How to tell DD about her father

[Melissa1983]

i need some advise. I rang the adoption place and they sent me information. but it doesn't relate to what situation i am in...
here is the the story:

When i was 19, i had a one night stand with a guy i knew for 3 years... anyway i fell with Mikayla. He didn't want anything to do with her, and still doesn't, but i think she has the right to know who her father is. At the moment she thinks ex-DH is her father. Her natural father isn't on the birth certificate or anything.

Has anyone ever had to tell there DD or DS that the father figure in there life isn't there real dad??? And what is the best age to tell her about it??

Thank you

[the_queen]

I don't have any direct experience with this issue. But it must be so tough for you, I think you deserve a big :hugs: .
I do have a friend who was told as a teenager, that her mum's husband (who she'd always thought was her dad) was actually her step-dad. It was tough for her, she felt like she'd been lied to her whole life, and it gave her a bit of an mini identity-crisis. She says she wished she'd been told as a little girl.
But of course every family is different, that's just one experience.
Good luck with your decision, it certainly is a tough one :hugs:

[Baby Girl]

I grew up in a situation very similar to your DD. PM me if you would like to now how my mum, dad (so-to-speak) and I dealt with it - it is a bit of a long story to explain!! So just quickly,

It can be done with no real problems, I don't know my biological father and am happy not to. My step dad has always been my father and he always will be in my eyes and his. My parents were very open about it when I was old enough to understand. If you and your DH (ex) are happy to keep going the way it is for now, then I would wait until she is a fair bit older as at her age now she won't understand. Be honest with her as much as possible but obviously it depends on her understanding of reproduction as to how much she will really get it as at the moment Dad is just a person not a sperm carrier - IYKWIM (sorry coudn't think of a nice way to put it :thumbsdown:)

[Melissa1983]

[QUOTE=schmell]I grew up in a situation very similar to your DD. PM me if you would like to now how my mum, dad (so-to-speak) and I dealt with it - it is a bit of a long story to explain!! So just quickly,
QUOTE]


That would be great thanks schmell...

[Veritas]

Hi,

I also grew up in a very similar situation... My mum told me when I was about 8 that her ex, my sisters father, was not my father... and a little about the circumstances, that they were both young etc, and that he did not want to be a dad...

Mum never gave me the assistance to find him when I was younger and curious, and in a way I resent her a little for not offering, when she gave that help to my younger sister, however now I am older I see that I have made myself the person I am today, and he does not deserve to know me if he never considered contacting me.

Unfortunately I may have to face the same situation with my unborn little girl, as it is not looking promising that her father wants to be in the picture... but such is life...

I would definitely tell her when she is younger, but in a context that suits her age, I would definitely have resented mum more had she waited til I was older...