father on birth cert?

[lilmeags]

hey everyone,
its been awhile since i've been on here
and well things havent improved much
bubs dad (who i did end up leaving)
has been telling me im gonna get my face kicked in so on. and i really dont want him getting near me or my baby.
does any one have any advice? would not putting him on the birth cert help me or would i end up worse off? i dont want child support from him as i dont want anything at all to do with him. i was goin to get a DVO out on him but dont i have to see him in court? as well as
have proof of everything he has done? cause i dont have any... *sigh* i just want him gone.. i hate that he is friends with all my friends.. i saw him last night at a friends party and it took me untill 2pm to get myself out of bed today i felt that miserable.

also.. does anyone know the number for the young parents prgram? i lost their thing they sent me and have been trying to find it for ages and i cant find a website for them.
xoxo

[tobmac]

ring legal aid and speak to them see where you stand about the birth certificate, when it comes to centerlink you will either have to tell them why you didnt put him on and they may make you get shild supprot or i have known people to outright lie and say they dont know who the father is as they were with a couple of guys at the time ( makes you feel like a nice little girl) but hey they were in the same situation, then ring your local police station and find out what are the grounds for a dv order i think they have to actually touch you (could be wrong) but how are you going to get around him seeing the baby if one of your friends slipup and say you have had it?...................the only suggestioni have to get fully away from himis to distance some friends and stop all contact...................goodluck and if you cant find that number ring lifeline or your local district health nurse at the hospital and they may have the number :hugs:

[lilmeags]

hey yeah i was going to call legal aide on monday but im a little scared too..
and he has hit me twice once leaving a nasty bruise on my lip for almost 2 weeks.. but
i ahvnt got proof of it as i thought we would be together forever and be totally in love.. stupid i was..
:hugs:

[tobmac]

just see what they say how about ringing a dv hotline for women they can give you alot of info regarding what to do as they would come accross this all the time with people who have no proof..........did any of your friends see your bruises???? maybe they could go as a witness but if you are in brisbane ring dvconnect there ph number is in the white pages at the front i think

[Elmofan]

First off :hugs: it take's alot of guts to leave someone who's been abusive let alone do it while preg or with young children.

I am not sure reg the birth cef I would assume it may make thing's harder for you in terms of recieving full benift's from centrelink.Reg the DVO I think in some case's the court's allow you to be in different room's without evidence I don't know where you would stand.


I hope this number is the right young parents program your looking for (07) 3357 9944 if it is the right one and you have problem's finding it again its in the Bubhub directory
heres a website with a list of groups for young parents and parents HTH

http://www.childrenbychoice.org.au/nwww/parentgroup.htm

[Me]

I agree with the other suggestions on making a few phone calls to see where you stand with things.

If your friends don't want to go witness for the bruises, were there any family members who saw it that could go witness?

If there is anything that I can help with, feel free to PM me anytime:hugs:

[lilmeags]

hey everyone..
yeh i didnt think about that but there
are heaps of ppl who saw the bruises
from family members to friends to even ppl i worked with.. but thanks to all of u i will start calling around on monday :yes: and let u all know what happens xoxo:hugs:

[MissSookyLaLa]

so sorry you have had to go through this, but it sounds like you are very brave!

:hugs: and i hope all is ok.

[mamma0f3]

congratulations for being able to walk away from him it takes a very strong person to realise the relationship wasnt gonna work when DV is involved, and did u tell anyone about the hitting the bruises? if u told someone they can testify in court for you. my partner and i just went through a DV thing not for us but our cousin was in violent relationship and we got caught up in it he beat my wife and tried to get into my house with a knife to get us if u have a witness who has seen what he did and can testify to the bruises you have a better case

[WorkingClassMum]

regardless of all the other cr@p that you're going though (lots of hugs anyhow:hugs:)...

the main question of him being on birth cert - this isn't really a question of what you want.

the birth cert is a legal document and you are obligated to fill it out correctly

whether or not you get CS (donate it it charity if you don't want it, or put it in bub's bank a/c) he is obligated to pay it - let them chase him

Your bub has a right to know who the father is

these situations are alway sh!tty, and you have my absolute sympathy. but I'd suggest keeping your feelings in a separate basket to your legal obligations

keep a diary of all the cr@p that he threatens, keep sms's etc. If you need an AVO later on they'll prove to be valuable.

you will probably have to face him in court for an AVO, but tell the court before hand how frightened you are


Good Luck:hugs::hugs:
I don't mean to sound harsh - I'm not living your life

[Happymummzy]

Hun, I feel for you what a hard situation. The father not being on the birth cert will not make any difference it could make things worse now and in the long term. For now he could drag you through the courts fer paternity tests and that can cost alot. In the future it makes thing so hard. My mum left my dad off my certificate and it was sooooooo hard. I had to get a stat dec to get a passport at 16yrs. Makes it hard for starting school. Legally it doesnt mean anything if he is or isnt there. Document all his threats and go see the DVLO at your local police station. Good luck darlin.

[OJandMe]

but if he is on the birth cert, won't that mean he has to sign the passport too?? And then if he refuses she'll be stuck if she ever wants to take bubs overseas on a holiday.

[Happymummzy]

She'll be stuck anyways unless you get a stat dec stating the father is deseaced. Its all horrible. I went through it for 18 years!

[Freya]

Hun, I feel for you what a hard situation. The father not being on the birth cert will not make any difference it could make things worse now and in the long term. For now he could drag you through the courts fer paternity tests and that can cost alot. In the future it makes thing so hard. My mum left my dad off my certificate and it was sooooooo hard. I had to get a stat dec to get a passport at 16yrs. Makes it hard for starting school. Legally it doesnt mean anything if he is or isnt there. Document all his threats and go see the DVLO at your local police station. Good luck darlin.

If he wants DNA tests it won't cost her anything.:no:


As someone who is going through proceedings with this, I would advise you to not put him on.

[Happymummzy]

Your right as far as the DNA tests but I was thinking more of the dragging through courts lawyers ect....... *hugs* to you too. It must be hard. I suggest she seeks legal advise. There is legal aid in most towns and a hotline as well which can provide advise.
Just on the emothional side, it used to upset me seeing my bc with no dad on it. In saying that though back then it wasnt common!

[Freya]

Your right as far as the DNA tests but I was thinking more of the dragging through courts lawyers ect....... *hugs* to you too. It must be hard. I suggest she seeks legal advise. There is legal aid in most towns and a hotline as well which can provide advise.
Just on the emothional side, it used to upset me seeing my bc with no dad on it. In saying that though back then it wasnt common!

Well it hasn't cost me a cent to go through any of the courts, lawyers ect... He is the one having to pay for it all and because he is making things complicated and has a violent history and still makes threats on us he has no chance of seeing his son. I am so relieved he is not on the birth cert for that reason.

Hun, you should definatley speak to legal aid.:yes:

[ExPatMum]

You are under no legal or moral obligation whatsoever to put the father's name on the birth certificate.

You can tell him when the baby is born. If he chooses to come to the hospital and claim his rights, then so be it. If he's dumb enough to do it, I'd make sure you get his original signature on the thing.

But, If YOU put him on the birth certificate, you are GIVING a criminal rights to your child that he has done absolutely nothing to deserve. I'm sorry--motherhood is a right, but fatherhood is a privilege IMHO.

That means you will have to entertain custody arrangements with a man who has beat you; you will have to consult a man who has beat you should your child ever apply for a passport; you will have to consult a man who has beat you on a range of other parenting decisions. . .

I'm sorry--but that's not on.

As for Centrelink, well that's workable. Yes, they will require proof that you've attempted to extract support from the child's father in order to assess an application for benefits. However, surely proof of physical abuse and the fact that you fear for your safety is proof enough.

As for the comments about the drama you will cause your child in the future. . . well, that's debatable. Yes, you will have to explain at some point why there is no father on the birth certificate, but making sure that they understand that it doesn't reflect somehow negatively on their value or worth is the key.

[SimplyMum]

You are under no legal or moral obligation whatsoever to put the father's name on the birth certificate.

You can tell him when the baby is born. If he chooses to come to the hospital and claim his rights, then so be it. If he's dumb enough to do it, I'd make sure you get his original signature on the thing.

But, If YOU put him on the birth certificate, you are GIVING a criminal rights to your child that he has done absolutely nothing to deserve. I'm sorry--motherhood is a right, but fatherhood is a privilege IMHO.

That means you will have to entertain custody arrangements with a man who has beat you; you will have to consult a man who has beat you should your child ever apply for a passport; you will have to consult a man who has beat you on a range of other parenting decisions. . .

I'm sorry--but that's not on.

As for Centrelink, well that's workable. Yes, they will require proof that you've attempted to extract support from the child's father in order to assess an application for benefits. However, surely proof of physical abuse and the fact that you fear for your safety is proof enough.

As for the comments about the drama you will cause your child in the future. . . well, that's debatable. Yes, you will have to explain at some point why there is no father on the birth certificate, but making sure that they understand that it doesn't reflect somehow negatively on their value or worth is the key.

:iagree:

I decided that the father of DS to NOT sign the BC. I told C-link that I was unsure who the father was. Sure, this was embarrassing but it's what I had to do to protect him.

DS can still know his Dad just not now when he can't defend himself.

For me, DS dad was more than happy not to be involved so it worked out rather well.

He knows DS was born sometime in September 2005 and is a boy. He doesn't know anything more about him.

But if the father wants to be involved than telling him that he wont be might aggrevate things further. I think the best course of action would be to talk to him and guage if he would accept not being involved otherwise you might have a bigger hassle than it be worth on your hands.

Good luck hun- don't worry, you will get through it!

[smog]

if he is violent and is threatening u i would leave him off and tell centrelink u dont know who. u can always tell your child when they r old enough to understand but right now u need to protect your baby as best u can. the harder it is for him to prove the baby is his and gain access the better i think. if he is a loser he prob wont be bothered and u can get him out of your life. i do think children have a right to know their father but if he is violent u must protect your child until they r old enough to be able to protect themself and to me this seems the best way how. if it was me id move away ditch the friends and try to make new friends who have more in common with being a mum. good luck

[3princes]

My understanding is that to put the father on the BC he has to sign it.... that might answer your questions!

Would he sign it ?

Personally by the sound of it... i wouldn't want my child to be in Danger so don't put him on & get away from him. Hard decision but you and your baby's lives are way more important than this guys right to be on the BC.

[pookiesossige]

I can only comment on the AVO part of your question- all you need to do is call the police and ask them to come around and arrange it for you. I don't believe you need to go to court, or even see him for that matter.

Why not ring your local police station and discuss your options?

:hugs:

[missie_mack]

I wouldnt put him on the birth certificate but I would be looking at child support. Why should his legal obligation be waived?? Child support doesnt neccessarily give him access to the child if their is violence involved and TBH he probably wouldnt bother with access anyhow.


She'll be stuck anyways unless you get a stat dec stating the father is deseaced. Its all horrible. I went through it for 18 years!

Not if the father isnt on the birth certificate and listed as unknown. You cant declare that some is deceased or alive if you dont know who they are!