Adopting when u can have kids yourself [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

lovebeingamum!

31-01-2008, 21:17

SalTheGal

31-01-2008, 21:24

Hmmm I am not really sure I have an opinion on it particularly....

I just know that people who are unable to have children should always get first option.

My cousin and his wife have just arrived home this week from africa with a little boy they have adopted. (who I might add is absolutely gorgeous!) :hugs:

After watching the heart ache they have been through for nearly 15yrs of first trying to conceive via IVF then going onto adoption lists and waiting and getting false hopes and disapointment I would hate to think they might miss out on becoming parents when others who could concieve naturally succeeded in adopting sooner.

All the red tape involved in adopting from OS (there are very very few adoptions available of Aust babies) means it is a very lengthy and costly process, with lots of heartache involved, I don't know too many people who would have the resources to go through it if they could conceive naturally.

:)

ETA- If you would like to give your heart and home to a child after you have finished having your own- maybe think about fostering.....there is way way more children in the system who need to be fostered, and we desperately need more parents who are willing to open their homes to these special kids!

spring

31-01-2008, 21:27

If I was able to I would rather adopt & child from overseas than have another one myself.

tru

31-01-2008, 21:29

Being adopted myself, adopting children is something I have always considered. I think it is a very selfless act to give a child already born in to this world a chance at a better life. I am so grateful to my parents for giving me a wonderful life, and I would love to do the same for someone else as soon as they can.

I think if you are able to bear children naturally then perhaps it would be better to leave Australian babies up for adtopion for parents who can not conceive. Afterall, you already know how wonderful it is to have one, so wouldn't you like for other people to fulfil their dream as parents.

There aren't too many unwanted babies in Australia. It's difficult enough to adopt a newborn in Australia (I think there were only about 2 available for adoption in QLD last year), so there are more chances of adopting a child from overseas (although very expensive and lots of hassels with governments, etc).

I understand there is a maternal instinct to bear your own children, but I kind of feel like I've been there, done that now, know how amazing it feels and would feel totally complete with my life to not do it again...although would be very happy and feel blessed to do it again as well :)

Opening your heart and your home to a child you didn't create but love like you did is a truly wonderful thing. If only all children were loved by their parents as wholly and unconditionally - the world would be a much better place :)

Teley

31-01-2008, 21:46

I'm looking to adopt at least one more child later on in life from Russia, hopefully when I'm living in Russia as well. Now there's a lot of children who are looking and hoping to be adopted there. (So I really don't think I'm being greedy:laughing:) And having more of my own!
Oh dear. My brood:ecomcity:....might turn out a little large haha....

shed

31-01-2008, 21:56

I didn't vote as I think the issue is more complex than the options suggest.

I wouldn't purposely seek to adopt a child instead of having my own, but if I ever had a child come into my life who needed a home and a family then I would definitely welcome them with open arms.

kas3

01-02-2008, 22:54

I don't have a problem with ppl adopting even if they can have biological children. There are so many kids in the world that need homes. Plus, the biological connection isn't so important for some people. As the sibling of an adopted child, I know I would have a no problem loving a child that wasn't mine genetically. If I had the money, I'd do it in a second.

regards
kas

motherdearest

02-02-2008, 22:51

A child is not SOLEY placed on this earth to complete a happy family, it is a very sad concept that a mother has to give thier child up for adoption so i dont think anyone has any claim over anyone for a child that is biologically not thiers, thus i belive that anyone should be able to have the oportunity to adopt a child to bring them into a loving home with or without childern. There are many children in the world who NEED a safe and loving home.

peanutbutter&jelly

06-02-2008, 22:28

I personally believe that local adoptions should be left mostly to those who cannot concieve/carry a child naturally.
International adoptions on the other hand I think need to be handled very carefully... I am very glad that we only have one agency in Australia who can legally arrange international adoptions (or so I believe), and that one being DOCS. Even though they are completely swamped, the concept of it becomming easier horrifies me.
As I mentioned in another post tonight, I'd love to look at adopting children in 15 - 17 years... and realistically know that if this occurs it'll be international.
So all in all, international adoptions are great foir those with the love and place in their families for a child - whether they can concieve naturally or not... but I believe in the prioritisation of couples who cannot concieve naturally for local adoptions :)

thetronalmighty

07-02-2008, 08:51

I think if you have the funds to adopt a child, you should go for it, regardless of your ability to have children. There are so many needy children around, what can it hurt?

cho

07-02-2008, 21:13

ETA- If you would like to give your heart and home to a child after you have finished having your own- maybe think about fostering.....there is way way more children in the system who need to be fostered, and we desperately need more parents who are willing to open their homes to these special kids!

:iagree: :iagree:

MilkOnTap

07-02-2008, 21:21

This is something that I'm struggling wtih at the moment.

My husband wants to adopt a second child rather than create a child. He is a greenie at heart, and believes that the earth is over-populated and that it is better for Jedd and future generations if we keep our families small.

I desperately want Jedd to have a sibling and would love to have another child (yeah - even now would be great) but I do feel that even though I've had some fertility problems I am still able to have a child. Yes, it does put my own life at risk - but I've done it once out of 3 pregnancies now, I'm sure I can do it again.

kels1

08-02-2008, 15:46

There are so many childless couples on the waiting list for local and overseas adoption of which some can go their whole life without being chosen as parents. It's very sad.

In saying that I don't believe it should come down to who already has a family or who doesn't - it's not about the adults!! Adoption is all about what is in the best interest of the child.

My DP and I are the proud parents of our beautiful son through local adoption.

Pixie

08-02-2008, 18:16

SassyMummy

08-02-2008, 18:47

It's so hard to adopt, that I don't believe that anyone who is ABLE to have another baby should get first preference (unless it's the type of adoption where the pregnant mother chooses the adoptive parents - then it should be solely up to her).

If someone wants a 2nd child, but discovers she is infertile or whatever, then I think adoption should be open to her and her family... but if she wants a 2nd child but doesn't want to be pregnant/TTC/give birth herself, then I think she's being a bit greedy...

I think there are plenty of unwanted children out there, but not all of these children are easily rehomed, and particularly not rehomed to Australian families. If we didn't have abortion, then I suspect we'd have many more children up for adoption, making it easier for Australian families, but for now, I think that adoption should be limited to those who cannot concieve (or perhaps, it is dangerous for them to concieve) themselves.

forbetoel

08-02-2008, 19:13

It doesn't matter either way, an adoption is about the child, not the applicants situation. Sure it would be nice for all babies go to people who can't have them, but at the end of the day I just want to see the child go to the best people.

Babies are not a commodity, it is not about who already has 'one' :rolleyes:

our little treasures

08-02-2008, 19:18

:iagree:

Mamalicious

08-02-2008, 19:24

There are so many children in the world that need a loving home to grow up in, I don't think it's fair to say "Well you have one, that's enough!"

There are tests you have to go through to be able to adopt a child anyway, and as far as I know, people are chosen because they will be good parents. That's enough for me.

delirium

08-02-2008, 20:54

Hmmm, interesting question. In a perfect world, were there were heaps of kids needing to be adopted I would say it would be great for a couple already with kids to adopt. But adoption rates are very low here, and there are only a small amount of kids for many parents. So I guess, my answer is that childless couples should be given the option before those with kids. But if adoption rates increased why not?

millymoo

08-02-2008, 21:15

I am adopted. I always said if I couldn't have kids I still wouldn't adopt. Yes wouldn't. It's so personal I can explain it and even if I did try no one would really understand so I am not even going there. But no I would remain childless.

I didn't vote

Hey Pixie

As you know I am too and completley understand where you are coming from. It is very very complex and hard for anyone who hasn`t been to understand.

mykids1974

10-02-2008, 13:53

If you can have a child naturally, I doubt the department would give you one as there aren't many babies up for adoption. BUT, I am a foster carer and there are plenty of young children needing homes. I have 2 beautiful boys via permanent care and know of plenty of others still waiting for a permanent family of there own.

Hokey Pokey

14-02-2008, 15:06

I don't see a problem with adopting a child if you have your own or can have your own, it's a wonderful thing to do! It should be about the child's best interest, not wether a person already has children or not!

kitkat2008

10-03-2008, 21:53

I'm about to move back to Australia after living in Singapore for 4 years. I adopted a little boy from Indonesia and he's now 3 years old. I adopted as a Single Mum under Singapore law and he's now an Australian citizen. I have a lot of friends here who've adopted and some have bio children, others not. It's a personal choice and one that's filled with love and happiness.

I'm dreading moving back as I know it will be a lot tougher for me as a single working mum but my son needs to see his family - uncles, cousins etc. I cannot bring my amazing helper back but would give anything to (Government won't grant her a visa as she's Filipino).

I don't regret my decision for a second and I love him so much.

MummaBear03

10-03-2008, 22:01

I didn't vote either. I believe that every child deserves to grow and have a happy and healthy childhood in order to grow into happy and balanced adults. I don't think it really matters the status of thos adopting, but giving parents who are unable to conceive the priority would be the fair thing to do. If I was to adopt it would be probably an older child rather than a newborn as the older children become, the less likely they are to be adopted. That's generally speaking though. If I was asked to adopt a child tomorrow because someone tried to sell the child to become a sex object, I'd adopt without thinking of anyone else who may have been TTC for the last decade without success, I'd be thinking entirely of the child in question. The issue is far too complicated though and I don't feel confident discussing it in full in a forum.

OJandMe

10-03-2008, 22:03

(Government won't grant her a visa as she's Filipino).

Filipina ;)

kitkat2008

11-03-2008, 14:01

Filipina ;)

Oops! I get it so confused - her Passport does say Filipina but we say Filipino and the spelling in Oz is Philippines. Gahhh to confusing!

PunkyDiva

11-03-2008, 14:04

Kazamataz

05-04-2008, 20:50

What are the opinions on adopting a child when you can have one naturally yourself?

Is it a case of: dont be greedy, there are ppl who cant have kids and want to adopt

OR

There's more 'unwanted' kids out there than ppl who want to take them, so go for it!!

-I'm wondering the thoughts and opinions. Wld in make a difference in terms of how long it took to finalise something? (eg: a couple who couldnt have kids would get 'priority')

I'm wondering the thoughts and opinions out there.

I think that if we can fall pregnant a 2nd time, I may like to give a child a loving home to make it three... Just something thats been in my heart for a while

I'd love to be able to adopt a child but right now it's not something I'm seriously looking into as far as I know I can have children naturally.
(I have one son)

My reasons behind wanting to adopt would simply be to provide a loving home for a child who doesn't have one.

Although I do think that preference should go to parents who can't conceive naturally.

gamsarah

01-10-2008, 15:11

I would love to adopt a child (or two... or three!) after DH and I have had our own, assuming we are able. I would hope to adopt from the country DH's parents are from, so it will be easier to provide the important cultural connections, but Australia doesn't have an adoption agreement with that country at the moment, so I don't know if it's even possible... and besides, a child is a child... no matter which country we adopt from, they will have doting parents and grandparents :bee:

~Candy~

01-10-2008, 15:13

I voted "don't be greedy"...and this is just MY opinion only because I'm not the sort to adopt anyway...leave it to those who CAN and WANT to :)

shaniaap8jh

28-10-2008, 17:35

:wave: adopt as many children as you/family +$ can afford & cope with. :yes: 1 &2. Everyone needs a loving family. People often overlook challaged children & older kids. All children (biological & non biological) are the same. We are all 'Gods children'. Unfortunetly too much red tape in this case - age $ etc. Ref. Austrlian adoption site (domestic or international). The law needs to change to match each clients needs. It doesn't matter what others think. It is all up to you, partner, children & agent. If adoption is disaproved by the govt. try to foster (less red tape) as many children as you wish. They too are worthy of your love. Many in the Mercy hospital/charity etc. books that needs a stable family. I'd adopt or foster but we don't meet the requirements yet. We'll wait our children in-law & grandchildren + godkids. Good luck.