Happy families??

[Jinx]

OK - I will try and keep this short......

I haven't spoken to my brother in about 5 yrs - I have never seen his children and he has never seen mine. We were never very close growing up and then one day we had an argument and haven't spoken since. He also stopped talking to our parents about 3 years ago. My dad also hasn't spoken to his sister or parents for as long as I can remember, and my husband isn't close to his siblings either.

The thing is, I am really worried about my 2 sons. They are only 3 1/2 and 9 months now but the thought of them growing up and not talking to me, or each other completely stresses me out! It would break my heart.

So I guess what I am asking is: Do you come from a close family? What do you think made it this way? How can I stop history from repeating itself in our family??

[diamonds22]

Hmm that’s an interesting one....when I was growing up my family wasn’t very affectionate at all...we never said 'I love you' or hugged....or really took any interest in each other...we were all to busy 'doing our own thing'.....I remember my older sister and I never got along...she treated me like ****...so I made a promise to myself that when my little sister was born (I’m in the middle both 5yrs apart) that I would never treat her how I got treated...I would look out for her as a sister...but more importantly..be her bestfriend...

Now were all older...I still don't get along with my older sister...because I have a lot of resentment...but I’m always polite...whereas my little sister....because I have actively always made an effort to stay close, and honest...I feel honoured that she always comes to me for advise (shes a teenager...and she tells me everything that is happening in her life..which says a lot for our relationship)

I guess what I am saying is I really believe that affection, honesty and respect are the real keys to a close family relationship...and if you have that..there will always be a special bond...

Hope thats note to long!! lol and I hope it makes sense!!!:)

[MariaO]

Hi Jinx,

Fair play to you for thinking about this for your boys, the very fact that you are augurs well for the future I would think.

I am very close to my family, two brothers and one sister. We fought a lot growing up but are the best of friends as adults. Maybe the fact that we did fight growing up and were not afraid of conflict helped in the long run.

I guess that if you father was feuding with his siblings then this was possibly your role model?

I suppose that you can teach your boys that they can disagree and still love each other. You say that you and your brother were not close growing up. Do you know why? Would you think of approaching your brother now and burying the hatchet?

[Jinx]

You say that you and your brother were not close growing up. Do you know why? Would you think of approaching your brother now and burying the hatchet?

I am not sure why we weren't close - he was 5 yrs older than me and had better things to do than play with his little sister I guess! There was also a lot of competitiveness between us - I kinda blame my parents for this.

I think about contacting my brother very often but he has made it very clear that he doesn't want to be contacted. It makes me very sad sometimes but I just think that maybe it is easier this way. When we did talk to each other it was always very strained and we disagreed on a lot of things - I felt like I was always walking on egg shells. I am also very upset at him for turning his back on our parents - I would never do that!

I worry about the kind of role model I am being for my sons though - I feel like a bit of a hypocrite by telling them that family always stick together through thick and thin but its "different" for me and my brother.

[MariaO]

Perhaps you could write your brother a letter telling him you think of him and wish him well without asking for contact or the like. That way, you can honestly tell your boys that you have passed the olive branch to uncle xxx but that he is not able to be with you for reasons of his own.

When I think about it, I think that forgiveness is a key element to surviving a family! Of course, love and respect and all the rest but forgiving siblings, and parents, for getting it wrong, can allow the love and respect to happen.

I am a bit knackered now and am not expressing myself well I think but I hope you get my drift.

[poshBecks]

The best way to stop history repeating itself.... is to live by example & choose to live differently from now on.... For ex. teach your kids to not hold grudges & to learn to forgive!!! :)

My family is pretty close, though I'm not super close with my brother, we still get along though. I think the trick for us has been to not take things too personally & dont hold onto grudges! I hope this helps. :o

[KatherineIV]

My family is close in some ways... and not in others...

My parents were married for 21 years... together for 26... they seperated when I was 11 and my sister was nine... both of them are remarried... dads wife has no children but mums new husband has three boys,,, now there are five and we are all born within two months within four years of each other (which is cool because we all get along really well)

My dad, his wife.. my mum... her husband... and all the kids go on family vacations together... dinner etc...everyone gets along really well...

My mum has four sibblings.... two of which we never see..... my aunt pushed my mother away and we haven't spoken to her for 5ish years... mum is actually in Perth tonight and will be seeing her tomorrow for the first time in YEARS!!

Dad has two brothers... my dad was the youngest... his two older brothers do not speak to each other over a money issue that happened 25 years ago... my dad has tried everything to reconcile the two brothers differences but both are as stubborn as each other... We get along with dads middle brother but I have seen his oldest brother probably three times in my life... I saw him about 6 months ago... and to be honest I feel as though I has missed out by not knowing him and his children...

My dad has always instilled in my sister and I that no matter what happens that we are blood and that we must always trust and love each other... he is so scared that Lauren and I will end up like his two brothers... Dad has ensured that we know the importance of family... and I think in general my family is quite close... we do have members that we don't see ... who I wish we did to be honest because I really think we are all missing out...

My dad and his wife live overseas now... we still try and speak once a week... I see my mum at least twice a week... and my sister and I spend probably an hour a week on the phone...

I can't imagine life without any of them...

So yes in general we are close..

I have babbled alot... sorry :ecomcity:

[Kells]

Hi,
I'm the youngest of three and the only girl. My brothers are 7 and 5 years older than me, and we fought like crazy growing up (I was the typical annoying little sister!!). But we are really close now, and I'm close to my SIL's and neices and nephews too.
My parents are still together, and I see them probably about 3 times a week.

I'm not sure what made us close as a family, but one thing I remember Mum and Dad saying to us, is that no matter what mistakes we make in our life, they will always be there for us and will always love us. They may not AGREE with what we've done, or the choices we make, but will be there to support us and help pick up the pieces if need be. And they have pretty much stuck to their word.

I guess just letting your kids know that they can always rely on each other, and turn to each other, and to be there for each other, even if they dont like what the other has done.

I hope this makes sense!!:D

[danik]

Hi there

I come from a pretty screwed up family where there is a lot of resentment,blame and anger. I am really close to my siser (who is 9 years older than me) and I am trying to have an adult relationship with my mother although she is the main problem in our family. My sister and my mum have a really strained, defensive relationship.

I married into a wonderful family who I have learnt a lot from. They are close and supportive of another, very much the opposite of mine. It's great to see an example of a loving family unit.

DH and I know that we will be number 1 role models in our children's life and that made me realise that all my past resentment and anger from my childhood had to be resolved. You can't go around holding onto all that negative energy because it will one day affect your children and then in turn maybe even affect the way they conduct relationships. The way I see it it is a vicious circle and it needs to be broken.

I promised mysel, DH and future kids that I was not going to make the same mistakes as my mother. Goodluck with your decision:hugs: