Yet another question

[SummerLion]

Oh my gosh new thread by me lol. I just have so many questions I want opinions on about having a new baby, and new ones come up all the time. Now, I have decided to have a baby, but I still have some what ifs I want those opinions on. If you think I should just shush, feel free to tell me, but for now here is my question.

I have so many regrets about how I handled my first baby. I was miserable with PND so I wasn't the best mom I could be. There are also more pictures I wish I'd taken or things I wish I'd have bought him (like a "my first Christmas" stocking). I feel I am a great mom now and have no regrets about my mommyness or things I could buy except the very beginning. Now that I know these regrets, though, I can be better for #2.

Here is my question. Is it fair to DS if I am a better, more attentive mom in the beginning to #2, or if I buy him/her the things that DS never had? (mostly keepsakes). But on the flipside, is it fair to #2 if I don't do these things just because I never did/could for DS?

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a terrible mom when DS was born, but I wasn't the best I could be and we also had less money. Now I have the knowledge and means to do better for #2. Of course, I would be the best mom I can for him/her, I wouldn't let them lack on that even if I do feel guilty. But I wonder if I should buy them things that DS didn't have, or if I should keep their stuff equal.

[JnA]

Can you buy two of the 'firsts' things?
If you think the first will feel left out?


and fair? well I'm not sure what that is with two kids... they both need different things at different ages... what's fair is that you can be the best mum you can be for them *now*.. sounds like you are doing a fine job.

[sja]

MIL did everything exactly the same for all her boys and thinks that she was being really fair - she even kept records on the money spent on each boy for extra-curricular stuff, presents, parties etc to make sure that she spent exactly the same on them all (indexed for inflation too). Even these days if she buys one of the boys a shirt, the rest will get a shirt or money to make up for it. She takes fairness to extreme lengths. My point: the boys do not feel that she treated them fairly and recently she was shocked to discover this. They know that on paper they have all been given an equal amount of things, but in reality there are a couple that feel she treated them unfairly and a couple who feel they were favoured.

So I wouldn't worry too much about doing the same for them both. After all, often it's the firstborns that have all the photos of them, all the records kept and all the treasured stuff. The second, third, fourth etc are lucky to have photos taken at key events and are lucky if mum can remember when they walked, let alone other milestones. Plus they're stuck with hand-me-downs.

Just be the best mum for both. Yes it sucks that you didn't take photos etc as much as you would've liked too, but shrug it off (you can't change it now) and learn from things and just be the best mum from now on.