1 sick kid...to have another??

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Hi. I'm just searching for some opinions...

My DD, now 16 months has had (and still dealing with) servere health issues. She's developmentally delayed and requires lots of time and patients.

DH and I originally planned to have two kids, we would have started trying for #2 about now.

I'm just worried that the new bub would be sick too, or I might not have enough time or energy into that bub whilst DD is so demanding.

Have other parents chosen to stick with one after having a sick bub? Or on the other hand, have others gone on to have more?
Please let me know!! Thanks. :wave:

[nugglyboysmum]

hi lexi sorry to hear that your bub has some health issues, it must make things so hard for you, shes a beautiful looking litle girl by the way!

DH and I always planned on having 2 kids up until Archie got sick and ended up in hosital in surgery at 3 weeks old, while he was in surgery we both turned to each other and and stared into each others eyes and said we are never having another baby, it was just so extremely stressful. Archie's issue was fixed easily but he has had severe reflux ever since plus small issues with his kidneys that he should hopefully grow out of. Archies 'issues' pale in comparison to your beautiful little Alex, but i can understand where you are at wondering whether or not to try for another child. For us the last 18 months, whilst being the most magical special time of our lives it has also been the most stressful and challanging too, and we will not be having another child, our family of 3 feels perfect just how it is, the thought of going through all that with another baby terrifys me! it took us a good 12 months of stress turmoil over deciding whether or not we wnted another one though.

That is just my experience, you and your DH will know in your heart whether or not you wish to add another bub to your family, all i can say is make sure you are having another bub for the right reasons. i know a lot of couples who have had another child only cause they felt guilty about having an only child, they now look back and think it would have been better with just the 1 child (of course they love thier 2nd child to bits though).

A saying that i have heard from several older mums with lots of kids is "you might regret the child you dont have, but you'll never regret the child you do have". Most parents agree with this statment, but as i said above soem dont.

If you are not 100% sure about adding another bub to the mix just yet, can you just relax and wait a littel while, see how you feel about it in a years time?

GL with your family, it is an incredibly hard decision to make, try not to stress about it too much, big hugs

HTH, sorry if i have confused you even more!

[Nowhere]

:hugs: to you

we are asking our selves the same question do we or dont we, even if we do it wont be for a while

ITs a hard decision to make, do you know if there is a likely hood of your next child having the same issues or totaly unknown

good luck with your decision

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Hi nugglyboysmum :hugs:
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope your DS is ok now! May I ask what the surgery was for?

The more I think about my gorgeous little girl and our little family, the happier I am with just Alex. I think we're under a fair bit of pressure from rellies, as my sister in law has 3 little boys and on the other side, my parents dont see their two other grand kids. Doyou get that sort of pressure?

But Its our family. And we're only young so If we do change our mind at some stage down the track and decide to try again, thats ok.

So thank you so much for your words, I am very content with the idea of not having any more kids. Actually, I'm excited! I guess that means we can focus on our future.

Thanks!! :wave:


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Hi Kens'z mum! Isnt it a horrible thing to have to consider!
We've seen the genetisist last month and he said we'd be 70% safe. The only problem with Alex's chromosones is a tiny deleted part of one cell. So not enough to cause her life long issues (mentally at least). But still, how great is the chance of having a bub with heart, airways, allergy, feeding ......problems. So I really dont think I'd feel safe risking it.

Have you and your DP come to any desicions?
Thanks for :hugs:. I needed them!!

How'z kenz going with her J feeds? Or is it too early to tell? We're still waiting on the neocate to kick in for Alex. So over vomit and dihorrea!!...
:wave:

[Cheekychops]

You are in a very tuff situation... but reading your post, and the age of your DD, I would say wait... things may settle a bit in the future as she gets older she may not take quite as much of your time, and you will know in your heart it is the time to try for a second baby...

[nugglyboysmum]

hi again lexi

i am really glad you are feeling more positively about your litle family. Archie's operation was for Pyloric Stenosis - basically milk could get into his tummy but only the tiniest bit could trickle any furthur through his body, so he was slowly starving and his tummy was stretching bigger and bigger. it is a fairly common thing, and a straight forward operation thank goodness.

The pressure i get is enormous and quite overwhelming at times when i let it get to me! it is awful the comments some people throw at you. I find it interesting that people never attack DH for his choice in having an only child they turn straight to me and attack me for, apparently i am an awful woman cause i dont want any more kids....WTF! It is really hard to ignore others comments and concentrate on what makes YOUR family happy, but appart from youa nd DH it is nobodies business how many kids you have, you know what is best for you, as for Alex, she will grow up just as happily without siblings as she would with siblings.

We agreed that we are only young too and if in 5-10 years time we really feel the need to have another bub, we will discuss it then. For now we are planning on being a family of 3.

i am like you, once i came to a decision i felt so great and excited, i gave away all the baby stuff, we bought a new slightly smaller car, we are planning on buying a slightly smaller but nicer house next year, we are planning to perhaps live abroad one day. there are so many positives to having only one child and in alot of ways there are many great things you can do with 1 that you wouldn't be able to do as easily or at all with more than 1.

i wish you all the best in your future with your gorgeous little girl.

[MyFab4]

:wave: Peta, you know our story as far as Ethan's probs go. His issues weren't really on going just keeping an eye on him, check ups and stuff. It was still a big decision for us to have another after him though, scared of going through through the same thing again or something worse, even though they told us the chance was minimal. The difference for us to is we have 2 children older than Ethan and they are both healthy so that gave us a bit more confidence in our decision. Our latest addition is turning 1 next week and she had no probs.
If it something you're not sure about there is nothing wrong with having a bigger age gap. I have 3.3yrs between the 1st 2, then 4 yrs to the day between the next 2 and there is 3.6yrs between the last 2. Also in saying that the older 2 are great with Ethan and the baby so I don't think it would matter even if there was a 5+ age gap between kids. The relationship between them is jst different IYKWIM.

[MyFab4]

Archie's operation was for Pyloric Stenosis - basically milk could get into his tummy but only the tiniest bit could trickle any furthur through his body, so he was slowly starving and his tummy was stretching bigger and bigger. it is a fairly common thing, and a straight forward operation thank goodness.
:wave: nugglyboysmum my DH had this condition when he was a bub. He had surgery to fix it at 6 wks old and has never had a prob since and he is now 32.

[nugglyboysmum]

lee - gosh surgeons are clever aren't they?! Goodt o hear that your DH hasn't had any probs since, love the pic of layla!

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Your so right lee_77. I was talking to DH the other night about getting rid of the baby gear and he's brought the issue up again!! hahah just when I think we're all sorted....
So, the uncertainty's back. But like you said, time will tell.

Surgeons are great arent they!! Im still so amazed at how brilliant they are. Im really hoping that Alexs 1st surgeon ENT does her tonsils in March. Id trust him with her life any day! But the other surgeon she'd get if he cant is great too. :wave:

[SixtiesChild]

Hi lexi11,


A friend of mine had a baby that had major health problems and was in a similar situation to you. They gave themselves extra time and had another baby a few years later which worked out perfectly for them. I have a 5 year age gap between my kids and it has worked well for us.

Goodluck & BTW you dd is very cute.

[forbetoel]

I just waqnt to wish you goodluck with whatever you chose to do, but just thought I would share with you a good friends story.
Her first baby was born very sick, and needed a heart operation, and has many other problems that will require lots of time and atttention over the years, but he is a beautiful little boy and she has just added number 4 to her family.....so she had 3 more kids after the first baby who is not well, and she is doing great, and the little ones just love thier big brother to bits.:)

[flyawayfree]

I have been considering the same thing. DS is 17 months old and has developmental delays and partial epilepsy. I have split with his father and am now with a new partner and we are both wanting to have another baby but can't decide when. I would do it right now, but I want to be sure that my son is going to get all the help that he needs, but at the same time I don't want a huge age gap because I want another 4 kids.

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Thanks everyone for your stories and opinions. Im sure so many people have this decision to make. It is a tough one... but all the advice has helped. :flowerz:

[naiwen]

Hi Peta,
Just saw this thread!
We feel the same way, we love Edward and sometimes I want to have another but then he goes into hospital and I wonder how I would cope.
We have decided to wait until he is 2/3 years old before making any decisions as the situation may have changed by then anyway.
Hugs Hunny

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Hi julie!! I should have realised i wouldnt be the only one feeling this way!!
I have spoken in depth with DH and we've both agreed theres two suitable scenarios:
to try either after Alex is walking properly or her 3rd birthday, which ever comes 1st.

Although then we said we wouldnt start tryin until we get settled at our next home (when dh gets in the army!!) but which ever comes 1st.

it is a tough situation, once you've got a sick kid the whole plan changes.