View Full Version : Bereaved parent support chat
Jinglebells
03-02-2008, 00:34
just wondering if anyone is keen to have a support group so to speak,
i've found chatting to others about my feelings and the likes to be very helpfull in the healing process, so I thought maybe we could do with a chat group on here, where we can chat to others that have been through the same or something similar, where we can vent all our feelings, where we can easily find a shoulder to cry on
Christelle
03-02-2008, 20:20
Great idea. I find chatting to others the best therapy!
Jinglebells
03-02-2008, 20:44
Great idea. I find chatting to others the best therapy!
oh definatly, I do too, talking to others that have been through the same thing or something similar very healing, I probably wouldn't have gotten through the past few years very well if I didn't have my friends that I have made by starting these chat groups up
i've read your DD's web page, she was a georgous wee girl, with a beautifull smile,
my DS has Neutropenia, its so sad and worrying when a bug that wouldn't make a normal person sick can change our lives forever
Christelle
03-02-2008, 20:46
How severe is your son's neutropenia? Does he have GCSF daily?
I found some of the usa websites very good for chatting.
Jinglebells
03-02-2008, 21:06
no he doesn't have it as bad as what your Aliyah did
he's producing neutripils(sp) just not many of them, his count is usually sits between 0.3 and 0.8, so pretty low, he's had bone marrow tests and stuff, and they havn't found a reason for it, apart from thinking that he's had some viris in the past which is causeing it, the good thing is that he does produce more WB cells when he's sick, i've just got to keep a eye on him when he is sick just incase
I chat with a group of ladies on a NZ site, we started up the chat group in 2005, and we've been chatting daily just about ever since, sadly that group has growen from just a hand full of people to quite a few now, I did have a look at some of the US sites but never felt comfortable chatting in them for some reason
TrulyBlessed thanks for letting me know about this thread.
I am so so sad today. I haven't stopped crying since I hung up the phone.
For the past 5 weeks it hadn't hit me as to what happened but today it hit me in the head like a brick.
Its was real..... i didn't dream it . I have a perfectly healthy baby girl. What did I do so wrong? Should I have had another US for a second opinon.... I felt movement right up until they put the mask on my face.
I'm asking myself so many questions.
Sorry if this post doesn't make sense, its all coming out at once.
Jinglebells
04-02-2008, 13:29
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
thats alright I understand what your saying
what your feeling is totally normal, we've all second guessed ourselves, we've all wondered that if we maybe did something different in the pregnancy or even before that this may not have happened, and our babies would still be with us
when I lost my first, I felt so numb, I didn't know how I was supose to feel, I bottled up all my emotions, cause I had no-one to talk to, it was a horrible horrible time, for the first couple of years I barely spoke of Joshua, no one wanted to hear about him so I didn't mention his name, it wasnt' untill after the birth of my second that I started chatting to others about what I had been through, doing that has helped me alot, its helped me understand alot more, helped me know that i'm not alone in everything
so just take one day at a time chick, do what you need to do to greive, and feel free to pop in here every now and then for a chat if you need to,
Christelle
04-02-2008, 14:24
i know... sometimes it just feels like a nightmare, surely someone couldnt have experienced such a dreadful thing. Why me?? Why my baby?? that's what i keep asking myself. The truth is, after 2 years, i have not found any answers.
All I can say is that we have to be here for each other. :hugs:
mum2shelby
05-02-2008, 11:03
I too have lost a child. I lost my baby girl on the 1.1.08. I feel like I am in some sort of dream or trance. The pain is so raw and there are so many emotions...anger, frustration, fear, jealousy.....
SO many questions are left unanswered and so many what ifs.
Mel
Jinglebells
05-02-2008, 11:18
I too have lost a child. I lost my baby girl on the 1.1.08. I feel like I am in some sort of dream or trance. The pain is so raw and there are so many emotions...anger, frustration, fear, jealousy.....
SO many questions are left unanswered and so many what ifs.
Mel
:hugs::hugs::hugs: sorry to hear of your loss,
most of our questions will never be answered, its been 5 years since I gave birth to our first born, and still I have no idea why, and then when we lost out third, I questioned myself again, why did it happen again, what had I done to deserve the pain of loosing 2 babies
I too have lost a child. I lost my baby girl on the 1.1.08. I feel like I am in some sort of dream or trance. The pain is so raw and there are so many emotions...anger, frustration, fear, jealousy.....
SO many questions are left unanswered and so many what ifs.
Mel
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm sure our :angel: girls are skipping through the clouds together.
I total understand the pain and feeling you are going through at this time.
If you need to chat PM me if you like.
Stacey
farmmummy
05-02-2008, 13:10
I know what you mean about the what ifs and why me and my baby. Some days it feels surreal, I find it hard to comprehend I had a son, I went through all the pregnancy, and the birth to loose him after only 3 days...I miss him so much.
Then I have attack of the guilts, I feel so bad that I am doing so well so soon after I lost him, even thoe I look at his picture every day atleast a dozen times and think of him all the time..
Christelle
05-02-2008, 14:14
Life is just not fair. :(
Hi Ladies,
Today I'm feeling a little better. I have just returned for the office of SANDS QLD and they were wonderful. They are an amazing source of support for parents of angels.
We received a little certificate for Lillie and a ribbon to tie around a memorial heart in their office.
We are seriously thinking about attending their support meetings and for DH the Dad workshops they have. I think it would benefit us.
I would strongly recommend SANDs to any parent that has an angel.
Take care of yourselves and have a great day.
Stacey
Christelle
06-02-2008, 14:22
Stacey,
Glad you are feeling a little better.
You will have your goods days, ok days, bad days, and unbearable days. This is what i've learnt. Make the most of when you are feeling "ok".
Glad SANDS has helped. I tried so many support groups after Aliyah died. Sids and Kids, Compassionate Friends, we dont' have SANDS here in NSW.
Anyway, do what ever makes you feel a bit better.
Take care
xoxo
StormAngel
07-02-2008, 12:59
Hey girls, I'm glad to see this thread has started up.
Christelle
07-02-2008, 13:38
Yes me too!
How is everyone doing?
I've been sooo busy at work! it's crazy
Jinglebells
08-02-2008, 20:58
Another Bereaved mum posted this in another chat forum I go on often, I thought I would share it with you guys
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Another Bereaved mum posted this in another chat forum I go on often, I thought I would share it with you guys
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
WOW.... that sums it all up.:(
I cant sleep tonight. Just having one of those days. DH isn't helping, for some reason he wont even say Lillie's name and since we found out she was a girl he hasn't talked about her. He had no input into choosing the memorial candle i got or even interest in the scrap booking page I did for her.
Monday the celebrant comes out to discuss the details of the little service DH and I will have next week. I'm not looking forward to it as I know all I'm going to do is cry through the whole thing.
now I'm just :ecomcity::ecomcity:.
Jinglebells
08-02-2008, 23:52
(((((HUGS))))) chick :hugs::hugs:
men greive differently to us, I know it probably feels like he doesn't care about your little one quite as much as you by not mentioning her name, but i'm sure deep down he's feeling alot like you and is just dealing with it in his own way, make sure you talk to him about how your feeling
like your DH, my DH hasn't really have much of a input with keeping the memory alive of our boys, he barely mentions their names, and doesn't mention anything on their sadaversarys, I know deep down he misses the boys, he just doesn't feel the need to be open about it
Hi Guys ...
I have 2 amazing kids - DD who is nearly 7 and DS who has just turned 5 and started school today.
I also have 3 little angels ... DD's twin m/c 04/08/00 at 9 weeks, bub m/c 12/03/05 at 11 weeks and my little darling Ruby who was born on tuesday 22nd of January 2008 with complex congenital heart disease and passed away on thursday the 31st of January 2008 after 3 open heart surgeries and several smaller procedures. We buried her last friday, the 8th of February 2008 ...
My dh went back to work today and is finding it all really hard - he rang this morning and told me that he had spent a lot of his time crying as every second song on the radio was about "she's gone" or similar themes. He couldn't ask for it to be turned off as he was working with others. Why is it that Dad's are just expected to "get over it and get back to work"????
My DS started school today after my mil and sister organised behind my back to have him accepted for a late start then announced it to us 2 nights before Ruby's funeral - I felt a bit like we were railroaded into sending him. I know that he is ready - I had only held him back a year because I knew that Ruby was going to be born with problems and I was going to have to spend months at a time in Sydney with her right at the time he should have been starting kindergarten. He had a great first day and is really happy - I still don't know how I feel about it though. I was almost counting on having him home with me to help me through this time of feeling an almost impossibly huge "emptiness" inside of me.
I am aching for myself and also the family whose little son shared Ruby's room at the hospital - they also lost their child and my heart is breaking for them as they go through what we are also going through ...
I'm finding it hard to be around people with kids at the moment, so I may not pop on very often, but I will try to be here for anyone who wants to chat as often as I can.
take care ... Ky
Christelle
11-02-2008, 20:10
A very sad welcome to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please feel free to PM me anytime if you wish to chat.
I too lost my baby girl, she was 6 months old, she had a rare blood disorder. You can read about our journey at www.aliyah.com.au (http://www.aliyah.com.au)
I hope to get to know you better. :hugs:
Jinglebells
11-02-2008, 20:31
Hi Ky :hugs::hugs::hugs:
i'm glad you have found this thread, I bawled my eyes out when I found out you had lost Ruby, she will be forever with you
feel free to pop in here when ever you feel the need too, we're all here for you :yes:
Ky,
I am so sorry for your loss. Like Truly Blessed said, Im glad you found this thread. Its a very supportive place to share your emotions.
Take care
Stacey
Hi everyone,
We had a meeting with the celebrant tonight about a naming ceremony for Lillie. We are having it on the 1st March in our back yard. On the weekend we built " Lillie's corner" in the garden with a little cherub statue and we will hold the ceremony in there.
Anyway, must get to bed.
Take care everyone
Stacey
Jinglebells
11-02-2008, 21:37
Stacey, i'm glad you've got things sorted out for your naming ceremony, your garden for Lillie sounds lovely, it will be a great place for you to remember Lillie with :yes:
i'm kinda sad that we don't have anywhere to remember our boys, no place to sit and remember and to think about them, all i've got is their ashes, which are still sitting in my filing cabnet, cause I can't bring myself to get a urn for them, it makes me feel sick when ever I think that I must go to the funeral directors and pick some out, I just can't do it :no:
We were just renovating the backyard and I found a little cherub at the garden shop. I didn't go there to find something for Lillie but when I saw it, it just had something about it. I knew it was for her.... IYKWIM
Will someone go with you to the funeral directors? Like a friend or DH for support?
If I was there I would go with you.:hugs:
Jinglebells
11-02-2008, 22:00
its nice when you just "find" things or things just jump out at you like that :yes:
no got no-one to go with me, DH doesn't want to do it, and I don't have any friends here, and my family are all in NZ
one day i'll get something, I just feel bad, cause its been 5 years since Joshua left us, and I still havn't got one for him
i'll get them one day, like my mum says, "rome wasn't built in a day"
StormAngel
12-02-2008, 10:10
Hey all, just popping in to say hello!
Hi Storm Angel ~ hope u are well :wave:
Jinglebells
14-02-2008, 22:45
Hi stormAngel :wave:
I havn't seen ya post in a while, how are ya doing?
Hi Girls ...
Just wanted to let you know that I have finally posted Ruby's birth story. I figured that she was born, she lived and she needs to be celebrated - unfortunately, I seem to have made quite a few people cry ... oops :(
Hey Gizzy ... are you a transplanted kiwi too? If so, where did you grow up? I'm a Gisborne girl, Dh is from Whangarei/Kaikohe and my older kids were born in Palmerston North and Wellington.
Kachow ... it sounds like you are making a beautiful memorial for Lillie - it will be precious to have a place where you can quietly go to think and remember ... especially somewhere beautiful :flowerz:
Gotta go ... Dh has just driven in the driveway and will want to get to bed now as he has to be up for work again at 5am .. at least it's a sleep-in compared with 4am the rest of the week ...
Jinglebells
15-02-2008, 22:06
Hi Ky :hugs: I just read Ruby's birth story, havn't posted in the thread yet, Ruby was so beautifull, with georgous dark hair, a beautifull baby, too good for this earth :hugs: thanks for sharing it with us, she will always be remembered
yip I am from the long white cloud, born and raised cantabrian, hubby is a dorklander (whoops did I say that :laughing::o) DS1 and 2 were born in NZ and DS3 and DD were born here, how long have you been here for? we've been here for 2 years now and loving it :yes:
anyways look after yourself chick, be good to yourself :hugs:
We have been here 4 ½ years now ... said we would give it two years and if we hated it would move back - I guess we like it here :p
Ruby was my first little Aussie - I even went back home during my third pregnancy and miscarried while I was there ... am getting a little paranoid that I am not supposed to have any Aussie children :( ...
I think that my Ruby was beautiful - she certainly was big! But then again, I seem to breed big babies ... DD was 8lb 7oz, DS was 13lb 2oz and Ruby 9lb 8oz. Ruby was my longest at 57cm - beat her brother by a whole 1 ½cm! They all had the same head circ though - 36.5cm ... I'm really grateful for the person that perfected the c section :yelclap:;)
Dh is finding that he is getting angry constantly - just comes out of the blue when there is really nothing definite that has triggered it. He has taken to attacking the garden when it happens and avoiding people. He wants his family around, but gets really angry when someone else arrives to visit - it is as if he has suddenly become jealous of the time others spend with us and is trying to make up for his lack of time and cuddles with Ruby. Fortunately, we have always talked for a couple of hours each night while lying in bed before falling asleep, so he has a safe place where he can let his guard down and cry, rant and rave and let his feelings out. He is a very gentle man, so he never takes his anger out on others - just the long grass and weeds.
I'm still just getting on with day to day life and waiting for this lump in my throat to finally eventuate into something - it is constantly there and I feel like I need to cry but my eyes are so dry that there is no way that it will happen just yet. I guess I jsut need to be patient and then not try to suppress it when it does happen ...
Anyway ... enough blabbing - take care and I will catch you again later :wave:
Jinglebells
17-02-2008, 00:42
wow you breed big bubs :yes: 13lb is pretty big lol, My Alexis is that weight now, and she's 20wks old, can't imagine a new born that size :eek:
Ruby was a lovely weight, and legnth,
I know what ya mean about thinking your not ment to have ozzy babies, I felt like that in general, after I lost Joshua I had a missed miscarrage, I truly thought then I probably wasn't ment to have kids, then DS2 came along, I was the most paranoid preggy lady ever, was horrible, I thought he was going to be taken away from me, just like Joshua, was a horrible time, felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time,
its good you and your DH are talking to each other, and having time where you can both relax and express your feelings, its good that your DH's got the garden to lash out on, you'll have the best looking garden in the street soon :yes: its totally normal what he's doing, emotions are better out than in,
you'll probably find that one day, it will all hit you, and all your emotions will explode, don't try and hold it in, once thats happened things will start to get easier and easier for you, loosing a child is one thing that you will never get over, but you'll learn to cope with your greif :hugs: everything will be so raw for you at the moment,
look after yourself,
Christelle
17-02-2008, 13:19
Just thought i would say "hi" too. :wave:
Thinking of you all!
Hi all,
I am very sorry for all of your losses!
I wish i had known about this site last year when i Lost my first son, but I hope it helps me through it this time with the loss of my 2nd child a little baby girl.
this might be long i feel like i want to talk and get out my story for the first time.
My first pregnany Everthing seemed to be going well with my ultrasound until my second Trimester one when i recieved a phone call about a hour after i had it and was told I had to go to Monash medical to have another ultrasound they detected something may have been wrong with his heart, but i had to wait 2weeks before i could get in to see the specialist. so the 2weeks were the worst wait ever.
When my partner and I arrived for the scan we were taken into a room and a very detailed ultrasound was done taking about 1.5hours. After that they took us into a room and told us that there was nothing wrong with his heart BUT he was not growing to plan and had tiny kidneys for his age and i had very little amniotic fluid around him, so all of this together they said there was no way that if we went full term that he would survive but we kept our hope up and went for another scan. The same bad news i was 22weeks pregnant but he was only the size of a 16week old baby. Again we were told he wouldnt survive outside my womb so my partner and I made the hardest decision to terminate as he would have been in pain if he survived even a few minutes.
So on the 23rd of march 07 i gave birth to our beautiful little boy Xavier weighing only 230grams.
From there tests were carried out to see what the problems where and what caused them. 4 months later we were told that we had a getetic makeup problem between my partner are i and we needed more tests to get a answer as to what it was out of 4 things. 1month after that we were told it was down to 2 conditions one had a 1 in 4chance of happening each pregnancy and the other was just something that happened and 1 in 250,000 chance of heppening again. We yet again had more tests and in september i found out i was pregnant again. We saw the specialists again and they finally got a answer of the condition. We have a 1in4 chance and it was called ATD.
My pregnancy seemed to be going well then i had a scan at 15weeks and it showed the baby had started to slow down its growth and was told we needed to decide if we wanted to continue the pregnancy or terminate again, but we kept our hopes up again and continued it ultrasound every week. each scan we were told the baby was not growing i had no fluid left so we either terminated, continued with the risk of the baby's heart stopping and not making it full term or make it full term and baby not survive. We continued until 20weeks when the scan showed no heart beat our little angel had not made it again.
we were and are so devistated, even though we were told to expect this happening it does not make anything easier.
So on the 26th Jan 08 i gave birth to a beautful baby girl named Paige but this time only weighing 30grams.
Our 2 little angels even though they were so small were so beautiful and will forever be in our hearts.
We got to have our angels buried in the same grave so that they can be together forever.
Everyday goes on and i wonder why... why us but its just somehting that happens. so hopefully we can get through this one with everyday that comes and we can be happy and have a health baby soon. even though some days i really dont think it will happen. I miss them both more and more as each day goes by.
Thanks for the site and letting me share my story.
Rhiannon.
Rhiannon ... sending love
You are a very brave and caring Mum to have made the hard decision to spare your beautful children unnecessary pain knowing that you will have to live with the pain of not having them with you.
You are a mother of two beautiful children who are lucky to have you and your partner as parents. I'm sure that there will be a day soon when you are blessed with another beautiful child - this one to hold close for many many years into your old age.
Thankyou for sharing your story - you must, like me be still reeling from grief and loss that is so recent and like the other beautiful ladies on here, grieving as your arms ache with emptiness.
Take care, take comfort, take time and take hope that in another time and place you will all be united in joyful reunion.
Ky
Hi Ladies
Today we had Lillies service.
It was lovely. The man next door had his lawn mower going the entire service but still it was nice. We had a balloon release at the end of the service with messages attached.
It was quite funny, my DHs balloon was heavy and didn't float into the air like the others did. So we tied another balloon to it and it took off but got caught on the guttering. My DH looked up and noticed that the exact spot it caught needed repairing. He looked to the sky and said" Thanks Lillie now you have found more work for Daddy to do" It was quite cute.
Some pics from the service.
Lillies Memorial (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/waynestaceypitman/2008_0301Lillie_naming20080021.jpg)
Table & Balloons (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/waynestaceypitman/2008_0301Lillie_naming20080018.jpg)
Lillies Angel (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/waynestaceypitman/2008_0301Lillie_naming20080011.jpg)
Candle Table (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/waynestaceypitman/2008_0301Lillie_naming20080016.jpg)
Balloons (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/waynestaceypitman/2008_0301Lillie_naming20080003.jpg)
:hugs: Thanks again everyone
Hi Kachow,
Hope today went ok for your, sounds beautiful, hope you are feeling ok tonight. I also did the releasing of the baloons, i can't believe what a good feeling it gave me, hope it was the same for you :hugs:
Take care
Sim
Hi Sim,
It had the same feeling for me. My heart feels a little lighter tonight. As I watched the balloons float away, I imagined Lillie chasing them through the clouds. It made me feel as if she was happy and peaceful.
Butterfly07
02-03-2008, 14:23
My baby girl died on Christmas night and we buried her on 8th Jan 08.
I have been so numb for such a long time and now everthing is starting to feel so real. This pain I have is unbearable and as the days go by I am missing my baby girl so, so much.
My little 3yr old son wants his little sister back and when he talks about her I feel like I have taken her away from him. They were best buddies.
I was in the car with him the other day and he said " Hey Mum I'm not a brother any more "
I told him he will always be a big brother to his little sisier.
This is so so hard I really want my little girl back and it hurts because I know I cant.
I want to be feeding her and making her feel safe and have her look back at me with her big smile.
I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I lost my one month old son to sids in 2005 and understaind your paid all so much.
It's the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with. I found online gried chat sites to be the most helpful way for me to release and talk about certain things as it hurt more to my family who were already hurting with the same pain.
StormAngel
04-03-2008, 09:01
Hi all, just popping in to say hello!
Jinglebells
08-03-2008, 18:36
Hi everyone
i've been a bit awol, i've just got back from my holiday, was lovely to get away and see my family and friends again, I often feel so lonely here with not having them around, especially when times are tough and when I need a shoulder to cry on
Butterfly07 i'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine what it would be like to loose a baby to sids, my heart goes out to you :hugs::hugs: feel free to pop in here when ever you need a :hugs: or a shoulder to cry on, your loss is still so fresh, you've got a long emotional journey to go on
Kachow your service you had to Lillie sounds lovely, great idea with the baloons and messages, and lol @ Lillie finding more work for her daddy to do
Rhiannon i'm sorry to hear of your recient loss as well, you are a very brave strong woman, to have gone through this twice, your little angels will be forever with you, watching over you
Ky how are you going?
Jo I just read your siggy, congratulations, I didn't even know you were preg again, all the best with it, let us know how your going, are you going to find out what flavour?
Christelle
11-03-2008, 19:57
Hi Ladies
How are we all doing?
I've been ok. Flat out at work which is a good distraction i suppose.
Just wanted to say i'm thinking of you all. :hugs:
Jinglebells
12-03-2008, 08:17
Hi Christelle :wave:
good to hear your doing good, wook can be a good thing sometimes :yes:
well i've been all good, still trying to find some urns for the boys, havn't seen anything that I like, might go to the market this weekend and see if I can find any nice wooden boxes to put their ashes in, I would go to the funeral parlor where we had Mathews funeral to get some urns from there, but i'm too scared to go there by myself, i'm such a woose sometimes, It makes me sick thinking about walking in there again, its not something that I want to do
Gizzy~ :hugs: Why dont u have a search online for urns or boxes.... im the comfort of your own house might make it just that little more comfortable for you.( as comfortable as it can be)
Thinking of you all. Im headed off this weekend to see when we can have our next transfer.... its looking like next week will be it. Im a little nervous..... but i have to bite the bullet.
Stacey
Jinglebells
12-03-2008, 08:43
Thinking of you all. Im headed off this weekend to see when we can have our next transfer.... its looking like next week will be it. Im a little nervous..... but i have to bite the bullet.
oooh how exciting for you, but scary at the same time, i'm sure it will all go well for you, i'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for ya :fingerscrossed::fingerscrossed: let us know how you get on ay
good idea about looking online for something, just got to figure out what to google to beable to find something lol
Yesterday (12/03/08) was 3 years since we lost our little Sam ... It was a sad day, but somehow overshadowed by the fact that we are still so raw over losing Ruby. I felt a little disloyal to him when I only realised the date at around midday, but I suppose that it means that I have moved on in my grief a bit. I still find it hard when I see my friends little girl - we had the same due date. My dh can't look at her - he still find it increibly hard.
I had a photo printed to put in a frame with the castings we had done of Ruby's hands and feet. The poor lady, she had never done them for a deceased bub before and had struggled herself to have the 2 children she has. When she came to see us after having done them, we realised that she was someone dh had worked with in the past and he knew that she had had several miscarriages. She told us that Ruby was so beautiful lying in her casket that she looked asleep so pretended that it was the case and talked to her all of the way through. I think she was brave to say yes to the job ...
I don't know if you want to see them, but these are a few photos of my little girl ... Most are post surgery and after death - I don't expect you all to feel able to look at them.
Ruby just seconds old
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/1stsdcardkodak032.jpg
Ruby at a day old
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/1stsdcardkodak053.jpg
Ruby at 6 days old (post surgery - not a pretty pic)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0146.jpg
They did all this for our bub - they really cared (post surgery)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0132.jpg
My Princess with her big sis (at funeral home)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0191.jpg
And with her big brother (at funeral home)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_1662.jpg
Looking beautiful (in casket)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_1671.jpg
Our tribute (at funeral service)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0310.jpg
Proud Daddy
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/dadsonycam068.jpg
Jinglebells
13-03-2008, 23:29
aww Ky, she is just gorgeous, what a beautifull little girl, I hadn't actually seen any pics of her untill now,
how did the kids deal with her after she had passed? its lovely that you got pics of them holding her
its so sad that they make caskets that small, they shouldn't have to make them that big :no:
I couldn't get over how small Mathew's coffin was, it seamed like it wasn't much bigger than a shoe box
Ky can I ask who Sam is?
thankyou for sharing your precious pics of Ruby with us :hugs:
I have 3 beautiful children waiting for me in heaven ... Nikki (my dd's twin m/c at 12 weeks 04/08/00), Sam missed m/c at 11 weeks 12/03/05 and Ruby 22/01/08 - 31/01/08.
My big kids talk constantly about the other kids. DD started talking about her sister before I had even told her about her, so I believe that there is some sort of memory of her that is special. They were aged 2 and 3 when I lost Sam (I had pneumonia and he died as a result of my high temps and beginning organ failure) so they remember that I was pregnant and they talk about him all of the time.
With Ruby ... they only got to see her after she had surgery and was lying in PICU in a coma. The first cuddle they got was at the funeral home and although they were wary of touching her at first, they thought she looked gorgeous and like she was sleeping. It didn't take long before they got curious and fascinated by the fact that she was so cold and discoloured from the tape used to keep the respirator on her face.
I have photos comparing their hands and feet and the photos of them holding Ruby are really special to me. They are so proud of their little sister and talk about her constantly. Every night they tell me that they love her and can't wait to meet her again one day.
We have explained to them that Ruby is like a broken toy which has run out of batteries. What we have buried at the local cemetary is her body and the part that made her our Ruby (spirit/soul) has gone to heaven to a new, perfect body and she will be there playing with the balloons we sent her until they get there to join in the game.
They talk about how they need to spend time here growing up and learning about things so that they can tell her all about it when they meet her. Getting them to think along these lines seems to have eased their pain a little and given them an incentive to get on with being kids and learning. They are doing it all for their sister!
I know that like us they are feeling really ripped off, but they both understand that Ruby was very sick and that she is probably better off in her new body a bit earlier than normal so that she didn't have to go through too much here. It doesn't mean that they are happy all of the time, nor are they being little angels either - they are reacting in the only way they know how ... I'm just glad that they feel that they can talk to us about her and tell us how they feel.
It has been pretty tough for my dd at school - although the teacher had prepared her class for her return and asked them to be sensitive in what questions they had for her, the kids are just being kids and asking really blunt questions. DD gets upset that she can't answer some of them, but I have told her that even Mummy and Daddy have a lot of questions that we don't know the answer to. It seems to have died down a bit now and they are onto the next subject - sometimes their short attention spans are a real blessing ;)
We remember all of our bubs and celebrate the fact that we have a big family that will get together one day for a huge party and games with balloons we have sent up!
Hopefully, we can have a couple more healthy kids to make our big happy family complete :D
Jinglebells
14-03-2008, 08:42
i'm glad the kids are dealing as well as they are with Ruby's passing, its sad that kids have to go through such harsh greif at such a early age, its good that they are able to talk to you freely about it
I never told DS about Mathew, he never knew I was preg, I have no idea why I never told him, maybe I had a inkling about what was to become, he was 2 when we lost Mathew, he must have knowen somthing was up cause he totally changed for a while, we took him to Mathew's funeral but all he did there was play at the back of the room with one of the lovely funeral directors,
I probably won't tell the kids untill they ask, which they will do at some stage, as we've got things of theirs around the house, and at christmas we've got decorations with their names on them etc,
i've lost 6 little angels all up, Joshua in 2002, miscarrage in 2003, DS's twin late 2003, miscarrage mid 2006, Mathew 2006 and DD's twin early 2007, I too also wanted a bigish family, and in some ways I got it, we'll be a huge family when we all finally get to meet (which will be many many years away yet)
Elias~ Thank you for sharing such beautiful photos of your gorgeous family. Ruby is such an angel. She looks so peaceful.
StormAngel
31-03-2008, 13:04
Elias - Ruby is so beautiful...
Well as for me, I just gave birth to another little sleeping angel ~ FINN PATRICK was born sleeping on the 26.3.07
kittykatz
31-03-2008, 13:11
Good afternoon ladies :hugs:
I am not going to even pretend that i have been what you have been through, but longing for a child and a family myself i can only imagine the pain of losing a child.
I have had 2 very early miscarriages, and i know it is not the same as getting to know the life growing inside of you only to lose them, but i do understand the feelings of loss, grief, guilt and your whole world turning upside down.
My cousin lost her first child at 23 weeks, and found SANDS to be a huge support for her.
A million :hugs: for you brave ladies :kiss:
Jinglebells
31-03-2008, 22:55
Well as for me, I just gave birth to another little sleeping angel ~ FINN PATRICK was born sleeping on the 26.3.07
:hugs::hugs::hugs: awww Jo, I don't really know what to say chick, but my thoughts are with you and your family right now, i'm so sad that your going through this again, my heart is aching for you,
feel free to pop in here when ever you need to :hugs: we're all here to listen and for a shoulder to cry on :hugs:
Christelle
01-04-2008, 07:38
Stormangel,
I'M SOOOO SORRY! :(
We are all here for you:hugs:
StormAngel ... I can't say anything that can help, take away pain, soften the edge of this tragedy or make people understand ... all I can say is that I am sorry and that my heart goes out to you. It is so incredibly unfair :hugs:
All I can do is cry with you :crying:
Christelle
02-04-2008, 18:59
Yesterday (12/03/08) was 3 years since we lost our little Sam ... It was a sad day, but somehow overshadowed by the fact that we are still so raw over losing Ruby. I felt a little disloyal to him when I only realised the date at around midday, but I suppose that it means that I have moved on in my grief a bit. I still find it hard when I see my friends little girl - we had the same due date. My dh can't look at her - he still find it increibly hard.
I had a photo printed to put in a frame with the castings we had done of Ruby's hands and feet. The poor lady, she had never done them for a deceased bub before and had struggled herself to have the 2 children she has. When she came to see us after having done them, we realised that she was someone dh had worked with in the past and he knew that she had had several miscarriages. She told us that Ruby was so beautiful lying in her casket that she looked asleep so pretended that it was the case and talked to her all of the way through. I think she was brave to say yes to the job ...
I don't know if you want to see them, but these are a few photos of my little girl ... Most are post surgery and after death - I don't expect you all to feel able to look at them.
Ruby just seconds old
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/1stsdcardkodak032.jpg
Ruby at a day old
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/1stsdcardkodak053.jpg
Ruby at 6 days old (post surgery - not a pretty pic)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0146.jpg
They did all this for our bub - they really cared (post surgery)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0132.jpg
My Princess with her big sis (at funeral home)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0191.jpg
And with her big brother (at funeral home)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_1662.jpg
Looking beautiful (in casket)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_1671.jpg
Our tribute (at funeral service)
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/100_0310.jpg
Proud Daddy
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/kytw/dadsonycam068.jpg
Hi Elias,
I've just looked at the photos. OMG Ruby is sooo gorgeous! What a beautiful baby.
She was obviously at the Childrens Hospital at Westmead? I recognise the curtains. Aliyah spent 6 months there also. Those photos of her with all those wires and tubes, look just like Aliyah did. Makes me so sad. :( It's been just over 2 years since we lost Aliyah. Its still so hard to believe.
I'm so sorry our little girls aren't here :rolleyes:
Yes ... she was at Westmead Childrens and I can't fault the care they gave her and us at all!
They were incredible ... so loving and caring and I know that she was surrounded by such positivity, cheerfulness and love the entire time she was there :)
jaydensmum
08-04-2008, 19:43
Hi everyone!
Its great that you have this chat thread. Well we lost our precious girl last july. She was only 18wks gestation. I remember the pain of losing her like it was yesterday. Some days it really hits me and it comes from no where. I miss my little princess, but i know shes watching down over us all.:yes: Im currently 28wks pg with another girl. At the moment, its a bit scary as they think i might be in early labour. :( Im feeling really down at the moment, worried that i might lose this princess too. :hissy: Im sure that Oceana is watching over her little sister and keeping her strong for us.
Storm - im so sorry hun to hear of your loss. :hugs: I cant imagine how hard it must be losing two precious angels. We are all here for you hun! :hugs:PM anytime.
Elias - your piccys are so precious, they brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing them with us. :hugs:
farmmummy
09-04-2008, 16:12
I have only post on here once since it began. A couple of you may remember me when I lost my son Jack to a rare complicated heart condition/malformation. He died 3 days after birth from Truncus Artiriosis. Nothing was picked up until his autopsy.
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and I am an absolut basket case. Thanks to Gizzy for keeping me some what sane. I have done a lot of hard work to move forward and my counsellor is so happy with my progress she seems to think we'll be able to drop our sessions until I think I need them again.
What I want to say first of all is :hugs::hugs::hugs:and millions more to thoes who have lost babies. There is no pain like that of loosing an angel.
Secondly I wanted to say it takes time and hard work. The pain and greif will never leave but you can get to a point where you can function again.
Thridly thanks to every one who has supported me over the last 6 months and is continuing that support. I am forever in your debt.
Nikki
xx
mumzdaword
09-04-2008, 16:25
I only just noticed this thread..What a great idea..
Its hard to deal with your emotions when your alone and havent anyone to talk to about them..
Even years on its still hard...
I hope its ok if i include myself in your thread ladies...it would be nice to talk to others who have suffered a loss....
StormAngel
10-04-2008, 11:03
Mumzdaword, you are more than welcome.
Jinglebells
11-04-2008, 16:46
Mumzdo word your more than welcome to join us here, feel free to pop in anytime
Stormangel how are you going? :hugs::hugs:
Christelle
13-04-2008, 10:16
Just dropping in to say "Hi".
Hope everyone is doing ok.
I'm fine, going to visit Aliyah today (as we usually do on a Sunday)
Thinking of you all. oxox
Jinglebells
14-04-2008, 22:56
Hi Christelle :wave:
how did it go yesterday? its lovely that you visit her every week
I sometimes wish I had a place to visit my boys, but I chose to get them cremated so I can have them with me all the time,
Farmmummy:wave: glad ya got someone to help you though this pregnancy ;), feel free to message me any time chick
how is everyone else? with mothers day looming and all
Hi everyone,
had a bit of a :( day yesturday.... We have an embryo transfer Wednesday and Im just a little jumpy about that I think.
I feel positive about the transfer.... more positive then the last one, I suppose Im just scared its going to happen all again., and that scares the you know what outta me !
Oh well todays another day and i ahve some friends coming over to take my mind off it.
Hope you are all well.
Stacey
Kachow ... will be praying for you tomorrow - hope all goes well and that you are able to relax :hugs:
Christelle ... I can't bring myself to visit Ruby very often yet but I do talk to her every night and place a little kiss (you know, kiss fingers and then put it on) on her photo as I go to bed every night - just after I have checked on my big kids.
Gizzy ... got an invite in the mail the other day inviting us to a memorial service at the chapel at the cemetary on Mothers Day. It took me by surprise ... I guess I had been ignoring that it was coming up - I dissolved into tears :(. I guess mothers day is going to be a bit hard for a while - pretty sad as I have only just started feeling a bit happier about it after dreading it for the last 13 years since I lost my Mum.
I'm back on insulin as I have been diagnosed as type2 diabetic outside of pregnancy ... the endo has put me on one shot a day, but it doesn't seem to be making any difference at all. He has given me free reign to adjust doses etc as he trained me during my pregnancy and I have multiplied the original suggestion by 6 and still there is no difference - my readings just keep going up! I have a sneaky suspicion that I need to pee on a stick iykwim. I still have another few days before my cycle should end, so am going to wait. My face has broken out, my right hand has gone numb (always have carpal tunnel probs in pg), and (tmi) heaps of cm ... I don't know how I will feel if I am pg - the endo hit the nail on the head the other day and I know I am not really emotionally ready yet.
To top it off, he thinks that maybe high bloood sugars in early pregnancy before I knew I needed to be on insulin again (I was on insulin by 9 weeks) was the probable cause of Ruby's problems - I feel so guilty - I should have taken better care of myself :(
Anyway ... house to clean, kids to bug and winter wardrobes to assess! We are having our own mini fashion show today - hopefully I don't have to buy too much for them this winter. It's bad enough that both of them need school shoes ...
Jinglebells
16-04-2008, 20:01
Ky, I got a letter from the crematorium last year before mothers day, they do the same, have a service each year for mothers day, I think its lovely, i've never been to one though
sucks you've got diabetic, does that effect your ability to fall preg or anything? don't feel guilty about your being diabetic and ruby's problems, these things are just out of our control :hugs:
Ky, I got a letter from the crematorium last year before mothers day, they do the same, have a service each year for mothers day, I think its lovely, i've never been to one though
What a lovely idea. :hugs:
I found a poem on another site that describes how I am feeling so perfectly that I bawled my eyes out reading it! I don't know who the author is, but whoever you are ... thankyou!
I have to warn you
I am not the same person I once was
You remember the woman with the easy smile
Who was willing and able to kid along at the drop of a hint?
Sarcastic, friendly, perhaps even wry?
She is not here now.
Be warned that you may see me smiling
Walk away
And moments later when you return
You will see my eyes wet
My lip trembling
And my breath held.
In those moments I have been reminded of her.
I have remembered that she is gone
And it only takes a second for my heart to ache again
And my body to respond in like fashion.
You may be surprised at the way I don’t like to look into your eyes
As I cast my face to the floor.
I can not endure crowds right now.
Small talk is impossible to sustain
As is a cheery disposition that hides the discomfort.
I am not very good at hiding anything now.
Be warned that I am tired and will continue to be.
I am sad, and will continue to be.
I am not the same, and will remain so until it is
Discovered who I will become.
But I am not the same.
And that loss, I mourn as well.
Hi girls hope you are all well.
Unfortunately my pregnancy wont continue as the embryos decided to attach themselves to a blood vessel and it wasn't strong enough to hold.
So back to the drawing board, and the next FET will be early May.
Christelle
23-04-2008, 11:39
I'm so sorry. I know how disappointing it is for you.
Fingers crossed for next try. :fingerscrossed:
jaydensmum
23-04-2008, 13:45
Kachow - im so sorry hun that it didnt work! :hugs:My fingers and toes are crossed for you for next time!! :fingerscrossed:
Elias - thanks hun for posting that lovely poem, cause im sure thats how we all feel soon after we lost our bubs. :yes::hugs:
Jinglebells
23-04-2008, 13:55
Hi girls hope you are all well.
Unfortunately my pregnancy wont continue as the embryos decided to attach themselves to a blood vessel and it wasn't strong enough to hold.
So back to the drawing board, and the next FET will be early May.
awww ((((HUGS)))) chick :hugs::hugs:
how awfull
will be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for may for ya :fingerscrossed::fingerscrossed:
Elias what a lovely peom, it reminds me of another i've seen around, i'll see if I can find it,
:hugs: ((( Stacey ))) :hugs:
Here's hoping that May sees your dreams coming true in a spectacular way ... Crying with you over the loss of your pregnancy and all of the hopes and dreams that faded with it :gloomy:
Thanks everyone,
I needed a little craft therapy today and made this album for Lillie.
Link (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=173169)
StormAngel
28-04-2008, 18:11
Stacey, I'm so sorry :(, going to have a look at your album now!
Jinglebells
30-04-2008, 14:56
wow your very tallented Stacey, it looks fab, its a great way to remember Lillie :yes:
Thanks sweety.
How is everyone?
Jinglebells
05-05-2008, 15:18
Hey guys
I'm not feeling the greatest at the mo, health wise i'm fine, but emotionally i'm not, i'm not sure wether its cause i'm missing my family and home town or what, but i've been thinking alot about my boys, the fact that they are not with me, i've been wondering what my life would be like if there were here today, I wonder what they would look like, I wonder if they would look and act similar to my DS, My first son should be at school this year, not in a box in my filing cabnet, I miss them :crying:
everyone around me seam to be having boys at the mo, and every time I think about it I feel sick, there is always a ache in my chest, I just feel really really sad and down at the mo, i've got no one to talk too, my best buddy is always busy and doesn't seam to be home much these days, so I can't chat to her, and I don't know anyone else in my situation, so I thought I would write it all here, hope ya's didn't mind
Gizzy ~ Honey I'm sorry your feeling so down. Your right, now one knows what you actually go through when losing a child/children. Its a hole in our hearts that can never be filled.
I wish I could take the pain away for you. Have you had counseling ? I may help, but if your anything like me, i find it hard to talk to people that don't have the " emotional" qualifications to advise us on how to deal with it.
I have been feeling the same way lately, as I realized a few days ago that, 4 weeks today my baby girl was due to be born.
A million :hugs:s to you sweetie.
Christelle
05-05-2008, 15:47
Hi Gizzy,
So sorry you feel that way. I still have my bad days as well. It's true what they say, time will make you feel more human. It's been almost 2 & 1/2 years since Aliyah passed and I am starting to feel sort of "ok" now.
I can't remember if I asked you, where do you live?
We are all here for you anytime you want to chat. Do you have MSN Messenger? if so add my email to it.. i'm usually on there at nights. cdardagos@hotmail.com :hugs:
Jinglebells
05-05-2008, 15:50
Thanks chick
:hugs: to you too,
its horrible these feelings, I just hate the way I feel at the mo, there have been heaps of times lately i've just wanted to cry, for no reason really, apart from the fact that I just feel I need too, i've never had councilling, when I lost my first, my bestie had just lost her twins boys as well, so we basically just helped each other out, even though we lived in seperate countries, i'm living closer to her now but I dont' get to chat to her much, she's busy, I just feel so lonely, i've got no friends around that I can talk to, or anything
I just feel so stupid the way I feel at the mo, I mean its been over 5 years ago now that we lost Joshua, I would've thought that things would be alot easier to deal with now, spose its something we'll never get over ay
Jinglebells
05-05-2008, 15:51
Thanks Christelle. i'll add you to my msn soon
I just feel so stupid the way I feel at the mo, I mean its been over 5 years ago now that we lost Joshua, I would've thought that things would be alot easier to deal with now, spose its something we'll never get over ay
Dont ever feel stupid for the way you are feeling. Its normal.... you lost babies, you are still grieving. Even though it was 5 yrs ago, that pain and ache will never go away. We will never forget and as much as people tell us that " time heals all wounds" ( bull....... u know the rest of the word) !!!!!! The person who is resonsible for this quote obviously has never lost a child.
StormAngel
06-05-2008, 12:45
Gizzy, I'm sorry your feeling so down at the moment, I know just how you feel about feeling lonley with noone to talk to, If you want I can PM you my email for msn.
Hi Stacy, how are you doing?
Hi Stacy, how are you doing?
Hi Jo.... im going...... ok. Had a bit of :confused: news at my scan today, and also realized that Liilie would have been due in 4 weeks. On a bit of a :gloomy: today..... but tomorrows another day
Jinglebells
06-05-2008, 12:54
:hugs: Stacy, the due dates are always hard :hugs:
sorry to hear you've had a bit of bad news too, if you ever need a chat we're all here for you
well i'm feeling a bit better today, still not 100% myself but a little better, I think it all hit me the other day, cause I finally realised we won't be having anymore kids, even though I would love to have more, I know having other kids will never replace the ones we've lost, but I often find myself day dreaming about having boys, about what it would be like to have more than one boy,
Jo if you want to pm me you addy thats cool, its good to beable to chat on msn every now and then
rollercoastermum
20-05-2008, 20:38
my son passed away in his sleep in November 2005. he is/was a healthy lil man and just went to sleep as normal one night.. but sadly never woke up again....
He should have been 14 on Mother's Day of this year.. 11 May.....
Christelle
22-05-2008, 22:16
So sorry to hear of your loss.
My daughter passed away in December 2005.
Sending you loads of:hugs:
StormAngel
24-05-2008, 15:19
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son :(
Jinglebells
24-05-2008, 23:38
rollercoastermum:hugs: i'm sorry to hear about your little boy,
its sad to hear of kids dieing in their sleep at a older age, I know a few others that have had kids die in their sleep, ranging from the ages of 3 - 16, I had never heard of it happening before, untill a few years ago
Stormangel I added you to msn, but havn't seen you on there yet, hope I added the right address :fingerscrossed:
StormAngel
27-05-2008, 11:35
Gizzy - you've got the right addy, I just haven't been on it, had computer probs, but they're all fixed now (I hope)
Unfortunately, there is another one of us now ...
Please pray for Trish (TeenyT) and her family as they grieve the passing of their beloved Caelan after a very distressing battle with congenital heart disease. Little Caelan was 2 ½ months old.
Missing you so much little man ...
:crying:
RIP Caelan 04/03/08 - 26/05/08
:angel:
Christelle
28-05-2008, 21:16
So sorry to hear about Caelan.
Rest in peace baby boy:(
Jinglebells
29-05-2008, 23:39
Unfortunately, there is another one of us now ...
Please pray for Trish (TeenyT) and her family as they grieve the passing of their beloved Caelan after a very distressing battle with congenital heart disease. Little Caelan was 2 ½ months old.
Missing you so much little man ...
:crying:
RIP Caelan 04/03/08 - 26/05/08
:angel:
OMG I havn't been in the heart thread for ages, my heart is breaking for her (hope that doesn't sound bad)
I was so sure that little man was going to make it through all his operations,
Trish i'm thinking of you :yes:
Thank you. It's been a very tough week and I kind of shut myself off from everyone. Caelan has been gone a whole week now and the pain keeps getting worse. Because I'd been dealing with his condition for 9 months and then putting all of my strength into caring for him and getting him well again, I feel numb now he's no longer here. I miss him so much. How do you get through those bad days when your whole body just aches to have one last hold of your child?
sending you love TeenyT and keeping you in my thoughts
:hugs:
Christelle
03-06-2008, 12:57
I feel your pain.
We tried for 5 years to have Aliyah and then to find out she was ill was such a blow and then to lose her! I thought my world had ended!!
I spent a lot of time on the internet. In particular Miss Foundation and Share. They are such great sites and I made some friends who had also been through similar situations. Also Sids and Kids holds regular group meetings, which could help. I just found chatting to others who also have been through a loss very helpful.
I'm so sorry that all of us have to be here. :hugs: but we can all support each other.
oxxo
Thank you. It's been a very tough week and I kind of shut myself off from everyone. Caelan has been gone a whole week now and the pain keeps getting worse. Because I'd been dealing with his condition for 9 months and then putting all of my strength into caring for him and getting him well again, I feel numb now he's no longer here. I miss him so much. How do you get through those bad days when your whole body just aches to have one last hold of your child?
Jinglebells
03-06-2008, 13:18
i'm so sorry for your loss Trish, no words we could ever say will take away your pain :hugs:, and your pain will never go away, but over time it will get easier to deal with
I just wanna give you a great big :hugs: and tell you everything will be alright,
Like Christelle, I found chatting to others that have been through the same or something similar really helped, that is why I started this thread, so feel free to pop in here when ever you please, when ever you need a shoulder to cry on, :hugs:
StormAngel
04-06-2008, 09:54
I am so sorry Trish :(
Please be thinking of Trish as 10am Perth time today as she farewells little Caelan.
Trish ... I hate to say this honey, but your arms don't seem to ever forget the weight of them and continually ache for one more cuddle :hugs:
Do try the Miss Foundation ... the members are incredibly supportive and it helps you when you think you are going crazy - there is always someone who has reacted in the same way who can reassure you that you are still sane ...
Jinglebells
06-06-2008, 23:06
Trish, thinking of you :hugs:
I hope today went as well as it could for you, and you got to send off the wee man they way that you wanted :hugs: remember he'll always be with you, in your heart and in your mind :hugs:
like Ky said, your arms will never forget and you'll always want to have that one last hold again
:hugs: Thank you all for welcoming me to this thread. I wish none of us had to be here. It shouldnt happen to any parent but at least its comforting to talk to those who understand.
Friday was so hard. The service was beautifully done - he would have enjoyed it I hope. We tried to make it a rememberance of his happy nature, courage and fighting spirit rather than an outpouring of grief and sadness. Afterwards, we released a dozen Monarch butterflies into the gardens to symbolise Caelan's new life wherever he may be right now.
The viewing prior to the service wasnt as hard as I thought it would be - leaving him was much harder when it came time to go. He just looked like he was asleep apart from being cold when I touched him. I had to hold back the urge to gently shake him to see if he would wake up. I think I was just clutching at straws or hoping it had all been a bad dream - sadly, it wasnt.
Christelle - sorry, I have only just found your message. It was in my user control inbox rather than PM and I hadnt been in there for a while so apologies for not replying sooner...
Thanks, I had a quick look on the Miss Foundation site and will check out Share as well. Think I am at the stage where I am ready to talk about Caelan now...
The first few weeks are incredibly awful arent they? Memories are everywhere you go - I opened the change table drawer yesterday and fossicked around for some saline drops for DD and came across Caelan's nappy cream. Bang, there goes that sharp achey pain in my chest again (you all know the one I mean). Same when I had to give DD the cough mixture - immediately thought of administering Caelan's meds. I have to go to the doctors myself today. The thought brings on the pain again as its very close to PMH where Caelan died. I am trying not to dwell on those thoughts but they keep popping into my head on a daily basis.
It seems like I'm getting worse rather than better at dealing with his loss. Everyone kept telling me how strong I was and how well I was coping with his illness and looking after him. The thing is, I shut off the grief emotion and just concentrated on his care and showing him as much love as I could. Now that there isnt anything more I can do for him (except miss him) the grief is overwhelming at times. Did anyone else experience this delayed reaction?
Ky, I picked up his hand & foot castings yesterday. Thank you so much for the idea. I cried when i first saw them but at the same time so comforted by them. I think I might be going mad though. Do you ever feel incredibly paranoid that something might happen to them (in that they get irrepairably damaged)? I wished I had have had two made so I coud keep one safe somewhere and the other on display.
Must be working through the grieving stages. When I hit the anger stage I have a list of insensitive comments that I am going to tape to the punching bag and whack the living daylights out of it. Honestly, why cant certain (tactless) people realise that if you arent sure what to say, sometimes to say nothing is best??? I'm talking way too much atm. :o
Jinglebells
11-06-2008, 21:26
:hugs: Trish, i'm glad friday went as well as it could go, I love the butterfly idea, its beautifull, i'm sure he loved watching all the butterflies fly up towards him :yes:
glad you got some hand a foot castings done, I bet they are lovely,
I too worry about my boys things, worry about something happening to them, so they are all in the filing cabnet, even their ashes, I don't know what I would do if I lost their ashes, blankes and clothing,
I think we all experianced the delayed reaction to greiving, there is so much you go through, before and after, and quite often its not till everyone has gone that you sit back and finally realise what has happened, and that your baby is gone forever,
with Joshua we knew we were going to loose him 3wks before hand, I basically sucked it up and got through everything, it probably wasn't till a week or so after we lost him that I broke down, with Mathew I lost it at his funeral, we didn't have anyone around (our families are overseas) so it was really just us (apart from my dad and DH's mum who came over for the funeral) I didnt' have any distractions to take my mind of it so to speak, which is probably why it hit me a bit earlier than what it did with Josh
anyways, look after yourself chick, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or just to talk, just pop on in here, we're all thinking of you :hugs:
(((Trish))) ... unfortunately, even some people who have gone through this kind of grief will make really insensitive comments!
I am so glad that you got the castings ... I have hung mine at a level where I can tippy-toe and see the tips of Ruby's fingers and toes. I too worry that something will happen to them and am in the process of saving for a firesafe and an external hard disk drive so that all photos and memories can be kept safe.
I kiss my fingers and put them on Ruby's photo every night and say "Goodnight my sweet princess" ... DH is upset that he can't get the same comfort as I can from doing something similar.
As for feeling like you are going crazy and finding it harder to deal with ... sadly, welcome to the club!
I know that initially there is a scientific reason for coping reasonably well (some hormone or other) and then coming crashing down, but there is nothing that can explain how we feel as time goes by. The only thing I have realised is that it is so wrong that we should outlive our child and because of this we don't only grieve emotionally but physically and spiritually as well.
I know, that I have aged incredibly over the last few months. I have always looked around the same age as my DH (he will be 30 this year!), but now I look my full 38 years and some.
Yesterday was one of those days that I was warned about ... I woke up with an overwhelming sadness that just couldn't be budged. I went to town as I needed to do some banking and get some silly items (baking powder and blu-tack of all things) from the supermarket. It seemed like everywhere I turned, there were babies which were around the age Ruby should be. I knew that we had had a baby boom down here in January, but, my goodness ... there are so many!
I actually turned and ran when I saw the baby girl in the baby seat on the trolley ahead of me in the express queue ... I was bawling my eyes out and got some pretty strange looks. I think they all thought I was a mad woman!
Am waiting for info from compassionate friends in the mail - have heard that there is a support group here. Has anyone else attended a support group? I am so grateful for the support I get online, but feel so lonely in my grief as none of my friends irl have lost a child - incredibly, not even one miscarriage amongst them! What was I .... the scape goat??? The one who got saddled with the lot???
Ok, nutty outburst over ...
Sending heaps of hugs to you my beautiful friends :hugs:
Ky
Ky, I did the same thing in Chicken Treat last week when a lady standing in front of me suddenly put her young baby up onto her shoulder and the baby's face was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME. Of course the sweet little thing looked at me and smiled and I started to cry and had to walk out the shop. :o
I just got my AF back again this morning - no wonder I feel doubly miserable. :gloomy:
Am going to take Erin out to Go Bananas and watch her play on the jumping castle for an hour or so. Always a good thing to make me smile!
Christelle
14-06-2008, 20:59
How r we all??
TeenyT - I totally understand what u are going through. I cared for my daughter in hospital for 6 months after she was gone i was totally lost. I think I was worse after a few months, when it all "sunk" in that she wasn't coming back. It's soooo hard. It will get worse before it gets better. But it will get better.
Aliyah's birthday is next Thursday. She will (or would have been) 3 years old! so unbelievable.
I just want to give everyone on this thread:hugs: and just to let u all know that as time passes you will feel more "human"' again. It takes time but it does happen.
oxox
Jinglebells
18-06-2008, 16:24
The cord
We are connected my child and I, By an invisible cord not seen by the eye. It’s not like the cord that connects us at birth. This cord cannot be seen by any on earth, This cord does its work right from the start, It binds us together attached to my heart, I know that its there though no one can see, This invisible cord from my child to me, The strength of this cord is hard to describe, It can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied, It’s stronger than any cord man can create, It withstands the test, can hold any weight, And although you are gone and not here with me, The cord is still there but no one can see, It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore, But this cord is my lifeline as never before. I am thankful that cord connects us this way, A mother and child, Death can’t take away.
Sums it up beautifully Gizzy.
Christelle - hope you are doing OK after Thursday. The roses sounded beautiful and I'm sure Aliyah was looking down and smiling. :hugs:
I went to my first bereavement meeting with Heartkids the other day. It was held at PMH and I broke down a few times just trying to walk through the grounds knowing that this was where Caelan first arrived on the earth and the place where he left.
Afterwards, I was glad I went. Just speaking to other mums (like you guys too!) going through the same thing helps you understand that although people grieve differently, the way you do things isnt wrong. I was carrying a lot of guilt but just talking helped me to see that it is OK to smile or laugh sometimes and Caelan wont think badly of me for it.
I'm making a DVD out of his photos and videos so that we wont forget him (Silly really.. how could I ever?). I've shed so many tears doing it but its so good to watch it over and over again and smile at all the cute little things he used to do. I miss him so much.
rollercoastermum
22-06-2008, 23:07
Evening all...
I been up n down heaps these last few weeks.
My b/g twins are going to be 13 in just under 2 weeks - yet another milestone that Samuel never got to reach...
The milestones are hard ones to deal with for me.
It is now 2.5yrs since I lost my dear son and the pain hasnt eased at all.. I was laying on the lounge tonight looking at his photo and wondering how he would look now. How tall would he be? How would he have his hair?
All those questions that I guess we all ask ourselves about our Angels in Heaven..
Hugs to all of you...
From one Grieving Mum to another...
(((Tammy)))
Our lives truely are a rollercoaster of emotions ...
Sending hugs and gentle thoughts :hugs:
rollercoastermum
22-06-2008, 23:15
(((Tammy)))
Our lives truely are a rollercoaster of emotions ...
Sending hugs and gentle thoughts :hugs:
Yes we certainly do travel a huge rollercoaster in our lives.... hence my name being rollercoaster mum....
Thanks for the hugs and thoughts...
Jinglebells
28-06-2008, 22:54
(((HUGS))) Tammy :hugs:
yes life is alot like a rollercoaster, if only it was just a baby rollercoaster, will little ups and downs, and not the full on twists and turns and cork screws which happen in our lives
milestones are hard, and probably will continue to be hard, a couple of mths ago I was having a bit of a down time, found myself thinking of the boys, wondering what DS1 would be like, he would've started his first year of school this year, how exciting that would've been, unfortunatly he will never experiance that, I often find myself thinking of DS3 as well, he should be a walking (maybe talking) toddler, and I wonder if they would have all looked the same
anyways here some more (((HUGS))) I hope you have more ups than downs in the comming weeks, as your twins become another year older :yes:
Jinglebells
29-06-2008, 20:56
Just wanted to share this
The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom, Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon. But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be, Touches the world in some small way For all eternity. The little one we longed for Was swiftly here and gone. But the love that was then planted Is a light that still shines on. And though our arms are empty, Our hearts know what to do. Every beating of our hearts Says that we do love you.
jaydensmum
02-07-2008, 16:25
Hi everyone!
Well i had my precious girl last weds!!:yelclap: We named her Ariana Grace and she is so beautiful. :D She was born after a 45min labour and weighed 7lb 5oz. I feel very lucky and blessed to have her here safe and healthy. :yes:
Well the last two days even though i feel very happy about her arrival, i also feel weird. I cant stop crying over stupid things. I know hormones has a lot to do with it, but its just not me. Oceana's anniversary of her death is coming up in a couple of weeks and i think its really affecting me. It would of been this time last year that things started going wrong with Oceana. I know i should be fully over the moon about Ariana but i cant stop thinking about Oceana too. I even cried today looking at a photo of me, Ariana and my Ob. It made me think that im not going to see him again after my 6wk checkup. I know that shouldnt upset me but it does. In my eyes my Ob saved our DD's life, without his care, we may of lost her too. He put himself out the whole way through my pg. I dont know how to thank him enough. Even now im getting all teary again. :crying: I think the whole birthing experience of our little miracle has been overwhelming for me. I think im finding it difficult taking in that shes actually here and ok. It was a very stressful and difficult pg and all the emotions are sneaking up on me, on top of Oceanas anniversary. :( Sorry for this long post, i just have to get out all these feelings, i feel like im flooded!! :gloomy:
Noami ~ What a beautiful little girl you have there. Her name is so gorgeous. I know she has a big sister looking over her shoulder, guiding and protecting her.
Take time to cry sweety, let it all out. Your concerns for your little girl are warranted with what you have been through.
Oceana is with you always , watching protecting. Enjoy your little one, shes perfect and healthy.
Most of all take time for yourself.... think about it, how much over the past 12 months have u been through.
:hugs: Take care sweety.
Hi everyone,
Hope you are all well.
Not long now for me until we start another embryo transfer. I think 1 week and 6 days..... like im counting LOL
Anyway just popped in to see how things were.
Stacey
jaydensmum
02-07-2008, 16:49
Kachow - thanks hun!!:hugs: Your post was lovely, it made me all teary! :crying::hugs:I know ill get through this, i just feel overwhelmed with emotions right now. :yes:
Your right , you will get through it !
Oh bugger didnt mean to make u cry more.
Wish I was there for a big hug ! :hugs:
jaydensmum
02-07-2008, 17:06
Oh bugger didnt mean to make u cry more.
Lol! Dont worry at the moment, im crying even when people ask if im ok. I didnt feel like this with my other kids, its really strange to me. :yes: Im supposed to be over the moon right now, not like this!! :no::(
There is a reason .... you have to realise that.
jaydensmum
02-07-2008, 17:18
Yeah i know there is, i think its just shocked me that its snuck up and hit me. :yes: Im seeing the ECN tomorrow for the first time, i think i might tell her what im feeling, it might help. I just dont want this getting out of hand, i have 3 kids that rely and need me.
Good Luck honey.
Remember we are her for you. :hugs:
I have my first session of grief and trauma counselling tomorrow. I got a call from the local family support centre today as the social worker at Westmead Childrens had referred me to them and was pleasantly surprised when she understood my reluctance to go there when there was a possibility of parents in the waiting room who were having trouble settling bub etc when I just wanted to be having their trouble instead of no baby at all! They have organised an appointment for me for when the nurses will all be out on home visits and I won't encounter any babies ... If I could have hugged her over the phone, I would have!
I'm missing my little Ruby more than ever, but crying less - I don't know how that works, but it does!
DH took the kids to see Kung Fu Panda yesterday and found that he cried several times through the movie. He hasn't cried much and has decided that he needs to watch more movies with emotional moments so that he can allow himself to let his emotions out. They went with his mate and his partner, so DH felt a little silly and was going to blame rubbing his eyes with hands salty from the popcorn if they noticed they were red and watery :p
He is slowly becoming less angry and has said that now everything feels like it was all a dream. I told him I felt the same, as there is nothing down here to remind us of the time we spent with her - we only spent time with her in Sydney so apart from her funeral and seeing her at the funeral directors, she has very few links with our home town and I find that sad.
I haven't done anything with her room - it doesn't upset me ... she was never there ... but the futility of the exercise - gathering all of these things for my precious bub does hurt. The kids like to play in there sometimes so I don't want to shut it off. They say that they like to think of her and involve her in their games and seeing her things (especially the quilt I made for her) makes them feel like she is there. They are such sweethearts!
:hugs: to everyone ... I hope your days are gentle
Christelle
10-07-2008, 14:24
Ky,
Don't worry too much about the room. I STILL have Aliyah's room as is!!! all her clothes are still in the cupboard and all her toys. I'm going to have to pack them up one day but I will do it when i am ready.
I'm glad the Children's Hospital helped you out with counselling. I got no help what so ever. Left the hospital without my baby and that was that. I had to search around for counseling myself. So you are going to the hospital for counselling??
Anyhow, please contact me whenever you like. We are all here for you. I know the first year is the hardest. :hugs:
No, I'm not going to the hospital ...
The social worker organised counselling for me locally here in Nowra at the family care cottage. My appointment was very good and I came away after 2 hours feeling absolutely drained! I picked my kids up from my friends place and took them straight home then cancelled the babysitting I was going to do that night as there was no way I was going to be able to cope with other people's children.
Especially not these two - the baby is ok (13mo), he is a bit slow but easy enough to look after - it's the 5yo girl! She puts everything in her mouth! I have to babyproof my house because of her! She also gets into everything, makes a huge mess, constantly wees herself and asks really dumb questions non-stop :hair: A friend of mine teaches at her school and is exasperated by the child eating glue by the handful :confused: Glad she isn't my kid.
ok, so obviously I am still really not in a great frame of mind to be looking after other peoples children. I might just suspend the tuesday night arrangement for a while ...
Thanks for being there for me - just knowing that someone else will read my ramblings and not tell me that I am crazy is comforting.
Sending love, hugs and wishes for gentle days ahead ... Ky
Christelle
11-07-2008, 09:04
Glad the counselling went well. I know when I used to go, I would feel so tired and emotionally drained. It's hard work!
Know one else knows what it feels like to lose a child. I dont even try to talk to anyone else about it, only ones who have also lost children. It's ok you're not going crazy. Everything that you have mentioned, i feel the same way too. I would stay away from other people's kids for a while, that's what i had to do. It's hard but if that's what makes you feel "sane" then do it.
Take care and be gentle on yourself. :hugs:
Hi all. SOrry I havent posted in a while. Hope you are all well, emotionally as well as physically.
We have had a few minor colds in the house but the major issue for me is the anger stage has begun. I am so angry at silly little things. I know (mostly) what happened with Caelan and that it was unavoidable so I feel like I dont have a lot to be angry about. Yes, I'm angry that he was taken from us but I'm also finding I get so angry at unrelated things. I have to refrain from posting my thoughts on some topics or I'll end up seriuously offending someone. Sometimes I just want to post LEAVE ***** ALONE AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF when I see the heated debates and someone else is getting picked on by the self appointed pillars of society. It's awful having so much anger. Thankfully, we have a punching bag here at home... :laughing:
Caelan's post mortem results are back and we are seeing the cardio tomorrow to discuss. I hate going back to PMH where it all happened but am trying to see the positives as well. Hopefully we'll get some closure and not feel as though there was something more we could have done for Caelan.
Kachow, I hope all goes well with the embyro transfer this week and you'll be celebrating some wonderful news soon. :fingerscrossed::babydust2:(some good luck dust!)
Naomi ~ Thinking of you on Thursday :hugs:
jaydensmum
18-07-2008, 16:18
Kachow - thanks hun!!!:hugs: It was a difficult day yesterday but i survived it, just. Its hard to believe that its been a whole year since it happened. My DH had the day off yesterday, so it was good having him around, it really helped. :hugs: Im seeing a psychologist next thurs, im hoping it helps me feel better. :fingerscrossed:
Teeny - Good luck with your results hun. :hugs:Hopefully they do give you closure, i know results really do help when your grieving. :yes: :hugs:
Hi girls,
How is everyone going. Its been pretty quite in here.... im thinking its a good thing !
Thinking of you all.:flowerz:
Jinglebells
13-08-2008, 21:55
Stormangel, thinking of you today chick, hope your coping alright :hugs::hugs:
Kachow all good here, well as good as it can be, been having some drama's with DD, hopefully it will get sorted out soon
StormAngel
14-08-2008, 09:56
Hey all,
Sorry I haven't been around much, I'm just not coping very well atm :(
hope everyone is well, Gizzy, I will catch you (or you'll catch me) on msn one day! lol
If any of you are interested I've started Finn's webpage, if you go to Storms webpage link in my siggy there is a link from the bottom of her page (i've not done much but it's a start)
LivinOnAPrayer
14-08-2008, 12:13
please keep mellieB in your thoughts and prayers today, as she lost her gorgeous heart baby Zac last night :crying::angel:
Jinglebells
14-08-2008, 13:38
please keep mellieB in your thoughts and prayers today, as she lost her gorgeous heart baby Zac last night :crying::angel:
OMG another heart baby :crying: I have MellieB in my thoughts, and her wee man :angel:Zac :hugs:
Jo, will defaintly catch you on msn sometime, i'll check out Finn's page as well, :hugs:
Christelle
15-08-2008, 13:09
Will definately keep mellieb in my thoughts :(
I'm doing "ok". Keeping busy with work and lachlan.
Christelle
15-08-2008, 14:44
Hi all. SOrry I havent posted in a while. Hope you are all well, emotionally as well as physically.
We have had a few minor colds in the house but the major issue for me is the anger stage has begun. I am so angry at silly little things. I know (mostly) what happened with Caelan and that it was unavoidable so I feel like I dont have a lot to be angry about. Yes, I'm angry that he was taken from us but I'm also finding I get so angry at unrelated things. I have to refrain from posting my thoughts on some topics or I'll end up seriuously offending someone. Sometimes I just want to post LEAVE ***** ALONE AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF when I see the heated debates and someone else is getting picked on by the self appointed pillars of society. It's awful having so much anger. Thankfully, we have a punching bag here at home... :laughing:
Caelan's post mortem results are back and we are seeing the cardio tomorrow to discuss. I hate going back to PMH where it all happened but am trying to see the positives as well. Hopefully we'll get some closure and not feel as though there was something more we could have done for Caelan.
Kachow, I hope all goes well with the embyro transfer this week and you'll be celebrating some wonderful news soon. :fingerscrossed::babydust2:(some good luck dust!)
TeenyT
How are you doing? Just wondering how the appointment when regarding Caelan's post mortem?
Hi Christelle. I'm doing OK - there are moments where I am not so good but I've gone back to full-time study and that's been great for keeping me busy. We didnt really get any new information from Caelan's post mortem but the doctors were very grateful to us as they gained a great deal which will help them manage these conditions, should they ever come across another child with the same. One positive if you can call it that, is that the chance of DP & I ever having another child with such a severe heart condition would be one in a million. It wont bring Caelan back but at least any other child wont have to go through what my poor little boy did.
Ky- have you heard from MellieB? I think of her a lot and hope she and her DH are getting lots of support. Poor little Zac. The hardest part to deal with is the fact he seemed to be thriving when they took him home and then for this to happen so unexpectedly. :gloomy:
How is everyone else getting by?
Christelle
19-08-2008, 10:19
Hi Christelle. I'm doing OK - there are moments where I am not so good but I've gone back to full-time study and that's been great for keeping me busy. We didnt really get any new information from Caelan's post mortem but the doctors were very grateful to us as they gained a great deal which will help them manage these conditions, should they ever come across another child with the same. One positive if you can call it that, is that the chance of DP & I ever having another child with such a severe heart condition would be one in a million. It wont bring Caelan back but at least any other child wont have to go through what my poor little boy did.
Ky- have you heard from MellieB? I think of her a lot and hope she and her DH are getting lots of support. Poor little Zac. The hardest part to deal with is the fact he seemed to be thriving when they took him home and then for this to happen so unexpectedly. :gloomy:
How is everyone else getting by?
Hi TeenyT,
Yes,I know the feeling... they have us one in a million chance of our next baby having the same thing wrong. Luckily Lachlan is a healthy boy. Thank God for that.
I can't believe that this December will be 3 years. Unbelievable.
Hey Trish ... Haven't heard anything from MellieB ... I too am hoping that she and her DH are getting a heap of support - the shock factor in Zac's death is huge! Hopefully, she will feel free to lean on us when she ready to. I certainly want to do what I can to support her through her journey.
We have been told that we have a 5% chance of another child with heart defects but virtually no chance at all of the severity of Ruby's. My endocrinolgist doen't want me to have any more babies, but DH and I are thinking about trying anyway. My Ob is so supportive that he wants me to try for a VBA3C next time!
We will be having an echo at 19 week in any subsequent pregnancies as a precaution - not that I would terminate, I would just like to be prepared again ...
Jinglebells
20-08-2008, 11:09
HI guys :hugs:
Trish glad to hear your doing well, hope the studying goes well, its good to have something that keeps you busy isn't it, i'm sorry to hear your angry though :hugs: I remember that feeling all too well, it will pass in time, look after yourself chick
Christelle the years go too quickly don't they, I just had another look at Aliyha's web page, every time I do I bawl my eyes out, she was such a cute baby, with all that hair :hugs:
Ky if you hear from MellieB, let her know we're thinking of her
its so sad, you guys have been through so much to keep them here, I can only imagine how it feels to loose a baby that you tired so hard to get them well, and spent some time with, I don't think I could've delt with it if I was in your situation, my hat comes off to you ladies :yes:
as for us having anymore, if we did, we would have a 50/50 chance of having another extreamly preemie baby (as in waters break before 20gest), or a 75% chance of having another premmie at least, so at the mo, we're not having anymore, i've had to deliver 2 sleeping babies, and I don't want to do that again :no:
jaydensmum
02-09-2008, 15:45
Hi everyone! :wave: Sorry i havent been on here in ages. So many dreadful things have been happening to me of late. First of all my DH's nan passed away a few weeks ago. Then i got a uterus infection that put me into hospital for 5 days on strong IV antibiotics. The day i got discharged from hospital my 9wk old baby fractured her skull by DH accidently dropping her. :( She was in hospital for a wk and only got discharged on sunday. All of these events have completely exhausted me physically and emotionally. Both my DH and i were so scared about our DD's fall. All the memories of losing Oceana came back. :crying: So at the moment im not doing too well. :gloomy: Im going to be seeing the psychologist this week thank goodness. Well thats my update for now. Ill go back later and catch up with whats going on for you all. Talk to you soon. :hugs:
Naomi ~oh honey what a horrible turn of events for you and DH :hugs:
I hope the next month brings you peace and happiness. :hugs:
Christelle
02-09-2008, 16:13
So sorry you have had such a hard time.
Thinking of you all :hugs:
Jinglebells
02-09-2008, 20:48
:hugs: Naomi :hugs:
what a mth you've had, hope your infection is under control and little Ariana will be alright
MumTotzlj
21-09-2008, 20:19
hi all
i just found this thread hope you dont mind me crashing.
we lost our beatiful little angel Zachariah in july he was 12 days old.
Honey, you are definitely not crashing the thread!
It is with a heavy heart and much sorrow that I welcome you to the club that really, none of us wants to be a member of :gloomy:
I hope that you can find some comfort, support and understanding from knowing that we have an idea of how you are feeling and that you are as "normal" as a grieving parent can be.
Take care
MumTotzlj
23-09-2008, 12:07
I wanted to share this with you ladies it has helped me.
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. this year, hundreds of women will become mothers of special children.
Did you ever wonder how mothers of special needs children are chosen?
Somehow I visualise God hovering over the earth selecting His instruments of propagation with greath care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a great ledger. 'Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.'
'Forest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Cecilia.'
'Rutledge, Carrie, Twins. Patron Saint...Gerard. He's quite used to profanity.' Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles 'give her a special child.'
The angel is courious. ' Why this one, God? She's so happy.'
'Excatly,' smiles God. 'Could I give a special child to a mother who does not know how to laugh? That would be cruel.'
'But does she have patience?' asks the angel. 'I don't wnat her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it.'
'I watch her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child i'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and tha's not going to be easy.'
'But Lord, I don't think she believes in you.'
God smiles. 'No matter i can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'
The angel gasps. 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'
God nods. 'If she can't separte herself from the child occasionaly, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a women whom I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realise it yet, but she is to be envied.'
'She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'Mummy' for the first time she will be a witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every nminute of the day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is by my side.'
'And what about her patron saint?' asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air.
God smiles. 'A mirror will suffice.'
Emma Bombeck
jaydensmum
23-09-2008, 12:16
Thomassmum - im so sorry hun to hear of your loss of your precious boy!!! :hugs::hugs: Dont be silly, you didnt crash this thread at all, thats what this thread is all about sharing the pain of our loss. We are all here for you hun.:hugs: If you ever need a chat feel free to PM me. Try and take it easy and dont be hard on yourself. :hugs:
Christelle
23-09-2008, 14:27
hi all
i just found this thread hope you dont mind me crashing.
we lost our beatiful little angel Zachariah in july he was 12 days old.
Thomassmum you are not crashing at all!!! we are all in the same boat and are here to chat. Please PM me anytime if you need to chat.
Christelle
07-10-2008, 07:18
It's been a bit quiet on this thread. Just wanted to send you all some of these :hugs:Hope everyone is doing ok.
Jinglebells
09-10-2008, 21:20
:hugs: for you too Christelle
I havn't been in here for so long, DS3's 2 year sadiversary went by last mth, and no one remembered, not that I expected anyone to remember:no:
thomassmum i'm sorry to be welcoming you to this thread, :hugs: feel free to pop in here when ever you want or need to :hugs:
jaydensmum
09-10-2008, 23:08
Gizzy - im sorry to hear that people may of forgotten the anniversary of your DS. :hugs:I know it hurt when close people forgotten about Oceanas anniversary. The thing is they might not have forgotten, they might not have known how to address it right now and so appear to have forgotten. I thought that about my DH with Oceanas ann, but DH told me when i approached him that he didnt want to bring it up. Anniversarys are always the hardest to get through. If you ever need to chat hun im always here for you.:yes: Thinking of you!! :hugs::hugs:
StormAngel
03-11-2008, 14:45
Hi all,
I'm sorry I've not been in here much, I'm not coping very well at the moment, but I promise I will come in here more!
Jinglebells
03-11-2008, 15:05
Hi all,
I'm sorry I've not been in here much, I'm not coping very well at the moment, but I promise I will come in here more!
:hugs::hugs::hugs: chick, sorry to hear your not doing so well:hugs:
if you ever need anyone to talk to we're here,
you know i'm on msn as well, so log on when ever, i'm usually not far from the computer
Naomi sucks when people either forget or are to scared to mention that they remembered, when we lost DS1, every year after up untill the year after we moved here, my parents would text me on the days, which ment alot to me, they havn't done it the last couple of years, spose its out of sight out of mind now, cause I don't see them often being in different countries now
jaydensmum
04-11-2008, 10:54
Jo - sorry to hear that things arent so good hun. :hugs:Know that we are always here for you hun when you're ready! :hugs:
Gizzy - if people only knew that showing/mentioning that they remembered means a lot.:yes: It shows that our little angels are still important. In saying that though, they will always be important for us and thats all that matters. :yes:
Jinglebells
07-11-2008, 10:53
In saying that though, they will always be important for us and thats all that matters. :yes:
so true :yes:
Hello all,
I have lost my twin boys a month ago. October 18 they where born. At 21 weeks there was little we could do. Seems like it was due to Twin to Twin Transfussion Syndrome.
I am trying to get on with life but some days I find it so hard to get up and go on with the "normal" things.
I think is great to have a thread like this. I read your posts and feel like I am not alone. My pain is shared by others and in a way makes me feel better.
Thanks for creating this.
Ana.
Christelle
25-11-2008, 08:27
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you all as Christmas approaches. It's such a hard time of the year. With me, Christmas also marks the angelversary of Aliyah. she went to heaven on 23rd Dec 05. Am I ever going to be able to enjoy Christmas with my little boy again? How do I act happy when I am so sad? :(
Jinglebells
27-11-2008, 12:27
Hi Ana :wave: i'm sorry to be welcoming you to this thread :hugs:
no words I can say will take away your pain, but do know your not alone, pop in here from time to time for a chat if you wish,
Christelle I don't know if christmas will ever be the same for me either, Joshua's sadiversary is the 29th of Dec, right between xmas and newyears, it will be 6 years this year
:hugs: for everyone else
samantha03
01-12-2008, 17:00
I want my baby back.
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