View Full Version : I dont want to go back to work!!!
5 weeks and counting before I go back to work.... I am feeling sick over it.... I don't want to go back but one income in our family is just not enough... We've managed on one income ok but we definitely can't do it for much longer...
ds is almost 7 months old and at the age where he is developing rapidly and I don't want to miss out on anything...
It upsets me to think that he will be going to bed without me giving him cuddles and kisses and playing 'where's the puppy dog' (his little stuffed toy i play peek-a-boo with)...
I am going back to my original PM shifts and don't finish till 10pm and there is no room to change me around...
I know many mums go through this.... How do you do it? What makes it easier?
ARGHHHHHHHHHH
Is there anyway for you to go back part-time, or find a different job that suits you and your family better?
mumofKieran
20-12-2007, 00:06
For me, nothing makes it easier. I didn't want to go back, and now that I have been back at work for nearly 6 months I hate it even more. So much so that we are looking at selling our house and going back to renting so we can survive on one income and I can stop work again.
Nothing, nothing can make me feel better about not being there for my son. I work 2 days a week and for me that's 2 days too many.
neostudded
20-12-2007, 00:13
For me, nothing makes it easier. I didn't want to go back, and now that I have been back at work for nearly 6 months I hate it even more. So much so that we are looking at selling our house and going back to renting so we can survive on one income and I can stop work again.
Nothing, nothing can make me feel better about not being there for my son. I work 2 days a week and for me that's 2 days too many.:hugs::(Sorry to hear
:hugs: hun...
How'd I know it was you posting this thread?! lol
I really don't know what advice I can offer you...
I understand how you feel, how many times have I said it about DD, and she's 4....
I don't think anyone wants to leave their bub, it's not a nice situation at all but maybe try and look at the positives...
*You need to go back to work so you can 'provide' for your kidlets. You are doing it for 'them', not for your own reasons. Just think how much better equipped you'll be financially...
*You have an AWESOME support network, (hello?!)
*DS gets to spend quality time with his dad and other family members as well.
It doesn't matter what I say though, nothing is going to change the way you feel. Guilt is something that will probably stay with you about this always... I know it still does with me... And how many times have you given me advice about it?! Hhhhmmmm....
Make the time you have at home with him 'special', as I know you do anyway, but YKWIM...
Maybe you should go and speak to the manager and express your concerns, she may not be able to move things around straight away, but if you wanted am shifts she could give them to you when they arise. Although would that really be any better?
Maybe you should just open that sandwhich shop?! DS by your side, 'banging' things together.. lol :laughing::laughing: I crack myself up!!! How cute would it be though?!
Seriously though, maybe it is time for a change in career that doesn't involve shift work...(:(:crying::hissy:)...
I don't know hun.. All I know is that it will work out in the end...
the_queen
20-12-2007, 00:35
It is hard. I truly do not know how working mothers do it. I have been a working mother, but I was not able to do a good job because I was thinking and worrying about my daughter the whole time I was away from her. In the end I decided it wasn't worth it. I've lived in both extremes financially - a household earning more than $100K, and a household earning less than $15K. In both situations, I got by. For me it took more courage to say "you know what, I don't want to be a working mother, I'm going to do xyz in order to allow me to stay at home".
:hugs: good luck with whatever you do. How about some kind of work-from-home thing? Avon, Enjo, Tupperware, Learning Ladder, etc?? :hugs: :hugs:
I'm going back to work earlier than expected cause of the finances so that's upset me... I'm going back 3 days but will either need to regain working all of my shifts by March or they will be given to someone else....
I know I could eventually find something that works better but at the present this is all i have...
It is part time but i'm just not ready to go back at all... 3 days is just too much but this family needs another income...
I work in Aged Care and it's such a demanding job... Physically & mentally I just hope I can cope with the pressures after being away so long and not let it effect the time I do have with my gorgeous little man... Not to mention my other children who don't want me to go back to work... They have loved me being home sooooo much. I just feel as though I'm doing the wrong thing but don't see a way out of it at the moment.....
If only all workplaces had an on-site creche... Then mummies would have their kiddies close and they could pop into them whenever they wanted.....
What a perfect world that would be hey?!!:crying:
the_queen
20-12-2007, 00:40
If you really don't want to go back to work, then you need to stop thinking emotionally about it (I know this is an emotional issue :hugs:) and start thinking practically and pragmatically. You might be able to find an alternative solution. :hugs:
amychloe
20-12-2007, 00:43
it doesnt get any easier. like another bh posted we had the mortgage too i had to go back to work when dd was 5 weeks. i cried everyday i left her but i was lucky mum would come to my house and look after her for the day.:crying:
i spoke to my manager so good i brought dd in with me on my half day once a fortnight but i worked in a nursing home doing lifestyle so it was easy.
the guilt doesnt go ive recently meet heaps of mums where i used to work (i got fired last week) with little ones and we are all in the same boat you just want to give your kids a good life.
but you learn not to sweat the little things with bubs and your more patient cos every moment spent at home with them is even more precious. :cloud9:
(doesnt it suck how we have to go to work i wish i lived in the fifties i would be a wicked 50's SAHM/ housewife with the apron and cookies........:laughing::laughing:)
Thankyou for your replies ladies....
It's such a tough call...
I know i'll figure it out in the end...
Meemo - You know me best... Thank you for your words... If i open my sandwich shop i'll give you a better pay:laughing:
the_queen - I know i'll be thinking about ds the whole time when i start work... I know this is going to affect my job... I have thought of working from home quite seriously but I need to have a reliable and steady income which I wont get straight away with Avon etc.... I do appreciate your suggestions & your hugs... Thank you!!!
Hun,
If you really don't want to go back to work then maybe you should hold off for a little while longer?
If it is stressing you out that much, it can't be the right time.
You have managed for this long, I'm sure another couple of months won't hurt....
PLUS I think a major factor of the 'need' to go back to work at the moment, and why you're thnking about it so much NOW is because it's christmas time. The money you are spending out now is a lot, especialy when the budget is tight. Could this be why you are so anxious about finances?
If it is, it's almost over and done with.
Speak to DP hun... Explain to him how concerned you really are about it, and that you don't think you're ready... I'm sure he will be understanding...
Otherwise working from home is a great option... As someone else said...
You'd be great at 'undercover wear' or something along those lines...
Just another option.
amychloe
20-12-2007, 00:47
i know what you mean about aged care that was what i was doing as well in high care until three weeks before having dd.
you wont be as patient with the resi's but at least your helping to put food on the table and a roof above.
You will cope get plenty of rest after the shift and let people help with little things like housework or whatever.
Do you have a phone that does video call i would df and i could see dd and say goodnight made me feel a bit better.
(doesnt it suck how we have to go to work i wish i lived in the fifties i would be a wicked 50's SAHM/ housewife with the apron and cookies........:laughing::laughing:)
:iagree:
I've always said whoever brought in womens rights should've been shot.... LOL, joke ladies.. No offence intended, Just a bit of innocent humour!!!
Maybe you should speak to manager about activities shifts hun... There's probably some going... Usually is...
Hard work but I reckon you'd be good at it!!
Plus the hours are a lot easier.. The work is still demanding and frustrating, but nowhere near as 'heavy' as nursing...
If you really don't want to go back to work, then you need to stop thinking emotionally about it (I know this is an emotional issue :hugs:) and start thinking practically and pragmatically. You might be able to find an alternative solution. :hugs:
Your spot on... Although it's an emotional issue beating myself up over it is not going to find a solution... Hopefully i'll find it within 5 weeks...:fingerscrossed:...
Thank's once again x x
mumofKieran
20-12-2007, 00:57
the_queen is right, it helps to think pragmatically about it rather than just feeling sick about it if staying home is what you truly want. That's the stage I am at now, the thinking and planning stage of what we will do next to ensure I don't have to work.
the_queen
20-12-2007, 00:58
the_queen is right I keep trying to tell people this... :p
i know what you mean about aged care that was what i was doing as well in high care until three weeks before having dd.
you wont be as patient with the resi's but at least your helping to put food on the table and a roof above.
You will cope get plenty of rest after the shift and let people help with little things like housework or whatever.
Do you have a phone that does video call i would df and i could see dd and say goodnight made me feel a bit better.
That's a great idea but no video phones here!!!!
DP said he would bring DS in once a week to me (and the resi's... they adore him) but i think that will be harder as he'll leave and can't go with him...
I know some mums can't wait to go back to work and once upon a time i didn't feel as though I wanted to be a SAHM but god have i changed...
I said to my friend the other day... I will either go back and settle in really well and things won't be as bad as what i thought or i'll quit after the 1st week....
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... Frustration!!!!!:banghead:
I'm really starting to think about this a lot more and i wonder if it has more to do with the actual job i'm returning to and the anticipated workload...
Just before i went on Maternity leave I became very disheartened at work I thought i was just pregnancy hormones and wanting to be home and rest... Now i'm starting to wonder...
Well... I'm deep in thought at this ridiculous hour...
Need some serious:sleeping:... If i can....
Thank's to everyone.. x x..
I'm in the same boat. DS is only just 6 months and I have to leave him with a stranger full time whilst I go back to work so we can pay for the mortgage. I hate it.:(
ThisIsLiving
20-12-2007, 14:10
Hi there, when my maternity leave was coming to an end after the birth of my first child I had very similar thoughts as you are. I honestly think that the waiting to return to work is worse than actually returning. Kind of like waiting for an exam or something! :D Anyway I was literally dreading leaving her, wondering how I could do it, how I could go from being with her every day to leaving her for a full day while i worked. Well I howled like a baby the first day I went to work, but after a short while I realised how much I appreciated having contact back in the adult world again. And another bonus was that I really looked forward to returning home to DD and really appreciated those moments I had with her when I was at home, much more so than when I was at home full-time.
Anyway sorry for the bit of a ramble here, I just thought I would tell you my story in the hope that you may also be pleasantly surprised how you feel when you actually do go back to work. If not I am sure all will be ok. Life has a way of working out in the end. Many hugs to you :hugs:
Good luck hun. Wishing you all the best. :hugs: :hugs:
mumofKieran
20-12-2007, 14:34
I agree with you too ThisIsLiving, you don't know how you will feel about it till you start back, and the waiting for it to start is awful!
When I first started back, hard as it was, I did enjoy the stimulation etc but it's only now, this long after going back (6 months), that the novelty has well and truly worn off and I am more keen than ever to be home full-time.
So to the OP, you never know, you might be one of the lucky ones who loves it.
Hi there, when my maternity leave was coming to an end after the birth of my first child I had very similar thoughts as you are. I honestly think that the waiting to return to work is worse than actually returning. Kind of like waiting for an exam or something! :D Anyway I was literally dreading leaving her, wondering how I could do it, how I could go from being with her every day to leaving her for a full day while i worked. Well I howled like a baby the first day I went to work, but after a short while I realised how much I appreciated having contact back in the adult world again. And another bonus was that I really looked forward to returning home to DD and really appreciated those moments I had with her when I was at home, much more so than when I was at home full-time.
:yelclap::smiliedance: for you!!!
I have all the respect in the world for SAHM's, but unfortunately not all of us have that luxury.
It's definitely important to look at the positives.
I think this will be you essjay... I know you.. And ThisIsLiving is definitely right, waiting to go back is probably the hardest part...
I think (and hope:)) once you get back into the swing of things you'll be fine.... And if not, at least you know that you gave it a try!
Pices_79
21-12-2007, 09:50
Hi there
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling that way!
I had to go back to work when my DD was nearly 6 months old. I was sooo upset in the leadup to going back as I didnt want to leave my darling girl...However we have a mortgage to pay and for the long term it seemed like the only choice we had...
Now six months on I think the leadup was worse than actually going back to work. I LOVE my days home with her and I enjoy being at work a couple of days a week. My DD LOVES spending time with her grandma and also a day at CC. The CC centre that she goes to is fantastic and so are the carers..
I am now working so that when #2 comes along I can have 12 months off....
I find it hard at times as my DH works away - so working as well as taking care of DD on my own is really hard work....
I can really appreciate how hard single mothers work!! They are incredible!!!!
I hope this helps
x
I'm just about to return to work too.....5 weeks to go and am hesitant!
One part of me really wants to be the SAHM going to mother's group, swimming, library rhymes etc..etc..
The other part of me is hanging out to get back to work.
I have been fortunate to be able to have 12mths off. With maternity and long service leave combined I've been able to have the year at 1/2 pay which has been fantastic. We have survived with this but there have been no big extras. I have looked at this year as a gift, and have always been sure that I was going back to work. Now that it's here, I'm not so sure.
The things that concern me the most are how everything is going to work...I've a very organised person and I get really stressed with the unknown, so I think it will take awhile for me to get used to the new routine.
I think the other thing that worries me is that I'm a teacher which at times is quite an emotionally demanding job; I love my kids at school and really feel their trials and troubles. I imagine this is something that is also difficult in aged care. I'm worried that there won't be anything left in the tank when I get home.
Best of luck to all working mums, "at work" or at home.
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