View Full Version : Disciplining Someone Else's Child
SassyMummy
14-03-2006, 00:18
I saw this on DR PHIL today...and was wondering what your thoughts were.
In the episode, a woman said that she has no qualms telling a parent they're doing a bad job, or telling a kid what to do if the kid is annoying her. She even tells off strangers. Mind you, this woman had NO KIDS of her own (so what the hell could she know about controlling your kid in public?).
If someone were to tell Chanel what to do, I would probably have a fit. I don't need some weird person telling my daughter what to do. If they want a kid to boss around, they should have some of their own and not harrass other kids.
Parents all have different value systems and parenting techniques, and how can you tell a child what to do when you don't know how their parents have chosen to raise them? Perhaps the reason a kid is yelling and screaming is because they want their own way - but their parent is trying to give them "no reaction" so they will learn that bad behaviour will get them nowhere. Someone else interfering would just ruin the whole purpose.
I don't think it's right for other people to tell a parent what to do (eg - "You shouldn't let them use a dummy..." or "You should learn to control your child or not go out in public!")...but I do think it's okay to ask a parent to do something if the situation is right. IMO, a stranger should do this in a situation like at the movies, asking a parent if they could please ask their child to stop talking because it's making it hard for them to hear the movie. That makes sense to me. I also think it's okay to ask a parent to get their child to stop please stop touching store merchandise in case of breakages. It just makes sense - so long as it's done in a polite manner of course.
As for family and friends...if they're taking care of Chanel, or have seen her do something I haven't (like playing with electrical cords for example), I expect them to tell her not to and move her away for the hazard. I don't want them to yell at her, or hit her or anything (even when she's older). And, when she's older, I expect them to discipline her bad behaviour when staying with them. For example, saying "If you do...whatever...then you won't be able to...whatever" and then following through.
Your thoughts...?
Ana Gram
14-03-2006, 00:35
As DP and I are legally responsible for DD in every aspect until she is 18, we are the only ones who decide on discipline. I have no time for strangers comments on the raising of my child.
My child has one mum and one dad, and these people are the only ones who get to decide on discipline. Other people are welcome to make 'suggestions' and I am welcome to ignore them.
As for stopping a child from doing anything harmful to themselves or others, I am happy for someone to say something to them (not yell) or say something to me.. but really the only people that should be doing this are caregivers (in their many forms) and so far that's a gradn total of DP and me :).
reAllytee
14-03-2006, 00:43
As you can tell i watched Dr Phil today well ok im actually a Dr Phil addict LOL ! :o
I have to say this part astounded me that this woman who has no kids thought it appropriate to discipline someone elses child .. ridiculous :shame:
If a complete stranger did this i too would have a fit especially in todays society if someone touched my child God help them even Dr Phil pointed this out to which she then changed her story to say she only approached the parents !!! Yeah right :rolleyes:
I think people who are willing to come in & judge others in such a manner have too much time on their hands IYKWIM. They would be much better off looking out for the kids that are being abused or the likes !
My nephew has ADHD so my sister has had dramas when out in public with him & even having been tut tutted ! but at the same time my sister does tend to take a back seat in regards to discipline these days. Our family will step up so she just sits back not worrying got to the point it was so bad that he saw me as his mother figure as i organised him & disciplined him. So i guess i can see that some parents do give up & expect others to look after their child but a total stranger has no idea whats going on & no right to even try to help out in this regard.
I too hope my family follow our lead with how we want Harry disciplined but if it gets to the stage where im not happy a good talk will be in order.
Actually i just thought i yelled at a few kids when i worked in retail many years ago their parents let them run around & play with all the crystal vases etc so i tried politely to begin with asking the parents to stop them & then saying " please be careful guys dont want you to hurt yourselves so can you please stop running " to which they just laughed at me & the parents ignored. So i yelled when one tripped & knocked over some wine glasses breaking a few they exited so quick it wasnt funny ! Yeah they didnt want to pay for the trouble their kids caused :shame:
Guess that makes me a hypocrite LOL !
Baby Girl
14-03-2006, 00:49
oooohhhhh just let me run into her........:thumbsdown:
I used to have this same arguement with my best friend (we got past it). She WAS just the same, spent the last 2 1/2 years telling me what I was doing wrong and looking at my DD1 like she was the spawn of satan. She even BERATED me when I stopped bf DD2 at 6 weeks.....that was until she fell pregnant...and then her whole tune changed - she was not having any kids and felt she knew it all now she has had to rethink things and is slowly realising that one day her little angel may well be throwing the same tanties as my ex-angel!! And as I am the only one besides her mother who she is close to and has kids then maybe one day she might need to ask for my advice...hmmmmm now the shoe is on the other foot!!
I can't stand people diciplining other people's kids, especially when they don't have any of their own - babysitting and raising kids full time are 2 totally different things.
The way I understood it was not that she would tell the parent that they were doing the wrong thing, but that if the parent wasn't doing anything about their child's bad behaviour then she would step in. Like - "don't kick me" - I think that's fair enough.
I don't want others to say anything to my child if he's doing something wrong - I'd rather they say something to me, but if he starts doing something he shouldn't, then I'm the first to pick him up and take him out of the situation (or in the case of my older stepkids - walk them out). If I see a parent trying to discipline their child when out - I understand how difficult this is, and accept that at least they're trying, however, I agree with the non-mother in this story that some parents don't try. This is how we give inconsistent messages to our children and have them grow up not thinking they have to listen to us. I also agree with her response to the mother who said "when you're a parent and you hear them scream mum at you - you switch off - it's normal" It is not normal in my house, and I know sometimes I curse in my own head that I want some me time and don't always want to be at the beck and call of the little people, but you just do it - and I make sure I always respond to their calls (no matter how tired I am of them).
Baby Girl
14-03-2006, 01:09
Well said Pegasus. I have to agree that if DD was misbehaving and I didn't do anything about it, I would expect someone to say something to me or to tell her to stop doing it. That said, I am always on the lookout to make sure she is behaving herself, whether we are out or at home. It bothers me when parents just let their kids run wild rather than discipline them in public. I guess they don't want to be seen as an angry parent so just let the kids go while they are out but to me that reflects more poorly than telling them to stop doing something or taking them away from something. Sign language is great for when DD1 is being a horror, I don't have to raise my voice and she knows she is doing something wrong - doesn't create a scene - unless she decides to!!
I just went on the website and cut a bit of the article for the people who didn't see the story. Karla is the mother with 3 kids (and 1month pregnant), and Veronica is the woman with no children.
Dr. Phil says to Karla, “If you’ve got kids running wild, that’s not OK.” He tells Veronica that parents don’t want strangers coming up and parenting their child. "Most parents have a relationship. They have a value system. They have something they want to do, and if you came up to my child, you have no credibility with me whatsoever. I don’t know who you are or what you’re saying. You could scare this child,” he explains.
“If the child’s interacting with me and they’re disturbing me, do I have a right to say something?” Veronica asks Dr. Phil. “I don’t run around just randomly screaming at children.”
Dr. Phil looks at the audience and asks, “Do you agree that if you go to a restaurant to have a quiet dinner or you pay money for a show ticket, that you’re entitled to a peaceful enjoyment of the show?" The audience applauds. Dr. Phil looks at Robin, sitting in the audience, and asks if she remembers when Jay was 1 ½ or 2 years old and they were on the road playing in a tennis tournament. They went to a restaurant and Jay started screaming and yelling. “Do you remember what you said to him?” he asks her.
“I said, ‘When you’re 13, I’m going to spank you for this,’” she says.
“She took him out of the restaurant, and as she did, she went around to each of the tables and said, ‘I am so sorry,’” Dr. Phil adds.
He asks Karla, “Would you do that? Would you take your kids out [of the restaurant], or would you just let them disrupt everybody’s dinner?”
“I tried to take them out, but I’ve got three of them and I’ve got two hands, and a lot of times it takes me five or 10 minutes to get them back out of that restaurant,” Karla explains. “During the entire time I’m getting glares, I’m getting comments. I’m getting snide remarks.”
“I don’t have a problem with kids misbehaving in public. It’s a normal thing. It’s going to happen,” Veronica says. “I have a problem with parents who don’t take the time to deal with your children misbehaving, and I think a lot of times they take the easy way out which is tune them out.”
“If you had kids, you would realize you actually stop hearing it after a while,” Karla responds.
“You should not do that,” Veronica says.
Dr. Phil interjects. “I do have kids, and frankly, there are some things and skills that every parent can use, other than just intimidation, to control children,” he tells Karla. “There are times if they become disruptive they need to learn, ‘If you do this, you go home.’”
“We are constantly going home,” Karla says. “And I would like to be able to leave my house.”
“You shouldn’t have to be like you’re stamping out a fire all the time,” Dr. Phil tells Karla.
“That’s what I feel like everyday,” she says.
“We need to give you some help in that regard,” Dr. Phil tells her. He explains that children need to learn that there are different types of behaviors for different situations. He suggests that she read Family First.
He reminds Veronica that if she has a problem with kids, she should talk with the parents.
I agree though that commenting on whether I have a dummy or a bottle or whatever for my child is something I get my back up about, but if my child is interacting with someone else in a negative way - that's not acceptable behaviour. I only hope that I witness it (if it occurs) and that I am the one who steps in.
Ana Gram
14-03-2006, 01:49
I don't agree with the going out to dinner part. I am paying good money too, just because I have a child who might be loud or rowdy does not mean I shouldn't go out to dinner in case we disrupt someones dinner. I wouldn't ask the table next to me to control themselves if they were talking loudly, yelling or had a laugh that grated on my nerves.
Our way of dealing with tantrums is ignoring the behaviour whether we are in public or not. If I changed the method depending where we were, DD would get very confused and nothing would work.
I agree with you Chelle - consistency is the key. I just pick my restaurants to go to. If we take the kids - it has to be a family friendly one.
Come to think of it though - we don't seem to get out to restaurants much these days....:rolleyes:
LilShenanigans
14-03-2006, 02:48
Does this mean that if I had a child who was always playing up whenever going out, that I in the end would just have to stay at home 24/7??
There is only so much a parent can take, and if it involves spending an hour getting everything ready to go out, just to come home again 10 minutes later... whats the point?
I have flipped my lid though on a couple of occasions when someones has told me how to raise my child. I am a single parent, but I'm not incapable!
My dad has given 'advice' on routines - DD has a routine, just because it doesn't coincide with your children doesn't mean it's wrong.
I've even had stupid ones where I shouldn't dress my daughter in blue! lol I mean, come on.. I wear blue, doesn't make me any less of a female :p
I think the only time someone could talk to me about DD, is if they turned around and said "look you may not want to hear this, but I was having this same problem with my kid and these are a couple of methods that helped me..........."
SassyMummy
14-03-2006, 11:42
When it comes to going out - I still go out to many places with DD. She's only 7 months, and loves to be noisy...and I think that although I have a right to take her out with me, others also have a right to experience a place the way it is intended.
Therefore, if we go out to restaurants, we make sure it's a NOISE-FRIENDLY restaurant, and not a quiet and intimate place. I don't want to ruin a couple's romantic night out with DD making loads of noise (even if it's just happy noises).
However, if it's a restaurant that's very much a social place, I don't see a problem with DD coming along. People talking and laughing is just as noisy as she is...
I still take her to the movies too...but only KIDS movies that I want to see. I think that little kids make more noise than she does (Mummy...what's that? Why is that man wearing a blue hat? Why is he dancing like that? Can I dance like that?)...and she sleeps most of the time anyway. I have a bottle on hand just in case she wakes up hungry too...so if she DOES cry, it only lasts a matter of seconds.
I think that people have a right to enjoy themselves...but so do I.
Ana Gram
14-03-2006, 11:58
See I just figure that my DD making a lot of noise near someone else's romantic dinner will help them figure out just how romantic they want to be.
reAllytee
14-03-2006, 12:31
See I just figure that my DD making a lot of noise near someone else's romantic dinner will help them figure out just how romantic they want to be.
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Thats just made me snort !!!!!
I think also there are degrees of discipline. I do not have children - still in the working on it department! - but i work in a very busy public library. In one of our branches 8 year old children come in looking after 2 and 3 yr old siblings - its the cultural thing to do. But we as staff have to put up with running screaming children, toddlers who can walk out on the road, kids who are fighting or damaging things - or each other etc. I have had to call a few mothers, inform them of their childrens behaviour and tell them what to do - simply because they dont EVER discipline their children. If im at work and i see a child endangering themselves by climbing up the shelves like a ladder - i wont hesitate to ask the parent to watch their child more closely(if there is even one with them!!!). But i would never take it upon myself to tell a parent how to RAISE their child - thats just plain old rude!
How they choose to raise and discipline their child is their business - but if a childs behaviour at my workplace will endanger themself or others, i have to say something straight away.
I also wouldnt expect a mother with a screaming baby to leave - parents have as much right in the world as anybody else to a life! I would expect them to acknowledge and talk to an older child though if they are yelling and screaming and running around in a restraunt - or any other public place.
babycrazy
14-03-2006, 13:43
RE: Pegasus and the Dr Phil thingo
“She took him out of the restaurant, and as she did, she went around to each of the tables and said, ‘I am so sorry,’”
Notice Robyn took him out and Phil probably just sat back down and scoffed his T-bone in peace. Like it was all the mothers fault the kid was mis-behaving.
Bet that poor woman even gets his slippers after a hard day on the tennis court. LOL
I read that Family First book and 90% of the Americans that need to read it wouldnt get past page 3. It is gobble-de-gook.
Everyone has an opinion about kids before they have any - gaud, I was going to breast feed until 2, never put them in childcare, never feed them hot chips for lunch, never use TV as a babysitter - even to have a shower, :ecomcity:
- mind I also had this weird idea that they stopped crying when you picked them up!!
- that they would wake every 4 hours to be fed and go straight back to sleep - and if I started their routine at 10pm, 2pm, 6pm etc I would be able to avoid getting up more than once a night LOL
- that breast feeding would be easy
- that my children would do what I told them
AND that was AFTER doing a degree in Early Childhood Education - just to be prepared!
It is soooo funny listening to people with no kids tell you what they think you should do
I mean come on - they live in a world of DENIAL ie "my child will be different" nature designed it that way - because otherwise no-one would breed!:p
babycrazy
14-03-2006, 14:36
I would only say something to another persons child if
1. They were in danger
2. They were unaccompanied by a parent and doing something socially inappropriate or disruptive (its the teacher in me)
3. Endangering, bullying or upsetting MY CHILD (then look out!)
Mind you - I do think it is the parents responsibility to ensure their children behave in socially appropriate ways, especially at restaurants etc - I was a poor student for a long time and used to save up to go to the movies or out to dinner and if someones kid was yelling, crying, screaming, tantruming, talking constantly etc at the movies I really dont think that is fair. Mind I feel the same about stupid adults doing the same thing - I am NEVER going to a cinema when it is Seniors Day again - EVER (eg. "Did you hear that Vera, he said :ecomcity:" "what was that - did you get that, .....!!!!!!!)
I think if your kid is not yet old enough to behave themselves in public places then you need to get a babysitter or go home so they learn that actions have consequences.
Parenting involves sacrifices.
I read that Family First book and 90% of the Americans that need to read it wouldnt get past page 3. It is gobble-de-gook.
It is soooo funny listening to people with no kids tell you what they think you should do
I mean come on - they live in a world of DENIAL ie "my child will be different" nature designed it that way - because otherwise no-one would breed!:p
Thanks for that babycrazy - I've been wondering about reading the Dr Phil book - it intrigues me how everytime he gives advice he talks as though his books are a bible. There's a book I'm more interested in (and am currently scouring Dymocks shelves for) by Dr Fiona Stanley - Children of the Lucky Country. I think this one sounds a lot more relevant for Australian families. (Fiona Stanley won Australian of the year a couple of years ago).
I also agree about Robyn doing the discipline - Dr Phil goes on about a mother's job being equivalent to two fulltime jobs, but has he ever put his money where his mouth is?
Probably because there aren't too many family restaurants anymore!! Think about it......
Love,
Nan. xx
KiLLaKaZ
15-03-2006, 04:21
according to my religion, mummy's job is to care & nurture, daddy's job is to discipline. (of course it's not black & white - there's room for grey!)
should be interesting now that i'm going to be a single mum... :rolleyes:
anyway, i agree that if your child is in danger it's ok for a stranger to step in, or if your child is doing something bad to others. i would prefer to be the first to notice & respond, but i know how quickly kids can get up to mischief (in a blink of an eye!), so it's not always practical to think that way - & totally unacceptable for complete strangers to have a go at you for it, too! they have the right to let you know what your child's done without you seeing - but it's up to the parent (or guardian) to decided what to do about it!!
I know with my kids, sometimes I can tell them not to run in a shop (eg) til I'm blue in the face, but if the shopkeeper or a stranger says it, they stop immediately. Sometimes they pay more attention, and realise that it's not just mum being a nag, they are actually causing a nuisance.....
As Valerie said on Dr Phil, if a kid was kicking the back of my airplane seat, and the parents did nothing, I'd politely turn around and ask them to stop. Only if the parents were saying nothing, if I could see they were trying, of course I wouldn't do anything...(been there a few times - having the kids ignore you!!)
But on the other side, if your kids are misbehaving, and you just take them home... it works! Next time you usually have a better behaved child as they realise there is a consequence to the behaviour in public. I have left my trolley half full in the supermarket once as DS was being a right little s*it!! Worked though. No more shopping trouble.
I do realise though that there are times when no matter what you do, they wont behave, and you cant leave either...
And there is a definite difference between a stranger offering opinions on 'raising' the child, then if they asked the child to stop a certain dangerous behaviour.
suburban_mumma
01-12-2006, 20:58
as far as my kids go im their mummy and DP is their daddy and no one else in this world (except my mum and dad) have the right to discipline them. i think if anyone even tried to tell me how to raise them i flip out.. they should mind their business.. if i want advice or help i'd ask
I'm in 2 minds about this........
I don't want anyone else "discipling" my children..BUT if they ARE being rude, disruptive or annoying to others in a social situation, then I think it's okay for the affected persons to say something to them.....as long as I am also informed or aware of what is going on....kwim?
One of the things that used to annoy the **** outta me before I had kids and NOW when I have kids, is when we are paying money to be somewhere, and people are just letting their kids run wild INAPPROPRIATELY. If we are at Sizzlers, so be it......but if we are at a proper resturant at 8pm at night and pay $30 for a meal.......then it really annoys me if there are children ruining the entire atmosphere for everyone.
I must admit - I just don't "go there" with my kids. Why put them in a situation that is just unrealistic? We will wait until they are old enough to understand the context before we expect them to "behave" in an adult environment,like a nicer restaurant.
In general -if my child is running amok in a store for example and someone says something.......as long as it's not over the top or unrealistic to the childs developmental age - then that's fair enough I think. ESP if it's the shop keeper and it's his/her livlihood at stake.
I just think we need to teach our children from a young age that they are part of a community...and as such....need to behave appropriately in certain places.
now - if it's a tanty in the middle of Woolies OR in the corridor of a shopping centres (as I faced a few of these lately :laughing: ) then 'No thanks" I don't NEED negative comments and am handling it fine thanks..................BUT - if my childs behaviour IS inappropriately affecting others........fair enough.
T
There's a line of a song I heard somewhere, I think it's an African folk song. it says " it takes a whole village to raise a child"
And while I think this is true, I think it's up to me and DH to dicipline. The only exceptions are if we have a baby sitter, or my mother or MIL looking after the boys. I have a very specific dicipline routine and I make sure that everyone who looks after the boys has a written guide on how to implement it and the things which I dicipline for. But if anyone dared to tell me how to raise MY children... they'll know they've messed with the wrong mummy! However, I would take the boys home if they were being any more disruptive than the other ppl in a restaurant.
mum2bubba
02-12-2006, 22:13
I don't mind if family and friends tell Hayley off esp if she is in their home and touching their things or hurting their kids or animals, but I would be very mad if a complete stranger told her off. I have told off nieces and nephew and friends children for running around the house (my house, I should add) and jumping all over funiture and hitting Hayley and the parents don't mind, in fact most of the time they TELL me to tell their kids off and they say to their kids "This is Aunty Cassie's house so you need to do what she says" etc. I am not a mean, grumpy person (I don't think) but if children are misbehaving (esp if someone is going to get hurt) I don't have a problem with telling them off (though its never a stranger's child, its children I know) and I don't yell at them or smack them, I just basically tell them "No" or "please don't touch" or something like that, and let the parent discipline their child how they want. Also if the parent is there and sees the child misbehaving I'll usually leave it for the parents to deal with unless its a dangerous situation or they are hurting Hayley. If they are throwing a tantrum or whatever (unless I am babysitting) I leave it for the parent/s to deal with. Hope I'm making sense.
ETA: One of my friends from playgroup hardley ever says anything to her daughter if she plays up (ie if she hurts other children) its everyone else that tells her off, I think this is lazy.
bearsmummy
03-12-2006, 00:04
I think i prefer myself or my DP to decide on the way our children are to be diciplined... But... i do not have a problem with my SILs , sister, parents, close friends etc etc having to say something if they see it fit to.
I know my sister and SIL (amitysmum) is more than capable to tell my kids off as she knows how i like to parent my kids.
Sometimes the others will tell them off for something minor and i will say so.
But at the same time, if im around, i can tell my kids off, i dont need anyones help.
As for strangers, its none of their business (unless my kids are damging their property or something)
jessgray
03-12-2006, 09:20
i wont tolerate strangers disiplining my children. but family and friends can but i wont tolerate smacking. we give ds1 (19.5 months) time outs in his room he has toys etc he stays there for 2 mins by then he has forgotten he was trying to shove his fingers into ds2's eye or had been told off 5 times for sticking toys into the heater :laughing: ds1 has hearing loss in both ears so most of the time ds1 is just lead away from whatever it is he shouldnt be touching or doing.
Oh my - I would NEVER allow anyone to actually touch my children......I'd have them charged for assault if I turned around and someone was laying a hand on my child......
I also wouldn't be okay with others yelling at my kids - unless they were in danger and it was to make them "stop".....kwim?
When I mean "it's okay" I mean this type of thing for eg: we're at Sizzler and I don't notice that one of my children is pushing people aside to get food or being rude at the salad bar! So an adult there says to my child "excuse me - but you are being very rude and pushy, it's not nice, please step back and let others have a chance to get some food without you pushing them...." that TYPE of reprimand!!
That is what I mean by discipline - I don't condone violence to discipline children or anyone - I don't smack or use force.......I mean discipline as in age appropriate "pulling into line" with an explanation of what is required.
I think it's actually important FOR kids to realise that people other then their parents and immediate family are affected by their behaviour AND it's showing appropriate assertiveness for any adult to act appropriately and ask a child to behave properly. I find it interesting that so many are 100% opposed to this......?? If your child has never been "pulled into line" by anyone other then you - how will they manage at school etc when teh teacher might need to? Will they say "only my parents are allowed to tell me what to do!" or think this?
For me - a lot of this type of thing supports my stance on teaching respect, consideration for others and an appropriate appreciation of the fact that we all live within a society and need to be mindful and respectful of those around us. It isn't just about "me" and my family - it's about the entire community.
I think the notion that people have to "earn respect" is a bit off base. In my opinion, we should ALL happily and willingly GIVE respect to others, without always expecting something in return. Along the lines of the old saying "if you smile at the world, the world smiles at you.." Sure - occ - you'll be respectful of someone and they won't be back to you.......but that's life. Overall - I teach my kids to be respectful of others and that life isn't about having "checklists" and only giving if you recieve........give happily and willingly of yourself to others and you just might be surprised what comes back to you in the end.
T
mum2bubba
03-12-2006, 10:33
Oh my - I would NEVER allow anyone to actually touch my children......I'd have them charged for assault if I turned around and someone was laying a hand on my child......
I also wouldn't be okay with others yelling at my kids - unless they were in danger and it was to make them "stop".....kwim?
When I mean "it's okay" I mean this type of thing for eg: we're at Sizzler and I don't notice that one of my children is pushing people aside to get food or being rude at the salad bar! So an adult there says to my child "excuse me - but you are being very rude and pushy, it's not nice, please step back and let others have a chance to get some food without you pushing them...." that TYPE of reprimand!!
That is what I mean by discipline - I don't condone violence to discipline children or anyone - I don't smack or use force.......I mean discipline as in age appropriate "pulling into line" with an explanation of what is required.
I think it's actually important FOR kids to realise that people other then their parents and immediate family are affected by their behaviour AND it's showing appropriate assertiveness for any adult to act appropriately and ask a child to behave properly. I find it interesting that so many are 100% opposed to this......?? If your child has never been "pulled into line" by anyone other then you - how will they manage at school etc when teh teacher might need to? Will they say "only my parents are allowed to tell me what to do!" or think this?
For me - a lot of this type of thing supports my stance on teaching respect, consideration for others and an appropriate appreciation of the fact that we all live within a society and need to be mindful and respectful of those around us. It isn't just about "me" and my family - it's about the entire community.
I think the notion that people have to "earn respect" is a bit off base. In my opinion, we should ALL happily and willingly GIVE respect to others, without always expecting something in return. Along the lines of the old saying "if you smile at the world, the world smiles at you.." Sure - occ - you'll be respectful of someone and they won't be back to you.......but that's life. Overall - I teach my kids to be respectful of others and that life isn't about having "checklists" and only giving if you recieve........give happily and willingly of yourself to others and you just might be surprised what comes back to you in the end.
T
I agree. :thumbsup:
........As Valerie said on Dr Phil, if a kid was kicking the back of my airplane seat, and the parents did nothing, I'd politely turn around and ask them to stop. Only if the parents were saying nothing, if I could see they were trying, of course I wouldn't do anything...(been there a few times - having the kids ignore you!!)
But on the other side, if your kids are misbehaving, and you just take them home... it works! Next time you usually have a better behaved child as they realise there is a consequence to the behaviour in public. I have left my trolley half full in the supermarket once as DS was being a right little s*it!! Worked though. No more shopping trouble.
I do realise though that there are times when no matter what you do, they wont behave, and you cant leave either...
And there is a definite difference between a stranger offering opinions on 'raising' the child, then if they asked the child to stop a certain dangerous behaviour.
I second all of this!!! :yelclap:
Nice work leaving your trolley! Too many parents make idle threats and then wonder why their kids still behave inappropriately. I'm a big believer in if I say I'll do it, then I do. I don't want my kids to ever think "its ok. She doesn't eally mean it. She won't do anything. She didn't last time."
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