Harassment/Bullying...Some advice please?

[EsSjAy]

My 11 year old is continually bullied/harassed by another boy his age at school...
The teachers have really tried to do everything to put a stop to it but i feel that they too are at a loss.... They have suspended him for a few days over and over again... Continually warning him of his behavior... Talking to his parents etc
He is in the same class and the teacher won't tolerate any carrying on but as soon as they are outside this boy is continually 'baiting' my son and he ends up defending himself and getting into trouble for it....
Sometimes it is physical and it's also happening after school... This boy lives very close to us and is forever riding past causing problems...
I don't like my son going out and riding his bike or catching up with friends close by as i am worried...
I am seriously considering going to the police as the things that my son has been threatened with is quite disturbing... I have told the boy myself that if it continues to expect the police to knock on his door (i was so angry)...
I thought maybe they could give me some advice ...

It's also upsetting as when 'this boy' cant find my son he goes after my 10 & 7 year old at school...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Believe me i think I've done everything i can...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

thanks x x

[vikki a]

Maybe you should go to the police, and see if they can help you. Have you tryed to talk to his parents? Or are thet the type you would rather stay away from? I get where you are coming from my DS1 has AS and is picked on all the time, because he is a easy target..:hugs: to your son.

[Eloise&Charlie'sMum]

Such a tough situation considering you and the teacher has tried so hard to put a stop to things..

Not sure if the police would be of much help in this age group...

Have you thought about maybe going and seeing his parents directly instead of letting the school confront them..they might take the situation more seriuosly if you and your Husband go and approach then calmly but seriously and try and sit down see if maybe a different approach can be used with this boy..the parents may not fully understand how poorly they child is behaving and having met you and heard your story face to face may be more inclined to try pull their child into line.

Big (((HUGS))) for you and your son...I too have been down the bullying road and its not fun...

Hope things settle down for you all soon.

[mumbron]

Have you thought about changing your son's into a different school is this a option? i don't like bullies my daugter is a soft target for this kind of behaviour and its not fair because they are there to learn not be harrased by other kids..............!

[OJandMe]

I'd change school. No kid needs to go through that.

[Ana Gram]

Changing schools is not really going to stop this kid, especially as he also does it outside of school. Go directly to the parents, but remain clam. Tell them if they cannot stop the behaviour, then your only option is to go to the police.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

Changing schools is not really going to stop this kid, especially as he also does it outside of school. Go directly to the parents, but remain clam. Tell them if they cannot stop the behaviour, then your only option is to go to the police.

I totally agree with chellegoth. And I would definately go to the police if they don't listen or seem to care.

[Mrs Little]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Bullying is very traumatic for children, they often feel very alone. Then it starts affecting their learning too....it makes me very upset.

I am a primary teacher and have many varying experinces with this sort of stuff.

My advice..would be to ask the school for a copy of their 'Bullying Policy'. You have a right to see it. Go through it VERY CAREFULLY...make sure the school is following their procedure to a T!!! You may even find that they aren't following it..you may find they are 'kinda' following it. Either way...thats not good enough. Those poilcies are there to protect children and their families from this kind of thing. It's not acceptable.

From my experinces the school's polices should involve suspensions as one of the last resorts. Then comes the expolsion. This child shouldn't JUST be suspended and then allowed back into the school without some kind of plan that is made with the child's parents, school and the child that is bullying. You can't fix a problem by taking them out of school and letting them back in again in hope it will fix itself. They should develop a management plan with the child and their parents to teach the child that consquences will following any bullying actions...that they will not tolerate this behaviour and are supportive of the victim and not these behaviours.

If they wont follow their policy...then speak to the head teacher about it. If the school wont do anything about it..go to the principal. If the principal wont do anything then go higher. Is he in a public or private school? If he's public then i would call the department of education in your state and demand some action. If it's private then you can choose to leave the school-in these schoools it's the only option left after you've done all of the above. But i do suggest fighting this battle before leaving the school I agree with the others...leaving the school is the last resort. It wont teach the bully anything.

In regards to the bullying happening outside of school....unfortunatley this is out of the schools hands. I would suggest you go to the police and speak to them about it. Tell them exactly what the threats are and how this is affecting ALL the members of your family. The police should advise you of what your options are from there. You can then decide what to do for your family.

Sorry for the long post. Hope i made sense. Feel free to PM me if you need more info.

But good on you for sticking to your guns and protecting your children and your family. Harassment and bullying are not acceptable!!

Mrs Little & Sons.

[AquaDevil78]

Have you spoken to the Principal about the extent of the bullying, as you said it was quite disturbing, maybe this brat needs to be expelled rather than suspended.

If so, and they are not willing to expel him then yes i would

A) Talk to the brats parents, and

B) If nothing is done, doesn't seem to stop, call the Police most definitely.

Also tell your son to ignore the bully, rather than try and defend himself etc tell him to walk away.

Bullies more often than not will stop if they don't get any reaction, but then i guess it depends on what type of bullying it is?

Does your son report him everytime it happens?

[Bewitched]

:iagree: I really think these are the steps to take, and if nothing helps tell the Principal either he expels this child or you will be moving your children to a 'safer' school, that might prompt them into action - no school likes a bad rep. If you are considering involving the police, start keeping a 'diary' of events that this kid has done, when where and how, then you have proof of the extent of his bullying.

[EsSjAy]

Wow ladies... Excellent advice here (as usual)

I will go into it a bit more by saying that we have recently moved so the children started a new school this year we moved from 'private' to 'public'...
My son's father and i are divorced 'but' have a very amicable relationship so we have been dealing with this together...
We were going to approach the parents of the 'bully' but were advised by the school 'not to' as they would speak to the parents...
It resolved in the 'bully' being warned that if the behavior continued he would be suspended for 5 days... He is a devious child... Because of this warning from the school he carries on the way home from school and in the street... As you have all said the school cant do anything about incidents out of school... We live a 5 minute walk from the school and the children like to walk or ride... I have suggested that i take them to school and pick them up but they don't want me to... and i'm proud of that because my eldest want this 'bully' to see he is not scared of him...
I have discussed the anti - bullying strategies at the school and they seem to be doing everything they can... In their defense if the 'bully' is doing the right thing at school, their hands are tied...

I want to go to the parents but I'm concerned with the possible retaliation i may receive... From reliable information i have received it would be a waste of time, but in saying that warning them that the police will be called may be what they need to pull their child into line...

I'm ticking away now...

Are their laws against this kind of thing in schools... I'm not sure?!:confused:

[Bewitched]

Are their laws against this kind of thing in schools... I'm not sure?!:confused:

To me yes - but i think it is just within the school that this neglected law applies. I would be fronting the parents about police involvement the next time you're son is physically harmed and leave it at that. Write it in a note instead if you like, it does not need to be nasty, just straight to the point, good luck :hugs:

[AngelHope]

Hi Essjay :wave:

Firstly, a big :hugs: to you.

I believe that the advice given by Mrs Little is very accurate.

I'd go one step further though, and when speaking to the principal (and this is a must) let him know that you're well aware of the guidelines for bullying set out for schools by the department of education. In fact, if you want to see them squirm, ask THEM if they'd like a copy of it. This is available on the department of educations website for you to print off and hand out.

Secondly remind them that they have a duty of care to your child, and that you 'insist' that they follow through on it. If the child is persistantly bullying your child, even after suspension and doubtless other disciplinary actions, then you are within your rights to insist that the 'bullier' be supervised at all times. This includes morning and lunch breaks. If this child is a danger to your child, he is likely also a danger to others. Should your school complain that they don't have the resources to accomodate this, then they need to find a way, or remove the threat from the school permanently. Your son has a right to be free to learn in a safe and peaceful environment.

Remind them that if your requests are not met, and something 'bad' happens (heaven forbid), you will be well within your rights to sue the pants off them. Particularly since you have followed the right steps to have this quashed. Make sure you let them know that you have all of the incidents documented, ie. dates/times/injuries/insults/meetings.

Don't get me wrong, I hate playing hardball, and I hate making threats; but having been through this myself, I know well that physical pain you get in the pitt of your stomach every morning when you send your child off to school not knowing what trauma they're going to be faced with during the day, when you can't be there to help them.

These are the steps I ended up having to take with my instance, and they worked a treat.

...for what it's worth.

I sincerely hope you and your son find an answer soon.