PND-will i alwas need meds? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

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confusd

25-01-2008, 21:48

Shanaynay

29-01-2008, 14:23

But there is no shame in taking meds for the rest of your life.

Absolutely :yes:
I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will be on meds forever (apart from brief periods in pregnancy and breastfeeding, if I can). Though I will do everything to try and change that.

But anyhoo, most people don't need meds forever - are you having any other treatment, such as counselling? Depending on how your depression is coming about, counselling could go a long way in getting you medication-free :thumbsup:

mama kare

30-01-2008, 07:15

you will get better.

i know that it doesnt feel that way most of the time.. and that there may not be a 'light at the end of the tunnel' just now. but you will get there.

its a long process usually.. a lonely and sad illness. it doesnt matter that you are a silent sufferer, even when you are an open sufferer and you tell people, they hardly understand the full story of pnd and how it works/how it makes you feel.

ive told some of the most compassionate people about it and still had them sit there and tell me "oh you will be fine. just dont think about it.. it will go away." or "oh honey, you are so much stronger than that, dont thing so negatively about yourself. think happy thoughts and you'll forget about everything."

all i wanted to do was kick them really really hard. :laughing:

it took me 2 years to overcome pnd with the help of fortnightly visits to a psychiatrist, medications and a bit of family support. i thought everyone was talking about what a lousy mum i was.. i couldnt breastfeed and i would feel like other mums who could happily breastfeed were talking about me when i pulled out the bottle to give it to my little girl.

i thought my friends were talking about me behind my back about the fact that i felt i 'did not want my little girl'.. that i wanted to leave her with her father, get on a bus and run the hell away.

other times... i would be driving my car, start bawling my eyes out at all the rage/sadness that would suddenly and from nowhere, overcome me.. and i would plan on how i could crash my car on a dangerous slope or how i could 'escape' by ramming it into a tree really hard and fast.. just so i could be at peace, even for a little while. stop all the commotion in my head. stop the crazy thoughts racing around.. stop the anxiety and panic attacks... make it all go away. i even had an appointment with the CATT Team at the hospital one day.. crying and on all fours on the floor infront of them telling them i wanted to kill myself.. and they bluntly told me "well, we'd love to help, but we cant actually admit you to any part of the hospital unless you actually cut your wrists or something.. then we can help you."

horrible, really horrible stuff. its like... i was screaming for help, screaming for a straight-jacket if it meant that i could just be looked after.. feel that someone cared for me.. let someone else take charge of my life because i was sure sick of it.. and no one gave me a hand.

another time.. i was on my way out to my GP's office to report on how good i was feeling.. panic attack arose while i was driving and i played with the idea while i was crying heavily about swerving off the road and crashing.. i walked into the office and told the receptionist "that i needed to see the dr right away.. i felt suicidal and was in a bad bad way.." the lady took me to the backroom and said i could lay down for 10 minutes while my dr finished up with her last patient. bad idea woman.. lies me down on a bed in a room that is sorrounded with syringes and knives... my body started shaking and all i kept thinking was "if i start going mad and cut myself with everything in sight.. maybe then someone will help me! maybe then someone else can take control and i can just rest.. maybe i should..." i dont even remember walking into the dr's office, but i remember sitting there in tears telling her i wanted to die. she smiled and said "oh honey.. i think you're just having a panic attack! now.. i want you to take one of these pills (xanax), drive yourself home and rest."

no.. "is there someone else who can come and get you?.. someone i can call?"
just go, drive yourself back home after you just told me you want to die in your car.. you'll be fine.

i have never gone back to that GP since.

truth is.. no one understands unless they have or have had pnd (or unless they are GOOD qualified professionals)

i learnt that the hard way.

2 years after my daughter was born.. i thought "no, stuff this.. i can do it." my psychiatrist wanted me to stay on my medication a little longer, though i felt strong enough to do it.. so i cut down on meds and after a few weeks was drug-free... that was 3 months ago now and i feel the best i've ever been.

its agonizing. i think about all that time i lost to bond with my little girl, but i know now that atleast i feel that i have bonded with her properly now.

you will get there.

some lucky buggers out there have pnd for 2-3 months... some, only realise when their child is 4 that they have pnd...

my advice.. find whatever help you can and take it - run with it! get whatever day-stays or pnd councilling you can at hospitals, councilling sessions and ask your GP to refer you to a psych if you are okay about that, as all i can say is THAT was my main strong helping technique..

he just sat there and listened.. asked me a question here and there which made me think about things and he even told me on a few occassions that "i wasn't crazy" that he actually agreed with me.. and that made me feel so much stronger, to know that someone understood me, and agreed with me.

if i said "my ex thinks that i am being paranoid about his mother trying to take over DD.. she will just show up on the doorstep and say "im taking ayla out today" and take her.. not even ask if it was ok or ask me if i already had plans.. just take her.."

the psychiatrist would then say "and you have ever right to be paranoid! my god! if my mother did that my wife would deffinately put her in her place. she has no right to do that to you. you need to be assertive, tell her "oh actually. we already have plans sorry. yes, for the whole day. maybe another day." and shut the door. you're a great mother. it sounds it to me anyway. i think you're wonderful. you only want to raise your child in peace. you can do it. i can tell you are a great mother."

he was honestly, probably talking me up a bit to my face.. but i now understand that that was because my self esteem was probably very low at the time.. but it really was wonderful hearing someone say those things.. just once, it helped me smile again.

sorry, i really am blabbing :laughing:

just know we are in this together, okay?
once you're healed from pnd.. doesnt mean you forget what it did to you and made you feel.

:hugs:
kare x

mal

30-01-2008, 20:28

:hugs:you are not a bad mother and never be embaresed, its not your fault.. i am a sufferer of anxiety and panick disorder after my first child was born and oh man i have been to hell and back and i still feel that way at times.i take antidepresents and i to would love to try and stop them but i worry bout my children cause when im bad im bad.. and it is hard to find people who understand. so i to feel in the same boat and wonder if i can get off them... oh i hope so. i just get so nervious, ... mama kara, you sound like you have been there to you sound so strong thanks for your story,it does help.xoxoxox

sebisa

31-01-2008, 10:07

Hi,

Mama kare - I'm glad i'm not the only one felling like that ! I have had the exact same feelings as you did, just lock me away until I get better !

Mel - I am too a sufferer of painic disorder and i have aniexty with 2 kids. 10wk baby girl and a 3yr old boy. we will get there one day without meds but at the moment they are helping me....

If anyone needs to talk, just yoe away:wave:

SweetSerenity

31-01-2008, 10:11

Hello i am a...you could say silent....sufferer of PND, i dont like telling people about it because i think that they will see me as a "bad" mother :o(i always thought after you had a baby you where deliriously happy not depressed!!)

Anyway i was just wondering will i be on medication for the rest of my life or will i "get better"...
I'd like to think that over time i can stop taking them or am i just dreaming??:confused::gloomy:

You will get off them and you will get better :)

I only was on mine for about 8 months.

I felt fine once I weened off them.

I was undiagnosed though for Peters first 9 months, then I was off them by the time he was about 17 months.

Everyone is different though. We all get better at different rates :hugs:

Love Nat xxx

mal

31-01-2008, 10:55

sebisa

31-01-2008, 19:45

No problem Mal,

I have to learn how to do msn chat - it cant be that difficult ???
:geek: me too I joined last week not queit sure how to use it but geting there

I have a home email address let me know if yuo would like that.
Take it easy

KelMat02

26-02-2008, 08:49

I suffered PND with my son and he's now 4. I'm still on meds and my psychiatrist says I'll more than likely be on them for the rest of my life. I lost my son to my inlaws because of depression and 3 yrs later DH and I are still fighting to get him home. Just because you're on meds doesnt mean you're a bad mum. I know from experience that they defitinely help you get through the day. There's no need to be ashamed about having PND, it affects 1 in 5 mums and can last for a few months or forever. Just try and be positive and remember you're a good mum. :yes:

Mahjong

26-02-2008, 15:23

Hey Annette,

You will come off them, it just takes time. I suffered PND with Wyatt, I was on meds until his first birthday.

There is no shame in seeking help or suffering PND, it's a chemical imbalance in your brain that you are totally not in control of. Took myself a long time to realise this and thought I was a total failure as a mother.

Anytime you want to talk about it or anything like that, drop me a line OK? We really must catch up again too :) Was great to meet you at the girls night.