View Full Version : Grrr...being young
I've come to the conclusion that it really sucks being young sometimes!
I've had countless comments about the fact that I am a young mother(I had DS1 at 18). I've had people look down their noses at me because they think that I don't know how to raise children. More so now that DP and I have 4 kids between us. The looks and comments we get when we go out with all 4 kids!!!
DP and I applied to rent a house this week. The real estate agent called and said we got declined, but it wasn't anything to do with us as she claims our application was perfect. But the owners wanted older people because the last tenants were young and they trashed the place. Ok fair enough they want to be cautious but it is so unfair to have that attitude towards us when we have a glowing reference from our current real estate agent!!!
It just bugs me because we have happy, healthy, well looked after children and we have kept our house in good condition with no reason to complain. There are older people out there who don't look after their kids and don't look after their home!
So what has age got to do with it?!
(end vent). :D
i can emapthise with you there...thank goodness i got approved for a house this week, i was beginning to think that being so young with 3 kids, i had no chance at all...
i go to buy dp smokes and i get asked for ID meanwhile i have a trolley full of food and nappies and 3 kids with me... that annoys me:mad: and i usually reply with "well i would be doing very well to have 3 kids and be 17"????
persistance is the key... you just have to keep trying for a place... i have been through it more then once, so i know it can be pretty depressing..
Eventually something will come your way, and until then keep positive.... im sure you will find something soon! hang in there :hugs: :thumbsup:
I am a landlord and I have always rented out my appartment to young couples and never had any problems whatsoever with them.
The last couple were 18 & 19, and they cleaned the place from top to bottom when they left, the place was sparkling.
The current couple, 20 & 21, had a problem with the dishwasher and had to get a dude out to fix it. When I offered to pay for this they declined and said it was their fault and they would pay.
Now come on, are they fabulous renters or not?
As for you being young with kids, I am not but I would never look down on a young mum. A mum is a mum, young or old.
Tracey mate, You know it does suck somethimes, but dont let it get to you!!!! Be proud to be a young mum!!!!! Think of all the positives....... :hugs:
sounds like im not the only one thats gets the glares im 31 with 5 children and i get rude comments and stared at.and when i say id like to finish my family with one more child u would think they were handing me money and food parcels from the way they stare at me i get so annoyed with people like that.
i feel heaps better now i have that off my chest ;)
I so needed to get that all out.
I do know that there are young people that are this way and I guess it's because of them that gives that bad stereotype.
I think we're just gonna stay for another few months and see how we go. I was just really disappointed because it was like the PERFECT house for us and it was a decent price(it's getting so expensive these days!)
Oh and I get the, 'you look 16' thing all the time. Drives me bonkers! I'm almost 23! lol.
I guess one good thing about this is that I will never think that way of young people ever!
Oh and I get the, 'you look 16' thing all the time. Drives me bonkers! I'm almost 23! lol.
I get this all the time, but I'm 29, I went to NZ last year and they wouldn't let me into the casino because they thought I was under 18 - WTF! When I was younger it was even worse people just wouldn't take me seriously.
:yelclap: I agree.....age has nothing to do with ANYTHING
Im 18 live in my own house(rented of course) look after it,clean etc...etc.....
Im having a bub in august and ill tell ya what anyone that looks down their nose at me is going to cop it
im sooooo sick of being looked like im too young to do or say anything intelligent....and i look about 24 whats with that:banghead:
Now, when you are 40, and people say you look 30, you'll love it ;)
People always ask if mum or dad is home when I answer the phone LOL
I guess DH and I were lucky when we had our first child, I actually got people commenting on how lovely it was to see a young couple with kids, when I said I was 19, some go oh, I thought you were 17.
People still say to me, oh you look young, but then they look again and see all the grey hair LOL, then go like, oh having 5 boys must do that tooo you :rolleyes: :confused:
With the renting thing, yes, its not the agent turning you down in most cases as the final word is left up to the owner, I thought with us having 6 kids (mostly boys) would make it hard for us to get a place, but we have had no problem. We did have a few more probs when we only had three kids! :confused:
What pees me off, if owners want older people, why cant they state that in their adds, save your time, and theirs, and not get your hopes up. I know thats discrimination in a way though, but they could put professional couple or something.
I really dont know why people react the way they do when they see young parents. Why dont they ever look down at older parents too?? :confused: They make mistakes just like we do, no one is perfect at parenting!! I cant believe that the owners refused you based upon the people before you, thats so wrong!! :shame: If you've had a perfect track record then thats what matters in renting, not how old you are. It just makes me so mad when i hear about other people judging one age group based upon a small minority!! :mad: Maybe it was a good thing that you didnt end up in that place. If thats how they react now imagine what it would of been like if you were actually renting off them! Im sure theres a place for you out there thats just perfect and where you wont get judged by the owners. Try not to worry about it too much, everything happens for a reason. :D
Oh that is so not fair starlet, shame on them. It is unfair when all young people get tarred with the same brush because there will always be responsible young people like yourselves & there will always be irresponsible young people. Hope it all turns out how you want in the end :thumbsup:
I agree with everyone else...it's not fair at all.
Like Jaydens mum said, they should be able to decline you due to age, it should be based on your previous record with other landlords! In my books thats bordering discrimination!:shame:
We get the same looks when we go out, I'm 20 and DP is 24 and between us we will soon have 4 children. Most people look most shocked seeing my big preggy belly and me carrying my 8 month old daughter at the same time. I also get a lot of 'you're 20? you look much younger' comments now.
I've had ONE lady stop me once and tell me how nice it was to see a young family with more than the normal 1-2 kids. Had a lovely chat with her and she encouraged me to ignore everyone else and if I wanted more children, to have them.
We had the house hunting problem with just two children... now we're building a house so cramped in at my dads house for a few more months until its built so thankfully we've avoided the problem because when we looked for a rental with just two children we had no luck getting one (a lot of them saw that I was a teenager and said no straight away.. others didnt like that we had no 'proper' rental history, have just been paying our parents board for years)
Best of luck getting a place and hopefully one day people will stop feeling the 'need' to comment on other peoples situations and look down on us for having children young. I don't go around bad mouthing 'older mums', it should work the same way!
I understand. Iam also a young mum of 23 with two kids under 2.
I live in my own house with my parter and often get looked at by older women in our local shopping centre because i don't have a ring on my finger they automatically assume that i am under 18.:thumbsdown:
It drives me insane with comments - your crazy - were they planned? - you have your hands full!:banghead:
I love my children and i wouldn't change me life for the world.:smiliedance:
Dane 15 months
Cara 4 months - arrived early
@ 34 weeks
Geez - are we a progressive society!!? I just read on ninemsn a story about older fathers (now admittedly - it was about dads, not mums but still much of a muchness!) - 2 of the fathers were in their 60's! If i wanted to play devils advocate - what about the responsibility these dads have to their children - they would never get to know at least 1 parent when they hit their 20's! Now, all luck and wishes to much older parents - but i think personally it is better to be a younger parent - if you have the drive and determination you can still have a very successful career and be a parent too!!!:yelclap:
One of the first nights my DH and I had out after the birth of our first child I was asked for ID to the local Irish pub. I was 28 at the time. I was flattered actually. LOL. I now have two at age 30. I am finding that I am one of the younger parents in my Playgroup though. But I don't think I fall into either category of older or younger parent. To some I am a spring chicken and to others I am a little older.
Can't believe that landlord though:eek:
I hope this will make you all feel a bit better - as a 36 year old Mum here are some things I envy about you young Mums
1 - Your body bounces back so much quicker after you have had a baby
2 - You cope a lot better with no sleep
3 - Your kids would have left home when you retire - mine will still be in school!
4 - When you get to 40 you will be travelling and having fun, I will still have toddlers
5 - Those of you with partners are lucky to have found the man of your dreams at such a young age, I had to go through so many heartbreaks and dodgy guys before finally finding Mr Right
6 - You have a more relaxed attitude to motherhood and seem to go with the flow a lot more
7 - You don't have to feel guilty about having put years of study and time into a career that you are forced to abandon because you are having children. When you do go back to work you will be young enough to start fresh.
So although I could imagen it would be a pain in some respects I think you are all doing really well and have a lot to be grateful for.
You have got to be kidding me right? A landlord declined you because of your age? Can they do that?????? :thumbsdown:
On the topic of young mums, I am 23 and feel like everytime I go downtown with bub without my partner, everyone is staring and judging me. Then I have to remind myself that I'm doing what I wanted. Sure I said I wanted the wedding, the house then the kids, but I also said if i didn't have kids by 25 I wasn't going to have them. I wanted to still be young enough to run after my kids, have fun and travel when they're 17 & 18 then still be a young enough grandma that I can play on the floor with my grandkids. The trends always change from generation to generation but i think we've got the right idea. Don't let anyone make you feel less than you really are. They don't know anything about you and for all you know, those old ladies and mums at school probably have husbands who cheat on them and spend all their time at the pub coz they can't stand listening to the gossip :thumbsup:
:smiliedance: what a hypocrit I am :rolleyes: Bottom line is this - do what makes you happy and don't worry about small minded individuals!
It's unfair you were judged by the owners because of your age. That's clearly descrimination. I'm a sole parent at 21, and had no problem getting approved for my rental property. I've been lucky so far and have always been treated with respect regardless of my age. I think you should write a letter of complaint to the owners, maybe then they'll think twice about judging the next young couple that comes along.
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