Fractured Families and Weddings

[WorkingClassMum]

Every now and then we toy with the idea of getting married - and will probably have a private ceremony with no-one just two witnesses and kids. But this is not want I want.

My father hates my mother with such a vegence, that my kids are too frightened to even mention her in his pressence

My in-laws do not like my father, the stepmonster or my 6 siblings - but they are close friends now with my mother and 4 step-siblings

My PIL are divorced, but good friends

My Father is NOT approachable about this, plus now he's quite ill and has chronic depression

I want them all there - and it's just never going to happen:crying:

[missie_mack]

:laughing: Nobody really likes my FIL. I am not keen on my step siblings at all and half of my family dont talk to the other.

I guess you need to broach the topic gently about them all trying to be civil for your sake. If that individual isnt willing to participate they need to understand that it may mean they will miss the event and really hurt you. Sometimes we need to be the bigger person and put things aside for a day. Im sure they appreciate this even if they dont want to make the effort :)

[TeamAwesome]

I agree with missie_mack, broach the topic but at the end of the day it's about you and your DP!

Honestly after the hassles of getting both my parents to my wedding as both weren't going to come at all due to stupid family feuds. Definitely let them know that they'll be missing out and not well on it. Put the ball in their court and then don't dwell on it! I told both my parents I wanted them there I am only getting married once and it was selfish of them if they couldn't put aside any differences for a day for me.

My mother made part of the day about her and her issues to some of my guests, even told one that the horrible child that I am "forced her to go to my wedding so she may as well buy us a present" when they served her in the shop they worked in haha to her cos that got back to us. We had fantastic friends and PIL's who made sure none of it came out to spoil our day until much later on.

Seriously have the people you and your DP want IF they all can't be the bigger people and get over it for a day for you too bad for them, it's so not worth the effort of trying to work every one in.

[SilverStarfish]

A friend of mine went so far as having contracts for her feuding mother and father to sign - clearing spelling out the seating arrangements (ie. so they would know which part of the room the other would be in) and details of expected behaviour... and what would happen if either of them made trouble!:laughing:

Its not the ideal solution for everyone, but it worked for them :yes:

[InSaneOne]

i would invite all of them and let everyone know that you have invited the other party. firmly tell them that negotiations will not be entered into and you will hear no further comments on the issues. if they choose not to suppoprt you and your dh on your special day then not to bother seeing you both ever again. if there are any muckups on the day don't bother seeing us again.

put it simple so everyone understands.

[missie_mack]

Sometimes a mother and father need to gain a little perspective. Afterall they are the person who chose your other parent :)

On the other flip side of the coin. Just wait until you do get married there will inevitably be other demanding family members screaming
'I want I want!' :hissy: or is that just my DHs family :o :laughing:

My words of advice if you cant come to a suitable arrangement?

Elope


Elope


Elope


Elope :laughing:

[shed]

If its never going to happen then its never going to happen.

You just have to face it, sorry luv.

Believe me, I understand. I was supposed to get married last May but I just kept putting it off because the issue was too overwhelming.

Now we are planning to get married in Fiji and we are only telling people who we don't mind if they turn up! Everyone else will get told that we eloped.

We are taking one friend each and our beautiful baby of course, and I can't wait, I am so excited!! its going to be wonderful, no stress about who is doing or saying what, just me and DP feeling a bit spesh and being with people who make us happy!

Once I let go of the idea of a big wedding I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. Sure, I could have had a big wedding, but it would not have been without family drama and I believe that I would have remembered the drama more than the happiness I felt. The drama was overshadowing the whole thing and in the end I just kept putting it off.

This time its full steam ahead!