Who wears the costs if a wedding doesn't happen?

[2littleprincesses]

We know someone getting married in a few months. The bestman/groomsmen/bridesmaids/flowergirls have to pay for their own attire (not hired but bought - is another grumble though). Now there's talk that the wedding may not go ahead.

My question is - who should end up out of pocket with the cost of suits/dresses etc?

[Lastcenturymum]

If its in a few months I wouldn't have expected that any money would have been paid yet for hire. I would expect it would be met by those calling off the wedding. They wedding party has been invited to participate and I guess they have agreed to pay in the first place (which is a bit odd) but I would have thought that if its called off they are 'absolved' of any cost as they aren't participating

[Oscar's mum]

Can the dresses and suits be returned????? I think the bride/groom should pay the expenses if it dosn't go ahead though.

[2littleprincesses]

We paid a deposit to order the suits plus the girls have paid for dresses. We have basically been told that this is how our wedding will happen and you pay. Also, it is family so we don't have much choice... DH has grumbled and grumbled for months as he didn't want to pay because we didn't think the wedding is a good idea for these two, and wouldn't you know it, we were right. OK, I'm being nasty there, but now DH is cranky that we'll be out of pocket. Also we were told that our daughters will be flowergirls. Not asked, TOLD. They are 2 and 4, they screamed their heads off because they didn't like the dresses, wouldn't try them on. We said to MIL that we didn't think the girls would do it so she spent hundreds on the dresses, when we thought the bride and groom were buying them. The bride is planning such a huge production, and having everyone else pay.

I guess we're a little shocked by this wedding because when DH and I married, we planned the whole thing in our budget.

[missie_mack]

I guess its probably a bit of a delicate question to ask. Because imagine all the other costs they will have for cancelling, function rooms, cars etc- everything I booked for my wedding had deposits and if I cancelled I think I had to pay 1/3 of the cost anyhow :eek: Luckily for me I still thought he was alright by the time the wedding rolled around lol However I had a friend whose fiancee pulled out a month before the wedding and it was expected because he was the one pulling out he would cover most of the out of pocket expenses. I think her parents actually took him to court over the reception (which would have been a couple of thousand they were up for :eek:)

If you dont want the dress maybe you can look into selling it either as a bulk package or just your own and then ask her to consider covering the difference if it is a huge gap. You could try putting it on consignment in some shops (including wedding shops) or ebay is always good if you cant actually return it to the shop you bought it from.

[Oscar's mum]

I guess its probably a bit of a delicate question to ask. Because imagine all the other costs they will have for cancelling, function rooms, cars etc- everything I booked for my wedding had deposits and if I cancelled I think I had to pay 1/3 of the cost anyhow :eek:

I guess then the bride and groom should have really ensured they wanted to marry before booking then. I probably sound harsh but that is just my opinion.

[missie_mack]

I guess then the bride and groom should have really ensured they wanted to marry before booking then. I probably sound harsh but that is just my opinion.

Getting married can be pretty stressful for some and maybe that is a good test on the relationship before you make your commitment. But really I dont disagree with you. Im just saying that it might be a high stress and emotional time with everybody out for their money...

[madcate]

mmmm difficult position. But can I offer you a different point of view.

I think its a little bit insensitive to approach the bride/groom at this stage asking for reimbursement of your expenses. Of course, I don't know the situation, but I do know that they're probably going through a very tough and emotional situation right now with having called off or about to call off their wedding.

Not forgetting that they're going to have a lot of other financial things to worry about as well i.e lost deposits on reception venues, cars etc. I wouldn't think its approriate for you guys to start asking for your money back just now. Wait a few months maybe until things have cooled off and then bring it up.

When you bring it up with her or him depending on which one you're related to, maybe offer to sell the dresses on ebay and then they pay you back the difference?

Also, it is very common for BM's pay for their own attire including their shoes, in fact its more common than the bride/groom paying for it.

My H2B and I are going halves with our BM's on their dress and shoes but we are paying for their hair, makeup and jewellery. Similarly, we paying for half of hiring the GM's suits and shoes. I think its reasonable for bridal party members to expect to pay something, maybe the whole lot or maybe half.

[Tam-I-Am]

Hmmm, it must be different for different parts of Australia - I'd never heard of the bride and groom wearing the cost of the attire for the wedding party before Bubhub. In my family (and friendship groups!), the groomsmen and bridesmaids have ALWAYS paid for their own attire....I've been married, a bridesmaid once and am doing so again in May next year - and would never expect the bride and groom to pay for my dress. Afterall, I get a lot of input into what it looks like, and I get to keep it for my own use afterwards....

But anyway, I digress. I guess if the agreement was that if you were paying for your own attire when they WERE getting married, I would assume that means the responsibility for the cost is yours if the wedding doesn't go ahead. To me, that's all part and parcel of being in the wedding party...

JMO :)

[2littleprincesses]

I guess I find it a little "bossy" that the bride has said this is how I want it and you pay. Besides they are actually buying a suit, paying full price, and it's not like it's one that can be worn again in everyday life. If they paid a fraction of the cost to hire, I wouldn't mind so much, I guess.

And Oscar's mum - I agree, he proposed after knowing her for 7 weeks,

He's always grumbling about what an "airhead" she is, so you can imagine our annoyance to be told that we have to be involved in the wedding and pay.

btw we're not the only ones thinking like this - another groomsman asked if we should leave the tags on the clothes and get a refund when they call it off (this was before they said they were calling it off)

Anyway, thanks for your opinions, I see that they are 50-50 but you've given me some ideas to think about.