What is about men & drinking?

[my babyemmy]

When i drink, i love everyone,even people that i cant stand!
When my DH drinks he becomes this total psycho! When i was pregnant he drank so much that he threw my brother through our window,unfortunately my brother forgave him.
We barely get to go anywhere as he doesn't know how to only drink a few & not even his own family want to be around him with even 2 beers in him, he had a psycho attack at his dad during his brothers wedding reception. At his cousins wedding reception he called his mum & his SIL stupid sl*ts etc etc and a few years ago he bashed up his own brother at the brothers 30th birthday party & his brother locked himself in his room crying at his own party!!! there are many,many other embarrassing moments but i would end up typing til next week!
When i ask him to stop he never listens & he gets quite nasty & spiteful to me! i warned him that i would leave next time he is an idiot, well sadly that time is now! We have an 8 month baby & older kids!!! what should i do???

[Ffrenchknickers]

:( Sorry to hear you are having dramas. His behavior is that of an alcoholic because it is not normal for someone to act that way after a few drinks. He definately needs to get some counselling and stop drinking altogether. DOes he remember what he has done afterwards and feel bad about it? IF he rememebrs, that can sometimes be useful as he is more likely to admit having a problem. You should try Alcoholics anonymous.

You need to keep yourself and your beautiful kids safe for now whilst still supporting him if he chooses to do the right thing. I really dont have any sound advice on that but I just wanted to say that I am thinking and praying for you guys. I really hope it works out:)

[loopi1]

:( I'm so sorry Lee for what is happening to you. I don't know what you're going thru as I have never had a partner like that. My brothers wife, at the time just gf couldn't hold her liquor and at my 21st she wrote something very nasty in my 21st key. I comfronted her but my bro stepped in between us as he knew I was going to smack her but 2 days later I left Vic to live in WA and a few years later I went home for a holiday and confronted her again and she admitted to being a terrible drunk and hasn't drank like that since my 21st. I have no reason not to beleive this is true but I have never forgiven her for it. I've forgotten about it, I never bring it up in conversation with her and hardly with anyone, unless someone asks a question or as you have bought your situation up.

I have no real advice for you in the way of leaving your partner as it is something very personel to you and only you can make that decision but keeping the kids safe and away from that kind of behaviour is vital. He beat up his own brother for goodness sake, ruined a few weddings, you wont be invited anywhere if this keeps going. He needs profesional help and quickly before he turns on you and the kids.

[*Country Bumpkin*]

I lived with a guy like that- the only difference was that it was me on the recieving end of the bashings..... i still havnt gotten over it probably never will.

His brother was the same- both of them just couldnt handle their boze. 2 drinks and they were ropeable!! I cant offer an advice unfortunalty- who am i to talk i tayed and coped the lot but theyare alcoholics and they need help.

All i can say is keep you and your kids safe and out of his way- maybe get out of the house if you can. Just keep out of his way thats all i can say

Good luck i hope everything is ok.... stay safe

[rynosmum]

Like the other girls have said, he really needs counselling - but I doubt he will do it until he is ready and he'll probably go nuts if you bring it up to him.

Does he have 'down' time afterward when he remembers what he has done and regrets it ?

You have stayed through much more than most would. Your safety is number 1 - be careful.:hugs:

[sashamumma]

Hi I've been in this situation but mine was alcohol and drugs. I left that relationship now. I agree with what everyone said he does need counscelling big time. Make sure you keep you and your children safe ok!

[my babyemmy]

thanks girls, you are all so lovely:hugs:
he will suck up to me tomorrow & wont remember anything:banghead: He will ask why am i so angry?,why am i overreacting? etc etc
he will also promise that he wont do it again:rolleyes:
even his mother has told him he needs help, but he promises her he will never do it again!:rolleyes:

[*Country Bumpkin*]

hmmm same old story again and again.... its amazing how they just dont remember i think its worse than them actually admitting they have done it!!! God wheni think back now- i dont know how i coped with it all the time almost every day.

To you and any other woman who may be reading this you deserve better.

[melfunction]

Yours and your kids safety is paramount...If he is having psychotic episodes, then I wouldn't be hanging around. It'll only get worse..

Maybe suggest counselling, but if he isn't willing to do it, I would seriously consider leaving. Nothing is worth that environment for kids..

[SAVINA]

what a terrible situation u are in!

everyone can say leave him but this is easier said than done!

i do feel for your kids though not a good thing for them to see.
he will say sweet things to u the next day cause he probably does remember things his done an d how much he made an **** out of himself!

u have got alot of thinking to do!

i wish u all the best and take care of yourself and the kids

[Stretchmark Diva]

Perhaps you could ring an alcohol help line like Al-Anon for some advice? You cannot change his behaviour, but you can change the way you deal with it.

I'm also concerned seeing the ages of your kids - what kind of message is he sending them about how to deal with alcohol responsibly? Is he going to start a fight at your children's 18th party? Is he going to kill someone in a drunken brawl?

Good luck.

[Baby Girl]

What a horrible thing for you to go through over and over again.

If you have told him you are leaving - then for your sake you need to stick to your word. Why should he stick to his promise of giving up if he is forgiven every time and you don't come through on your promises?? By all means support him but don't put your kids in the position where he may hurt them, or you - I am sorry to say but when he is drunk it wouldn't matter to him.

I don't mean to be upsetting or rude but don't let your kids or yourself go through that - its not healthy for any of you (including DH).

[bronny-jane]

what an awful situation your in, the truth is he is the only one who can change his behavour. i went through a bad stage with alchol myself and while most times i would be happy, some times i'd lash out at people over a comment that i'd take the wrong way. it has alot to do with self esteem and ego. i also would black out and do very bad things and not remember until i was told. fotunately for me i fell pg with dd and just stopped drinking and actually started to enjoy my life again.

if you think you or your daughter are in danger definatly leave, he needs to realise how this is really making you feel. what your dealing with is an addiction not just the alchol but the behavour as well. you need to stick to your guns so he understands how much of a problem it really is for you. if your to scared or in love to leave him for ever than tell him your going for a month or so until he changes his ways.
this is something you dont need your dd to see, she'll be basing all future dealings with men from the behavour of her father.

[my babyemmy]

thanks again for your advice ladies. He didn't stop being an idiot til 2am,i didn't realize that he rode his bike to safeway 20 mins away & he got in a fight there! he had my brother & my 14 year old son with him! im far from impressed, anyway he was going to take the day off work because of a hangover but since i was planning to spend the day yelling at him,he decided to go to work instead! i didn't even say goodbye,he cant understand why im angry?! i really cant be bothered with any off this anymore! (he was about to use a curtain as a toilet this morning at 3 am,lucky i woke up just in time to yell at him!):mad: :banghead:

[mixinitup]

Hi Lee,
sounds like he needs a taste of his own medicine. Why don't you organise a night out, spring it on him at the last minute as your walking out the door so he has no choice,then come home smashed and tell him exactly how you feel in a very abusive manner about every little thing he's done untill the early hours of the morning. then get up in the morning and say nuthin................................worked for me:D
seriously though, sounds like he needs anger management......or a good slap in the face:thumbsup:

[Elfin]

He really needs someone to video tape him so when he is sober he can see what a jerk he is. This could truly shock him. I really think he needs to clean up his act quickly as children should not be in a home where this kind of thing is going on. I used to witness some of these things you described and for me it was very very distressing. I still have very vivid and not pleasant memories of this person's alcoholic behaviour as a child and I didn't even live in their home.

The sad thing about it, is your children too may become alcoholics. Your son in particular also should have a better role model in how to treat a wife and other people. It is not easy to be around an alcoholic as they are very selfish people and in the process hurt a lot of others. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you. But do contact Al Anon for advice.

[moonblossom]

Sometimes its WHAT he drinks that could be the problem. I know I have a bad reaction to wine and spirits. Bundy is one of the worst problems I saw a lot because I worked in a bar.

Maybe if he usually drinks one type of drink, suggest he tries something else?

[our little treasures]

I am lucky as my hubby drinks on special occassions and only 2 stubbies at the most. He is never nasty and is normal. :kiss:

I feel sad for you and your children because it's not nice to be around people like that. I think he needs to get help and if he doesn't then I would be leaving, give him a chance to see if he realises what he is going to miss..

MY ((HUGS)) TO YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN..:hugs:

[JenNT]

He really needs someone to video tape him so when he is sober he can see what a jerk he is. This could truly shock him.

My thoughts exactly!
Also get your 14 year old son to tell him how it is.....how disgraced his is to see him like that....i said to my hubby during a argument after drinking and believe me this worked...."You are just like your dad, you were ashamed of him and now our kids will be ashamed of you' Well wasn't that a wake up call!
My hubby binge drinks, one big one every few months which to me is wrong. He can't understand that a few (what you know you can handle) is better more often than a huge night where you throw up and can't remember anything. I don't drink fullstop...how can I enjoy a night with a few drinks when i know I will be up with the baby, I will be up with the other kids,who will put them to bed, who will get them brekky?? YKWIM...it's not worth it.

[03MMT]

Hi,

I wanted to say that you calling AA isn't the answer.... he needs to do that! I know - been there done that! My ex is a binge drinker. When he drinks he drinks way too much - drives etc. Most of our fights were over his alcohol problem. I visited GP and told my story and was told that DH was not an alcoholic as an alcoholic is a person who can not go without a drink for a day. My ex dh could go a week without a drink and then go out and all hell would break loose. What the GP explained was he was a binge drinker and needed to blow off some steam.....hmmmm. I'm glad i don't have to put up with it anymore but i have on many occasions told ex DH that his boys are watching his every move and if he wants to bury a child one day because what they think is normal - keep the act going. It stopped him for a while... and nowdays the kids rarely see anything but whether the damage is already done - who knows.

If alcohol is causing a problem within your marriage seek professional advice. Otherwise you'll keep sweeping it under the carpet and the problem has never really gone.

Best of luck with everything