how do you get anything done?

[lizzymcfizzy]

Hi, I have an 8 month old and I am struggling to cope. All the girls in my mothers group seem to be getting on with their lives and I feel like I'm just living around my baby and not getting anything done.

The only time I have to do anything is when she sleeps which is never for long and sometimes I just want to sleep or sit and do nothing. On the weekends my lovely husband does lots of cleaning, its the only way the bathrooms get cleaned etc etc.

I have lots of support from my family and mum so I feel a bit of a whinger to say I feel like being a mum is too hard.

I'm going off on a bit of a different tanget here but what I mean to ask is how you get any housework, or anything else you want to do, done? My bub won't sit long in a jumperoo or a swing and if I leave her on the floor with her toys for too long she gets upset too!!:hair: I've tried leaving her with me in sight and she can hear me, and I come back and forth but she still gets cranky.

I see my friends (seemingly) on the net all day or scrapbooking or visiting people interstate and I can't help but compare to myself just sitting on *** too tierd to do anything or just not having time to scratch myself.

how do you do it? I plan to have more kids but at the moment I don't know how I'd do it if I can't cope with just one.

thankyou

[suemp]

i dont spend time on hobbies but i do keep the house clean with no help from dp, family or anyone and ihave 2 special needs kids.
i just do it when they are napping which can be only a short nap but its long enough to do a quick tidy. or do some at night when they have gone to bed.for the times if i feel like sitting and doing nothing i do it while ds2 is awake and he is eating or something.
i just think back to when i have done hard labour work and appreciate while it is never ending it is reasonably easy.
it doesnt matter if the house isnt spotless anyways. if i have to do the grocery shopping for the week that is my job for the day. anything else is a bonus. than the next days main job might be the washing or bathroom. etc.

[2girls&1boy]

Liz you poor thing. Firstly let me say that you are not the only person in the world that has felt like you do.

If I have learnt anything from having 2 children is that those that seem to be completely on top of it are usually not. Looks can be so deceiving. Your daughter is at an age where they can and are quite demanding(I know my first was). Trust me it gets easier.

As hard as it is also try not to compare yourself to others, their situation might be that a) they have a cleaner or an ironing lady or both. b) they may have a load of help from family who take the baby often and allow them to get things done or even c) housework may just be very low on their priority list.

I am sorry this is so long winded but I hope I have at least made you feel like you are not alone. Trust me once you have two you think one was easy!!! I am having a third and I am currently going through the I am never going to cope stage but you know what I will and you will too :thumbsup:

Take care

[cheezelkat]

:hugs: I felt the exact same way after my first bub.

If I needed to get things done, I sat bub in the high chair and we chatted whilst I cleaned the kitchen. But to be honest, I didn't sweat the small stuff. I told my partner that I couldn't put the baby down and I needed help with the baby in the evenings so things can get done.

One pot meals (slow cooker) which can be prepped in the morning, wiping up spills as you go long can all help. Just don't stress about it too much - you're doing a great job.

[SammieSnail]

I know how you feel!

I used to often only try to do jobs in a major hit when DS had a nap, only to have him wake up half an hour later.

Now I just do 5-15 minute hits through out the day.
Often it involves me carrying him around to do the jobs...

For example, I just carried DS around while I vaccumed our two-story unit.
I cleaned all three toilets and basins (not the showers/baths), while DS played with a small basket of my 'emergency sanity' toys which he doesn't play with unless I'm despret for a few mins peace.

Now my only other major job is to mop and make dinner.

It doesn't matter how much you do in a day, just set your self a personal goal and aim for it.
If all you get to do in one hit is clean a toilet, or read an email feel good about it, not down cause you didn't clean the whole bathroom or read a book.

What time does your day start/end?
When DS was younger I would always wait till he was down for the night and spend all night till like 1 or 2 am doing what I needed to cleaning/uni/personal. Then I would just feel horrible all the next day.
Now I'm always up at 6:30am and make DS get up then which I finds gives me an extra 30mins worth of nap time, gets DS to sleep earlier and prevents me from being a night owl.

It does get easier as they get older and spend longer doing one activity.
Chin up, you are coping!

[Funkychicken]

Lizzy, you are certainly not alone with your feelings! In fact I reckon at least 90 % of new mums feel this way through the first year of their child's life.

It is very, very normal to feel this way. The idea of having everything "perfect" is so far from reality.

And I will bet that your mum's group friends are probably feeling similarly to you. Have you ever dropped in there unannounced? Or are your visits to their homes always planned in advance? I would bet that most of them scrub their homes from top to bottom prior to a mums group meeting. I know I used to! :p

This stage with your DD needing you at all times will pass. It may seem hard to comprehend now but it will happen.

And honestly, I have three children and I am under so much less stress now than when I only had one. A lot of it comes down to what I deem important. Our house is messier, there is a big list of To Do jobs waiting but I am content with it.
Hang in there, life will get easier. :hugs::hugs:

[cheezelkat]

And I know it is hard to hear but it does get easier! (Honestly)

I was so miserable about having a clingy first born but now he has his blocks and cars and barely gives me a glance in the morning. They do get better at entertaining themselves.

[QTB]

Yep i felt exactly the same as you!

have you tried putting bub in a sling - so shes happy and you can get stuff done? that way you can talk to her, she can see you and is being held, and you can do what ever you need to do with free hands.

[MilkOnTap]

Does your lil one have regular nap times? I know that Jedd will be down for 2hrs in the morning and 1-2hrs in the afternoon. So I work around these.

I do the dishes straight after every meal. I give Jedd his finger food to play with while I watch him and do the dishes at the same time - so get through the kitchen. This works for breakfast and lunch.

At dinner, I do the dishes while watching tv - I make it my 'thing' to do during the ad's. During the programme I sit on the lounge and fold the washing. Means I get to see my fave TV show and the dishes/washing gets done.

I put on a load of washing at night time and try to hang it out first thing in the morning.

I use online grocery shopping as I need to - saves trying to work out how to get out of the house!

I keep the toilet cleaner in the bathroom; about once a week before I go to bed I line the toilet bowl so when I wake up in the morning for the first flush of the day it has soaked through all the yucky stuff.

I potter around Jedd's room as he is going to sleep. It means that I can put his clothes away, plus he can see me while dozing off; win-win.

But I hate vacumning and I hate cleaning the bathroom and shower. These are hubbies jobs and unfortunately - when he is away they just dont get done.

[miakat]

I had the same problem with DD - she would only sleep for 20 minutes at a time and I couldn't get anything done and she was tired and cranky from not getting enough sleep. Then I was always trying to get her to go back to sleep if she had only slept 20 minutes but I was wasting my time as she wouldn't! Just do what you can in that half hour she is asleep and leave the rest for hubby to do on weekends, that's what I had to do. Also I have no family around so it made it extra hard but like everyone else said it does get easier as they get older and can amuse themselves.

Hang in there - I know how difficult it can be.

[Lastcenturymum]

I remember, I'd have a shower, put on the washing, fed bub and gosh, it was 1pm and I'd done nothing!

If you are used to having a really tidy house it will be hard for you. I think I learnt to do things quickly and not to the same standard as before (not that I really had a standard before :D)

If you wait till they are alseep to do things, you won't get anything done! especially if your bubby has short naps. As she gets older you will get more done, but you just have to have them insight and keep chatting to them to maintain their interest/connection with you. I have seen tips here previously such as when they are in the bath clean the basin or loo, depends how confident they are in the water (and of course how old) sweep the kitchen floor or do the dishes while bub is still in their high chair playing with finger food etc. I used to take them outside when hanging the washing out, on a rug, or in a little chair thingy.

Ask the other mums in your mums group for tips too.

Dont beat yourself up, its very tiring being a mum!

[shelle65]

I have the exact same problem, and I was thinking the other day how unfair it is that when DD is happy and amusing herself I pretty much ignore her while running around trying to get stuff done, and I only seem to give her attention when she is crying and clingy.

I have one tip, and that's to get a bath seat. DD happily sits in there splashing around for ages, and I sit in the bathroom watching her with my hands free. Sometimes I take the vegies and chopping board in there to prepare dinner, sometimes clean the toilet... it's all about multi-tasking, which, luckily, as women we are great at! :thumbsup:

[Butterfliez]

I have the same problem too, so don't fear!! I have always been a clean/neat freak, so it is really hard now with a baby. There are some things I have not worried so much about, but mostly, I try to do everything I used to do :rolleyes: I go to bed too late (11.30pm or 12am) just so that I get things done. I also go to bed every night feeling bad I didn't accomplish what was on my "list"! I wish I could just not worry about what my house looks like, but I can't :o :laughing: I do spend a lot of time with DD though, so that is why I try and get more things done at night when she is asleep.

Also, I find that breastfeeding is very tiring, and time consuming. At night, I often wish I could just give DH a bottle to give DD! But the good thing is that with breastfeeding, it actually makes you sit down :laughing:

One thing I have found that is a great help, and that is getting up before DD and having a shower/doing hair/makeup,making the bed, and putting on a load of washing. Then once she has woken, I feel great that those things are done and that I have already accomplished something! Slow cookers (as already mentioned) are a great idea too, if you haven't already discovered them (I just need to be more motivated in preparing dinner earlier and using mine! :laughing:)

HTH, and don't beat yourself up, you're doing great!

[elissas]

I think you'll find a lot of Mums here totally understand how you feel!

First thing - I recommend getting a little book called "Speed Cleaning" by Shannon Lush & Jennifer Fleming. Lots of time saving ideas and ways to organise your cleaning.

Secondly - get rid of as much clutter as you can. The less you have to clean the quicker it is!

Other tips that have helped me:

- Clutter basket. Instead of tidying up ad hoc, just throw everything that's out of place in the house into a laundry basket, and you have a blank canvas for cleaning :) You can put stuff away later, maybe in the evening, by carrying the basket around the house. Lots quicker...

- Sit down with a pen and paper. Make a list of all the thing you can do when your DD is awake and happy to entertain herself. And so that you don't feel guilty (yep, motherguilt's a b!tch), make that cleaning time after you've spent some time with her (after your morning activities etc).
I found with DS that I could do the following things from about 6 or 7 months while he was awake:
- Vacuuming (in the sling till about 11 mths), then once he started walking he got a little toy vacuum cleaner and followed me around the house with it;
- Mopping (yes! even mopping) using a steam mop as it dries in about 30 seconds, and then using a flat sabco fibre mop for in between mops, which also give a great clean and dry almost straight away;
- Dusting, I don't use much in the way of commercial cleaning products, but one thing I do "indulge" in is the pledge "Grab It" duster. They are amazing. I can dust a 28sq house in 10-15mins, and do it a couple of times a week so it's super speedy each time;
- Bathroom and toilet, now that DS is 2 he just entertains himself in the bath while I clean around him. Then all I need to do is clean the bath during his nap time.
There are other little things that I can sometimes get done when he's awake but these are my basics.

The next thing to write down is which rooms MUST be cleaned while your DD is asleep, ie. cannot be done while she's awake. I have 3 rooms that must be done IMO while DS is napping. Our bedroom/ensuite, the study, and the laundry. So when he goes down for his nap on Tuesdays and Fridays I clean those rooms. Those rooms I do everything at once at that time (vacuuming, mopping, dusting, ensuite etc)

With washing, I put on a load just before I go to bed at night. In the morning, if I'm up before DS I hang them on the line. If he's around and it's a pain getting out to the line, I hang them on a clotheshorse in the garage. Then I do another load, and when he goes down for his nap, I run out, hang out the new load and bring in the first one. Every 3 days or so I make sure that I keep up to date (ie. not a skerrick of unwashed laundry). I do any overflow washing, one load after the other, and if need be hang them all on clothes horses in the garage.

And the BIG ONE - don't feel guilty. You do need to take time to do things while your DD is awake. If you make sure you block out activity and one on one time with your DD every morning and afternoon, then work your cleaning around those times, then you know you're giving her a lot of undivided attention.

A hint - if she has a few fave toys that occupy her brilliantly, keep them tucked away and bring them out only for these times when you want her to play independently and happily for a certain amount of time. That way you also don't feel so guilty because she's playing with her very favourite things :)

[elissas]

Also invest in a slow cooker if you don't already have one. And in a book "Easy Slow Cooker Cookbook" by Barbara C Jones. Sooo many great easy recipes. Use it on the days you want to clean. eg. if you are cleaning on Tuesdays and Fridays like I do, then prepare all the meat and veg for the slow cooker the night before, while you're preparing your dinner for Monday and Thursday night. You can plan a slow cooker meal for, say, Tuesday, that uses the same meat and veggies as Monday night's meal, and just chop them all at once. Put them all in air tight containers (if potatoes or pumpkin cover them in water). On Tuesday morning, put the cooker on, throw in the ingredients, and dinner is done :D

[elissas]

Woops, just realised the slow cooker idea has already been mentioned - sorry!

[elissas]

Oh, one last thing. Aim to get your cleaning done BEFORE the afternoon, as much as possible.

Kids are happier and less needy in the mornings.

If you can get as much done as early as possible, you'll feel more of a sense of achievement as opposed to a feeling of being frazzled and running out of time before having to start the whole afternoon/evening/dinner/bedtime business.

If you reach the afternoon feeling like you've achieved something instead of wanting to curl up in a ball (and believe me I've been there, I think we all have!), you'll find momentum grows, the achievemtns snowball, everything gets done quicker and easier...

... and kids are amazing. They seem to be less clingy if you feel good. I think we've all figured out the more frazzled we feel the clingier they are. Oh the irony of it all! ;)

That way too, if you feel like it you can take time and spend the whole afternoon with your DD, guilt free and just enjoy her without feeling attached to the stuff you need to do as well. It's horrible when you feel torn with guilt about all the things you can't do, the feeling that to do one thing, something else must always be sacrificed. Yuck, I loathe that feeling.

[lizzymcfizzy]

wow such great tips and I feel so much better too thankyou! So glad to hear that it does get easier :)

I was going to reply to quite a few posts but I think I'd be quoting everybody! So I'll just respond to a few questions. Thankyou all for your helpful tips and encouragement.

Neve only sleeps for short naps and if they are long naps its because I've fed her back to sleep - we are currently trying to get her to sleep on her own and not on the boob which is probably taking a fair bit of energy out of me and I'm being too hard on myself and setting expectations too high.

These days she's getting up at 4.30am!! which is too early for me as it is and I go back to bed when she has her first nap. She used to get up at 6.30am which was bearable. I'm hoping she will go back to that soon.


We have a sling but its a pain to put on but I think I will perserve and get her in it while I vacuum.

Leaving her in her chair to eat while I wash is a great idea as well as the slow cooker and emergency favourite toys.

I don't know about leaving her in the bath seat while I tidy up the bathroom, its not safe to take your hands off them. I did buy a seat but she tends to have more showers with Daddy - with my help. I think daddy needs to be more independent while they shower!

mothers group - we meet at the pub teeheheh. A nice hotel, not a proper pub. There are 15 of us and we can't fit in someones house. You are right about them probably having more help than I realise or that they dont' care about housework.

nodding my head to everything that Lis said!

I'm paranoid about cleaning chemicals around my baby which is why the bathroom never gets done but you gals have given me some ideas.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[elissas]

Liz, it does get easier. 8 mths is a difficult time IMO because they are in between a lot of things. But then, there are phases on and off like that as you travel this journey.

I'm the same with you re cleaning chemicals - I mainly use a combo of bicarb and vinegar, plus cleaning mitts etc, and my steam mop. Much more kid-friendly - and adult-friendly too...

Hope the responses you've received help!! Partly to give you ideas, and partly to help you realise that you're not alone!!

[coogeemum]

I know how you feel too, but like many have said, it does get better. My DS is 13.5 months now and I am a new person since he turned one. I can now do quite a few chores while he is up. He potters around with me, very interested in the dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum cleaner. He also has several times a day where he will amuse himself for half an hour. When he was the same age as yours I made great use of a Baby Einstein DVD (Beethoven). He absolutley loved it and would not move for half an hour - a total godsend when I really needed to get something done.

[ThomasMum]

It'll get better am sure :)

Mine is easy. To begin with we only have one child (nomore thanks!) and he's almost 3 now plus my DH is always help me with the houseworks eventho he works full time...

Just wait until the bub is more mobile then you should be fine... trust me :)

[Susan Mac]

I feel much the same as you!!! Only I keep comparing myself to my friends who have been mums for a lot longer than me...

I find that every few weeks I need to change which jobs I do while Jack is asleep, and which do save till DH gets home, and which I can do while he is following me around the house. My house is never as clean as I want it to be, but I have been decluttering a lot, and trying to get into routines, adn cleaning entirely with bicarb and vinegar so I'm not worried if Jack gets into it if he wants to help me. I found fly.net which has really helped me out. I just do the jobs that come in my email each day and I have been really getting on top of my housework.

My biggest problem is Jack goes down for his nap, and I make a cup of coffee and sit down at the computer and there goes an hour and no housework done!!!

[~Bec~]

I keep my expectations low. If it turns out DS is going to have a grumpy day then nothing will get done and we will just have to live with that.

I have a catnapping bub so when he's asleep I have to race around to get things done.

The first thing I do when he's asleep is the laundry (eg put a load on, hang a load out etc) as I can't do that whilst he's awake.

Once a day I will pop him in his high chair with a rusk or his mesh feeder and do a bit of a general tidy.

We also have a dishwasher which helps to keep the kitchen under control.

I do things in little bits and am a world class multi-tasker. If the toilet needs a clean I clean it after I've just been. Just get some toilet paper to dust the window ledge, skirting boards, lid etc. Give the bowl a bit of a scrub. Takes 1 minute and it's done. I clean the floor (wood) when DS is asleep with a wet microfibre cloth. I walk straight on it because it's impractical not to. I clean the bathroom sink when I'm brushing my teeth (keep cleaning cloths handy). DS's toys are usually confined to his playpen or toybox.

Finally I have a few places where I can put him where he can play and I know he will be safe. These are his cot, portacot and rocking chair (strapped in). If I desperately want to do something I usually put him in his cot with a couple of toys to play with. I also bought a mobile that I can easily clip and unclip from the side of the cot to entertain him for a couple of minutes if needed.

[lizzymcfizzy]

guess what, one of the girls that I was referring to (that she has time to do hobbies) came out of the blue and said she has her grandparents and sister living with her AND her partner gets up early on weekends and does housework! She'd rather do the housework. No wonder she's got so much time on her hands! She's not thrilled about it either.

Thanks for the tips girls! you bubhubbers make me sane again.

susan mack - so do I :) but we all need to have a break don't we.

[Jo9999]

I find that Ryan is happiest first thing on waking, so I use this time to get stuff done. I put him on a rug surrounded by toys (his favourite is dd's Dora laptop much to her disgust!).
He doesn't like to be left alone for long, so once he gets ratty there I move him from room to room with me - his exersaucer is great for this.
Your son is almost at the finger food age - I remember this was a good way to keep dd occupied - in her highchair with lots of finger food and I could get stuff done within her eyesight.
I felt the same after my first, I think as well you tend to spend more time just enjoying them then, and also it's all a learning curve. I have found it much easier with my 2nd (not that that's much help!).
Oh... and I do most of my net surfing etc with him on my knee, or while feeding him his solids etc - multitasking is the only way to do it!

[tachi77]

I felt exactly thesame way you did, I still do some days. DD is almost 2 and it seems like I only have time to myself when she naps during the day (on weekends) and at night time during the week. I work full time. Work is a break somedays but I wish I could just go to the movies or shopping for a day without any worries - a whole day to myself!
It does get easier though. They become more independent and you can just watch them play sometimes and sit back and watch some telly. At the start it can feel overwhelming though. I do make a point though not to stress so much, I used to get so angry because it was just all too much but I began to realise that she totally relies on me and patience is the key sometimes.

[ThisIsLiving]

I feel the same as you. When DD was a bub I really found it hard to do anything, but now she is older its really easy. However have since had another child and he is 9 months old so my life is chaotic once again! :D I wouldn't have it any other way of course but yes, some days I have got to wonder how others manage to have houses that don't look like they have been through a cyclone! I just do one thing at a time and try not to put too much pressure on to achieve too much, as with young children its just not possible.

It is just a stage though and it WILL get easier...alot easier.... as the children get older. (And then we will have houses that look like they are out of Home Beautiful! :laughing:)