constant clinging

[caro224]

Hi everyone!

We have a beautiful little daughter, who eats and sleeps perfectly most of the time. But we do have a huge behaviour problem:

She is 16 months old now and since she can say "Mama" she says it about 1 Mio times a day. She constantly asks for my attention, no matter what she does. She follows me in every room and starts to scream whenever I turn my back on her. This has been going on for several months now and I'm slowly going insane.

Even when she plays with her Dad, she needs me to be around. If I leave the room, even for a few seconds she follows me.
I felt that I started to "escape" from her. Whenever she was busy with something I went to another room to get a little piece of freedom, but it never lasted for long and made her even more upset and clinging.

A week ago I decided, to turn it around and give her what she wants. I take her wherever I go, even if it's just to fetch something from another room, which is exhausting, but at least she is satisfied. But it doesn't change anything. It feels like she has no self confidence and doesn't feel safe at all when I'm not with her.

To a certain degree this is normal, but not like this...
I never give her away, as my parents and relatives live overseas and I think she's too young for child care. I might get a babysitter soon, but there is still my fear to making it all worse.

Has anyone expierienced something like this? Does anyone know how to do it "right"? How can I make her feel safe?

Thanks :)

[the_queen]

I think you're right, it does sound kinda normal, it means you must be such a wonderful mummy that she can't bear to be apart from you :thumbsup:
IMO, you've done the right thing by meeting her need for security. She won't be this "clingy" forever. Hold on to her while you can!! Before you know it she'll be rolling her eyes when you ask her for a cuddle....;)

[Refresh]

I think you're right, it does sound kinda normal, it means you must be such a wonderful mummy that she can't bear to be apart from you
IMO, you've done the right thing by meeting her need for security. She won't be this "clingy" forever. Hold on to her while you can!! Before you know it she'll be rolling her eyes when you ask her for a cuddle....

Yup, what she said!!:thumbsup: :D :thumbsup:

[*~*~jem~*~*]

Hi,
I have been there with my children too and understand how you must be feeling. What I found helped was that when my partner is home that he does a lot with them and also even gets up at night for them when he is on days off. He seems to have a baby phobia (although loves them dearly) until they are about 1 but then he understands that they become very clingy unless he does more with them. I live in a remote area where I have no help or childcare options so he is the only one that can take them away (that sounds awful but I think you know my jist!!). I dont know if you have already tried this but maybe it is an option. Best of luck, my :fingerscrossed: are crossed for you that you work something out.

[Rell]

Hi Carolin
I haven't seen you around hear lately.
Nathan has been extreamly clinging from about 6mths old. I couldn't walk in another room without him screaming. The good news is the last month he has improved out of sight:yelclap: Now when we go to playgroup he toddles off by himself to play instead of being permanatly attached to my hip.
I don't have too much advice except hang in there it will get better:hugs:
Do you go to a playgroup because i think playgroup has really helped Nath.
Good luck I hope things improve.

[caro224]

thanks for your supportive replys. Sometimes you just need someone telling you that you're doing the right thing. Thanks a lot! :hugs:
T
he only thing to worry about now is myself, because it feels like my batteries are getting empty and my nerves wrecked more and more each day. I actually cried in front of Emily yesterday :( I definately should get a babysitter...

Yes, Rell we are going to playgroup, swimming classes and Tiny Tots and I think it's good for her as you said.
So we'll just wait and see what happens... :)

[natasha]

Hi Carolin,


I know exactly what you are going through. I have the exact same problem with my DD 14 months. I can't even get up off the floor without her screaming! I can't do anything! I have to take her with me to do everthing, and i have to carry her, i can't just let her follow me, she has to be on my hip! I have tried sneaking away from her just to get 2 mins to myself which just ends up making her worse.

I wears me down so much sometimes that I do just scream at her:crying: beacuse all I was going to do was get her a drink or something,and she screams like the world is ending! Good news is.......I'v heard this is just a faze she will grow out off. hopefully!

I find she is a little better when I take her out doors to the park or something. It gives me a bit of a break. She happily goes and plays for 5 mins by herself and just keeps checking i'm around.

Other children help too, it occupies her when she sees other kids around.

What is she like when you are out???

Nasha xxxx
DD 1
DH 41

[natasha]

Another thing you could try is giving her too much of what she wants. I tried this with DD and it worked for about a week, then we went on holiday and it got ruined.

Sit on the floor with her on your knee and play with her, only when she tries to get up, sit her back down or hold her close to you. Do this for like a whole day and by the end of the day my DD was just running to get away from me. :laughing: She was so tired of being around me that when I let her go she toddled off and played over across the room by herself for 5 mins and then just wandered off to have a look around the apartment by herself!

When i went to go and get her, she would literally run away from me:laughing: .

If you find you do this and she just loves being near you......just make yourself as uninteresting as possible. SO sit on the floor with her and read a magazine to yourself or do something that doesn't appeal to her at all. I found that if DD knew I was there but not giving her all my attention she would try and occupy herself for a little while.

Don't know if this is making any sense or if it will help, but just though id share.


Nasha xxx
DD 1
DH41

[caro224]

dear Natasha!

I only just read your reply, thanks for that!:)

Seems like we are going through a similar stage... I like your idea of giving her too much of what she wants. I'll try it next week, when DP is back working. I'll let you know how it went!

I found out something aswell. I gave Emily a bucket of water and a cup and some other plastic stuff, pulled her clothes off and sat her on the back deck. She was busy for 1 hour!!!! :thumbsup: I could even wash the dishes without her hanging on my leg screaming!! It was fantastic and I'll do it everyday now!! :o

She's great when we're outside. Curious but too clinging to run away. I can even let her walk in the supermarket. And she is much more relaxed.
That's why I'll pack our toggs now and head for the pools... :smiliedance:

[ZAKA]

Hi Carolin,

One thing I did with both my girls was get my DH to look after them while I went for a walk. This gives me timeout for myself, the kids time without me and has given DH confidence to look after them by himself. As he tells me 5 min after mum has left it was like mum who and the they are quite happy. My 2 1/2 year old now asks when I am exercising! I have always made sure I said goodbye and what I was doing and that I will be back soon even through the initial tears. You do not have to go for long the first few times or maybe just duck to the shops. It is more to get them used to you leaving for a short while. Hopefully this helps as well.

[caro224]

Hi Zaka!

Thanks for your reply! Well, I actually let her with her Dad today for about 20 minutes. I could still hear her crying as I drove up the road and when I got back she was still hysterical.. :thumbsdown: Poor Sebastian..

I'm not sure if I want to try it again, I suffered as much as she did and she didn't go off my arms until she went to sleep after that. It didn't feel right somehow, Am I overprotecting??:confused: I have no clue whats the right way to handle it, but now she's asleep I have a whole bottle of Baileys to myself...
:smiliedance:

Good night!!:)

[ZAKA]

It is always hard at the start and I must admit I started a lot earlier. As we have really have not had any family around for last couple of years and have moved 4 times I have had to make sure that the girls were happy so I could have some timeout etc. I think the important thing is they know that when you leave you are coming back hence the making sure you don't sneak out and always say goodbye and when you shall return. I think around this stage they start to realise that mummy is a separate person to themselves and it can be quite scary for them but at the same time exciting as well. My youngest loves mummy and is definitely a mummy's girl but is still ok for me to go out for a little. I think that as long as you remain postivie about your outing eventually they become happier with it. I read in some book about always trying to say how much fun did you have without mummy and focus on postive words. In saying that these things take time and you have to be comfortable and maybe baby steps are better for your little girl.

but now she's asleep I have a whole bottle of Baileys to myself

That makes me laugh DH had to look after the girls by himself a few weeks ago for the day and first thing he said when I got home was please get me a drink I have had a hard day :) I gently reminded him about all the times he say said how good it would be to be a stay at home dad!