View Full Version : older childern @ birth (and their support people)
Ok well when bubs is due i will have a 6 yr old and a 2.5 yr old, so i will have at the birth, my middie, my hubby, my extra support person, my daughter, my mum (DD support person), my son, and my friend (DS support person). I feel that is alot of people for my private beautiful birht of OUR baby. Can i have some opinions here. That is 7 ppl other than me!
My extra support person will be getting hot water etc, and hoping in the birth pool with me so she cant help with the kids.
DD (will be 6) has been at a birth (DS's) before and will not miss it for the world, she has told me that, she even said today not to worry about the birth (she must have heard me talking) as "I will be there to protect you mummy" (isnt that addorable)
What should i do, i want it to be alittle more private, and i dont want everyone staying for hours after the birth.
couldn't your Mum be DD and DS's support person???
It is a lot of people. I have two three year olds and mum is going to be there for them, then there is the mw and my dh. I thought that was quite a lot of bodies hanging around, but I can't really cut it down any more than that, especially if we need to transport.
Maybe your extra support person could be more of just a fetcher and carrier and not a getter in the pooler, IYKWIM, so that she/he is less obtrusive and you can control your environment a bit more. Warn them that you might want them to go home or something...?
Personally, I would have mw, dh, kids, and one support person for both kids.
The thinking is that for most women, every extra person there lengthens the birth by about half an hour.
Thanks for your in put:)
the reason that i cant have one person for both kids in my daughter is a definate stayer but DS is maybe not, so i worry that DD will not have any one if she gets stressed at any point.
The "extra" support person may not get in the pool but there are two reasons this is a possiblity- 1. we would love hubby to catch bubs, if i cant and 2. hubby not keen on getting in cause of poop etc (with DD i was induced at hospi and there was lots of poop as my body wasn't ready, he cant help but think that will happen again, silly man)
I think that i may have it that i will call ppl as we need then, iykwim, if dd needs someone i will call then to come over asap, so that we will only have who we need, what do you think?
I made the executive decision that DD would be going elsewhere whilst I was birthing - unless it happens in the middle of the night, and she just sleeps through it.
The reason being exactly what you've described - too many people. I already don't really want 2 middies there - I'm comfortable with my one, but the practice I'm going through has a policy of 2, so if I want MY middie to attend, I 'have' to have another too - which is okay I guess. But 3 people, other than me, is enough. 5 is too many, I'm afraid.
Besides me and DH, DD will be the first to meet the bubba regardless. MIL lives next door, DH will bolt up there and drop DD off if needed, and pick her up afterwards. MIL has been told we will need several hours of family time afterwards. When bub's had a breastfeed, and I've had a shower, and everyone's had some cuddles - THEN she can come down...Maybe :p
My daughter would be devistated if she missed the birth, when we go to visit ppl that have had there babies she crys when she realises that she wont get to actually see the baby being born. Also i feel its a family thing, and should be shared with siblings if possible, i know that is just my opinion:)
That's fair enough - and I know a lot of people think the way you do :) I agree birth is a family thing - however it wouldn't work for me, so I'm doing things MY way :)
For me that would be too many people.
Maximum I am having is:
Me (of course! :laughing:)
It is likely that my mum will be out of the room most of the time with Oscar, hopefully she will bring him in as the baby is being born, or immediately after.
I will only have DP and my midwife actually 'with' me, and I anticipate they will be doing other things a lot of the time too like getting me drinks, hot packs etc, so I will only have them 'with' me in the difficult bits.
My mum wont be just hanging around watching like last time, everyone there has a purpose and if they are not doing anything they can leave, I agree that the more people in the room the more energy is being sucked from your birthing space.
If I was you I would have yourself, your husband, your midwife, I would not have the 'extra' support person, your husband and midwife will be plenty I reckon and I would have 1 carer for both kids. Your daughter can be in the room if she wants and your midwife or husband can hold her hand, she wont need a whole extra person just standing there with her.
I only say this because you yourself feel there are too many people, the only way to reduce numbers is to reduce numbers.
numbes are reduced:goodvibes:
I have spoken to the people invoived and TOLD them what was needed, and wanted and what would happen. the plan is that there will be me (lol) hubby, middie, and support person, she will look after kids, if someone else is needed we will call them to come. i think that sits well with me:)
thanks for everyones responces
With dd3 I had me, dh, m/w, student m/w, dd1 and dd2.
I didn't have any support people for the girls (5 and 3 at the time), I am very happy to birth by myself so dh was there for the girls if necessary but they are also mature resourceful kids and perfectly able to look after themselves for a bit. I really don't see why kids who see birth as natural and have been prepared would freak out etc, its not scary to them. btw dd1 was also at dd2's birth and was 22 months.
Labour was quick, dh fetched dd1 from school (I've heard that he made her run, lol, which she didn't appreciate, but then this was also the child who hadn't wanted to go to school in the morning in case she missed the birth, but when he got there she was upset about missing maths group!). They got back about 1, dd3 was born at 2.45.
dd2 was very into the birth and hung around the whole time (funniest bit was every push a little blood came out - into the birth pool - and she'd run around to my front to tell me about it, pmsl strange child), dd1 found it a bit noisy and just went upstairs for that bit (2nd stage), dd1 wandered off for the last 2 minutes (she can be a bit distractible) but they both came down just as I pulled her out of the water. dd2 helped cut the cord. dd1 kept her distance for a bit (Lara also cried a lot so that was also too loud, lol) then joined in admiring her baby sister.
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