Confused! Not sure if i want to still be with my hubby!

[SweetSerenity]

Hi Girls,
I really just need some advice on my situation really and someone to listen.
Brett and i have been together for 3 years this year and married since Oct last year.
In the past year or so we have been fighting a lot more than we used to.
He also swears and yells at me when he gets really angry in an argument and i can't stand it!
Well we had a fight yesterday.
I wasnt in the best of moods when i left to go to work yesterday morning, i felt bad for taking it out on Brett so rang him if he wanted to meet me for lunch with Petey.
His mum was at our place and he said she was coming too!:mad: Im not very happy with her right now as she didn't come to Peters christening last week as she felt emotionally not ready to be around my family (there was a huge drama about a year ago between us and her).
Anyway, so i was forced to see the person i most detest right now and made my mood even worse.
Then when i got home from work she was STILL at our house and i just really didn't want to be around her.
Brett could tell i was angry and kept asking me in our room what was wrong, i said nothing and could he pleas jyst give me some space.
So after his mum left he came straight back in and kept asking.
So i told him that i wasn't happy about seeing her as i was still angry with her for not coming to the christening. He started sticking up for her saying she's making an effort etc....whatever!!!
Anyway so i also told brett that i was going off my meds for Post natal as i feel ready to come off them now after being on the for 6mths. Then he threw at me "see you need to go back on them cos your attitude sucks" WTH???????:mad:
I have one day where im not in a good mood and my attitude sucks?? If i didnt tell him about my medication, he would of found some other excuse about my "attitude".
So he went off in a huff with petey to get dads mower and i msged him and told him i wouldnt be home when he got home.
Got a call from mum, went and saw her (petey was there as brett left him with her).
While i was at there house i msged brett and said:

"Look im sorry but i wasnt in the mood to be around your mum and felt forced into it. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I was just frustrated. Im sorry"

When i got home, i asked if he got my message and he said yes but he deserves better and it wasn't good enough!

So as he started getting more angry i just walked out (while he was swearing at me) and drove to my friends place.
I didn't get home till late and went straight to bed without a word to him.
This morning i got a msg and he said he has NOTHING to apologise for in the least!
Please help me!!
I have no idea what to do.
Im sick of being made to feel guilty all the time and i'm sick of being yelled at and argued with all the time. Its so draining!
Whats worse is that things are usually fine for a week or so, but then somehting always happens like this!
I really dont know if i want to be with him anymore!
Sorry its so long!

[Oscar's mum]

I don't really know what to say, but hugs to you! ;)

[brooke]

relationships can be so hard and like you said draining when you fight a lot..

would the 2 of you think about councelling? DH and I have been fighting also a lot lately and I also have had the same sort of questions in my head
Big Hugs to you and I hope things sort themselves out soon! :hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

I've thought about it....it's just so hard to know what to do....:(

[brooke]

It is hard to know what to do.. and the worst part is the guilt when there is a baby involved thats what makes everything so hard.... I feel for you I really do..
Its really not fair that he swears at you! That is not good for you or your bub!
:hugs:

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Natalie I just wanted to say big :hugs: for you and take one day at a time and maybe counselling is the answer to start sorting out some issues for you guys & then you might have a better idea on where you stand iykwim.

Take care

P.S. - Brooke I can't believe how big Paige is getting. She's sooo cute.:)

[SweetSerenity]

I just sometimes feel like it would be easier if it was just me and peter....thanks brooke by the way! Its good to know someone knows how im feeling

[Pixie]

:( I know how you feel I have been through this with my partner about "my attitude" so I did something about it I went and got counselling on my own. and worked through some issues I knew I had. then we worked together to make our relationship work, it's takes a very, very long time and hard work and a lot of tears but I think in your heart you will know what you want weatehr it be to stay or go and you have to aim for it I loved him and wanted to stay so we made it work, we still fight etc but we work hard at resolution. Perhaps you guys need to talk to some one as well? just an idea. We are all allowed bad days men are not saints sometimes they need to be reminded of that fact!!

[brooke]

nat you are more than welcome! It helps to get it out sometimes... somewhere where you wont be judged!
I hope things sort themselves out soon... let me know how you go...

[melfunction]

Having a baby brings a whole lot more stress into your lives. There is more work, less sleep and everyone gets rattled..It takes time to adjust to a whole new way of life..

Maybe you just need some time together. Can you leave Petey with anyone for a few hours and maybe go out for dinner? Might help you reconnect.

If you think counselling would be beneficial, there is no harm in trying.

[SweetSerenity]

Well thats the thing, we have been spending more quality time together and things felt like they were in the honeymoon period again, but then yesterday it was like bang!!!
And its hard cos we only moved out recently from my parents so i don't have my mum for support straight after we have a fight.

[LA62]

Hi darling,

I hope you start to feel better soon, i got married young and had ds 9months later and beleive me its was a very hard time and testing but you must talk about things....let your mum look after your little man and suggest to your hubby that you talk....iron out all the things you dont like about each other at the moment and what you can do to change them for the betterX

Thats what i did with my dh and now we talk to each other if we have a problem not scream and shout....as you know it does not solve anything:thumbsdown:

hope you can manage to sort it out:hugs:

[reAllytee]

:hugs:
Its hard when you live together away from family & the likes its a big change.
I think you both need to talk. Thats hard when he starts swearing etc but maybe explain to him you wont talk with him acting like that then talk later when you have both calmed down. Maybe the counselling would be of great benefit even if its just the starting point to get you both to talk with each other rather than fight.
This will then hopefully allow you both to communicate better.
Its very hard though anyone who tells you otherwise is kidding themselves.
We have had our share of ups & downs but because its what we both want & because we do love each other we work at it & fight for it.
I watched an old movie a few months ago & a mother was talking to her son about how he was looking for the "perfect" love & as she said " YOU have to fight for your perfect ending " & its true.
If you love each other fight for it :D
Goodluck.

[KiLLaKaZ]

oooh - i know EXACTLY how you feel! my husband & i were like that often!

unfortunately he decided we should separate 2 months ago :crying:

i was willing to do ANYTHING it takes to fix our problems, but he wasn't.

devon_mouse - that's such a good idea about going to counselling alone. my husband REFUSED to see anyone for help (besides his family!) & in fact one of our main problems was that if we had a problem we both tended to ignore it & hope it went away (causing more problems!)

so, i think the suggestion of sitting down & having a heart to heart without the little one around is a good idea. my husband & i have done this a bit since we separated (i had to initiate it each time - it was our marriage at stake, i wasn't going to ignore things & hope they fixed themselves as that method hadn't worked thus-far ;)). because of this he now understands a lot more about me & why i do things in a certain way. however, i'm still quite in the dark about him as he has trouble talking to me about feelings, etc (he's too macho! :mad: )

[Melissa1983]

Hey Nat.

I'm so sorry you are going through this... :hugs:

If you get a chance call me tonight or tomorrow at home! Or just let me know when you are going to be on so we can chat if you want!

[MilkOnTap]

Oh Nat, I'm so sorry to hear about what your going through... Sounds like the MIL isn't really helping the situation either! Unfortunately I dont have any advice; only a big :hugs: and to let you know that I'm here if you need to chat more...

Best Wishes!

[SweetSerenity]

Hey Girls,
I REALLY appreciate everyones advice and messgaes :) Hugs to you all :hugs:
Well after yet another argument this afternoon (ending with me saying "maybe we shouldnt be together") i went to my mums with peter to calm down a bit and to sort out my head.
So after a few crying sessions with my mum I came to the conclusion that i do LOVE him and i can't live without him, so i rang him and said ill come back home and we have to sit down and talk!
So mum looked after petey for me and we talked about things for about 2 hours....no yelling at all from him so i was happy about that.
We've both realised that we're both very defensive people and instead of always seeing it as though one of us has to be right all the time, we should stop being against each other and work together. We're both right and we're both wrong at times and we never should have to prove ourselves to each other.
So thats our goal at the moment, to just stop trying to be wrong or right and to just work together and love each other.
So im happy with the outcome :)
Thank you so much again girls....love you all!!!!:thumbsup:

[SweetSerenity]

I watched an old movie a few months ago & a mother was talking to her son about how he was looking for the "perfect" love & as she said " YOU have to fight for your perfect ending " & its true.
If you love each other fight for it :D
Goodluck.

By the way...i LOVE this advice!
Its so true Allyoo :)

[Refresh]

I dont really know what to say Nat, just that you'll be in my prayers:) I just wanted to let you know that I had read your thread and am thinking of you *HUGS*:hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

Thanks frenchie :) Means alot!

[Refresh]

If you love each other fight for it
Oh, and I agree with this wholeheartedly!

[Bewitched]

I'm sorry - but when i reply to posts like this i always feel the need to 'analyse' comments, so i hope this doesn't offend..."I deserve better" he said..that sounds more like mother saying "You deserve better". When you fight with your partner a lot, you obviously tend to talk to others more than your partner and as you are vulnerable and upset and confused, you tend to take everyone elses perspective quite seriously (because if you can't work it out yourself, then of course you listen intently to others experience and advice - its natural) so the first thing you guys should do is stop talking to your friends and family about the fights you have (excluding bubhub of course!) - i know this is really hard because all you want to do when you've had a big fight is jump in the car, go to your friends place, ***** about your partner and give them explicit details on all the horrible and hurtful things they've said to you and devour choccie and wine ;) but try hard not too anyway...because any good friend will obviously take your side and agree with your comments. You need an outsiders perspective, someone professional who can look at two strangers and give unbiased advice.

The important thing now is to decide which one of you is going to stop pointing the finger long enough to take a breath and say to him or herself "I'm going to fight for this marriage today, and every other day until it becomes clear that the other partner may not fight back..." then you'll have an answer.

Best of luck and hugs to you precious, you'll be okay.

[KiLLaKaZ]

Natalie1985 - I'm glad your chat went well! hope you get a chance to do it more often in the future so things don't get blown out of proportion again ;) (speaking from experience!!)

best of luck with everything - keep us updated on how things work out! :)

[SweetSerenity]

Thanks heaps Killakaz! :) I hope it stays this way too!
We both know we want to be with each other!
It actually hit me really hard yesterday as i had a friend over and she's the same age as me and she was telling me how she's only staying with her partner because she wants her daughter to have a father in her life.
It really made me realise that wasn't the reason i chose to stay and work things out....my reasons were i can't imagine my life without him, i can't imagine not sleeping in the same bed, seeing him everyday or just being together...We truly do love each other and i feel so lucky to have that!
So i know i've made the right decision for us all :D:yelclap:

[brooke]

Mat I am so glad that things are getting better...
Some times we just need one thing to put everything in perspective for us....
:thumbsup: