Presents or Money?

[Ryan Jones]

First off....sorry if this post is in the wrong place but I didn't really know where to put it.

I just found out a few days ago that I was about to become an Uncle for the first time. The baby is due in July and I'd like to buy my brother/SIL some new things for the baby.

They aren't millionaires and I don't think they have a lot of savings to put towards their new baby which I think came as a surprise.

I've been googling prams & cots etc... for the past couple of days and have come across these three items.

http://www.2cute4kids.com.au/p/298088/Bugaboo-Cameleon.html

(I would also be looking at getting some of the accessories that come with this.....any help would be appreciated)

http://www.2cute4kids.com.au/p/223292/boori-4-in-1-forever-cot.html

http://www.babiesgalore.com.au/view_product_new.php?productid=2676&returnUrl2=%2Fshow_product_search.php%3Fsearchtype %3Dcategory%26categoryid%3D42


They seem to pretty popular according to search results/baby forums, but I was wondering if it's a good idea to go ahead and buy them?

My gf thinks I'm nuts and says that buying these type of items is very much a personal thing (for the new parents) and that I should just give them the cash (3K) instead.

However, I'd much rather buy them some presents than just handing over cash.

Are buying those type of things as presents a no-no? Thoughts?

Thankyou

[neostudded]

Firstly congrats on becoming an uncle :)

Have you tryed asking them what they have for the baby so far?

Even if they arent rich they might already have some stuff.Id also rather actually buy them something rather then just give them the cash.Maybe ask them what they dont have yet for the baby that you could buy and just show them the items just before you buy them to see if they like them or not?

Also from what ive heard the pram you posted is very popular :yes:.

Another item that I reccomend is the "egro-baby carrier".

I just wanted to let you know I was getting just under 100 dollars a week when I was pregnant with my baby, and it was such a struggle getting everything ready.I really think I would have been very grateful if my family member helped me out so much.

edit-to-add, another suggestion is telling your brother and SIL to pick out 3 k worth of baby stuff and you could buy it for them.

[Ryan Jones]

Firstly congrats on becoming an uncle :)

Have you tryed asking them what they have for the baby so far?

Thanks. I think I'm just as excited as my brother. :)

I don't think they've bought much so far as they are waiting to find out whether it's a boy or girl.....they find out on Tuesday.

They will also have to buy most of the clothes etc... because none of my SIL's siblings have had children either. It will be the first child for both families.


Also from what ive heard the pram you posted is very popular :yes:.

Apparently. There are a lot of threads about that pram.


Another item that I reccomend is the "egro-baby carrier".

I have no idea what that is. I'll have to look into it.


Also I was getting just under 100 dollars a week when I was pregnant with my baby, and it was such a struggle getting everything ready.I really think I would have been very grateful if my family member helped me out so much.

Yeah as I said, I think this has come as a pretty big shock to both of them and I'd like to help out as I'm doing ok and they are struggling a little.

Thanks for your help

[Tam-I-Am]

I personally would be really hesitant to buy such things - even for a family member. Buying your child's nursery furniture is such a personal, and special thing, its such a time of bonding - and although I can see from your post you're really well-intentioned (and excited!) my personal advice would be to either a) gift them with the money or b) take them shopping yourself - so THEY get to chose the things that are bought for their baby.

Also, I do see that the items you have chosen are kind of the 'best of the best' - which is lovely - but also somewhat unnecessary. I know people who SWEAR by bugaboos and Booris, but likewise, people who really don't like them at all. Again, different people want different things from their baby products...so you might be totally off the mark with regard to what they want.

I do also kind of think that if they're stuggling, and you can get a VERY decent pram for, say $500 - spending $1500 on such an item might be a bit of overkill - and the other $1000 might be better spend on, for example, giving them a bit of breathing room with regard to their mortgage/rent etc.

I think that its such a lovely idea that you're thinking of - and really, it sounds like you're just so excited to be becoming an uncle, which is just lovely - but perhaps you could have a better chat to your bro and SIL and see what they really need and want, offer to do it a bit of a different way, etc before committing to buying such big, expensive, and personal-choice items :)

Please feel free to ignore this - its IS only my opinion, and not intended to come across as criticism at all. :)

[neostudded]

Hey again :wave:

I love the wooden boori cot, the cot is just divine LOL.Ive being eyeing that cot off for three year's, and iam sure iam not alone!!!

[Ryan Jones]

Buying your child's nursery furniture is such a personal, and special thing, its such a time of bonding

Yeah that's pretty much what my gf has been telling me. I thought I'd get a 2nd opinion here because I don't want to step on any toes.


a) gift them with the money or b) take them shopping yourself - so THEY get to chose the things that are bought for their baby.

This is the hard part. My brother is a very proud person and has refused money from me in the past to help out with the mortgage etc...

That's why I was hoping to give them some gifts, so my brother couldn't refuse them. ;)


Also, I do see that the items you have chosen are kind of the 'best of the best' - which is lovely - but also somewhat unnecessary. I know people who SWEAR by bugaboos and Booris, but likewise, people who really don't like them at all. Again, different people want different things from their baby products...so you might be totally off the mark with regard to what they want.

Three days ago I wouldn't have had a clue what a 'bugaboo' was. I don't know if they are the 'best of the best'......I was just trying to find something that was universally popular.

However, you are right in saying I might be way off the mark. Apparently they come in all different colours, so I wouldn't want to guess at the right one.


I do also kind of think that if they're stuggling, and you can get a VERY decent pram for, say $500 - spending $1500 on such an item might be a bit of overkill - and the other $1000 might be better spend on, for example, giving them a bit of breathing room with regard to their mortgage/rent etc.

See above. He won't accept any help with mortgage etc...


but perhaps you could have a better chat to your bro and SIL and see what they really need and want, offer to do it a bit of a different way, etc before committing to buying such big, expensive, and personal-choice items :)


Will do. I think it's probably best if I leave the buying up to the parents. I just have to find a way of giving them the money without also offending them.



Please feel free to ignore this - its IS only my opinion, and not intended to come across as criticism at all. :)

None taken.....some great advice....thanks. :)

[Ryan Jones]

Hey again :wave:

I love the wooden boori cot, the cot is just divine LOL.Ive being eyeing that cot off for three year's, and iam sure iam not alone!!!


Yeah I definitely like the look of that and it will be on my 'too buy list' as well when we have our first child.

[Jenko]

What about a gift voucher for a baby store like Babies Galore. Your brother may be more willing to accept a gift voucher than cash.

[InSaneOne]

just ask them - what can i get you for the baby - it won't hurt them in a month or so you can either take them shopping or gift them a voucher (if they won't accept money)


me personally - i would just take them shopping. tell them that you want to help out and buy some of the larger items for the new baby as a gift to them. let them know you are kinda clueless and want them to help picking out the items.

[mum1986]

What about a gift voucher for a baby store like Babies Galore. Your brother may be more willing to accept a gift voucher than cash.
i really like that idea. i would go with that. even if you get different vouchers for diferent stores (such as baby stores but also target coles(for some groceries) and myer, etc) then attach them to a small pot plant that way it shows that you care enough and are excited enough to put the thought and effort into the gift without stepping on any toes or buying the wrong thing.
p.s congrats on becoming an uncle.

[our little treasures]

first of all

:babydust2:Congrats on becoming an Uncle to be:babydust2:

Now honestly I think the others are right in that they don't need all that money spent on the best pram. I have a fantastic pram and it was less than $200.

I also can understand your dilemma with your brother not taking money, I wouldn't if it was me.

Maybe get your GF to throw a baby shower for your SIL and that way everyone invited will bring a gift and whatever you decide will be a baby shower gift not a handout.

Maybe you could even just state it isn't for you but for my niece or nephew.

3k is enough to set the whole nursery up and have packs of nappies etc for the first months.

You could go 'looking' with them and then see what they have really looked at and go from there.

You and your brother must be very close for you to be doing all this for them. You sound like you would make a great daddy one day:yes:

[neostudded]

I agree you do sound like you will make a great dad :D :thumbsup:

[our little treasures]

How did you go with your decision?

[shed]

Congratulations!

Now, as much as I would love a bugaboo and will probably get one for my next baby, I don't think I would want someone to buy it for me. I think I would rather go and pick my baby's pram out for myself. Its a bit of a milestone moment for most pregnant couples.

As for the cot, the big decision in cots is wood or white? So you need to find out what colour they want. I really wanted a white cot so if someone had bought me a wooden one, although I would have been grateful, I would have always hankered for the white one which I chose myself. So you will need to find that out. I also preferred the more simple Sunbury cot to the Boori ones because I wanted my son to have a car bed instead of a cot that converts into a toddler bed.

The portacot is lovely but I have never used mine in the whole 18 months I have been a mother. Except to chuck toys in. If I had my time again I wouldn't even bother with it.

I think you should buy them a voucher from a baby shop. They have to accept it coz you would have already paid for it, and that way they can choose their own stuff.

You are very sweet and this is one lucky baby!!

[Manxie]

Hi

I agree that you shouldnt go out and buy these things. I really wanted to buy all the things for my firstborn myself and would have been quite put out if my inlaws had gone out and bought a whole load of stuff without consulting me. Irrational I know but us pregnant ladies are a hormonal and tricky to deal with:laughing:

I like the idea of a voucher best.

Even if you say to your brother that you want to buy them a pram or cot they still might find it awkward. My My BIL & SIL wanted to buy something for us for dd. I found it quite awkward knowing what price range to look at and ended up with something much cheaper than I would have bought if it had been with my own money.

I can also highly recommend giving money towards a cleaner for a few months after the birth:D My sister did this for me and it was the best present ever. Have a look at the bubhub directory there are some great organisations that will help out new mums, cleaning, food preparation, meal delivery etc if you want something different.

[Ryan Jones]

How did you go with your decision?

After a lot of "I told you so's" from my gf after reading this thread, I've decided to try and take them shopping next weekend, and if that doesn't work, I'll just have to give them some vouchers. :)

I don't really know my SIL that well, so it makes it hard. My brother met and married her in WA a few years ago, and they have only just moved back to QLD a couple of weeks ago. I've probably only met her 4-5 times, so I don't really know how she would react to my offer of some help.

Anyway, I figure a days shopping will be a way to get to know her better and hopefully everything goes well. I have a feeling I won't be able to get them all the things I want, but hopefully I'll be able to talk them into at least one big thing whether it be a pram, cot etc...

Wish me luck


p.s. I also like that cleaning service idea.....will have to look into that.

[Manxie]

After a lot of "I told you so's" from my gf after reading this thread, I've decided to try and take them shopping next weekend, and if that doesn't work, I'll just have to give them some vouchers. :)

I don't really know my SIL that well, so it makes it hard. My brother met and married her in WA a few years ago, and they have only just moved back to QLD a couple of weeks ago. I've probably only met her 4-5 times, so I don't really know how she would react to my offer of some help.

Anyway, I figure a days shopping will be a way to get to know her better and hopefully everything goes well. I have a feeling I won't be able to get them all the things I want, but hopefully I'll be able to talk them into at least one big thing whether it be a pram, cot etc...

Wish me luck


p.s. I also like that cleaning service idea.....will have to look into that.

Good luck. Can I suggest that you give them some idea of what you want to spend so they know what price range of things to look at. Or even let them know what brands you have seen so they get a feel for how much you are thinking of spending.

You dont want to adopt another sister in law do you? I'm not nearly as sensative this time around and will happily put my hand out for contributions:laughing:

[Ryan Jones]

Good luck. Can I suggest that you give them some idea of what you want to spend so they know what price range of things to look at. Or even let them know what brands you have seen so they get a feel for how much you are thinking of spending.

Good idea. I'll print out some copies from those websites and take them with me.


You dont want to adopt another sister in law do you? I'm not nearly as sensative this time around and will happily put my hand out for contributions:laughing:

I already have three SIL's, so I guess another one wouldn't hurt. ;)

[Moops]

Sorry to throw a spanner in the works but I reckon they would really appreciate getting a gift like a bugaboo that they wouldn't be able to afford on their own, I would go for a neutral colour and they can always swap for another colour.

I think if u took them out shopping they also wouldn't feel comfortable telling u what they want, I think they are very lucky to have a generous uncle to be like yourself!

[Chookster]

Just to put in my 2c worth, I agree with Moops.

There is NO WAY I would ask for a gift or tell anyone what I would like (my MIL asks me what I want every Birthday and so I end up with nothing!) but I would appreciate a lovely surprise, no matter how big or small.

Giving a gift shows how excited and happy you are for them, and buying something practical is also going to help them out financially. Even though you are thinking of spending a lot of money, it's still about the thought and wanting to help them.

While every new Mum wants to buy things for their baby, I was grateful to receive gifts (& hand-me-downs!) for my baby.

It sounds like they wouldn't be comfortable with cash or telling you what to buy. Shopping with them is a great way to get an idea of what kind of things they are looking for. Maybe they will set up a gift registry??

There are so many ways to help - it depends how much they are struggling. If they are desperate, anything you do will help, if they are doing it a little bit tough but not too bad, maybe the one thing they would love is a bit of luxury!

What about a new digital video camera to capture every precious moment?? This isn't something that is important for the Mum to buy (in my opinion) but will get lots of use with a new baby in the house (and for a few years to come too!)

Sorry for raving on, I could give you a million ideas - I'm very good at spending other people's money!!!

Good luck, these are just my ideas. Whatever you get will be a great gift and very much appreciated, I'm sure.

[Rachael]

You sounds like a lovely person! Congratulations on the soon to be unclehood!

I agree that big purchases are a thing that couples like to do themselves. I think the shopping day is a good idea, let them know what sort of budget you have.

Boori cots are great, we bought one for our son and he loves it! Really good quality too.

We are buying a bugaboo for the next bub, defintely a good looking pram. We bought a steelcraft one for Bradley and that is a good one too.

Goodluck, let us know how it goes please :)

[mum2nv]

Congrats uncle to be. Vouchers, definately vouchers would be ideal!.

Prams are a hard choice even for the parents you have to consider the size of the car, the weight of the pram, etc Same with the cot , the size of the room and just their personal taste is just that - really personal.

But a voucher is the best of all worlds, technically you would have given the gift but they get to personally choose it. Suggest thats the best options Babies Galore, Target, Myer...all great for baby products of all budgets

Good luck:thumbsup: