She Spat on the Floor

[Kirstlea]

:eek: I can not believe it, my nearly 3 yr old spat on the floor at my OB rooms today, I was so embarrassed:o He was very nice about it and even said to dd that wasn't very nice (which I was grateful for as she is ignoring me). I don't even know why she would do this.

Just lately she is becoming more and more intolerable. The tantrums have triple folded, and she seems to be completely deaf to me talking to her about anything.

At dinner time it is a nightmare. We have always had a rule that no one leaves the table until everyone has finished eating, even when out at friends or a restaurant. Lately this has become a drama for her and the sneaky little imp is coming up with ways to get down from the table. Like wanting to go to the toilet every meal time even though we take her to the toilet and wash her hands before meals she still trys to use this against us. She knows we will take her to the toilet

The other night we refused to take her as she had just been, so instead she started singing at the top of her voice. I asked her to please be quiet and eat her dinner, she shoves her plate away and says get down. We explain to her the rules as we have done every night for nearly 2 yrs and she starts singing at the top of her voice again. I must of asked her several times to sing quietly or stop.

This is a brief version of how it went

(dd) LA LA LA LA LA LA (mum) please sing quietly (dd) LA LA (mum) I have asked you to sing quietly if you can not do that than stop all together.

This went on for about 10 mins, the last straw was when I again asked her to stop and she looked at me defiantly and just said LA once. It took every ounce of strength not to send her to her time out space. (I knew thats what she wanted to do all along).

In the end we just ignored her no matter how loud she got or how much she squirmed we were not giving in. I so wanted to smack her:mad:

I am so mortified that in the last 2 or 3 weeks my dd has turned into an animal:banghead: I also needed to vent

Does anyone have any suggestions or maybe its just a development thing and she'll just stop being horrible.

Everyone's opinion is welcome good or bad, I just don't want this thread to turn nasty.

thanks in advance Kirsten

[JnA]

Hi.. I am not an expert by a long shot, but I see that you are recently pregnant again.. could this have something to do with this recent behaviour do you think? Kids can't express their feeling as well as adults, so they do other things, like acting out, becomming defiant etc. It's just a thought and hopefully someone else who knows more than i do will come along shortly and give you some more definate solutions/ answers.

Good luck and I hope it's 'just a (very short) phase.

[reAllytee]

Yep im thinking along the same lines as Tash.
I would say someone is a bit upset at the idea of a new bubba coming along.
Possibly sitting down & having a good chat with her will help & also getting her involved with organising for the baby will help especially as they tend to love the idea of being all grown up at this age so the "big sister" idea should work a treat.
Obviously im no expert & will no doubt be ready to kill my bub ( as i was today mind you they keep telling me about the terrible 2's sorry but the 1's are bad enough LOL ) when the time comes LOL :p
I hope everything works out for you :hugs:

[Kirstlea]

I wish my being pregnant was the issue, but I am only 5 weeks and only found out last week, she doesn't even know about it yet as its not something we talk about.

Its all hush hush until I get to atleast 12 weeks. My dh and I are terrified of getting too excited at this stage so have kind of avoided the issue to see what nature will do for us.

We haven't told any of our family or friends including dd. Poor dd had a hard time with it all last time and really didn't understand why mummy was having a baby one minute and the next there was nothing. So we thought we would wait until we feel a little more confident about it to tell her.

Thanks for your thoughts though:D I do appreciate them.

[nannaof21]

sorry that your dd is playing up on you
when she starts to just ignore her
he will in the end stop.
it sounds like she is doing it for att.
and when she is haveing a tantrum
try puting her in her room and when
she is good say
[thank you for being such a good girl]
it may not work but it has for me
a lot of times.good luck!

[the_queen]

Hi Kirsten, you poor thing, you don't need this kind of stress right now hey!!:hugs:
Like all the other wise mummy's have said, this behaviour is pretty normal. She's testing the boundaries, seeing what she can get away with, finding out how far she can push you. It sounds so simple, but you're doing the right thing by ignoring the innapropriate behaviour. And you said you don't give in - that's really important too, it's letting her know that she can push all she likes, but rules are rules!
Praise her when she's behaving well, even if she's just playing quietly by herself for 5 minutes, give her a huge cuddle, tell her how much you love her, and how proud you are that she is playing quietly. You sound like a fantastic mummy, I'm sure you do all of that already! This phase won't last forever, I promise!
Good luck matey :hugs:

[Elfin]

My 2.5 yo is just a horror too. She is going through a spitting stage. If I say no she just spits - charming. I think my daughter and yours are probably just pushing the boundaries.

I think Queen made a really important point to praise the good behaviour. We can often forget to do this but it does wonders.

My friend is a child psych and I have been whinging to her about my problems. She suggested that when you go out you tell your child the behaviour that you expect when at a place so you are setting boundaries. If your child is good and responds to this then when you get to the car, lavish the praise and give a reward. I carry a stamp in my bag and give her a stamp on the hand. I have only started this but it is working.

Ignoring the bad behaviour is good, time out but be consistent with it, and if you haven't done so already cut preservative 282 out of the diet which is found in a lot of breads, crumpets, refridgerated pasta etc.

Good luck hopefully she will grow out of this soon:)

[Elfin]

Forgot to mention that there is a book called 'Raising the Spirited Child' which is definitely worth reading.

[Baby Girl]

My now 3 year old used to be horrible from about 2 years 4 months to about 2 years 10 months - it was our 6 months of hell. She suddenly started and tehn suddenly stopped.

It is a stage that they go through (commonly referred to as the terrible twos) when they start to realise that they are a separate entity to you. They start to get the idea that they can say no and they can do certain things themselves and it does make for some interesting battles but is all a normal part of growing up.


A 2 year old is still learning to see himself as a separate person and therefore often wants to say "No". He knows what he wants and may appear quite bossy and become cross when he cannot do something or is stopped from doing something, because he hasn't really learned to manage feelings yet. As a result temper tantrums are quite common in this age group. from http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=1886

Might be worth a look as they have all sorts of info about behaviour and development at different ages and helping no. 1 adjust to no. 2 coming along etc.The actual home page address is http://www.cyh.com/SubDefault.aspx?p=98

[reAllytee]

Kirstlea - You say you havent told her but children have an uncanny knack of "knowing" things i think you may be suprised that she knows something is different.
I would stick with what the_queen & Easterlily have said as praising the good is something that always seems to do the trick. Kids are egotistical after all.
Good luck :hugs:

[Kirstlea]

All of you are so beautiful - I don't feel like such a terrible mum, thank you for your replies.

I must be doing something right as all your ideas are all ready being used except for the stamp, I might just try that one. :fingerscrossed:

Easterlily can you tell me the author of that book, I think I will need it lol.

We are both very strong willed so I can see dd being a very spirited child as I certainly was and still am.

She has been going to bed hungry alot lately but I am determined that she will eat what is put in front of her. (its all food she has eaten before and likes).

Have any of you had your child push their plate away at first glance and said disgusting mummy. It drives me insane.

Everytime she does this I say to her well Paige that is dinner if you don't eat it you will be going to bed hungry as there is no other food to eat until tomorrow.

She does not care:banghead: We made her a warm cup of milk the other night with a little bit of milo (we call it her cuppa:) ) and she snatched it of dh, he asked her what should she say and she just glared at him, whilst guzzling her cuppa. So he took the drink of her and told her until she could learn her manners she would not be getting a drink. DD never gave in and neither did DH so she went without her cuppa too. You can imagine what we are up against as I am sure some you are suffering the same issues.

Don't they make you laugh:laughing:

Thanks again, its easier to deal with writing it down, seems to put things into perspective.

Kirsten

[Elfin]

Kirstlea the author is Mary Sheedy Kurcinka I think. You could probably borrow the book from the library. It is well worth a read. Good luck, spirited children are great but can drive you :banghead: at times:D

[Kirstlea]

Thanks Easterlily:fingerscrossed:

[sarah81]

Don't worry, my DS said at the dinner table last night before having one bite of his dinner, that it looked gross! Not something that we say to him. Every mouthful last night he screwed up his face and complained. I hate dinner time :mad: He has just turned 3.

I have found this age close to three worse than terrible twos, he is more wilful and deliberate in not doing what we ask. His new thing which he picked up from a Bob the Builder video is "I'm in charge Mummy", not said in a cute way either. Very defiant :eek:

Anyway I understand what you are going through! Good luck :p

[Kirstlea]

Sarah

You hit the nail on the head about the definant part and it seems to be worse closer to three.

:laughing: Gross :laughing: Where do they get these words from at that age roflmao

I know the word disgusting is my fault as I tell her its disgusting to drink out of the dogs bowl:eek:

The things they do just make you cringe.

[Baby Girl]

They hear EVERYTHING!! My now much better than 6 months ago DD (just turned 3) has a favourite at the moment of .......


booooorrrrring.....

which drives me nuts as she usually drones it out when we are doing something that is meant to be fun (and she is enjoying it), it makes me feel like I have wasted the effort although I know she doesn't grasp the concept 100% it still makes you cringe!!

She was also very defiant as she was approaching 3 but has gotten better now. When she is having a particularly diva-like day I just take a deep breath, sit back and tell myself that I taught her to be independent and to ask questions about things so I have to put up with the consequences (within reason, of course).

[mum24]

Oh, I'm sooooo glad to see that other families are going through the same as us with a 2.5 yr dd. Miss diva has also started spitting, thinks she's a dog or cat and eats of the plate or bowl like one, has no concept of the word " wait " nor listens when she's too busy screaming because she's not allowed to carry the cat around by the neck!!! or screaming at other no's that she's starting to hear to much of. We too started her life off by showing her how to be little miss independence and now she is asserting it majorly... *** will it ever end? *** waahhhhhh!!!

[Baby Girl]

It will end. My DD is much more pleasant again now than she was about 6 months ago. Her constantly horrible days lasted until about 2yrs 10 months (they went for about 6 months) and now we only have the occassional Diva Day!! I have found reminding her about a couple of things each morning helps alot. Each morning when I am dressing her I say things like...

"today we are going to be happy all day" and "you and your sister are going to do as mummy says" and "remember if you play outside you need shoes and your hat on" or "which hat do you want to wear today if you go outside" or "today we are going to eat all or meals at the dining table, if we do that today, tomorrow we can go on a picnic (in the backyard)" etc etc.... Just little things that because she has heard me talk about them in the morning and has said "Ok" "Ok" "Ok" she doesn't seem to be so defiant when I ask her to do those things - like "put your hat one if you are going outside please" and I get a big fat "NO" but if I mention it to her before she wants to go outside she just gets her hat and puts it on.