Alone

[babyno.1]

I have just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant. The day before I had just broken up with my boyfriend who is the Father. He is still very hurt and doesn't want anything to do with this baby as I left him. I really want to do this as I am 30 and feel I can. I would like to hear from other people who are and have been through the same thing.

[Jamily]

Wow .... you are so brave for being so positive at such a traumatic time for yourself. Good for you! I have not been in a similar position, but one of my best friends has. Charlotte was 18 when she fell pregnant with her daughter and faced many of the same decisions you are probably facing now. All I can tell you is that 10 years on, her little girl Lauren is still as gorgeous and well rounded as ever, and Charlotte has loved every minute of being a mother. They have not missed the father at all and Lauren doesn't feel neglected or abandoned by his refusal to be a Dad. Whatever you decide I wish you loads of luck.

[sopolicha]

Hello,

I got pregnant when I was 29 to man that I should not have (am now 33). To cut a long story short my daughter was born at 34 weeks, a bit early. I have mentioned on a different thread before, but she spent just over three weeks in hospital and after that we went home with the father of the child for only ten days. I then left to move in with my mum.

I knew throughout the pregnancy that it was completely wrong and that the relationship was never going to work, but thought it was best to give it go and do "the right thing". I am so sorry that I did.

The best thing I ever did was to leave where I not only was I unhappy but we were both in physical danger....anyway enough of me.

The only downside on having a child on your own is when Sophie (my dd) did something I thought was terrific I had no one to say, oh look at this!! But in the grand scheme of things that is nothing compared to happy safe home, which you can probably provide better on your own than to be in relationship with someone who you do not want to be with. Besides you could always record this in a journal or diary or something. I even forget now what I thought was so good at the time!

It is not as if you are 16 and having a baby. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents but the biggest surprise I got out of my situation was the unconditional support I got from my parents who had been divorced for nearly 20 years.

If you want to have a baby I say go ahead and have it and good luck to you. I am not saying it will be easy but it was definately the best thing that I ever did.

[mummyb]

hi
congrats on your bub,i think you will make a great mum what a strong wise person you must be.
staying together for the good of a baby is asure fire way to start a life of heartache and who needs that when you have children.
there are so many single parents out there doing a great job in the end youve got to do what will make you an dyour bub happy
i wish all the best an dim sure you will see by replys you get we are all here to upport you anyway we can . :D

[jamb]

If this is something you really want then go for it. A committed single parent is way better than two arguing and unhappy ones. It is the most magic thing and if you feel you can do it then enjoy this miracle, congratulations on the bub.

[Susie3204]

I am in a similar situation, I am now 19 weeks pregnant, for the first 14 weeks I cried all the time and thought what the hell am I doing, But I have pulled myself together and decided to go ahead with it and could not be happier.

My ex and I broke up 2 days before I found out I was pregnant, we had been together for 2 years he now wants nothing to do with myself or the child, I have not heard from him for weeks, the last time we spoke he informed me he had met someone else. From that moment on I have concentrated on myself and the well being of my child.

Children are truly a gift, I watched my sister struggle through hard times as a single mum and her 10 year old son is a gorgeous loving child. His father has not seen him since he was four, but he knows we all love him and he misses out on nothing.

I would suggest you put your ex at the back of your mind, obviously you will not forget him, but please concentrate on yourself and your baby. I cannot wait for my little girl to be born (yes I found out, I had enough surprises for this year already :) )

As others on this forum have said, better to raise your child with all your love than introduce him / her to a negative environment.

I wish you all the best.

Susie

[kiara]

I was 6 wks pregnant when I found out I was pregnant (Although I knew at 4 wks but was too scared to go have a pregnancy test) I wasn't with the father when I told him I was pregnant and knew very well that he wouldn't want it. After I told him he pleaded with me to abort it, something which I would have never been able to do. He told me that "he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby that this has crippled his life" I however found so much support in my family and friends, even to the point where I have other males offering to be the father. His family were very supportive of me and helped me alot.

Unfortunately for me I miscarried at 12wks, which absolutely broke my heart. I haven't spoken to the father in a very long time but I do know that if I had have had my baby I would have had loads of support from the people around me and my baby would have never gone unloved or neglected.

You are a strong person and you will make it through this and at the end of it all you will hold in your arms the most beautiful gift in the world - life. Knowing you have created it. Love your pregnancy and hold on to this experience, you'll be a great mum.

[evangeline]

I am 36 and found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant. The father lives 3,000 miles away and is married with a kid, and therefore he desperately wants me to have an abortion as he says this will 'ruin his life'. I don't want to mess up his life, but I don't really want to have an abortion. I'm so scared though about having a child on my own. I am now 7 weeks pregnant, so it's not too late for me to have an abortion, but I just don't know what to do. ugh..

[red crayon]

Doing it by yourself is hard work - you need to acknowledge that up front. But if you have the support of family and friends, it does make it easier. I realise that this isn't close to being the same situation but when my son was a month old, my partner went overseas for work for six weeks and that's when I discovered how hard single motherhood is. Having friends come over and make or bring dinner, being able to visit your parents, getting out with other parents in parent groups really helps. The one thing other people can't help you with is the getting up to a crying baby in the middle of the night. But it is worth everything and the amazing bond you build between you and your child is unbelievable. Evangeline and babyno1 - do what is best for you, go with your heart and don't let the fathers bully you into doing what you don't want to do.

[Mischief]

This has happened to two of my friends.

1 - found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks after her and her partner had broken up. Happy for them, when she found out she was pregnant she told her ex and they got back together. Although, when she first told him he was pretty angry about it all..... now they are happy together again, and excited about having a baby!

2 - found out she was pregnant at 16. She and her boyfriend tried to make it work, but it just didnt. They broke up before the baby was born. She was a single mum until her daughter was 4, and then she met someone else and got married. They had a baby, now her hubby has left her and shot through leaving her with a 7 and 2 year old. That said, her kids are the light of her life and are what is keeping her going now!

Do what is best for you!!! XXOO

Kat

[Foxymoron]

I haven't walked in your shoes, but as a mum I can say you won't regret having the baby, if it feels right for you then it is the right thing. Best of luck in your journey :)

Evangeline- I wouldn't bother taking his needs into account, clearly he isn't thinking about yours or your unborn child. If you want this baby, have it. Don't allow him to hold you accountable for 'ruining his life' he's a grown up and can deal with it!

[red crayon]

Well said, Keara!

[kiara]

Keara,

Don't allow him to hold you accountable for 'ruining his life' he's a grown up and can deal with it!

Well said. Having being told too that I was ruining his life. To decide to have a baby on your own is a big decision and your make your sacrafic, but it's all worth it in the end.

[jackieb76]

Dear babyno.1,

Firstly congratulations, because although these may not be ideal circumstances this is a blessing.

I am writing from personal circumstances and here is my story:

About 6 1/2 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a man that I didn't see much of a future with, he was a few years older than me and certainly not responsible or ready to settle down. I fell pregnant to him and after telling him he told me that I could simply not keep the baby, that it would ruin my (or his?) life. I told him that I had already made up my mind to keep the baby and I was willing to do this on my own. He told me that he would call me later that week, which he never did. In fact he had absolutely nothing to do with me the entire time that I was pregnant even though we lived in the same suburb and I often saw him. He treated me like he didn't he know who I was. I was very fortunate to have a greatly supportive family and friends. Nine months later I gave birth to a beautiful girl, Ella, who I knew straight away was very special. I have been so totally blessed with such a wonderful soul, she is my life. Now six years on I have met a wonderful man and we are expecting our first baby together in February next year. I still see Ella's father occasionally and it used to hurt me that he didn't want anything to do with her. Now I just pity him because he is still in the same place in life and has missed out on knowing a beautiful person, so it is his loss.

So even though things might seem like they are not the best, we are women and we are strong and we have other women to help us through. I wish you all the best and know you have the strength and love to do this on your own. Remember you are not alone and only you know what's best for you.

Love and best wishes

Jackie :)

[xkwzit]

Hi Evangeline
If it comes to choosing one life over another - I'd choose the innocent one.

If you feel that you can raise this baby on your own - good on you ... if you don't you can always choose to give your baby to adoptive parents who have wanted and waited for a baby and will love them as if they were their own.

Best of luck with what ever you decide is right for you two.

[bek morcom]

I am 36 and found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant. The father lives 3,000 miles away and is married with a kid, and therefore he desperately wants me to have an abortion as he says this will 'ruin his life'. I don't want to mess up his life, but I don't really want to have an abortion. I'm so scared though about having a child on my own. I am now 7 weeks pregnant, so it's not too late for me to have an abortion, but I just don't know what to do. ugh..
Hi Evangeline I hope I am not too late. Please don't even consider abortion. Have you though about adoption if you can not handle it? The long term effects let alone short terms effect are not worth it
I know of women who have had abortions and it emotionally scars them (and any successive children -even when children are not aware of the abortion) for the rest of their life, they have initimacy issues, they don't show affection/ touch their children as much. I have the personal view that these women can never make good mothers, when they put their needs ahead of the child.
You don't seem to be that type.
I'm thinking of you bek morcom

[loopi1]

:)
I found out I was pregnant for the first time when I was 30, I am now 32. My son is 16 1/2 mths old and I discovered I was pregnant when I was 7mths. The father was my housemate and friend of ova a year but when I told him I never saw him again till the court day. He requested DNA tests and made my life and his sons life very unhappy. But I would not change a single thing, my boy is the most precious thing to me and although we r doing it tough I can see lite at the end of the tunnel for us both.
U can do it, it will be tough and rely on as many friends and family as u can for a little while till u get ur feet.

If u need to chat my email is loopi1@westnet.com.au

Ur never alone and u r stronger than u think

Take Care

[shanz]

Hi girls,
I have a 20 year old best friend that was with her boyfriend for 3 years before breaking up.He was cheating on her.She found out a week later that she was pregnant,and even though she was working casual, didn't have a car or license and not living at home she was also very determined to not wipe her hands of the baby like its father did.He was still with the girl that he was cheating on he told her that he was starting a new relationship and therefore a baby to someone else simply wasn't an option.
Reilly is 4 1/2 months now and he couldn't have it much better.He has more love than any baby could ever need. every few weeks we have him for the night to give mummy a break.his grandparents take him for a night here and there.and to date me and two other friends have car seats permanently in our cars incase we want to do something so she doesn't feel left out.
I'm sure there will be an abundance of support for you both.Although it is scary it is certainly achievable and i'm sure will by far be the biggest achievment of your life.
One thing renee always says is "Hey if i went through the pain of child birth i can handle anything!" :)

[Nickster]

Sorry, this is not really relevant to the thread, but I was just reading Shanz's reply and I had to say, wow, aren't you a wonderful friend! Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. That's all,
Nicole

[charlismum]

My DD is 5months old and was what I like to call a "welcome suprise"..hehe Being a 20yr old single mum is very hard work and I am still at uni fulltime so its hectic. All I can say to those who have found themselves pregnant in similar circumstances to myself is that children can only add to our lives not take away from it. Yes life is hard now but when was it ever easy or when will it ever be? Despite enduring hard times and lots of work nothing will ever compare to when Charli was squirming around in my tummy, when they first handed her to me, the first time she smiled and laughed at me and this makes it all worthwhile.
As for the fathers who find themselves "dads-to-be" do not let them dictate or influence your choice, this is your child and no-one will ever be able to better understand a child than its mother.
This is a big part of life and the most rewarding part so far
good luck
Jen :p
Charli :cool: 12/02/05

[BubbleBelly]

I'm not in the same situation but i am 12 weeks pregnant and my fiance has just told me he doesn't want me in his life anymore! I cancelled my wedding plans yesterday! It was heartbreaking! He doesn't want to be around for all the hard work but still expects to know when the baby's born so he ccan brag to his mates about being a dad! Some dad!

If you really want this baby then go for it! I am! Don't ever be afraid to ask for help or accept help! It doesn't make you weak!

Please let us know how things are going! And always know you can chat with me!
my email address is melissa_j_p@hotmail.com

[shanz]

Bubblebelly,i suppose it is really a blessing in disguise although i'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now.I have a friend that has two children to her ex. they had a really good relationship until 6 months pregnant with number one he decided he didn't want that kind of responsibility,as none of his mates had kids,after she was born he decided he did want to be a part of things and by the time she was 18 months they were living together again.Then she fell pregnant again and he was more excited than her!!!only to get nerves at about the same stage.So now she is a single mother of two.He doesn't aknowledge Hamish as his,he is now one and Dad takes his big sister every second weekend but refuses to take Hamish as his new girlfriend isn't keen on him having two children to somebody else....sorry to be rambling on but basically what i'm trying to say is for your own good and most importantly that of your baby you should pose this question to him "Are you willing to be a part of this childs life for the rest of your life?" If he is not certain or he cant commit to that then you need to do what is best for the baby even if that might be to have no father at all instead of a dad that sees them when it is convenient.
Anyway i'm always up for a chat if you need it, shanz. :cool:

[carls]

To put a different slant on things, I was wondering how the single mothers out there deal with the financial strain of being a sole parent. How many work and how many dont, and what you feel the benefits are of each?

I have a loving partner and hope to never be a single mother after baby is born but in reality these days, it just might happen!