Divorce party?

[the_queen]

Is a divorce party a tacky idea?

eg: BBQ, with family and friends, and a speech from me thanking everyone for their support, and announcing that I'm reverting to my maiden name as of this moment.


I just tend to cope with "change" better if I have some kind of ceremony/ritual/commemoration. I dunno if I would even go through with it - Ms V is not dealing with the whole divorce issue very well, so if it was to upset her then of course I wouldn't have a party. But maybe I could organise to have it when she's staying with her dad for a weekend - or perhaps we could have some family counselling to help us both move into being divorced (and once she's able to deal with it, have a party then).


So - is it just altogether tacky? Or should I try to do it when Ms V is not around? Or should I try to help her accept the divorce first, then have a party to help us all move forward? Or is it generally an OK idea, but not in my situation?

poll coming :D

[AM]

Good idea.

[QTB]

i think its a great idea... a really good 'release'

but i dont think V should be there. im assuming it is her father and it wouldnt be fair on her... KWIM?

[lukaelmo]

Well, sure, why not... maybe instead of involving miss V, how about making it more of a girl's night, like inviting some friends over and having a few glasses of champagne? Actually, not necessarily a girl's night, more like an adult party where you can all have a giggle and a bit of a lighthearted sledge on the whole marriage thing... that sounds awful the sledge bit, but I mean doing it in a positive way, laughing about the bad times.

If it's going to help you move forward, then I say go for it.

[shed]

Fabulous idea luvvy, but definitely adults only. Grab your girlfriends, go out and get drunk and slag off IX and have a wonderful time!

[bel_aiden]

sounds like a great idea, great way to have closure!
id say adults only. but maybe the counciling would be good too if Ms V is having a bit of trouble with it?

[Roxy]

Ditto to all that has been said - it sounds like a great way to celebrate the beginning of your new life.

I'd also make it for a weekend when your DD was with her dad.

[OneBabyBoy]

Not tacky at all, I think it's fabulous. Do it when V is at her dad's place though but it sounds like alot of fun.

[shanz]

I chose great idea(i have been to one before):D and to have V there, depends on what sort of night you are having though,it may be easier to not have to worry about having kids there.
I think after counselling etc it will be good to celebrate the new part of your life, help her to understand it isnt a party to celebrate daddy being gone, but to embrace the life you guys have ahead.

[tru]

I'd like to go to one, as long as it wasn't bagging out the other party in any way. I think it's good to celebrate whatever you're happy with in your life. Perhaps it would seem less tacky if you called it a "Finally free" party or "Single again" party. Something along those lines, that sounds a bit more positive and celebrative :)

[Refresh]

Sorry Queenie but I don't like the idea at all...not sure why, just makes me feel icky:footinmouth:

[the_queen]

That's ok Katie - I welcome all opinions :) Thanks for your honesty - and part of me feels the same, that's why I thought I'd gauge the general opinion in bubhub land.
But the reason I feel I need something is that I am dreading being a "divorcee" even though I don't want to be married to him anymore. So for me, ritual/ceremony helps me to move forward, psychologically. A ritualistic way to say "goodbye old life, hello new life", so to speak. I just feel like if I get the decree absolut in the mail and don't do anything to commemorate it, it'll all feel surreal. And I need it to feel real. I'm scared to be divorced, I'm scared to be single and alone - but you can't run away from your fears, you have to FACE them (I learnded that from Fraulein Maria :D)

I dunno - the girls night out thing sounds OK but because I've moved down here to Hicksville, I don't have heaps of friends that I would want to go out with... and the only place to go in town is the Front bar :rolleyes: And I can't go get pished ;) because I'm breastfeeding, and the only girls I could go out with, would just want to get pished anyway. So it'd be one of those awful nights where everyone else is wasted and I'm sober.


Thanks for the opinions, it's helping me get things straight in my head. :hugs:

[Refresh]

(
I learnded that from Fraulein Maria

From the SOund of Music??!:laughing:

[the_queen]

(

From the SOund of Music??!:laughing:

Well OF COURSE :D

I learnt all the best life lessons from that movie.

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.

Climb every mountain, fjord every stream, follow every rainbow, 'till you find your dream.

Have confidence in yourself - because strength doesn't lie in numbers, strength doesn't lie in pain, strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers, when you wake up WAKE UP :)

Even if I had a wicked childhood, as long as I did something good, I'll marry rich :D

Nazi's can be foiled by simply removing their carburettor.

[Refresh]

:laughing::smiliedance:
When you read you begin with ABC's...

[SassyMummy]

Good idea - but I wouldn't involve the kids. I think it might make them feel a bit funny... your older one at least. Even if you don't intend to do any slagging off, you might have people there who might drink a little and end up slagging him off... and she doesn't need to hear that.

I wouldn't involve her, personally.

[the_queen]

And when you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything!!! :laughing: :laughing:

[the_queen]

Good idea - but I wouldn't involve the kids. I think it might make them feel a bit funny... your older one at least. Even if you don't intend to do any slagging off, you might have people there who might drink a little and end up slagging him off... and she doesn't need to hear that.

I wouldn't involve her, personally.

*ahem* Thanks Stacey for getting me back on track :shakehands: You're right, I didn't think about other people slagging him off (it's definitely possible)

[tru]

...because I've moved down here to Hicksville, I don't have heaps of friends that I would want to go out with... and the only place to go in town is the Front bar :rolleyes: ...

Which Hicksville are you at? Your location still says Sherwood :confused:

What about having a dinner party to celebrate? Or get your friends to throw you one. You could have speeches, etc :)

[Nomsie]

I think it is fabulous! Have fun! :D

[the_queen]

Oh... is there really a town called Hicksville? :o :laughing: I just meant that I'm living down here with all the country hicks :laughing: :doh:


I'm thinking a dinner party would be good :yes: :yes: Rather than a big pish-up type party.


Thanks for all the advice girls

[Blessed Mum]

I can totally understand why you would like to do it & with whatever you decide to go ahead with I hope you enjoy it :sunshine:

[peanutbutter&jelly]

I say go with it!
My mum wanted one, but wouldn't have one if any of the 3 of us kids disagreed... my middle brother who took it the hardest said no. I was soooooo angry with him - after seeing mum go through so much stress, hurt and upset it was finally going to be OVER... (dont get me wrong, I love my Dad to bits - hurt, stress and upset in general because the whole thing was just gone and she was freaking out... as you would!)
I was 15 by the time the divorce went through though, my middle brother 13, the youngest was 11!

[missie_mack]

Ive thrown one for one of my friends. We made it a girls only night and went out for a swish dinner all dressed up because her ex never would have approved. I think it helped her mark a official end and move on without him....

Like your wonderful cliches before its marks the end of something and the beginning of something new :smiliedance:

[Ana Gram]

Great idea, sometimes doing something physical to acknowledge moving on can help with the emotional moving on.

I picked to not involve Ms V but that is because I don't know her and how she might handle it. You know her best.

[Mahjong]

Mum suggested the other day of having one herself. I fully support her wanting one :)

I just told her to wait until my baby is born so I can toast her to her new found freedom and life.

I personally dont see anything wrong with them. Some people see it as a start of a new era in their life.

[Hokey Pokey]

Not my type of thing to have a party as such, but I think a few drinks/small gathering with close supporting friends and family would be a nice idea. :sunshine:

[toni796]

I think it would be fine.....A way to release yourself from being in a partnership....But deffinetly adults only.

[meme]

i think it's a good idea.
i like the idea of involving some more ritual towards the out with the old in with the new theme of it.
it brings to my mind the way the death card in tarot symbolises not only ending but really new beginnings.

i don't have any actual ideas....but i think it's great to release the old energy and move forward. it brings to mind the fire ceremony at a new years eve festival i once went to, where a big fire was made to signify the out with the old and in with the new. i guess burning something symbolic to illustrate the end of your marriage and maybe planting something with the ash from the fire scatterred around later could join up the whole endings beginnings idea. or whatever you intuitively go for.

i also like the idea of a dinner party.

i also voted to not involve your child. this is maybe something you need to do for you to move on. she will need other things.

as for counselling. my experience of my parents divorce was my mother dragging me to many counsellors and it was not helpful for me in this way, she would have been better off sorting her own self out i think now she had undiagnosed depression from the whole thing.
although obviously just personal experience i just wanted to say that i think if my mother had role modelled moving on happily ( or dealing with changes well) it would have been maybe the best help she could give me in handling it and combined with a good therapist rather than traipsing about to all sorts of not so good ones i mightn't have carried their divorce around for so long like a chip on my shoulder:o.

eta- this is why i think it's a good idea. looking after your own healing will enormously benefit your children imo

[Queen]

I personally love the idea, and I have been to a few.
My bestie called it her "wake" another her "new self" party.
I would not involve the children, but that is your choice.

Good luck