Question about first time dads

[cmorison]

Hi Ladies,

I am worried about my hubby, he hasn't really been very excited about our impending arrival, and gets annoyed when I try to get him to think about baby names.

I've asked him if he's excited and he says he is, I also asked if he's got cold feet about the baby, he says he hasn't.

It's our first and we've had to go through IVF, so now that it's finally happened I guess I expected him to be excited and to want to be involved in all aspects of preparing for the birth. Like choosing furniture, prams, names and stuff.

Is this normal first time dad behavior?

Char

[OopsieDaisy]

With DD the father wanted nothing at all to do with the baby (wanted me around but didn't want the baby) I wasn't allowed to talk about it as he would hit the roof :( Anyways that is in the past... my now dh when we had our first together he was really excited! Sadly we m/c... second time around he didn't want to get too attached until the 16 week mark then he was a fuss pot over me and baby :bee:
Same for our other babies.

[EmsMum72]

I don't really think that dad's to be understand the enormity of what is happening because the baby is not growing inside of them, and they tend to act a bit blaise about the whole thing.

Hopefully he will change when the baby is actually here and he can interact with it and create a bond of his own with the child. That's what happened with my hubby anyway. He didn't seem overly interested when I was pregnant, however he liked putting his hand on my belly and feeling the baby moving around. He wasn't overly keen on shopping for the baby, but he was working long hours and it really didn't phase me too much.

Just try to get him involved as much as possible when the baby is born, with cuddles, nappy changes, bath time etc., and don't feel like you have to do everything because some men will think that you can cope and do it all on your own, then they won't get as involved.

Goodluck, I hope he's better when the baby's born! :thumbsup:

[shereejoy]

I guess you have to take into consideration your hubby's reaction to other things. Is he generally an easy going, non-reactive type of guy. My man is, and I know he is the best father to our son even though he shows now emotion to the growing baby inside of me.

[Amira]

With my hubby and our first child he was very excited then i went for a scan and the results were perfect but the idiot doctor read them wrong and thought we had an extremely high % chance of having down's syndrome. So we had a weekend of waiting to go to the specialist and arguing if we should keep the baby. Only to be told on the monday that everything was fine. He never got excited after that though and was always worried about getting too attached to the baby.

Even though he helped with our daughter when she was born he never was really attached to her until she started turning into a little person with her smiles and giggles around 6months of age.

So there are a fair few reasons for your partner to act the way he is. And although when you watch those maternity shows on tv with the perfect partner saying "i wish there was more i can do i feel so useless" you also need to realise that everyone deals with a new baby in different ways.

There is a chance hes just very worried or scared about yours and/or the babies safety
and worried that raising these problems now will only stress you out.

And just as EmsMum72 said its different for the partners cause they dont have that constant reminder kicking away inside.

So you can try and ask different questions maybe like is there anything he'd like to ask the doctor or maybe even suggesting if he is actually worried that he go and speak to the doctor by himself so he can ask the questions without worrying about you being there with him.

If all else fails just give him some time and space. Im sure things will turn out ok and i wish you all the best :)

PS i hope this makes sense and if you have any questions feel free to pm me.

[Hayden&Ryan&Joel]

My husband has NEVER been that into my pregnancy, or even the baby for the first 6 months or so. He always seemed very distant to it all and uninterested. Was almost forced to come to scans etc, although he did want children... and wanted them then. We had fertility treatment too (not IVF though) but he just never seemed that interested. When i asked him about it not that long ago, he finally just said that it was because it was all happening with me, i felt the movements, I was the one really effected by it all, and he just didn't have much interest in the baby till it could start interacting more with him etc.

But he has a fantastic relationship now with both the boys (3yrs and 18m) and really enjoys them. But it just has been that he wasn't so keen on babies.

[Silvana]

DH is always concerned about me and the pregnancy and wants to know what is going on, but that is far as it goes. He is quite uninterested in appointments, products etc.

We bond with our babies because they grow inside of us. For men, it is like they are on the outside looking in. It took around 3 months for DH to fall in love with DD, when she starting developing her personality.

I must admit, I love DD more now, than when she was born (which I didn't think was possible). Seeing her grow and develop had made me fall in love with her more and I am sure as the years go on, I will continue to do so.

[Majeevch]

Sorry to crash your thread (I'm due in April) but I pretty much wrote exactly the same thread about my DP when we found out I was pregnant so I know what your going through. My DP was the same and didn't want to discuss names or didn't seem overtly excited....

BUT NOW (and since about December)

He is getting really excited and loves talking to people about what's happening with me and bubs and we've figured out our names and when we're out and I feel bubba kick he'll feel bubba too and just be the cutest Dad-to-be...everything I wanted him to be in the beginning but I am so glad it's now rather than being excited and then getting complacent (if that makes sense)

So he will get more excited I just think it's the way some men react at times.....

Good luck and Congratulations to all you ladies :)

[cmorison]

Hi Ladies,

I've read your posts and since had a little chat with my dh about how I was feeling, he's showing more interest now and even came shopping with me for the baby. It was really nice to see him looking (and not rushing) at all the cute baby clothes. It was in fact, the first time we've ever been shopping together where he's not been rushing to get it done and get out of there!

I think as he's starting to see my body change it's becoming more of a reality to him, before I think it was just so far way and so long away.

You've all been a great support.

Thank you

Charlotte.

[Wy & Deeky]

I think also it's the fatc they are not the ones going through the body changes and hormonal changes, so life for them at the moment hasn't really stepped up a gear.

DH was the same with our first, but as soon as he had DS in his arms, you couldn't get the smile off his face.

As for choosing names, he's definately male :laughing: Never think of things in advance.

He'll come around soon, trust me :)

[shereejoy]

Well done Charlotte that is gr8 news. Wade still has never been baby shopping with me and we are onto our 2nd baby.

[Jaileth]

Hey Charlotte, so glad to see that he's a bit more interested in things now. My dh took ages to come around, but with number 2 he's a bit more excited. Try and get him involved in making decisions - even if he choses the most horrible clothes, it makes him feel part of what is happening and he gets to see bub wearing the clothes when they arrive. That really got my dh feeling a part of it.

[shereejoy]

Actually Jaileth, you reminded me that when Lachlan was born I sent him to the shops while I was in hospital to buy a going home outfit for him. It wasn't what I would have bought but it made me so proud that he went and did it and I reackon he enjoyed it.

[Jaileth]

yeah, i took dh up to target about a month before ds was born and we bought a target 000 that ds didn't fit into it until he was 12mths old - he was so disapointed at the time, but I put it on ds for his birthday and I could tell that it meant a lot to hubby. :)

[shereejoy]

Ohhh you had a small boy too Jaileth then???? So did we, he fit into 0000 until about 4mths old and he is 21mths old and is still in 00 bottoms and I oversize him in his tops (as he will grow into them).

[RmumR]

i think its hard for the dads to really connect to the whole thing until the baby is actually here. For us mums or mum-to-be we are thinking about this little person constantly and have the natural nesting instinct whereas i think for guys its hard until there is the acutal baby in their arms....i reckon thats why my DH looked absolutely gobsmacked when he was handed our DD.