partner and said 'gosh, she's so heavy, hurts your arm'.

then she said, kindof miserably 'oh well, who knows what the future holds for this one'

to which I cracked it and said 'what's that supposed to mean!?'

and then my mother looked kind of alarmed and decided it was time for them to leave.

I've been thinking about this experience lately cos my brother just had his first child (my DD was the first grandchild) a boy, who my mother said, when talking to me on the phone, 'was such a dear little thing'. Now he was 9pound 12.

I'm glad that she is happy about my brother's child and maybe now she is more used to the idea of being a grandparent. I also may have been pretty sensitive when she came to visit me, as I hadn't had much sleep. Nonetheless I am disappointed in her initial reaction to DD and I can't help but think that I don't want to go through that again with the birth of number 2.

anyone else had similar experience?

x

[our little treasures]

When our children were born our parents were equally delighted, it's just the following years that I have noticed the comments. Constantly making remarks about the kids in a kind of negative way like pointing out big ears noses that my dd1 is way to old for her age. Totally inappropriate.

[neostudded]

Iam so sorry to hear that :(

I would have been quite hurt aswell.:hugs:

When I had Julius my mother was over the moon, so was my dad and my mother in law.My father in law wasnt excited at all, and keep calling Julius "it" and being nasty on purpose.When he fist saw Julius he said "ITS sleeping, WAKE IT UP, WAKE IT UP...!"...Um yeah.I wasnt expecting that from a man in his mid 40's who had 5 children to say the least.He doesnt like Julius at all, will not hold him smile at himor talk to him, only jokingly says nasty things...:rolleyes:

[justmum]

Well my mother and I fell out over 4 years ago (at my wedding) and she refuses to see us or DS or to acknowledge him at all. I am not really hurt by this - I am more relieved as I wouldn't want her near him making negative comments about him or me or DH to DS.

My Dad wasn't very interested and only saw DS about 8 weeks after he was born and won't hold him or anything. His wife has been lovely though and loves DS to bits. My brother loves him as well and has been loving and supportive.

My MIL and FIL have been wonderful. They adore DS and I love them to bits and wish they were my parents. My entire DH's family has made my mother and father look like a pair of selfish fools. I feel very sorry for them because they are the ones missing out.

So I guess it is a bit disappointing, but I don't care too much. I'd rather no contact at all than negative contact.

[spoon]

Some people are just lousy at being appropriate and pleasent. Like they lack education on things you can and can not say to people who have just had children.

Your mother sounds horrible.

[Queen]

My Mum was wonderful, however my Dad ignored DD never held her, acknowledged her until she was about 9 months:( Its hard, it is:(I feel your pain.:(

[Ana Gram]

Maybe she just isn't a baby person. There are lots of us like that. And this is why I completely avoid going to see people's babies so I am not put on the spot about what I think about them or asked if I want to hold, because I really don't. The best I can come up with is "Yep, it's a baby".

[TKK]

Yr not alone! My mother and I fell out of sorts a few years ago and neither she or my brother have seen nor want to see DD. My father calls every once in a while because his wife said he should "see how the baby is doing". I don't think he's ever called her by her name. Nothing malicious by my father, he's just not that sort of person I guess.

On the flipside, MIL loves DD to bits and my IL in general have been fantastic. Whilst I am so happy that they love DD, it sometimes brings it home that I don't have that sort of support from my side. But then I quickly recheck and be thankful that we have some support and people who do love us!

You certainly can't choose your family so I just make sure to surround myself by friends who are positive, love DD, myself and DH and generally bring good vibes to our life.

[Waiting4girl]

It sounds like your mother is not a happy person herself! I don't think that these comments are about your baby, but about life itself! How could you bring a baby into this world kind of thing.

I was surprised when I had my DD that my mum didn't seem all that interested. I came to the conclusion that she just isn't that maternal. But she is a bit of an unhappy woman at the moment.

[mum23girls]

When my first was born, even though my mother was at the hospital with me, she was still coming to terms with not being able to have more children...so that impacted heavily with my baby. It was like she resented me, and the baby.

Things have changed a bit since then, but they are emotional wounds that will never heal.:(

As for her having a better relationship with my siblings' children when the time comes... I doubt it as well.

[HunterzMummy]

I can completely sympathies with your situation however mine was the MIL, so i can imagine it cuts a hell of a lot deeper when its your own mother i imagine.

My MIL didnt come to the hospital to visit me nor did she give me a card and to this day has still not bought him a present. I arrived at her house when bub was a few weeks old for hubby to pick something up. All the kids and everyone ran out EXCEPT HER.. it blows my mind how grand parents dont give a flying #&*!..... Mind you SHE had a child a few months after i had hunter and i bought her heaps of clothes for bubba and a beautiful card..yet we get nothing..not even a congratulations :( i dont forgive her and i dont think i ever will

However i am tremendously blessed that my parents completely dote over him. He is there world and the apple of there eye..he is very lucky to have such beautiful grandparents :cloud9:

[squiglet]

No we never had that reaction from anyone.
I would have been very offended if that had happened to me though.

I fit helps we have the problem but in reverse. Family are a bit too ott and smothering of my dd. I hate it.
Can't win:confused:

[becca022]

Those comments & indifference to your baby must really hurt a lot.
The only suprising comment we got after DS was born was something DP's granddad said - we knew before he was born that he would have problems & when he was 7 weeks old we took him to the town DP grew up in & his granddad said he was surprised by how good he looks & that he doesn't look like thers anything wrong. I was quite proud of that because he didn't seem like the type that would really are about a baby (plus I think he was secretly proud that DS looked like him at that stage). :goodvibes:

[Baldie's Mum]

I am expecting my mother to be kinda the same.....

when dp and i got engaged i called her (she already knew) and we organised dinner......I knocked at the door she opened it and said in a bored and annoyed voice "so how was your day?" i was like OMG!!!! I got engaged.....how do you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:banghead:

When i told her about IVF she suggested "if you were more feminine maybe your body would work like a womans should!"

my advice. Be surrounded by the people that make you feel AMAZING!!!!!! I surround myself with my in laws! They are wonderful!!!!


:hugs: to you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[Me]

When i told her about IVF she suggested "if you were more feminine maybe your body would work like a womans should!"

OMG hun - I am so sorry to hear that you mum was so insensitive with that comment. :hugs: Maybe time will show her the joy of being a grandparent.

[shanz]

MY MIL didnt make any comments.
But given DS was the first grandchild on both sides we thought they would have given a damn. They asked to be rang when he was born, no matter what time. DH rang and I watched his heart break as he hung up the phone and said "oh she isnt coming up now, she said she will wait til morning." I know it was 2am at this stage, but honestly he actually said "Mum we have had the baby, its a boy. Would you like to come up and see him" I didnt forgive her for a long time. We are over it now,she is the one that missed out and we wanted the grandparents to see him first, because she didnt come straight up half of my friends had seen him before she had. I know now she does love him, is constantly asking to have him. BUT when newborn he didnt seem to be anything special to her.

[neostudded]

When i told her about IVF she suggested "if you were more feminine maybe your body would work like a womans should!"
OMG, how heartless :( :hugs:

[BlessedWithBlue]

My mum and dh's family were thrilled when i had our newest bub but all my grandmother could say was "oh, he looks like C (my dh)" and i was making him a bottle and he started crying and she turned around and said "this one's gonna be a whinger, i can tell already" geez he was 3 days old and hungry of course the poor little bugger is going to cry.
She then a few days later proceeded to buy him pink and purple outfits that were actually very girly and then insisted it was red and i should let him wear it. She was very disappointed he is a boy as i have four other boys but to us he is another precious blessing to add to our family and we could care less what his gender is. She is constantly cracking nasty remarks about how much she hates his name and how "weird" and "strange" it is:mad:

[lilly]

When i told her about IVF she suggested "if you were more feminine maybe your body would work like a womans should!"


Oh ains, I can't believe your mother said that. Talk about offensive. That's the kind of statement that scars.

My mother has said some doozies too, like the time I was 17 and my gyno said I needed an operation for endometriosis - when I told my mother she said sarcastically 'well you would, wouldn't you!' like it was my fault!

x

[Baldie's Mum]

why oh why must some people be so heartless!!! To my mum this was a practicle solution!?!?!?!?!?!? :confused: I felt like turning around and asking her to go and buy me a f*cking tutu!!!!! :laughing:

I wont be telling my mum much more and even when we get our BFP (which we will first go) it wont be over the top. I will just say I'm pregnant. But with my MIL, she will be that excited that she will probably wet her pants. I am planning something so very special for her and FIL! :thumbsup:


:babydust2:I will surround myself with positivity!:babydust2:

[tobmac]

with my first dd1 (first grandkid either side) i had my mil and sil in my room waiting for me when i got out of theatre:confused:............thats was fun drugged up half naked and i wanted to see more of my bub but they were all there atleast the midwive gave me my baby and stayed to make sure i kept her to myself or awhile :laughing: with ds1 (5 yr age gap) everyone was ok again mil there but midwives told her to wait 20 min as they wanted to see me about something, then the midwive turned to me after mil left and said i thought you should have time by yourself and we will wash you now so it will take longer :laughing: (anothe c/sect) and with dd2 everyone was ok come up in a day or 2 some family never came to the hosp only when i got home but what nerved me was the comments on "i hope this is the last?, when is the snip happening etc" i was like well they are my kids ill have how many i want..........my mother didnt want to know about the last one and now she realized the big mistake she made as when the kids get older they want to know who came and saw them etc and i willbe saying the truth...................................


as regard to that feminine comment i think i would have b***h slapped her mother or not :mad:

[2littleprincesses]

Not really their reaction to my newborns, just now that they're older.

My parents never ring, I'm always the one ringing them, but once every 2 months they'll ring and ask if we're home so they can see "the girls", then dad constantly looks at his watch in between snoozes on the lounge.

My FIL said to DH that it's a shame I didn't have a boy, and he was lucky that he had 2 boys. Then he also said that he had nothing keeping him "here" and moved from Wollongong to Port Hedland. He always referred to them as "the grandkids" never their names. That really bugged me. But now we haven't heard from him for 12 months although he does return to see the rest of his family every few months. He also came back for Christmas and 2 weeks later DH's aunt rang telling us that he'd rang a few times with no answer and stopped by a few times but we weren't home. Trouble with that is I do all my Christmas shopping early and then only have to duck out quickly in the week before Christmas for groceries, so I was home basically the whole time, and we also have an answering machine, but no messages.

My girls arethe only grandkids he'll ever know because his other son and daughter want nothing to do with him, so it's his loss.

I could keep on about him all day . . . . .

[millymel]

i cant imagine how horrible and hurt you would have felt .. all our family were over the moon with the births of my daughhters .. and I am sure my mother who is deceased would have been too especially cause my first daughters middle name is after her
:hugs: for you