Single Parents & Dating..?

[Gribel]

Hi All

I'm just wondering how single parents (well I gues smostly mum's in here??) are doing in the Dating Scene?? How do you tackle the whole chatting up and getting out there thing ????
I am so ready to meet someone new, but am a bit unsure I guess....:detective:

[JodieC]

I met my partner in an internet chat room, not a dating one though. My ex also met his current partner on the internet, but through a dating site

[Gribel]

Yeah, Dating Chat rooms came across my mind, too, but am a bit unsure about them.....:confused:

[claireandbailey]

Sometimes i;d love to have a partner just to share things with but to be honest i dont think i'm ready to be with anyone. the most important thing in my life is bailey and i dont want to share her wit anyone.
mayb its cos i'm scared bout the whole datin thing, its not like if i meet someone one night and i can really take them home to wake up to my daughter in bed,
i think when the time is right i'll go out and meet someone, in the meantime i;m still gettin to know my daughter

[loopi1]

Dating whats that, I have never been on a date. True. The guys I have been with have always been friends whom I have known for ages. I went to school with my finace, we split in 2001 after 9yrs as I was told I couldn't have kids. The father of my DS I knew for over a year, we worked together and were also housemates (he did a runner when I told him I was pregnant) Those 2 are the only men I have been with since I was 19, am now 33.:(

I joined a dating service last year and I was hooked up with 2 guys (at different times), the first one was a single parent himself but as soon as he found out I didn't have an Athletic body I never heard from him again, the second only wanted one thing and I found out that after only 3 phone conversations with him. I'm glad I never met either guy. :thumbsdown:

I'm not in a postion to date either, finances are tough, I have no-one to look after my DS to even go out and I'm a little paranoid about weird men around my son (I know I need to lighten up and open up). But I'm also not very happy with the way I look and I have always been judged by my cover.

I beleive I had my soul mate in my finace but I lost out on that when I left him. :crying: :crying:

[MissBrightside]

I dont think I'm ready just yet to be in a relationship, but I would love to be able to go out to see if I can still 'pick-up'. I havnt been with anyone other than my ex for 8 years so I dont know if I still have the mojo!:laughing:
Are there any decent guys out there anyway? Where do you meet them when you dont or cant leave the house without your kids? Like me.

[Gribel]

AHHHHHH LOOPI,
at least we still have each other!!!!:laughing:

I'm not talking about having a full blown relationship - and I never really had one either in the past - I'm just talking about meeting someone - anyone really. It's just sooo hard, especially now with a child. It's not that I don't have anyone to look after Riley OR to go out with, but i'm a bit conscious about the meeting someone part......
And I know how you feel body wise, am not 100% happy either, but then again who really is????:thumbsup:

I AM "flirting" (if you can call that) with one of the guys at work, we went out for a couple of drinks on friday, just don't know what's really going on with us at the moment. Don't want to push it either (and yes, I know the whole office romance is a no no, but then again I met Riley's dad at work). At least this guys knows that I am a single mum, he has 2 boys himself (not living with him), so I guess we have something in common......
As I said, not sure where this is all going right now, and I'm not even sure if it's going at all. It's just nice to have a "reason" to dress extra nice when you go to work and stuff like that....does this make sense???:confused:

Sorry about the long reply...:o

[samecutie222]

hi i met my man (together 6 months) of the rsvp dating site
he is a hottie (if i dont say so myself!) He is 9 yrs older than me (me 21 him 30) but thats what i like ( :

he has a child in another country and thats the only thing stopping us from getting more commited, as in all probability he will leave to be with him one day :( but hopefully it all works out at that time

he has been married before (divorced now) at first that kinda bugged me but then i thought i have a child to and was going to get married and it doesn't take anything less away from our relationship

i really feel like he is one in a million, he never lets me down and has genuine from the get-go.
just saying it can happen, we have probs like everyone, but i am really pretty happy!
He gets along with my son great, they probablly see each other once a fortnight.
he stays quiet a few times a week (every 2nd night) but comes after he is asleep and leaves before he is awake (my little man knows how to sleep in and we dont leave for work till 830!)
anyway im dribbling now lol, go for it! Put fear to a side and give it a go, just remember the second you know its not genuine, ditch em, and stick to it! Unless you want fun, there is nothing wrong with that, as long as its a completly diff. life from ur child ( :

[LilShenanigans]

NattieB, Why do we do that? Ignore our instincts!? Sheesh...
I did it too with my ex, I still don't know why!!
I like to think he had a purpose ( a very very VERY small purpose) and that was to aid me in having a child - he did that now he can go :laughing:

And hey to everyone else, I'm a big girl too and I don't care! I spent my whole life being big and I just crack jokes about it.
If a guy says they don't want some 'fat cow' I say, it's because you can't handle a REAL woman! :p

I've made a lot more friends then boyfriends from humour lol Sometime's it can get me down, but in the end I'd rather be meeting someone who wants ME not COVERGIRL!! :o

Good luck in your searches though! I'll live vicariously through anyone who willing to tell all lol

[melindabust]

you sound like a very smart lady nat. i was just wanting to know where do u live im in brisbane. im in a tricky situation at the moment hope to here from u

[polony]

I too am a single parent wanting to date, but even before I was preggers, I still had trouble dating.

It never seems to work out. They either think I am ugly, not skinny enough, or they can't handle someone who likes to crack a joke and be myself, rather than sit there and be all shy and quiet and "mysterious". Or they only want one thing.

Some of you have inspired me to try internet dating. I never have and if I did find someone, I think I would be too embarrassed to tell anyone how I met this person... but I will give it a go.

I got hurt really badly a few years ago. I was with a guy for 6 years and he was abusive etc etc but I was totally in love with him. Needless to say it didn't work out as he couldn't keep his car in the garage IYKWIM. :eek: I had to end it as I was getting sick of crying and hurting etc. Since then I have been very stand-offish with men.

So anyway, I am gonna bite the bullet and give this a serious go. Wish me luck! :fingerscrossed:

[Veritas]

Hey polony.....

I hear ya loud and clear.... what is it with guys that want a pretty little princess without a couple of brain cells to rub together who just sits there and giggles and does as she's told....

I love cracking a joke, have no problems laughing at myself, but am a strong, independent, intelligent young lady.... Hey I'm no oil painting, but I'm no shock horror either! I will always be myself, not something someone else wants me to be.... someday someone will appreciate that!!

I think its about finding a real man, not an immature little boy, that wants a real woman.... not just a barbie doll.....

Right now I'm too busy "incubating" to be worry about the other species....LOL... but I'm sure the day will come eventually.... of course now the criteria becomes stricter, because not only does he have to be good for me, but good for my lil girl too..... and not til he proves that will he ever get to have the pleasure of meeting her!

[polony]

Well said Kaz! :yelclap: Totally agree 100%

[tyler's mum]

i have never done well in relationships,,, i always pick the wrong man and always get hurt,,, i've only been in love once when i was 18,,, we were together on and off for 2yrs,,, he hurt me in so many ways ive never really got over him,,, and in a way still love him,,, anyway:ecomcity:

i would love to be in a relationship,,, but at the same time i dont think iam ready and im not that sure i have what it takes to have a good relationship:confused: now that i have a daughter i dont want her to grow up watching me go from man to man,,, i just wish being with a man was not so hard,,, iam to scared to let any one get to close to me,,, because i dont want to get hurt again,,, tyler is still a baby so i think when she gets a bit older i will hopefully feel like i could met someone:rolleyes: at the moment im happy with it just being me and bub,,,

i just hope i dont past my fear about men onto tyler,,, so hopefully i can leave them in the past and find someone to share mine and tyler's life with,,, but no rush just yet,,,,

good luck polony:thumbsup:

[tyler's mum]

i always get told to be loved you have to love yourself:eek: ,,, well i dont love myself not really,,, i need to learn that before i can let any man come into our lives,,, i was goin to go to counselling last week,, to get help on over coming my fears, my past and learn to be happy,,, i have yet to go but i will,,,

[Veritas]

I hear ya Nattie, I have never been to counselling as such, but my mother is in the field, so I am pretty self empowered on all that sort of stuff...

I found that the only way to realise how strong & independent I was, and how many fantastic attributes I had, after being let down by someone I fell truly, madly deeply for, but was sooooo the wrong person for me (very similar to your situation Tam, though I have now realised he is not for me).... was to have some time on my own.... discover myself again... I came to the realisation that I don't need someone else to complete me, I am whole, happy and successful just as I am.

I set myself a whole new set of standards, not based on my "perfect match" but on how I wanted to be treated..... what I would accept and what I was not willing to accept.... I realised that it was okay to have these expectations of someone else, and that nothing less would do. I don't need to have someone else in my life, I am not actively seeking it.... but if it does come along they have to take me as I am, appreciate me for all of me.... and not want to change me, for I would never want to change someone else....

At first I was afraid of letting my guard down again, for fear of getting hurt, but I come to the realisation, that by shutting out all people for sake of a few bad apples, you miss out on the good ones... you just have to use your judgement and follow your instincts!

[KiLLaKaZ]

i always get told to be loved you have to love yourself:eek: ,,, well i dont love myself not really,,, i need to learn that before i can let any man come into our lives,,, i was goin to go to counselling last week,, to get help on over coming my fears, my past and learn to be happy,,, i have yet to go but i will,,,

i know what you mean about loving yourself! i guess if you have no respect for yourself, no one else will respect you either - unless you are lucky enough to find a guy who'll instill this on you! i have always had a VERY poor self esteem from being teased a lot when younger, so i find it hard to believe anyone will like me. maybe this drove my husband away?

& about counselling, i planned on going last week, too - but chickened out! :o

as for dating - my husband & i are flatting together, & since we are still married (& i hold onto the hope we'll one day get back together... silly, i know ;)) i think i'll hold off till sometime AFTER we get divorced. i also want to work out MY issues before getting into another relationship - such as my low self esteem, phobias, etc.

[tyler's mum]

a agree its only fair and the right thing to do not only for ourself but for whoever we date next,,, that we enter the relationship respecting ourselfs and and having if not all but most of our issues worked out,,,

the next time i start something i wont to have a open mind and a free heart so i dont take things out on him from other relationships like ive done in the past,,, i dont know when i will be ready i have a long way to go i think,,,, i hang on to the past to much:rolleyes:

[melindabust]

ok heres a questions for everyone!

Where are us single mothers supposed to meet people. i am ready to try and get out there again but seriously where do you look. ive meet a couple of guys at a club and things didnt even get off the ground one guy i dated for just over 2 mths but he gad alot of baggage did my best there but to no avail. I dont really know that many people which is the other reason im on this site, i would love to make some new friends with children. So if theres anyone intrested in starting a group please drop me a line or if you have any ideas on the dating scence i would love to hear them.

thanks all melinda

[Gribel]

Hi Melinda

where to you live??
I know how hard it it to meet new people (especially guys), I've been making an effort the last couple of weeks to go out with my workmates on a friday night after work so a) I get out a bit more and b) at least I put myself out there..
You do get to meet guys, but I don;t think that you will find a man in a bar/club.
I am however trying the dating sites, and have been chatting to a few guys which is quite fun actually

Other than that I really have no idea myself what to do, I keep telling myself that I will meet someone eventually....

Pm me if you want a chat

[KiLLaKaZ]

melindabust - i'm still married, so not planning on dating till my (ex) hubby has filed for divorce (if that's what he decides...), but i think, since i'm a christian, that if i want to get back in the dating scene it would be through someone i'd meet at church. this way they share THE most important thing with me - faith in God.

i'm not sure of your religion, if you have one, but think about hobbies, interests, etc. is there any sport, walking group, etc that you could get involved with where you could meet someone with similar interests?

there are single parenting groups scattered around the place, maybe try & look one of these up? u might meet a hunky single dad ;) :D

[tyler's mum]

what are parenting groups??? are they just like mothers group or something,, how do u find out where they are???

[goldcoastgirl18]

ive been asked out on a few dates by a few diffrent guys just in the last few weeks but im scared to get out there i say i will go then a few hrs before i call it off and say sumthing came up why am i so scared i never use too?



___________________
lou:ecomcity:
lucas-scott:smiliedance:

[tyler's mum]

its funny how every thing changes when you have a baby,,, [being scared] maybe you just arent ready to start dating

[claireandbailey]

I;ve been thinking bout the whole dating thing lately and i as much as i'd love to be in a relationship i dont think i could do it at the moment. i;d definetley have to lose some baby kilos first. But also i think that i would become too emotionally dependant on them too quickly and i dont want to keep getting hurt. the relationship would have to be pretty serious pretty quickly because of bailey. i dont want her to get close to someone else then that relationship break up and then she get to know someone else. i think she'd end up pretty screwed up. i suppose deep down what i'd like is for her father to grow up and we'd become a happy little family. But that prob will never happen cos he is a loser.

[Mum2Bug]

Hi everyone. I need some advice. I'm a 26 yr old single mum who had a disastrous relationship for 2 months last year (not father of child). I sat down yesterday and worked out that i have never had a boyf who hasn't cheated on me. now im starting to realise why i have major trust issues! anyway, i had resigned myself to being single forever when i was introduced to a guy through mutual friends. he seems really nice and is apparently keen on me but:
a) he is 19 years older than me (not a big prob)
b) doesn't want anymore kids of his own (his daughter is only 3 years younger than me)
I like the guy but am not sure if this is just because i dont want to end up on my own forever that i am considering a relationship with him. Im not sure if i want to have more kids as it hasnt been an issue til now, but what if i do?