View Full Version : Bi Racial Family
:) Hi, I'm the proud mum of a ten month old beautiful baby boy. I'm of Anglo saxon and Italian heritage and my partner is Indigenous ( Koorie from the Wiradjuri tribe in NSW). I really want my son to embrace his differing cultures and am interested in learning more about my partners and my sons heritage. I would love to hear from any parents out there who are in a similar situation ( Bi Racial families) as well as any mums who have Indigenous partners and kids.
I'm SOOOO with you on this one when I seen your post I just had to reply, I have a 7 m/o Girl who is also Bi Racial, My fiancť is African American and Iím Australian, she has yet to get the full African American experience as we are residing in Australia for the moment but will be soon moving to the States. Iím 100% with you when it comes to children being educated on their cultures & backgrounds, involving them in their cultures, whether it be learning the language, learning songs, reading story books or eating foods, etc. Anissa has yet to experience her daddyís culture but we are definitely looking forward to introducing her to it all. :)
If at anytime you would like to chat feel free to email me :)
I am with you when it comes to bi-racial children learning all about their cultures but I have to say I have so many friends that have married African - Americans and when they move over to America it is a huge cultural shock as black/white couples aren't as accepted over there as easily as over here. They tried so hard to bring their children up with both cultures but found it really hard to adjust to the predjudism over there. I hope you never have to deal with this when you go over there as most of my friends found it really hard with being married to the military and different culture and ended up divorced.
Not trying to be negative just letting you know what what most of my friends went through when they married and went over there. Again I wish you, your fiance and daughter the best of luck
By the way I like your daughter's name it's pretty :)
Hi Meaghan, :)
Thanks for the reply. I read Mumof2girls message and had to respond-dont be overly worried about going to America and facing discrimination. You can find racism every where, yes even in Australia. I still get shocked expressions when people ask me what nationality my partner is and I tell them his Aboriginal; and my partner gets pulled over by the cops every other week. Last week he was working in Vaucluse and a cop pulled him over and asked him what he was doing in the area- like he shouldnt be there coz his young and black. Alot of people dont believe that black people still face discrimination they think its a thing of the past. But its not and I do worry about my son and any other kids we have in the future. We need to face facts, there are ignorant people where ever you live. You just need to raise your kids with an open mind and do your best to fill them with a sense of pride in themselves and their heritage. I'll get off the soap box now, sorry its just that I feel so strongly about this subject.
ps and thanks for the email address i'll drop you a line Meaghan
This is nothing new to me, I have been living in the states for quiet some time so Iím well aware of the racial issues. Majority of my friends are of colour and we havenít yet faced any confrontations. We live down south, and there are some places down there that are very racial to mixed relationships. But Iím not about to let some narrow minded bozos get me down. I lived in NYC for a year in an all black area and never had a problem, never got harassed only by white cops:rolleyes: . Iím Very Cultured when it comes to racial issues & life in the States. As far as the military goes he has been in the military for 7 years, I knew what I was getting into to begin with & Iím actually happy with the whole thing, Iím very proud of him for supporting his country and everything he believes in and support him in any decision. As many lows as there might be they are definitely out numbered by the highs, I spent a lot of time traveling to different countries to be with him. I couldnít see him in any other line of work. Iím not making any personal attacks towards anyone but I just wanted to get it out in the open that I am aware of the bi racial issues. So no hard feelings. :)
It sounds like you've had a very interesting life traveling around the world! I'm sooo jealous as i havent even been out of Australia. I can only imagine how hard it must be to know your man is in such a risky line of work, but I can tell your very brave and its great to read how supportive you are of him and what he does for his country. You should be very proud :)
You said your heading back to the US soon, do you have any family over there?
Were moving soon too, only about 2 hours away but I know i'm going to miss my family and friends heaps! Its going to be hard to make new friends, is it just me or does it get harder as you get older?
Not sure that I got my opinion voiced properly before not real great putting things I'm thinking down into words. I wasn't trying to be negative I was just trying to let you know what a lot of my friends had gone through & I am so glad that you and your partner aren't giving into what other's think. I know what you are saying about the military, my hubby was in for 30 years (yes he is a bit older than me) but I knew what I was getting into as well and it's the path we chose to take together, he is retired now and playing housedad but they are very proud of serving their country and like you I support every decision he makes (still do!) I would go to the ends of the earth if it meant being with him :)
I know there is still a lot of racism in Australia my sister has been married to an aboriginal for over 20 years and I have seen what they have had to endure with over the years, a lot of my neices and nephews are of aboriginal descend and they are faced with it today and we teach them to be proud of who they are and their heritage.
I wish you the best in the US we were there last year & I loved it!
Ok I been trying to get 5 minutes to get something down and now I finally have the chance, firstly I just want to say momof2girls, I never took it in a negative way, I know exactly what you were saying, I just had to get some stuff off my chest, sooo many people always have negative things to say about the military and it just gets to me especially when they havenít a clueÖ.they arenít even married to one! :confused: Ugh, but you were or I guess you still are he is just retired, I know that the military has a high divorce rate too, I have discussed this all too many times with Charles. I have heard some totally out there stories, and its crazy how much of it goes on, with married couples and the dramas. We had done it rough in the past with the long distance relationship stuff so Iím sure if we could have kept that together this we can definitely keep together. I actually donít mind the military at all and the moving around is good for me a get bored in some places and need to move around, as long as I have him and my baby Iím happy.
I have no family in the states Charles is my only family and his family. They are really supportive and great. I did have a hard time at the beginning of my pregnancy with his mom but thatís all in the past. Sheís actually a really great woman, a military wife and mom too. Sheís a really great listener and sheís always there when I need to chat she knows exactly what Iím going through so itís great to have that support. Charles is currently in the Air Force but as of June he will be in the Army, he was trying to get selected for fighter pilot but I think one morning he woke up and changed his mindÖMEN! Anwwho, with a bit of luck we will get based in North Carolina which is where his parents are at, his father is now a retired solider 28 years Airborne, just amazing. Iím sure where ever we are we will be ok I got friends scattered all over the country so they are never too far away. Charles hasnít been close to his family since joining the military so he knows exactly what will be going through and will be great support also. In NYC I have a very close friend and his family pretty much adopted me as their own so support is never far away, I hardly ever get home sick but on occasion I do, but thatís normal. Iím just more concerned about my family here and not being around the baby, I live at home with my parents this was only a temporary thing so my parents were insisting I stayed with them to spend as much time as possible with the baby. But they understand that I have a family now and they cant pick and choose who we marry and support us in any decision. I could go on all day ÖHeHe:o
So if any of you girls would like to chat Iím more than happy to send emails and what not.
KNow what it is like trying to find time on the computer, I usually get on around 11pm or later, got on early today. I hear you on the military I use to get lots of people tell me about how hard it was etc and they never had anything to do with the forces of any kind. I think you are similar to me and you know what you are getting into (military) and are okay with that, I always saw it as an adventure not a burden. I think they have a high divorce rate because of lack of communication like most marriages as you said you have kept a long distance relationship alive so I don't think you will have any problems in this department! :)
I guess in a way it is different for me as my hubby is older than me and he is retired from the forces but I would have gone with him anywhere. I'm glad you get along with his family, I think that makes all the difference as well, and as you also said with friends scattered everywhere you will have support as well, and it will be easy to find new friends with a little girl in tow, I mean who can resist a baby! :)
My e-mail is email@example.com if any of you would like to e-mail
I know what I'm taking about because I was born with multi-racial background, get this: Indonesian-Dutch-British! And I have never had any problem during my childhood, thanks to my parent who always tought us to be proud to who you are.
All I can remember was yummy 'interesting' foods, and flew around the world! And the traditions lives on...
And our Thomas will have fun experiencing this again! (He's background is even more complex now: Indonesian-Dutch-British-Australian-Welsh!) *whoa*
So don't worry, the more the merrier. And you know these mix-cultures always produce good looking generations! :D
Hi, I am Chinese/Russin & my husband is English, we have a beautiful 7 week old son together. I think bi-racial/mixed kids have so many advantages over non-mixed kids. For one they are usually very good looking, and I think they have more interesting lives because they are exposed and immersed in mor ethan one culture/language. I cannot wait to teach my son my mother tongue. I must admit though, I think bi-racial families get "looks" from people more, not necessarily discriminating looks, more because people are curious about what the children look like.
I was fascinated reading this thread, I am Australian, my husband is Filipino-Australian. We do get odd looks, people refer to him as black and make "black jokes" which would be offensive enough if he was black, but he is Asian (looks islander kind of) and many people have made comments to me early in our relationship that he would probably cheat because "that is what THEY do" I mean seriously, how racist.
Interesting though how all Filipinos we have met have been so lovely and I have never felt them looking at me "funny". Interesting.
Anyhow, that rant being over, I am now kind of amused at the looks people give when they hear we are married, I guess they finally realise that my "player" is actually a normal guy and not some incorrect stereotype :p .
I do wonder sometimes about the racism our kids will encounter, but in the end I think that understanding parents who are proud of their origins will overcome that hurdle.
Our little mixed-race kitty (Burmese Abyssinian) just jumped on my lap, lol, he must be supporting my rant, as he knows he is cuter than any purebreed! :p
Thats my motto :D
I have posted my thought previously, but I thought I'd write some more!
I have many lovely beautifull people from The Phillipines through work, BlueGin. When I said, beautifull I do mean it as they are lovely and most understanding people plus their culture valued close-knit family, so thats the plus for you.
Our kids will experience all sort of racisms in many content, there's no doubt about it. Kids with single parents backgrounds will experience 'racism', kids with disability will come across these, so sad to know these hey?
But as you said, the parents have bigger responsibility to teach our children to respect and proud not only our culture but others too!
I know I owed my rich cultural experience from the way my parents brought me up. I was born in the Nederlands then grew up between The Nederlands, United Kingdom and Indonesia, I'm loving it because not only I got to travel everywhere still am (bliss!), I also speak multilingual. Splendid!
Mind you, of course I had my bad day, when people judge me by my skin. People would assumed that I mustve been one of those 'boat people', little did they know that my parents both were born in Europe. People would assumed that we were so poor or mightve been from refugee camp, little did they know that my dad and my brother both well-respected Obstetrician and the list goes on :D
So there you go my morning 'preach' ha ha. (The boys still asleep so I thought I chat with my sister online who still lives in the UK as its 10:46 pm now overthere and visit this site too)
I can't wait to tell Thomas all about these amazing experiences, and how proud I am having so many different cultural background!
He best get used to it too as himself has the most complex background between the three of us, Thomas has Australian-British-Dutch-Indonesian-and Welsh background. Holly Molly! :D
I laughed when I read the "boat people" comment, my husband used to get similar comments and now uses it against people. (His mother and he actually immigrated here legally with his Australian stepdad) but when people start annoying him with stupid comments he puts on this serious face and says "actually we are boat people, and the minute we landed and got Visas, we invited over our entire extended family" people shut up so quickly until he tells them he was joking, it really puts their stereotypical ideas to shame when they realise he is playing them! :D
hi all i am the mother of an 8 months old baby. His father is aboriginal, I am white. His father and I are no longer togerther and i am struggling with how to raise my son to be aware of his culture but am finding it hard dealing with peoples attitudes. My son looks islander and people are fine with that but when i say he is aboriginal you can see that look. I am proud of my son but just get so frustrated. Certain people i have met have seen me and my son together and just assumed his father has taken off, because they seem to think that is what black men these days do. How and I supposed to react to people without stooping to there level. I feel like yelling at them that i made a a beautiful baby with a man that i spent alot of years loving - this is not something i will ever be ashamed of and i don't want my son to feel that shame one day.
The thing here is not to react, why explain yourself to people that don't know you or your son and that with the attitude they have you probably don't want to know. Be proud that you have a beautiful healthy son and let them think what they want. They are a lot of things you can do to let him learn about his culture and be proud of it. Contact your local aboriginal group ( this can be in the forms of childcare, discussion groups, atsic groups etc) and see what they have to offer. My sister is white and they still get looks from people and the odd remark and they have been married over 20 years, she just shrugs it off and lets it be and so do her kids. All the best
Hi Kamikia :)
Like you I'm white and my son is Indigenious (a proud Koorie from the Wiradjuri clan). His dad and I are still together but like you I have experienced the same kind of looks and negetive attitudes. When I enrolled my son in daycare they asked me if we spoke any other language at home, when I said yes his dad speaks Aboriginal English the lady laughed at me and said "he dosent really speak it" alot of people still dont recognise aboriginal languages. My dad still refuses to acknowledge my sons Aboriginality. When I bought my son a black doll with curly hair my dad acted really shocked "why does he have a black doll, his not black!". My brother in laws the same when ever I talk about his Aboriginality he always complains "you dont see me commenting that my sons white! besides your son doesnt even look Aboriginal" my reply is that I'm proud of my sons heritage and I feel its very important that he knows his culture and yes that he knows he is black. I feel its even more important that he recognise himself as Indigenous because he is lighter skinned than his dad and may feel less aboriginal because of this. I tried to find some kind of Aboriginal mothers group or playgroup but found it really hard to find anything. I finally found a playgroup in Redfern, Sydney and a Aboriginal early starter group in Menai, Sydney. I dont attend the playgroup at redfern because its too far to travel and the group at menai was more for Aboriginal mums to get together and chat and didnt really have an Indigenous based curriculum. As a non Aboriginal mother raising an Aboriginal son I really want to provide him with as many cultural opportunities as possible.
Would love to chat with you any time :)
Sarah (mum to Orlando) :p
I grew up fully immersed within 2 very different cultures.
My mother is of northern Italian origin and my father was Ukrainian.
When I was a little girl I had dark olive skin. In the summer it would go even darker. At primary school I was called a lot of hurtful names because of the colour of my skin and this really affected me for many years. Kids can be very cruel to each other. I think it had a permanent effect on me but I also think that over a long time it has also made me a stronger person.
Racism based on skin colour is due to ignorance and immaturity sometimes even of adults. It is also a form of bullying that says "I am better than you" which of course is not true because we are all equal.
As an adult I am no longer as dark skinned but I know what it feels like to be treated badly in this way from a childs perspective.
I think it's really important for a child to participate in the culture that they come from because it really strengthens their character and leads to maturity.
Our daughter is eurasian, I am australian and my husband is chinese australian. We are currently living in Singapore and everywhere we go people are always commenting on how beautiful she is, so I guess that is an upside of having mixed parentage. (Eurasians are the in thing in modelling and acting here at the moment). She is also learning mandarin at school as well as speaking it with her grandparents. Hopefully that will be an advantage when she is older. Lots of people in other countries are bilingual - I wish Australia had made learning a language available in schools when I was younger. It's much easier to pick it up when you are little than to have to try and wrap my sleep deprived brain around it at the moment. She has a fairly balanced life at the moment, learning about her two cultures, and we have rellies in almost every asian country as well as australia and europe. I guess a downside is that no matter where you go you do get ignorant racist people and they will make life difficult. I haven't encountered any problems yet in Australia, most people are fairly accepting of her and my husband, but here in Singpore she sometimes doesn't get included in the games in the playground in the apartments where we live and I think that is because she is different to most of the others. She does get upset about that so I have found that I have to make a huge effort to take her to places where there are more kids like her. I just tell her she is special and that the others are jealous. Hopefully there won't be any problems in the future.
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