Moved home to save for a house....what a nightmare! - Warning LONG!

[LittleBoysRock]

DH, DS and I have just moved back home with my Mum to give us an opportunity to save for a house. We were paying rent and finding there wasnt much left for saving.

Mum has been great and made improvements to her house to give DH privacy. (she has had french doors-lockable installed, laid flooring, painted, new blinds etc) Dh and I are lucky enough to have a private lounge and bedroom area which is great.

Problem is My 20 year old sister and my 18 year old brother also live here. My sister has a boyfriend and so does my Mum. We are a close family and I love them heaps but I am having trouble coping with it all.

I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping etc for 5 adults and a baby. All this while looking after my son (taking him to swimming lessons,Mothers Group and just general playing with, making meals for and running around after), doing uni externally and having a social life. My family also depend on me to run errands, give them lifts and so on.

I am neglecting uni stuff in order to get everything done and finding that my brother and sister dont help out at all. I am warn out and dont know what to do. This is a great opportunity for DH and I but just dont know how much longer I can cope.

Mum has actually accused me of not keeping the house clean enough which is rubbish, the place is spotless until the others get home!

I am feeling a bit unloved but dont want to keep complaining to Mum about it.

How do I get them to help me?? Please, I need advice asap!

[Jaileth]

It's hard. Does your mum expect you to keep the house clean? Was it a 'condition' of you and your family living with her? If not, ask her why she expects you to do it all.

As far as your brother and sister go, if they want to be run around and want you to clean up after them, give them a bill. The price that fuel is these days is just stupid, and if you're trying to save, then its hard if you're trying to run them around. Tell them that you'd be happy to clean up after them, for $20 an hour. And if they don't like it, they should hire a cleaner.

Maybe you could sit down with your mum, and talk things over with her when you're feeling calm. Tell her that your husband and your child are your main prioteries, and that you want to concentrate on looking after them, not everyone else as well.

The only other thing I can think of is take your Dh and your ds on a cheap weekend away. It might eat into your savings a bit, but when your mum sees how messy the house becomes when you aren't there, she may realize how much you're doing and how much the others aren't.

Take care, good luck, and I hope that some of this helps.

[LittleBoysRock]

It's hard. Does your mum expect you to keep the house clean? Was it a 'condition' of you and your family living with her? If not, ask her why she expects you to do it all.

The only other thing I can think of is take your Dh and your ds on a cheap weekend away. It might eat into your savings a bit, but when your mum sees how messy the house becomes when you aren't there, she may realize how much you're doing and how much the others aren't.

Hi Neaby & Shaelia,

Thanks for your suggestions. :)

Mum does expect that (as I 'dont have a job' - excuse me but yes I do! ) I keep the house clean. This includes all the living areas plus Mum's bathroom and ensuite! The condition was that she would pay me to clean the areas that I am not responsible for such as her room and the communal areas as nobody else would be helping me. Thing is....she wont pay me now. I have asked but she refuses!

DH and I went away to his parents place for the weekend. I cleaned the house on Friday, did the grocery shopping and all the washing. When we got back last night, the place was a mess and the washing basket full. It is just expected that when I get home I will clean. I just think it is really unfair for me to have to do everything while they all treat the place like a holiday resort.

Neaby- I have tried talking and it just ends in an argument every time. If I dont clean it just ends up really messy until I do it again and Mum has a go at me for leaving it.

Just feel like I cant win! I would even consider living in a rental again just for a rest...I really want a place of my own though.

Sorry to rant on and on but I need to vent!!!:banghead:

[Baby Girl]

Try sitting down and talking to everyone about it... Communication is the key :). If that doesnt work just stop doing the housework and then someone will notice and say "See what I do?".
I would say exactly the same thing.

[Jaileth]

I was in a similar situation once - with friends, not rellies - and it got to the point that the only way I could make it stop was to move out. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's what happened to me.

Try going on strike as far as communal areas and your mums bathroom and ensuite. Remind everyone in the house that you are trying to save and that if they want it clean, you have to be paid in cash, in advance, otherwise they can do it themselves. (Just make sure you tidy up what you and your dh and ds use in those areas) I tried this and got a few weeks respite, which might give you time to come up with another plan of attack.

Good luck. :hugs: