i cant do this

[k&Hmum]

i have a nearly 3 yr old who doesnt talk, she has a few words in her vocabulary but she never uses them, all she does is scream. i cant toilet train her because she doesnt seem to understand. she will sit on the potty till she has to go then get up and pee on the floor. she hits me when i try to teach her things like songs etc, she doesnt listen just does such naughty things.

i dunno if i can keep doing this. im all alone because DF works long hours and when he is at home he sits on the computer and blocks everything out. i got a referral to a paediatrician but it will cost me $180 and i dont have that kinda money. i have no family and barely know anyone where i live and i just dont know where to turn. i feel like im slowly going insane and as much as i love DD im getting to a point where i regret having kids and i dont want to be that person but i just dont know what to do, its just so hard being screamed at 24/7. I know i sound selfish and horrible but i just feel like ive reached my limits on all i can take. :banghead:

[poshBecks]

Oh mate...:hugs: Have you had her hearing checked at all? I wonder if she might be having troubles there & is frustrated?

I'm sorry that you are feeling so worn out!!! It sounds like you need a night out with the girls to energise you again. :o

:hugs:

[Worm'sMum]

Hi there, I'm sorry I don't have any advice but just wanted to send you big :hugs: Hang in there and I really hope you can get some help soon. I know kids go through stages but it does sound like your DD does need to see a professional. She may be feeling just as frustrated as you are and can only communicate it by screaming and hitting. Good Luck, and I'll be thinking of you.:fingerscrossed:

:hugs: :hugs:

[Chickadee]

Hugs to you :hugs: You are never alone on here... And you're not selfish. You have a right to rant, you have a right to get some help and support. Nobody can parent alone.

The idea that your DD might have a hearing problem is a good one. You should be able to get your daughter's hearing checked for free or at least at very low cost. My CHN did it for free at 8 months, although that was in WA. Try contacting Australia Hearing (tel 13 17 97 http://www.hearing.com.au) or The Hear and Say Centre which is in Brisbane (http://www.hearandsaycentre.com.au Telephone: (07) 3870 2221.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about the toilet training. If it's not going well then it's just one more stress for you that you don't need. Put the potty away and go back to nappies and try again in a few months. It's perfectly normal for kids to not be ready to toilet train until they are 3 or 4 years.

There are some other support services out there that may be able to help you manage your daughters behaviour. Have a look through Bubhub's info directory, here is a link to the Queensland support services (http://www.bubhub.com.au/serviceshelplinesqld.shtml) page.

I wish you luck, and I hope tomorrow will be better than today for you :(

[misskittyfantastico]

I just wanted to say:hugs:
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[busylizzy]

If I'm not wrong, you should be able to get some of the $180 back from medicare. But you'd think that surely there would have to be free paediatric services available.
A hearing test does sound like a very good idea (& should be free through Hearing Austalia). I've heard quite a few stories about supposedly "disobedient" or "slow" kids who have actually turned out to be hearing impaired & once this issue was addressed they improved remarkably.
As for toilet training, I agree with MarthaM, many kids are not ready for toilet training until they're 4yrs old. Maybe you could give yourself & your DD a break for a while & maybe try again in a few months.
Although my situation is probably different, I have a very "spirited" son who will not sit still to listen to me read or do artwork with him, or even while I change his nappy & I used to get frustrated with him when he would just run around and get into everything & not listen. Then I came to realise that he just doesn't like to do these things but would prefer to be outside & run around & be active. So I had to find new ways to fill our days that he would enjoy (like water, sand, balls games, going to the park & for walks). My point is maybe she just doesn't like singing but there might be other things she likes & is good @ so maybe you can try to find these (but not liking singing does again make me wonder if she has a hearing loss).
It know it must be hard not to have any support, but that's what we are here for:hugs:. Please let us know how you go as I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you. By the way, you do not sound selfish & horrible at all.
Liz.

[Rhys'Mum]

Another who can't offer anything but support but... wanted you to know I'm thinking of you :hugs:, don't think you are a bad person at all (just a parent who's human like the rest of us), know you love your daughter and hope you find something that helps you enjoy her again as well.

I was wondering though as I write this if there are any residential programs that the CHN could refer you to in QLD. I know many states have places where you can go for support on feeding, sleeping, behavoural stuff where you stay a couple of days and they work in partnership with you. In most cases of parents I know who have used them it has been really helpful but it has taken a bit of pressure for them to get the referral. Not sure whether it would help or not - just an idea.

[Kaylene]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Hang in there. You are a wonderful mummy with plenty of patients who after 3 years should have won a gold medal by now. Daddy needs to work on his bronze though. He may to be lost trying to balance home and work, yours and bubs stress. They do seem to disappear into themselves when times are too tuff. But you are doing splendidly girl.

My niece had exactly the same story until she got her hearing aid. She now isnt so frustrated and is learning to talk at the age of 4 1/2. No one picked up on it. Her mum was like you, at the end of her ropes. She sat for 3 solid days at the country public hospital to get assets and finally was diagnosed properly after seeing 7 different specialists (free). If you are struggling go Public. That’s what its there for. You will have a wait on your hands but I think that its worth it.

Try this, hold her hand on your throat and hum her songs. This was Amys first sounds.

Keep up the good work and cuddle her whenever she will let you. That’s the only communication that needs no sounds.

[JodieC]

My son has a speech disorder and he was diagnosed at CHADS (child health and developement services)they are free and have a drop in, not sure if they have that where you live but its worth looking into. Through them i was referred to a paediatrician and had his hearing tested. Oh the paed was free aswell.

I know what youre going through is extrememly hard. My kids were 6 & 4 when i split with their father and i may has well been a single mother the entire time, my ex also used to come straight home from work and jump on the computer, totally oblivious to what was happening around him.

I promise you this now, once your daughter is receiving the help she needs things will get soooooo much better. I wish you the best of luck :hugs:

[k&Hmum]

Thanks for your replies girls. Just to know i have some support here is a big comfort. i tried to disguss this issue with DF last night but all i got was the same old "i told you parenting isnt easy" and then he went on with you should do this and you should do that as if i havent tried already. what i need from him is his support not a lecture.

I have had DD hearing tested as i thought that may have been the problem but they said her hearing is fine and thats why i dont know where to go from here because what im doing isnt working and im fresh out of ideas.

Well im off to face another day and hope its better then the last. thanks again for your support.

[Rah]

Hope you have a better day today - I sent you a p.m.

[caitsmum]

I too hope that you have a better day.

You are entitled to public paediatrican services. The Child Development Service in Queensland should be able to be of some help. They are free and tied up with the Royal Children's Hospital. You can ask your GP to refer you to one of their paediatricans. We saw Dr Catherine Skellern through the Child Develpment Service several years ago. She was very patient and understanding and very practical. Through the Child Development Service they can then refer you on to support services such as speech and OT.

Key word signing can be of some benifit to children with limited verbal language. It can take some of the stress and sheer frustration off. Starting with practical signs as "drink", "eat" "toilet" ect and then building up with what your daughter needs. Encouraging her to say the word with the sign helps to build vocab and the day may come when she doesn't need the signs and can just say the words.

There is also a Picture Exchange System that can be put in place. If you have a dig camera - take photos of everyday items and activities so that she can go and get a pic of what she wants to do or something she needs. If you go to a speechie they can help you further with this.

I don't know how you feel about it but have you considered enroling you daughter in an SEDU (special education developmental unit) kindy program? Please don't think that I am saying that I think your daughter has a disability or a cognitive problem. Speech and language problems are very hard to live with - for the child and the parent. The SEDU unit would give you acess to speechies, OTs, physios and specialist teachers. They will take children with a primary speech and language diagnoses, they are not just for children for physical and cognitive disabilities. I really hope that this has not offended you. I just thought it may be one way of getting some support and further ideas on how to make things better and easier for you both. I have been through the severe speech and language problems with one of my daughters and I know that it is a very hard road. Sometimes it is a matter of knocking on as many doors as you can until you find someone who is the right person to help your daughter.

Noah's Ark at East Brisbane and also a good resource. They offer a toy libary (for around $100 a year). They have toys, books and other activities that you can borrow that are set up along the developmental continum. They also use to run play groups, I'm not sure if they still do. I found their play group very good - it was run by two specialist teachers and they organised some great activities. It was also a good way to meet others in the same situation and get some ideas from parents going through similar difficulties. It was a very understanding group of parents.

I am sorry I waffled on a bit. It just took be back a few years. I hope that things get better for you soon. Take care

[Tam-I-Am]

Oh, boy - I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough time of it! It sounds awful, but hang in there - you're doing a great job. Don't be down on yourself - we mums are only human too, and everybody has there down times, even with our little cherubs!

The reason I thought I'd post is to let you know that if you've tried the obvious physical stuff, it may be that your beautiful bubba has a behavioural prob - it's pretty common. I live in Victoria, so I don't know how it goes in qld, but there should be a local Child and Adolescent Mental Health service (CAMHS) that could help you rule out anything behavioural/psychological. They are usually attached to your local public hospital, and its a free service - although there may be a bit of a wait.

I hope you sort things out with your DD, and I hope its nothing too serious - Good luck, and hang in there!!

[Maghan]

We have a child with a speech and language disorder who presented very similar to your child at the same age. His disorder is like being a foreigner who doesn't understand your language, and that's where his frustrations came from (he didn't understand us). He's now 5, been getting speech therapy for over a year and see's a developmental paedatrician at the Mater Hospital. Although we pay, it doesn't cost much after medicare give their bit back and I'm pretty sure there are public paedatricians, although you'd probably have to wait...

Whatever it is, the earlier the intervention the better in terms of assisting your child to have a "normal" life and coping with pre-school/school/society!

[funnyfarm]

Big Hugs to you. Your daughter sounds frustrated. My daughter when she has ear infections or tonsilitis will become really naughty and hit me in frustration. Thats one of the signs that she is getting sick.

I took my daughter to a paediatrician last week and it cost me $160.00 but i got $111 back from medicare so all up it cost me $49. My next appointment in a couple of weeks is going to be fully bulk billed.

If you can't afford this, go to your community nurse and ask where there is free services for you to attend.

Hope things improve soon and you find the answers that your are looking for.

Janet.