Feel a bit guilty for bottle feeding

[JorBai]

Hi

Did any bottle feeding mums go through a time where they felt guilty for bottle feeding?

I am going through a faze where I feel bad for not persevering long enough with breast feeding:( Tried for 3 weeks with no luck...

I am unsure as to what has brought these feelings on and wondering if anyone else has experienced this?? Would like to hear from anyone else that has felt this. My bub is 4 months old and I was enjoying bottle feeding til now???

Thanks,

Leanne

[SuperWoman]

Hi, I used to express my milk but I just didn't have a good milk supply at all. My son is a bottle-fed bubs on formula and has been for a while now. When I made the decision to stop expressing it was awful. I cried and cried and felt like I had let him down!! I look at him now and I see how healthy and happy he is and I have gotten over it! You will feel better about it soon! It is hard I know, but you are doing what is best for your little one!!:p

[Baby Girl]

DO NOT FEEL BAD!!

You are doing what is right for you and your bub.

I bf DD1 for about 6 months and I hated every minute of it but perservered because "breast is best". Eventually I got to the point where I thought bad luck breast may very well be best but not when it makes me resent my baby :thumbsdown:

With DD2 I bf for 6 weeks, I didn't mind it as much but she just would not settle to feed and basically grazed for 6-8 hours daily and with a very active 3 year old that just didn't work for us. I tried changing her feeding pattern but to no avail so onto formula she went and from day one has been so much more settled and content.

Obviously I stopped bf for completely different reasons than you but the point still remains that sometimes no matter how hard you try breast is not always best for some people.

Do not feel guilty. These days formula makes a fantastic substitute and in the grand scheme of things is not going to make a huge difference when your baby is grown.

If bub is happy and it suits you and your family then that is all you need to be worried about. Good FF vibes being sent your way!!

[the_queen]

Hi Leanne,
:hugs:
I thought I felt guilty too, for a very long time, but after counselling I realised that what I was feeling was grief. My counsellor asked me what I had done to try to keep breastfeeding, asked me about why I stopped, asked me about how I felt about stopping, and then told me that it sounded like I'd done everything I could and therefore had nothing to feel guilty about.
It's perfectly normal to grieve the loss of any kind of relationship - and because I had wanted so badly for the breastfeeding relationship to go well, I was entitled to grieve the loss of it.

Don't feel guilty about it - the fact that you said you "persevered" means that you tried and tried and you did your best. No-one can ask any more than that of you. My advice is, allow yourself to grieve, don't bottle your feelings up inside. I used to get all emotional whenever I saw someone breastfeeding, I couldn't talk about it without getting upset - and this continued until Vallerie was 3.5 yrs old!! And the reason it affected me so much was that I didn't talk to anyone about it. After I vented all my emotions and let myself have one really big cry, I have been "relieved" of all that pain. I don't feel guilty anymore because I know that I don't have anything to feel guilty about. I tried my best, we did the best we could, but it didn't work out exactly as I'd planned - but oh well, that's life, life never works out exactly as we plan.

Hope that helps, sorry I didn't mean to ramble on so much! You are definately not the only one going through this. I think the vast majority of mums who bottlefeed are doing so because they tried their best to breastfeed and it just didn't work out. You'll find a lot of support on bubhub :)

[my babyemmy]

please dont feel guilty, as im sure you are a brilliant mummy & you persevered for as long as you could:hugs:

[Michael's mummy]

Hi Baileys mummy

I felt guilty when I could not feed DS. Tried for 3 weeks. Went to lactation consultants everyday for 1 week. With 1st child was able to breast feed for 15 months. Every child is different. Just because you couldn't do it with bailey does not mean you will be unable to bf any other children you have.:)

[Rell]

I think every mother who has had to bottle feed has felt guilty at some time.
Please try not to feel so guilty. Remember you are doing what is BEST for you and your baby and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I look at my DD who is almost 4yrs old (bottle feed from 6 weeks) and she is very bright and is much healthyer then other kids who were breast fed and I relise that she has been in no way disadvantaged by being bottle feed.

[Angelmist♥]

Hi Baileys Mummy, yes I did feel bad about putting DD onto formula(she was 6.5 wks old), and felt that I just hadn't persevered enough.I have even thought of relactation:eek:

I had a HUGE cry to my DH about it and he helped me realise the big picture...
In the 6.5 wks I did breastfeed,for the first 6 days I had to express every feed then I had to use nipple shields (I had inverted nipples and she wouldn't latch on),
I then got mastitis so I was in extreme pain (and cringed at the thought of the next feed)and after all of that I then had a screaming baby from 11pm til 7:30am who just needed to be fed.I gave her a bottle of formula which she sculled as if I had starved her whole life and has since then refused breast milk either from me or expressed.

As DH has said now he can feed her, which he absolutely LOVES ha ha so much that he'll sometimes race me to the cot!She is alot happier, and she is perfectly healthy so why should I feel guilty??

I still do at times grieve the loss of our breastfeeding relationship BUT I do now love the fact that we are both calmer and happier.

Hope you feel better soon and if you need to chat, don't hesitate to PM me.

[Elfin]

I think most of us who have bottle fed have felt guilty but you gave it a good go and a lot of us can't breast feed so your are not along. I know for sure in my case I tried everything but just could not get a good supply. It also doesn't help when you have a child health nurse saying that your baby is not putting on enough weight. It can be very distressing.

Formula is the best alternative if you can't breastfeed. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty as your baby will thrive and be content. You are doing the best thing for your baby that is all that matters.

[Imogensmum]

A lot of the guilt you are feeling is also because of the excess of hormones as your body adjusts to the changes! ie/ from BF to bottle!!

I am not a huge cryer- but when Imy stopped feeding i was a mess! I cried over the simplest things---- yes it is all grief and you will have been told and told breast is best but- your bub will thrive on the bottle- so try not to beat yourself up!! As long as bub is fed and happy you are doing your job as mum!!!

(i just wish someone would right a book about all the hormone changes your body goes through---- sometimes it is as if an alien has taken over your mind!!!lol):hugs:

[Mum2Lucas]

I was told that its really common for those feelings to occur. I cried for a week after i stopped BF and when i see other peole doing it i start to feel bad. But i know i made the right decision. DS is much happier now was sleeping through the night but hes sick and teething atm so thats not happening anymore.

[SassyMummy]

I stopped breast feeding when my DD was about 3 weeks old, because it just wasn't working out. I had a c-section, and was feeling really let down about that (as well as exhausted and sore), and in the hospital I had trouble breast feeding. I had nurses expressing from me, then feeding bub via syringe...and I had all sorts of different breast feeding experts helping me out...so by the time I actually sorta got the hang of it, I had already associated negativity along with it. (The main problem was that DD kept falling asleep after 3 sucks, and she never really wanted to feed...which IMO wasn't a big problem...esp since she was quite content and still having plenty of wet nappies).

When we got home, she just wouldn't stop suckling. She's just suck and suck all day long...and it was irritating. I had a painful sensation whenever I was breast-feeding (the entire time) and I just hated it. She'd fall asleep...then as soon as I removed my boob from her mouth, she'd wake up and scream.

I was getting so fed up, until my mother suggested that maybe she wasn't getting enough. So we tried a bottle that night, to see if that was perhaps the case. She slept THE ENTIRE NIGHT that night...so I slowly weaned her. It was just better for the both of us...she was much happier for it, and so was I.

I still feel bad...especially because there's a big emphasis on breast feeding. A lot of the time I feel like a second-rate mother because I formula feed, but I remind myself that I am FEEDING my baby...and if the only way to do that successfully is through a bottle, then so be it. It would be far worse to let her starve while persisting at breast feeding.

Bottle feeding is not something to feel guilty about...you're nourishing your baby!

[GypsyOnTour]

Dont feel guilty! I too lasted only 4 weeks breastfeeding after getting mastitis!
I tried everything - but baby Mathew was waking every half an hour literally 24/7 hungry! I wasnt sleeping whatsoever, let alone eating properly - which i felt only added to the situation. Finally after a long cry to mum on the phone - who encouraged me try a bottle of formula - I went out and brought a Tin but waited out another week and saw my doctor (who encouranged me to continue trying)

My partner and I were sleeping in separate rooms and I was crying constantly and wasnt coping at all. Finally I brought a Tin of formula....and I tell you....Mathew slept for hours and hours! I kept trying to wake him I was getting so worried! He was finally full and happy!

I was so relieved Ive never felt guilty about it again! I realised as much as all the Health Professionals will encourage you too keep on going - at the end of the day having your bub happy and with a full tummy is what matters!

(My mum later explained to me that she too couldnt bf and that my brother, sister and I were all raised with full cream cows milk!! (Dad was a Dairy Farmer))


Mathew went onto cows milk just before he turned 12 months and he loves it! He's now 15 months and we just water his bottles down slightly because too much milk (he has 3-4 a day as well as 3 meals and snacks) as a Child Health Nurse explained - can affect the adsorbtion of Vitamin D.

Your doing a fantastic job and seriously - go with your maternal instincts - trust in yourself and know your doing the best job in the world!

Jude :hugs:

[bronny-jane]

i know what you mean about feeling guilty, but at least you tried longer than i did, my dd couldnt latch on to my nipples properly, and after a few hours of having midwifes try to squeeze stuff out (ouch) i told them i was thinking of bottle feeding, they looked at me as if i'd just shot some one, after her first feed i knew i made the right choice for us, she was so content and slept for hours, instead of being unsettled and whingey.

with dd number 2, i bottle fed straight away, and i didnt get those looks or any comments about it from midwifes or anyone else.

i dont feel guilty now and im going to bottle fed this baby thats due in september.

breast might be best, but its not for me, plus dh can help feed the baby, while i sleep.

[hayleylea]

i stopped breastfeeding DS when he was 3 months old because i got a kidney stone and was in and out of hospital for a week on morphine and the rest of it...so for that week i couldnt breast feed at all...so my mum and DP looked after him giving him the bottle. When the kidney stone finally passed i did think i would go back to breast but i was tired and run down and for me to get better i kept him onthe bottle. I cried about it for ages but in the end i know i did the right thing. I was no use to cooper if i didnt get myself better....he was a fussy feeder too, use to graze off me all day and i didnt get a minute to do anything....i loved feeding him but it was getting me down. Now i am over the guilt because i know i did what was right and both him and i are much happier now. What you are feeling is normal...its hard but you'll get through it. Atleast you know your not the only one! :hugs:

[kuz78au]

Awww, please don't feel bad. :hugs: Most of us go through this and it's completely normal. But remember, you are doing what is best for you and the baby. If you kept on feeding, what feelings would you have towards the bub? I will tell you my experience:

First baby, I had him 3 weeks early so I was taken off guard. Tried the breastfeeding then on the 2nd day he was 30ml comp fed as he was starving and I wasn't even producing 0.1ml in a syringe. He was a big boy too, 8pd 1oz. But I persevered with comp and breast until about 1 week when I had to stop. I wasn't getting any sleep, my nipples were in bad shape, my boy wasn't drawing the nipple back properly, and my supply was horrendous. I felt sooooo guilty about it, like I was really wallowing, crying and carrying on about it for a long time because I thought that I had let myself and him down :crying:

Then about 4 weeks later my milk came back (I know, very bizarre)! I got all excited and thought, geez 2nd chance time! I got a lactation consultant in and tried again. My bub was on 120ml formula by then so I had a lot of catching up to do! So we tried. But I had to give it up again after 3 weeks. This time I had an operation during this time to remove my gallbladder (but I was pumping in the hospital - I was determined!), my bub STILL wasn't drawing the nipple back properly (and here's me thinking I can show him the way), again I wasn't getting any sleep, my supply was bad and I was feeling a lot of resentment towards my baby. This time when I gave it up though, I thought I had given it the 'old college try' and was very happy with my decision.

Sorry for such the long explanation :ecomcity: , but the point I'm trying to make is that it's not the be all and end all. Just think, would you have feelings of resentment towards your baby? Even the Lactation Consultant said to me (when I told her I had to give it up) that if it is effecting your relationship with your baby, it's not worth it. You don't want to look back at these times and feel bad about how much resentment you had towards your baby and the feeding times. You should be enjoying every moment while they are bubs, they aren't bubs for long! It goes so fast!

Of course breastfeeding is good for your baby, but really, if you stood two adult people next to each other, could you tell who was formula fed and who was breastfed? I don't think so. I hope it makes sense and I hope you are feeling better about your choice! You can pm me if you need some extra support! :hugs: ((((HUGS))))

[JorBai]

Thank you all so so much for the advice and support you have given me!

I was having such a horrible week as we just got back from a holiday at MILs house and I just came back feeling down in the dumps. She doesnt mean it but I felt horrible because she kept asking to feed Bailey and i still feel like thats my job and on occasion I will accept help. She minded him for an hour and I walked in to Bailey screaming and MIL getting my bro in law to feed Bailey but he wasnt holding bottle properly in his mouth. GRRR!

I was still deep down feeling sad for my inability to breast feed and hubbys cousin just had a bub, we went to visit her and she was breast feeding not a problem so I guess thats when it really hit me. "I wasnt breastfeeding" I felt complete guilt.

However all the support from you bub hubbers out there has made me feel alot better.

Thank you all so much!:thumbsup:

Leanne

[Baby Girl]

Very glad that you are feeling better.

Remember - what you are doing is right for YOU and YOUR BABY!! No matter whether it is bf, ff, tt, starting solids, using a dummy, not using a dummy , rocking to sleep, not rocking to sleep, CC, not CC - everyone is different.