What does your partner do to help?

[lil monkey]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering what other people's partners do to help out with a little one? My partner works full time but I have just gone back to work 2.5 days per week where i am lucky enough to work from home as Tayla doesn't like sleeping at all during the day so i work in between trying to get her to sleep but I also have to do the washing, cleaning, cook dinner, etc etc. I know he wants to help out but he has to ask me what do you want me to do rather than use his brain and look around and see what needs doign and see the exhaustion on my face. Then when DD finally goes to sleep at night he wants to spend quality time together when all I want is to go to bed or spend time alone to collect my thoughts and sanity!

Just curious to see how much or how little other people's partners do to help out???

Lu 28
Tayla 3 mths

[mumof2girls]

I am very fortunate that my hubby does a lot around the house and always does. I had to bottle feed my girls when they were born so when he came home from work I would make him a coffee and then the baby was his and this is when I had time to cook and clean and he was able to spend time with our daughter by bathing and feeding her etc, and it gives me some much needed time to do things that I needed to, if I was still going when our daughter was settled then he would help out.

I must admit that my hubby still asks me what I want him to do as he says that I have my own routine that I don't like broken so he will still ask! :o


Maybe you can try giving him time with his daughter each night by bathing her etc and this will give you time to yourself to get other things done and just tell him what you want him to do, at least he is willing to help a lot of guys out there aren't!

Hope it all works out well for you and you get some much needed rest :)

[lilizzysmommy]

I'm a stay at home mom and my partner works full time but when he comes home or has days off he does hardly anything to help me and i find my self yelling at him most of the time as it's obvious that i need help and he just sits there is face stuck to the computer. I don't know if it's selfish of me but I think we moms work 24hrs a day 7 days a week but we never get any brakes or time off and still don't get any recognition for what we do. What makes me even more angry is how some dads are like "ok I'll look after her/im but as soon as they have to do something hard or unpleasent (nappy change) they are screaming your name even when you are doing some other household duty. To all the sigle/stay at home dads and men who help their wifes/partners out "GOOD ON YOU" and girls, if you are one of the lucky ones please don't forget to say thank you.

[jamb]

hi,

just thought i'd say if you know he wants to help but needs telling what to do- then you go ahead and tell him. i say this cause it sounds just like my hubby. i kept saying you never do anything and he said, just tell me what needs doing - (even tho one could see the huge pile of dishes or hear the washing machine beep as the load finished).

i've now learnt to say what needs doing calmly- rather than yelling. took a bit of practive cause i thought it was quite obvious what needs doing, but at least i get help

good luck
amy

[willsmum]

I don't work (mat leave at the moment). I do all of the kid-related stuff (including getting up at night, bathing, feeding, dressing, nappies). He cooks, packs & unpacks the dishwasher, does the garden and rubbish runs, and we share cleaning/washing/vacuuming/making beds etc. We also have breakfast at a cafe and do our major shop together every weekend.

[lil monkey]

Wow! There is certainly a variety of partner's involvement out there. I feel so guilty for complaining as I am lucky my partner wants to get involved and do things but when he is home on a sunday and says that she is not so bad and havig a decent day even though she hasn't slept in 10 hours I get a bit cranky as after having her all night and broken sleep from listening to her grunt and groan and then having her ALL day with no sleep then it is bad from the point of exhaustion! I never thought that having to entertain and try and get a bub to sleep for the 11 hours he is at work would be soooooo tiring and full on! I probably shouldn't have gone back to work part time so soon but for my own sanity I needed to as it is almost like my own quality time where i get adult conversation and don't have to sing songs and pull faces ;) .

I seriously think we should get paid for what we do as we are on duty and on call 24 x 7 - what other job in the world requires that??? :p

[angcaltam]

I've got it good. My husband works full time but when he gets home he is a god send. He takes the kids out the back to play just so I can sit and relax for a while, then he when it is time for tea he usually cooks, then after we have tea he goes and runs the boys their bath and baths them. All he usually wants me to do is get the kids PJ's and help dress them when he gets them out. Then when it is time for bed he takes them down and brushes their teeth and puts them to bed. He also gets up to them most of the time during the night because I'm a very heavy sleeper and he doesn't wake me he just gets up. Usually on Sunday mornings he will get up and do any washing that there is and hang it out.
But I agree that us mothers work full time as well. I use to feel guilty for how much my husband helps but they are his kids and he does live in the house as well. :D

[onabreak]

I am a stay at home mum. My husband has his own business. I do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the baby things. He will occasionally feed her if I ask him to.

It gets so frustrating that there is dishes stacked in the sink that he will just keep putting dirty dishes on top. Are some men just ignorant or they just don't realise these things have to be done. Why do I have to ask him to do things?

I test my husband out all the time asking him to do things, five days later it is still not done I have to do it myself. And he wonders why I get peeved off every day.

I know he is the one working and earning all the money but, hey, my job never ends, baby crys in the middle of the night who is the one to get up. He wonders why that when I go out with some friends and my daughter will not co-operate for him. I told him straight up help me more with her, do more things with her and she will begin to like him and co-operate for him.

I must sound like the biggest winger here, but just letting you all know thats how I feel.

But overall he is a great husband and a great daddy.

[Rockett]

Hey all,
Since I had my daughter 10 weeks ago,I've cooked maybe 3 meals,washed up a few times,vacuumed once,and put on about 3 loads of washing!!
My husband has been doing EVERYTHING!! He lost his job just after baby was born so he has been home with us every day.He's been a huge help,because I always seem to be either breastfeeding bub or sleeping,I don't know where the day goes,timewise.
Mind you,this is all going to change because he started a new job today,I'm not going to know whats hit me!!
Better go,the nice big pile of dishes beckons....and the shopping....and the laundry.... :eek:

[Baby Girl]

My partner works awful hours - 3:30am to midday-ish, some mornings he starts as early as 1:30am. I work full-time 'normal' hours. Our daughter is in day care 5 days a week. Obviously I have to get her ready in the mornings and I drop her off and pick her up but we always come home to a fantastic meal and a generally tidy house.

He does all the 'man' jobs - rubbish, lawns, heavy lifting!! I do all the 'woman' jobs - dishes, washing clothes, vacuuming & mopping floors (he will vac occassionally). We both do dirty bums, baby baths and PJ's, make beds, pack up toys, playtimes and bedtimes (although he is usually in bed before dd). I am very pedantic about the housework so we figure it is best if I do it once my way rather than following him around and re-doing it after him.

As I am 36 weeks pg with no. 2 he has been helping with things like hanging out and bringing in washing and instead of washing dishes he bought a dishwasher - not for me mind you for him!! He even cleaned all 3 toilets and both bathrooms on the weekend. Can't complain there!!

I always feel guilty for coming home from work and having my half hour or so to myself but I figure he has been home since lunchtime so he has had plenty of alone time by the time we get home. Although that will all change in the next couple of weeks when I am home all day.

I must admit I am looking forward again to the middle of the night cuppa's he used to make for me if I was up feeding when he went to work. Fingers crossed he'll do it again for me with no. 2.

[Lallas' Mum]

Hi Taylasmum,

My husband is similar to Katherine's. Right from the time we first bought my son home from hospital (18 months ago) my husband was a god sent. Even though I was breastfeeding, when bub woke through the night for a feed my husband would get up and change his nappy and bring him into bed so I could feed him. When bub was finished feeding I would let my husband know and he would put bub back to bed. (my son was pretty easy going as straight after a feed he was asleep again). My husband believes that even if you're changing a dirty nappy you're still getting the chance to spend time with your child, so he is happy to help out with our son. Dirty dishes and clothes seem to be invisible though.
As a helping hand my husband bought me a dishwasher - I guess he thought it was the easiest way to get out of cleaning the dishes. Either way it helped!!

If your husband is willing to help but doesn't know what to do, how about setting him some jobs to do. You can either give him particular responsibilities or jot down some things that need doing and stick them on the fridge. That way when he gets home he can just look at the jobs that need doing and get into it.

I found the most effective way of relieving the stress of having so much to do is to talk about it. Don't get into comparing what each of you do - that just gets ugly. Just say I can't cope with doing this and this, do you think you could help by doing these things for me. And I think by the sounds of your husband's willingness to help things will work out fine.

Tracey
:) Mum to Alec (Lalla) 18 months and bub due May 3rd

[Chickadee]

Two things:

- Men only focus on one thing at a time while women are more able to multi-task and juggle multiple things at once. Men aren't going to notice the dishes and laundry piled up, or it just doesn't occur to them to do it. But even when we're washing dishes the list runs in the back of our mind of the 1000 other things we need to do. So don't feel bad asking (nicely) Dad to help out by doing certain things, either he doesn't notice or he just doesn't know what to do.

- If you want something done a certain way, then do it yourself. Don't ever complain that Dad dressed dd in a bizarre outfit or put groceries away in the wrong places. A lot of Dads don't help more spontaneously because they're nervous of getting it wrong. Even once getting angry over his methods is going to backfire and end up with him never wanting to try again.


I think every couple and family need to work out they're own way of sharing mundane chores, whether it's assigned tasks & routines or Mom directing Dad and kids on what they could do to help.

[jessica]

Hi,

My husband is brillant too! I'm very lucky! He has always cooked dinner since we met - problem being I'm a terrible cook!! I wash the dishes instead - as he's hopeless at this!! When he gets home from work he plays with bub while I have a little break - I give her dinner or if its been a bad day he does it for me! He gives her her bath, changes her and then I breastfeed her before bed (guess that's one thing he just can't do!). He helps with wet nappies but is a little 'scared' of pooey nappies (bubs was a projectile pooer as a baby and he got a little scared!)... If I feel the need to get out on my own for a bit he's always happy to stay home with her or take her out for a walk so I can have a rest! In the morning when she wakes he gets her out of the cot and changes her so I can get up and get myself organised (if I don't brush my teeth then time just slips away!! YUK!!)...

Yep, I'm one of the lucky ones! He's away for a few days at the moment! Miss him already! :o

[ThomasMum]

My husband works full time, and being a manager for convergent technology his work is extremely exhaustingly hard and he's out of the meetings most the time, just lucky that this year he doesnt want to go overseas for business like he always does since our baby born 10 weeks ago.

He's a great husband, as he always helps me in many ways. I sometimes feel guilty because he's already working hard during the day but he's happily change nappies and giving formula during night time, and I've never heard him complaining!

He even bought flowers home occasionaly!

I'm on 1 year maternity leave, due back 5th of January 2006

Not trying to rub it in, but EXCELLENT & GREAT husband, DOES exist! :p

Love and Peace

Thomas's Mum

[renee101]

hey,
wow. i feel awful, all you brilliant mums. my partner is being the "housewife" when our first is born. i'll be going back to work and he is going to stay home with our bub. at the moment he does all the cleaning and housework, i still cook because he is terrible at it!!

just wanted to say congratualtions!!! how you do it all i'll never know!!

[mummyb]

:rolleyes: after playing the super mum with my first i finally realised i could not do it all ,i work all day as a stay at home mum of two kids .
im up most of the night with our 9month old and so if i need anything done and im just to buggered to do it i say dh wake up or get up from the lounge and come and help me or could you please do this for me.
this dosent mean im a ***** or lazy ,i just know my limits i need help sometimes and the only way to get it from my husband is to ask. he now pre makes the morning bottle before he goes to bed ,just that one thing is a huge help to me .
most men would love to help there partners so what if you have to ask and ask and ask ,there men they just arent programed the same as us .
good luck everyone i hope you all let the washing pile up ,the dishes sit in the sink and go out side with your little ones and enjoy the beautiful weather we are having (sorry sydney is lovely today ) :p

[Narelle]

I am so hoping that my hubby does half the stuff some of all your hubbies do!
One of the problems is I actually untrained him, when we first lived together I only worked part time so I did everything around the house and he got used to doing nothing! I'm still doing everything as I'm on maternity leave but I keep telling him once the baby arrives he will have to pull his finger out!
But I'm definately going to have to learn not to be so fussy, I have found myself redoing things after he has done them and that is ridiculous!
Anyway we'll see how it goes!

[mamafelix]

I've been very lucky as well, Jeff helps out a lot.
He always gets up in the morning with Felix (if Felix wakes before he goes to work, which is most days) and only gets one sleep in a week.

When I went back to uni when Felix was 7 months, Jeff looked after him 3 days a week on his own, because he was still studying too. When he got a job, he got a 4 day a week one (not easy as a lawyer!) so he could still have at least one day with Felix during the week.

He is much more anal about the housework than me- will do the dishes most nights and cooks as much or more than me, probably now that I am at home most (3 days compared to his 1) I do more of the general tidying and washing, but we usually have a big clean up on the weekends together- fifty fifty.

I always get a good break when he gets home from work each night, and we both get a 3-4 hour stretch to ourselves on the weekend.
I do put Felix to bed every night but that's because Felix wants it that way- that might change when this next one comes along.

I guess I put it down to having a really good chat to him about sharing the work even before we got pregnant- I made it clear I wanted an equal relaionship in that sense, and as he's experienced looking after a baby first hand for days at a time he understands that it is just as exhuasting as working out of the home.

[nemosmum]

Hi Narelle,

I can relate but I didnt untrain my man he did that himself. We've lived together for four years before having our son (now almost ten months old). My man loves to cook and does most of the washing and cleaning (accept the bathroom). That is until I too went on maternity leave and he turned into fred flinstone from 1950! ALL OF A SUDDEN HE EXPECTED ME TO DO EVERYTHING!!!
I mean I knew i would be doing alot more, coz i was staying at home and not working full time but he just doesnt get that taking care of our son is a job that never ends. So i put my foot down and now i get sundays off, my partner does everything for our son on that day and I get to rest, catch up on sleep, pamper myself, its HEAVEN :)

[Terrible2+1cutie]

I am a Stay at home mum, my partner works 2 days. 2 nights then has 4 days off every week. I am pretty lucky that he will help me out when i need it but he waits for me to to ask him before he does anything though which is good that he will drop everything to help when i ask. He often lets me go and lie down for 2 hours when i need it and looks after the boys while i get that rest.

Catherine

[braydensmum]

My partner works full time as a tradie. When we first bought bubs home he helped out alot (he took a couple of weeks off to help me out). Now that he has gone back to work he doesn't help out as much. By the end of the day when he gets home from work I am tired and fustrated (bubs has reflux so he is very unsettled) and need a break, but he complains that he is tired from working all day!! And I know he is tired as well it just makes me so mad, because (call me selfish) I feel like I work 24 hours a day and 7 days a week... When he does do a night shift he makes me feel guilty all day, because he complains about how tired he is and how he has to work... It is starting to put a strain on our relationship... Does anyone have any advise how we can get over this??? :confused:

[Jimmyjones]

I am very lucky and have nothing to complain about as I have a 11 week old and my husband has always helped around the house even before bub came. He does the cooking as that is what he likes doing, I am home all day so I do the cleaning and when he comes home he cooks dinner but I have dinner on if bub has been good through the day. When he gets home its his time with bub and gives me a break.....he also has a nightly shower and does the bedtime feed. On Saturdays I get a sleep in which is fantastic.
I feel very lucky that I have a husband that helps out, I think it should be like this as it takes two to make a baby. He has even taken every second Friday off to look after bub so I can go back to work. I think a man has to help out around the house as it allows more family time because as the saying goes if mum isn't happy noone is happy.

Cheers
Katie

[mumofethan]

well i have to say that majority of the time my DP does nothing to help this house run...

i do all the washing, vaccumming (dont even say the word iron, we bought ours a yr ago and its been used twice) and general day to day baby maintence such as feeding, changing, sleeping, bathing etc...

my DP has never been overly helpful in doing anything for our son, its a big ask to get him to change a nappy, its a task to get him to heat up a bottle, and god forbid i ask him to feed him dinner or bath him...

recently we moved in to the country where the dishers have to be done every nite without fail because of a mice problem so we now take that in turns... and maybe once every 2 mths he mite say that we need to have a big clean up, which turns out to be him cleaning one room and me doing the rest of the house...

i got really fustrated last nite when i was cooking dinner that he couldnt even keep our son out of the kitchen (we have an open plan house) cause i was using the oven and didnt want him to burn himself...

grrr...

maybe i should really say something insted of complaining here... :)

Mum of Ethan :D

[mumworkingoverseas]

My DH has been a SAHD for the last six months which has been a huge help. He also cooks dinner most nights but gets out of doing the housework as we have a cleaner. He has been a hands on Dad right from the start and helped out with everything. If DH wasn't prepared to help out as much as he did I would find it very difficult to stay in my current job. He realises that my current job is basically the culmination of all my hard work and is fully prepared to give me as much support as I have given him. He will be going back to work soon, so I guess I'll have to start sharing the cooking again!

[chuck]

My wife and I share responsibilites str8 down the middle I work days 8-4pm She works nights 3-11pm I pick baba up she drops baba off at kindycare we feed, change nappies playtime etc. got to go babies up edit later : Baba is asleep so I continue the post basically 50/50 except for girl things (dishes,washing etc) boy things (outside duties Car maintance etc) havent seen her outside with the weed eater or 2tonne car jack but I do recall doing some washing and dishes all mine of course, anotherthing she never hovers like once in a blue moon you fine her using the vac. anyway this is what I mean by Weekend Who, Who gets up and attends to the 5month old stunning baby girl (photo to large to post in any answers) every saturday morning your turn your turn no its your turn I get every morning yard da yard da yard da its a pain the the you know She will be doing saturday because Ive got to get the the oil filter and oil changed in her car on Saturday morning that thee time I made the appointment for. When she gets older she be running into our room instead does that mean :rolleyes: its better?