View Full Version : am i being selfish?!?!?!?
Today i rang up child support to chase up $$ that my ex owes me (about $3000). They asked me if i knew details that he hadnt given such as his home number and where he worked. I knew these so i gave them to them. About an hour after i spoke to CSA i got a text message from ex saying that he'll give me the money in 2 weeks cos he's broke.
I feel bad for pushing CSA but its hard to raise a child on the money i get from centrelink. I dont want to go bak to work yet cos I dont want to miss out on my daughter.
I know that he;s gonna be nasty and make me feel guilty for taking his money.
He helped make that beautiful baby than he should help pay for that baby!
Don't feel bad about it.
Hope you get something shortly from him.
What I have to say may be a little controversial because child support is a really emotion charged issue but...
Its not your money he hasn't handed over its your child's money. As your child's father he is required to pay a part of the costs of her upkeep - towards clothing, housing, schooling and feeding her - for the rest of her life, as do you. The money he pays for child support isn't a supplement of your income it is his share of the money that looks after your daughter.
Don't feel guilty - I'd be ropeable and pulling no punches if someone took $3000 out of my son's bank account (if there was any money there lol) so how is this really that different.
DO NOT feel guilty. I have been in your shoes, I know what it's like, Centrelink say "because you're entitled to x amount of CS, then we'll only give you a tiny pittance, and tough sh*t if your ex isn't paying you" :mad:
i just want to re-iterate this point: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY you have done the right thing, he is the one who is dodging his responsibilities - and if he'd been paying it regularly then he wouldn't be $3000 in arrears!
I know exactly how you feel!!
Riley's dad just started making payments (this is his 2nd month), after he told me that he didn;t want anything to do with either of us, so naturally (as a man thinks that is) he thought that by saying this he wouldn't need to pay any Child Support. WRONG!!!!
So after requesting a DNA Test (although my son look like the spitting image of his dad!!) - which of course came back positive - he now has to pay me his regular monthlr allowance PLUS back pay me about $3557, although he only pays that amount off with an extra $240per month.
Just be aware that you might not get the full amount at once!!!!
Good on 'ya that you ARE going thru CSA, cause when it comes to money matters you just can't trust them. And at least you wont be the one chasing the $$$ but CSA, so one less thing you have to worry about!!!!
Whatever you do DON"T feel guilty. Bailey is HIS responsibility too. Even if he doesn't see her he still should contribute to paying for the day to day costs of raising her. Keep on calling CSA if he doesn't pay, so they can keep on his back. This will hopefully make him keep on top of his future payments so then you won't have to chase him up for such a large amount.
My mum has to keep pushing child support to get money from my brothers dad. Every year his tax returns always end up going to mum. But we never speak to his dad.
just wondering what percentage of the ex's wage do you get?
i wouldn't want to send my ex broke as he's on an apprentice's wage for the next 3 years!! maybe we should come to a private arrangement? can it work like that?
You have every right to request the money for the wellbeing of your child. He wasn't complaining when he was doing the horizontal tango and he would have to be a fool to not know what might happen :rolleyes: so he has no right to complain now!! It is his child too and he has the responsibility to help look after her, financially, emotionally and physically!
Kaz, You can come to a private arrangement and just let CSA know what the agreement is. You can call them for advice without giving any particulars. Just know that you need to keep a 'receipt' book if you have a private arrangement and both sign each stub when he gives you any money.
I wouldnt feel bad about it at all, he has a responsibility, and kids should come before anything else.. My ex owes me about 5 grand in child support! and finally after months and months of pushing CSA, he is finally paying me what he owes! after all these years!:yelclap:
You certainly shouldnt feel guilty about chasing down money that is rightfully yours!! You are trying to raise a child hun and lets face it every cent counts lol.If he was responsible he wouldnt be so far behind in his payments.
thanks to those who replied to me - sorry i got a bit off topic :o
Don't be feeling guilty AT ALL!
My ex likes to play that card too... I get just $5/wk for my son from him... and then cos it's forceably taken from his dole payment. He WILL NOT work to provide for his son as he sees it as me getting money from him which he will not have.
He tells me all the time that I get "government money" for my son and he does not... Yes, ok... I do... but that "government money" is no where near enough to provide everything a child needs in life (financially).
Sorry... the above post was meant for the original poster... I can't work out how to make it post where I want to yet (new!)!
Honey i dont think you are being selfish at all... as far as i am concerened you shouldnt have to be chasing the money up in the first place! he should be supporting his daughter without u having to hassel him!if u need the money u need it, its not cheap to bring up a child especialy alone and off what centerlink gives you.I think u had every right:thumbsup:
don't feel guilty at all - no matter what relationship he has with your child he still has to pay CS - don't feel bad that he is saying he has no money it is his responsibility & every cent helps - when i left my baby's dad he knew he had to pay CS & if he didn't i would have been straight onto to CSA & have it taken out of this wages if necessary - men seem to think it's a lot to be paying & really have no idea about the day to day costs of a baby - so don't beat yourself up over this
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