sleep training information - Babywise

[sasholi]

Hi All.

I just wanted to post this on here because I stumbled across it on the internet recently and thought it might be of interest to a few of you out there. http://www.ezzo.info/

I had been following sleep training information from a book called "On Becoming Babywise" and I know that it is/has been a fairly popular book for people. I modified the book for my own purposes (for example, not letting my new born baby "cry it out" as the book suggested, but trying some other approaches). but I recently found this website and thought it might interest people as it acts as a bit of a warning in regards to this book.

If you are using this technique and it is working for you - great. But what happened to me was that my baby was not fitting into this routine, and nothing was going as the book said it "should". I ended up blaming myself for my "failure" and sometimes even blaming my baby for not fitting in and doing what he "should". I found this website and realised that not all babies are the same, and they have their own ways, and that it is OK that this approach did not work.

I just want other mums out there to know that if they are following a prescribed routine and it isn't "working" that it is OK and not to beat themselves up. I caused myself a LOT of grief in the first few weeks instead of going with the flow a little more and just enjoying my darling boy... For example, I would get SO upset when my mum would rock my baby to sleep because I thought it would harm him in the long run by not being taught how to fall asleep independently. For me now, if he can't fall asleep, I rock him and cuddle him now as I have found flexibility in my approach the best thing for me. And I just don't want to get to the stage where he is too old to be cuddled to sleep and wished i'd spent more time with him snoozing in my arms (I can do the dishes later!!!)...

Anyway, for those who are interested, this website talks about the author of Babywise and how he has made up his creditials and how his advice has actually caused some harm to some babies. I am not judging if any of you have used this technique and it has worked for you - just that here is a website that may shed light and provide some reasons if it doesn't work for you. It provides some warnings that as mothers we need to be mindful of I suppose and take into consideration... At the end of the day we need to do what is best for us and our bubs and no one can tell us what is right or wrong...

Anyway, I would be interested in replies regarding what some of you think...

Take care and good luck to all with your darlings...

[Rell]

Hi All
I tend to agree with you. I have a 6mth old who has never fitted onto a set routine. It never worried me too much but recently I became a bit obsessed at getting him into a routine. Neadless to say after two days I gave up becouse it just wasn't working. I saw my child health nurse today and she encouraged me to go with what my son needs not what the experts say he should be doing. She also cheared me up by saying often babys that don't need much sleep grow into very intelegent people. Probably not true but I left feeling happy.

[sasholi]

Haha! I heard that too!! My LO rarely sleeps more than 45 minutes at a time during the day and is often awake and just babbling happily to himself in his cot (i can't hold him ALL the time!!)

In fact, on Sunday he only slept 30 minutes between his feed at 9am until 4pm - admittedly we were out all day, but he was completely happy watching the world go by and smiling at me every time I tried to tell him to go to sleep... and he wasnt even grouchy that evening from being overtired. Strange child...

I am convinced it is because he is exceptionally intelligent... :D (don't all us parents think our children are just brilliant??!!!

[Mahjong]

Oh thank goodness, my son is not the only one!

He only sleeps for around 30-45 mins at a time, three of these naps a day....

My child nurse made me feel like I was doing things wrong though.... I've learnt that every child is different and I just plod along the best I can.

He does sleep 10 hours at night (not straight, one night feed), which is more important :)

[Tea Lady]

Hi guys,

Just had to respond when I saw the link to the babywise thing - luckily I found that site before I had my baby (actually I know someone who was doing research into how harmful that approach can be, so I did a websearch to find out more) so I was pretty turned off before it became an issue for me. Having said that, I do know some people that it has worked well for - seems to go best with "big" babies in my experience (maybe they have more fat reserves and can go longer without being fed or something - although my daughter is pretty porky and she hates to go more than 2 1/2 hrs w/o food!).

Like Aleksander's mum said, it's great if it works well for you, but what bothers me is the large number of people who try to follow the program with the best of intentions but aren't aware that alot of the stuff in the books is either just not true, or at least very much open to debate. There is some very interesting info on the site that talks about how the Ezzos are very ethnocentric in their views - ie they think that the way they happen to do things in their middle class American way is the morally right way to do things. I can understand that maybe for their family it was important to have a routine, but that doesn't mean that it's "right". This really concerns me because it makes people feel really bad if their baby doesn't fall into a routine - and the worst thing is that they imply that to have a routine with your baby is somehow what God wants. I mean, I'm a Christian and I'm pretty sure God is more keen on me loving my baby and giving her what she needs than making her stick to some abitrary routine! Anyway, enough of my babbling.

I can hear the tell tale sounds of a waking-up baby - better go!

Have fun going with the flow everyone!

Lucy

PS My daughter usually only sleeps 40mins during the day too, and then often only stays awake 1 1/2 hrs - apparently she "should" be awake for longer but who cares! I should mention that if anyone comes to see her she sleeps for their entire visit while I'm stupidly saying "I'm sure she'll wake up soon - she only ever sleeps for 40mins"!

PPS Be careful with the URL for that website - I tried to email it to someone once and it must have been sabotaged somehow because it came up with porno images - how embarrassing!

[sasholi]

Hi LuWa.
I know what you mean. If my baby wasn't fitting into the routine or I had to do something differently to what the book says, I thought that I was somehow going to inadvertently raise a horrible, demanding, selfish child - and that is just not true. Or if I responded rapidly to his cries, I was teaching him something somehow immoral. I was so seriously stressed out by all the routine stuff - and really honestly felt that I was doing my child a moral disservice by diverting from the routine.
I couldn't bear the feelings of guilt and frustration at him and me any longer.

I am sure I am feeling better for a number of reasons now. Now, I tend to stick to a "kind of routine" and have eased up A LOT on both bubs and me. Also, bubs is older now (10 1/2 weeks) and is seeming to be much more settled and less demanding anyway. We just happen to do what works and stick to that.

But whatever someone chooses to do, if you love your bub then that is what they need most - the rest just seems to fall into place as you and your child get to know each other better.

But what I have realised is that if you respond when bub cries, routinely cuddle, nurse, sing to him/her and, in the early weeks, do whatever it takes to get bubs to settle and to sleep, then you won't "spoil" your child or teach him/her to be a selfish, anti-social, immoral person.

The best advice any one could give to a mum is ease up on yourself. My mum and partner were constantly telling me to do that, and finally it sunk in a bit. The second I did that, bubs and I both seemed to be less stress!

Just enjoy the little moments when you can look at their perfect skin and their soft fingers and their cute little cherry lips and when they still fit into 000 size clothing - because they grow WAY too fast!

Anyway, enough of my babble

Happy parenting to you all.

Do what suits you the best, and don't let people make you feel guilty either way. You love your bubs, that's all that matters in the end! Bubs will feel your love...
:)

[Tea Lady]

Too right Aleksander's Mum!

We sound very similar - I'm slowly learning not to stress out too much about little things, and that one bad day doesn't mean that the rest of my life is ruined! I've noticed that alot of the posts you submit are almost the same as the ones I submitted about 5 weeks earlier (my baby is about 5 weeks older than yours) and it feels like de ja vu reading them!

Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not the only one!

Lucy