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EskimoMumma
06-03-2006, 08:38
Ok this is the first time starting a new thread so i really hope ive put it in the right spot..

I am in some desperate need of some advice..i dont want to sound like a b***h but i cannot stand my son's stepmother! She is so immature and arrogant and grr!:banghead: :banghead:

For my sons sake if i ever do see her i will be civil and nice but i will tell you somethings about her..(if shes reading..now you know!)

I have no judgements for young mothers, i am one myself, 2 and 21yrs old..shes..3 and barely 21 :S (and all are VERY difficult pregnancies)

Her and Alex's father are always sleeping in till about 10-11am, and they have a 3 year old son, a 7 month old daughter, my son as well and she is 6 months pregnant.. i find that REALLY hard to beleive, ive got the two and i can barely sleep int ill 7!!

I also dont think they are supervising very well. Alex is always coming to my house with bumps and bruises and scratches..i know a few , yea you cant control! But i mean we are talking about 10 bruises all u[p and absolutely covered in what appears to be mozzie bites , he is also telling me about how he got in trouble that day and what his father had done (, pulled his hair, smacked his hands and sat him down on the tiles, and of course my favourite, yelled and screamed at him). Also their daughter , she and alex were having breakfast outside on the front porch, mother was asleep, obviously, and father was in getting breakfast, my son was saying how she was kicking him or something and then wham bam the baby falls out of the high chair (NOT strapped in) rolls down the few stairs and grazes her head very badly (like the size of a kettle bottom) and they just give her some panadol and put her to sleep:shame:

I have spoken to alex's father in regards to this like how are you going to cope with another child, its pretty obvious you guys are struggling now and he reassures me its all fine when in reality it isnt, but i dont want it to seem like im taking the word of a 4 year old over him, but then again my son has never ever lied, i didnt raise him like that.

Speaking of lieing. when alex was in kindsergarten room(before moving to preschool) his stepmother advised me that they have been having problems with alex being very aggressive and pushing and shoving other children and picking on her son (which is b*******, ive seen how her son is and hes trhe devil) well i spoke to the kindgarten and they advised me that it just wasnt so! they even showed me his reports that they do and he has always been very kind and helpful and generous! never even shown any signs of violence or aggression, so that was odd..

Basically i really awnt ot know with what i should do. We share custody of our son 60/40 percent , i do want more time with him but i know my son is use to the shared arrangement and i dont want to disrupt him but how should i talk to him? Should i really confront him or just sit back and let it happen?!?! It really p***** me off!:banghead: i feel so helpless and i hate it.

my babyemmy
06-03-2006, 08:58
confront them, thats what i would do for sure:)

EskimoMumma
06-03-2006, 09:13
Indeed i should! But..How! im so scared of confronting him, he can be intimadating, hes never yelled at me or done anything violent (alex's father) but i am still a lil scared to voice what i say because he somehow manages to turn it back on me!!and of course ms stepmum is ALWAYS right...:rolleyes:

Oscar's mum
06-03-2006, 09:25
Remember he looks after YOUR child, if you have any concerns for the welfare of your child or any other child in their custody definately please speak up! Otherwise you may regret it.

KarniF00l
06-03-2006, 09:47
I thought i might find you here hun!!! I told you what to do, kick C****** in the shins :p jk ! I think deep down you know what to do, for Alex! I mean, how long do you want this to continue for ?!?!? :ecomcity:

Loz :kiss:

EskimoMumma
06-03-2006, 09:51
Yes im sure your sick of hearing me talk about it to you loz!

I will discuss it with him, first over the phone i think due to my insecurities in person hehe :hugs: to loz

i will update and let you know the outcome :fingerscrossed:

KarniF00l
06-03-2006, 10:03
I wouldn't say that im sick of it.. not at all ! I just think that you need to take control of the situation before matters get worse, if you know what i mean. Confronting him isn't such a bad idea because you're the one that isn't doing anything wrong and regardless Alex is also your son.. not *********s!!!

much <3 for you, Lauren :smiliedance:

SassyMummy
07-03-2006, 00:42
If you suspect that your son is not being properly cared for, then you have the responsibility to remove your son from that environment. If that means talking to DOCS, then I believe you should do so. As soon as you can.

I don't know why your son's father would leave him unattended on a front porch...that's irressponsible. Your son might be incredibly intelligent, but even an incredibly intelligent 4-year-old might decide to chase a dog down the street or whatever.

Even if your son's stepmother is a b****, I don't think you can really do too much about that. Of course, I'm not certain, but I doubt there is anything you can actually do to stop her from being in your son's life. I guess you just have to deal with it, and do your best to teach him right from wrong regardless of what she gets up to.

As for the parents sleeping in late...I sleep in late too, and my daughter is 7months old. Mind you, I put her to bed at 10.30 so I can do so (I'm so not a morning person!). If they're going to sleep in, I think they should remove all hazardous objects from your son's reach, and lock every door so he's safe until they get up. Though, it WOULD be more responsible to just get up when the kids do (or at least, at a morning-ish hour if the kids are up).

langers
07-03-2006, 10:01
Wow what a situation you have been put into. I am not usually one to give advice but being a Step Mother myself it is good to hear the mums side and how powerless you can feel when your child is in the care of others.

Unlike Alex's stepmother though I do not interfere with my step-daughter on a disciplinary level unless she is putting herself or others in danger and manners etc are in check... I have found over time this little person quickly works out how to play a very good game between all the adults and that is what everyone needs to stay is an Adult..

I do think you need to tell the step mum to back off because at the end of the day your son is still yours and your ex's and only you two are responsible but if you believe no serious harm will come of your son you can bide your time keep your sanity and dignity as each year he grows the dynamics do change within a situation like yours..good luck keep your chin up and I will be thinking of you

KiLLaKaZ
08-03-2006, 02:45
but i dont want it to seem like im taking the word of a 4 year old over him, but then again my son has never ever lied, i didnt raise him like that.



i'd say u know your own son - what he's capable of (unless they are teaching him otherwise...) BUT from all the little children i know - they seem too tell TOO much of the truth, not lie! how many times do they embarrass you by telling a larger lady she's fat, etc?!!

anyway, as others have said - go ahead & confront them or approach necessary authorities. it's your son's life we're talking about! what happens there when he's unsupervised could scar him emotionally/ physically for life!

EskimoMumma
10-03-2006, 07:47
I appreciate everyones help i really do, but if i confront some people will most likely lose their cool which i am hoping i will not be one of them, i will be confronting the father on sunday, i have really had a gutful because you are all correct and if he doesnt like what i say or wants to do any changes in respect to OUR son then i will report him to the respectful authoritiesthank you all again tho :)

my babyemmy
10-03-2006, 07:51
poor you, im glad im not in that situation, try & take it easy:hugs:

Blessed Mum
10-03-2006, 11:15
I didn't post then as I wasn't sure what would happen to this thread any way I just wanted to say I feel for you & you are in a terrible situation but do what's right for your son.

Good luck.
Tara

EskimoMumma
15-03-2006, 09:52
Thank you all for the support i have really appreciated it< i still havent gotten around to doing it but now its just a never ending soap opera it feels like !

EskimoMumma
04-06-2006, 10:40
Yup its been awhile and i have to say i dont know if anything has improved. I just feel so helpless because so much has changed since they have actually "moved in" together. I have a feeling that because of SM , DS's father isnt telling me much that is going on, whereas he would atleast mention a few things and also we could talk about issues and bring up alex in the best and loving environments we both possibly can as parents. I just feel really disrespected and i know whatever i will say is "no thats not right, your totally wrong" or "oh no thats not what im doing" and yet nothing ever gets settled. It's a pity it really is. because step-parents and the parent should be able to work together, sort through their petty differences, for the sake of the child. Yet i dont see that happening on that side. I have nothing against step-parents. I have a step-father myself, and it is hard for step-parents but its also hard for the child, and the respected parent, its not about jealousy or resentfulness. its about trying to give the best you can for your child. I feel DS could be getting better if we could get along.

A few issues i have is the following ( i will be confronting my ex-partner about this today, just thought i could get your opinions)
1) Advising DS of the news of my pregnancy to him before the 3month mark(And without asking if i wanted to tell my ds)
2) my son pointing to a man of asian descent and going "Look mum, a nipper!" (i have NEVER made an racisist comments like that, especially in front of my son)
3) saying "holy fook" (i admit, i do curse, but i have never said holy fook, if anything holy ****)

I just want to know what is going on, i have a right to know (imo) since it is involving my son! Especially when a 4.5 year old is saying comments like that! (given that he most likely does not understand) I just wish petty differences can be put aside, and instead of focusing our energy onto negative things from parent to step-parent, it should be about focusing that energy onto raising DS in a way we can both agree and be happy with.

Blessed Mum
04-06-2006, 17:40
[QUOTE=Mummy2AlexandMary] because step-parents and the parent should be able to work together, sort through their petty differences, for the sake of the child.
QUOTE]

I totally agree with you on this. It really does need to happen. Just give it some time. Keep your end of things civil & managed & hopefully things will work out the best for your son.