Advice please- who have u told

[MEKISS]

Hi All

DH & I have been ttc for past 10 months & so far the only person we have told is my bf & that was only like last month. I would love to be able to tell my Mum but unfortunately she is a bit of a blab ( well maybe a big blab). DH & I want it to be a surprise when it does eventually happen & that is why we don't want everyone to know we are ttc. Plus I feel that I will find it hard to talk to her about it as she never had any trouble conceiving me or my brother, when they were ready they tried & a couple of months later there was a bun in the oven. You should be able to trust your parents with your secrets shouldn't you, but I know for a fact my Mum used to read my diaries when I was living at home & then go & tell Dad or my brother what was in there. The hard things is we are really close, maybe that's the trouble she's too close now & still can't see me as all grown up with my own little family (me & DH & fur babies). Plus she just doesn't listen, I was talking to her the other day & she wasn't even looking at me while I was talking & just saying yeah here & there. I love her but God is she frustrating!! :hair:

[mila]

hi there mekiss,

well i think you have done the right thing here. i have made them mistake of letting my family know we are ttc no 2. ever since then they ask me every time i speak to them "are you pregnant yet?". it is quite frustrating. we got preg with our 1st straight away, but as everyone knows this is not always the case 2nd time round. i feel like i am ment to perform some how. i know we will get preg but it will be when my body is ready. i had an early M/C last month and told my mum and mother in law that i was preg. i was so worried about my mother in law telling everyone because like your mum she is a big blab!! i still have my suspiscions about who she told but i guess i have just learnt my lesson now and will hang out till i am further down the track next time. its hard because it is a big decision to TTC but not one we can always share. i hope you get your BFP soon and can suprise the pants of your mum!!

good luck and see you round the TTC threads

[MEKISS]

Thanks for that Mila, who should just walk in just before, Mum. I am going shopping this arvo & I'm trying so hard to be good & not buy a HPT, AF due today or tomorrow.

[Nomsie]

Hi Mekiss,

I have told 3 of my cloesest friends that we are TTC, and that's it. Sometimes it's hard not to tell people, but I prefer it that way. Until people start to TTC themselves, there is a consensus that once you start trying, you will fall pg within three months. NOT TRUE! Arghhh! :hair: If only! And then there are the people who further that myth along by abiding by those rules- they start trying and fall pg straight away! Personally, I think we just don't need the extra hassle.
If your Mum gives you **** about not telling her, just say you wanted it to be a surprise! :)

[Cheeky Seven]

Hi Mekiss,
Totally understand your frustration! I think it is so hard to decide who you tell. At the moment i have told all of my closest g'friends but not my mum (and dad) or DH mum & dad for the many reasons you have listed above: Wanting it to be a surprise, their lack of understanding about infertility and the BIG one - them telling everyone your business!

I nearly told mum before xmas but then i thought - no way, she will tell nanna who will tell my aunties & big snowball everyone knows and then everyone sits around the xmas table throwing you "pity" looks - no thanks.

Good luck!

[kazcooke]

I must be the odd one out!! Everybody knows about my TTC. My family, work, friends and even the neighbours!!! :ecomcity:
I'm pretty open about it after over 2 and a half years of TTC. I have found it good as everyone is so supportive and knows whats wrong if I'm having a tearing day.
Since I 'came' out one of the other girls has also revealled she trying with PCOS. Its good to have someone else at work to ***** to, when someone else announces they're pregnant after trying for a short while. Don't get me wrong we are happy for them just green with jealousy. :yes:

[Baldie's Mum]

Most people know we are ttc but that is cause we are going through IVF......so its good to have so many people aware of the stress that comes with it! my mum was the last person i told though cause she is sooooo insensitive and hard to get through to!!!! :banghead: She says things like "find the godess inside you and you will probably start getting your period" Or "wear some more pink, and stop being so aggressive....maybe thats why you arent concieving" or my favorite..."why are you going through ivf, your probably just being impatient! God Ainsley start being more patient i feel so sorry for josh" (dh)

LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!

But you tell who you will think will give you the best support!

:hugs:

[delirium]

We ttc for 4 years with our first child. All our friends and family knew. Frankly I got tired of the "are you pregnant yet?" comments too; and if I had a dollar for every piece of advice I was given that we must be doing it at the wrong time, I mustn't be eating properly, the stress of my job was causing our infertility... blah, blah blah, I'd be a millionaire. Everyone has an opinion to what you are doing 'wrong'. :banghead::mad: I think they are well meaning, but made me feel even worse, and like I was being 'timed' by everyone.

In hindsight I wished we had told no one. It would of made our painful journey a little easier imo.

[kas3]

We didn't tell anyone we were ttcing the first time. Then we miscarried. Now I feel like everyone is "holding their breath", IYKWIM.

regards
kas

[KatiesMum]

I didnt tell anyone first time around ....and it took 4 years!!!!! Was very very hard - but I just couldnt talk about it with anyone .... not necessarily becuase they wouldnt understand ...but just because I couldnt talk about it, or my fears that it would never happen. I was definately not ready to deal with infertility and talking about it made it real IYKWIM

This time around we told my sister and a couple of friends who were also ttc ..... but have now told my family and more friends as we are doing IVF.

It is a hard decision no matter what you do.

Good luck

[honeydew]

Well pretty much everyone knows we are TTC and I sort of wish they didn't. You get all the 'just relax' and 'have a night out and get drunk' comments that just make you want to bash them.

At first we didn't tell anyone but I had a very early m/c and we told close friends and family mostly for support. So from then on everyone figured out that we were TTC.

That is a hard situation to be in with your mum. My mum means well, bless her, but she just does not get it :no: She conceived each of us 4 kids effortlessly- one month of TTC with me, my sister & my youngest brother and then my other brother was conceived while she was attempting the billings method of contraception but really had no idea what she was doing :rolleyes: My Nan also doesn't understand- she conceived her son by accident and my mum was conceived by trying literally once. My father also doesn't understand because with his new wife they conceived within weeks of a vas reversal.

Out of all of my friends who are pregnant or who have recently had children, only one of them struggled with fertility problems and I don't really see her anymore anyway because they moved away.

It is such a hard time to go through and while it's great to have the support of friends, TTC can be a very lonely journey.

[giveitago]

You get all the 'just relax' and 'have a night out and get drunk' comments that just make you want to bash them.

:laughing: I'm sure alot of people feel the exact same way.

No one in the real world knows we are TTC for that exact reason. I have listened all too often to the advice that is dished out to others who we all kknow are ttc.

Only people in bubhub land know we are trying.

I would LOVE to tell my mum, but I couldn't deal with her monthly disappointment as well as my own.

[megaminz]

pretty much everyone knows we are TTC. we were gonna keep it a secret but DH was so excited and told so many people we had to tell everyone in case they heard it somewhere else and it all would get messy.

the thing that i get every month is i can just feel that i am not utd...and for some reason at the moment I am okay with it..but then i get people saying "dont be upset, its okay it will be your turn soon" when I get af, and I say I am not upset, I knew I wasnt...but they go on about it.

I can be disappointed but do I really have to fall apart every month???

[MEKISS]

Thanks for that, glad to see most feel the same way I do. It is very hard though isn't it, as your'e pretty excited that you have made the decision to start ttc but you are glad you haven't said anything cause it seems to be taking so bloomin long to happen!!!!!!!
:mad:

[singa06]

We didn't tell anyone we were ttcing the first time. Then we miscarried. Now I feel like everyone is "holding their breath", IYKWIM.

regards
kas


OMG same for us! We m/c in July 07, now EVERYONE (family and friends) waits for the "Guess what...?" whenever we speak (well it feels like they are thinking that!)
I told my mum that we are changing gynos. Most of my cousins/friends know that we are trying. Only 1 lady at work knows because she was the shoulder I cried on the day after the m/c.

[misspeta]

I am telling everyone! My family and friends live in Sydney and I am in Melbourne, so I feel I need the support. And once you tell, soooo many stories emerge about people trying to concieve and having dramas! I feel like I have company. It also explains why I am not drinking when I used to be such a ****head, so to speak.

[kittykatz]

All of our friends know, and my parents and Dh's parents. We have told them because of several reasons, but mostly because we've had 2 miscarriages and have needed the support.

Also, we have been together for nearly 12 years and married for 7. It began getting hurtful with all the "when are you having kids" comments and sometimes we just couldn't keep up the "when we're ready" or "maybe next year" replies.

As with most of us bhubber, it doesn't stop the "relax" comments.

[Swizzle]

The only people that know we are TTC are our medical practitioners.
I think many people assume we are, but they all thought we'd be pg straight after our wedding 15 months ago, so they're still waiting!
DH & I decided it would be our little secret, (mainly cos our parents will be too judgemental at this stage) but due to health problems, it may take a while & I think I may end up needing to talk to people about it.

I think if you don't want everyone knowing, it's best to keep it too yourselves for now, but it's totally up to how much you want to talk about it with your mum.

[springbride]

I told my 3 sisters, bestie and my Mum. I kinda wish I didn't tell anyone though because we keep getting the whole 'Are you pregnant yet?' 'It'll happen when the time is right' and 'Just don't think about it'.
Now I hate the 'Just dont think about it' line, as people dont realise how much I think about getting pregnant. It's almost impossible not to think about having a baby.:(

[mrmumfie]

We're about to start ttc this month and I've told my bosses, dr n my mum- who then told most of my family :thumbsdown:

I only told my bosses because someone at work left n i didn't want to get extra responsibilities and pressure if i was planning to start a family and leave work. I know it could be far off but my I know what my bosses are like n I had to get in early!

Although - when it happens, i don't think i'll be in a hurry to tell anyone straight away

[MEKISS]

I ended up having a chat with Mum on the weekend while we were stuck in a car together for 6 hours. I never told her that we are actually TTC but I did say that it will happen when we are ready. She kept on saying that we will have no trouble it only took her a month to fall with me & it is the most amazing feeling in the world when the baby gets handed to you. I'm gonna love that feeling when it finally happens, but I am glad I haven't told her as she really has no idea what some people go through & I'm sure when she got home she told Dad what we had been talking about. The only people I want to talk about babies with is you guys & my hubby.

I AM GOING TO FALL PREG THIS IN MARCH & OUR BABY WILL BE DUE IN DEC (LIKE ME):fingerscrossed:

[mrmumfie]

I AM GOING TO FALL PREG THIS IN MARCH & OUR BABY WILL BE DUE IN DEC (LIKE ME):fingerscrossed:

Good luck Mekiss! :fingerscrossed:

[MEKISS]

Thanks

I just said to DH that I reckon it's going to happen this month especially since we said we didn't really want a baby born in December. He said joking "No maybe we should stop this month, I don't want our baby born in December". But we will be very happy no matter when it finally happens. I was born in December & when you are younger it just seems to take forever to get to your birthday & because Xmas is so close it seems to go really quick when it comes & some people get so caught up in a the Chrissy stuff they forget ur birthday or when you are at school it's end of term & it gets hard to organise a party. Now I'm older I love it, I'm basically a year younger than most of my friends & everyone is in such a good mood because Xmas (especially hols) is close & there are heaps of parties happening.

JUST PLEASE LET IT HAPPEN THIS CYCLE