4 littles ones and socialising

[sja]

Come February I'll have 4 kids under 5.

I always feel bad taking my bunch to friends' houses as most of my friends either only have 1 kid or don't have kids at all. They don't really get what it means to have 3 little ones. I find those with no kids are actually better prepared for my bunch - they provide toys and don't mind too much if I run around after the kids all day. I guess they figure kids are an effort no matter how many there are. But I feel awful when the baby starts getting into their CD collections, or the 4 yo is picking their flowers. My friends with 1 kid either have babies and so haven't yet realised what toddlers can do to a house, or they have 4 yr olds and have forgotten what babies get into. So I spend my entire time removing marbles from the baby's mouth or taking pens off the bigger two.

And the friends with 1 kid always want to go somewhere like the beach or a cafe to meet up, where I'll be so busy with the kids that I won't get a chance to talk to my friend. Never mind the stress of going to the beach or a pool with 3 little ones! I end up feeling like I'm ruining everyone's fun when I suggest, yet again, that everyone come to my house for coffee. But they don't seem to understand that at my house I can sit down and chat, knowing that my kids are okay (and that anything they break or ruin will be mine).

So I'm wondering how others in similar situations see their friends when they have their kids with them?

[MyFab4]

Hi I have 4 kids but not under 5. Mine are 11 mths, 4, 8 and 11 and I can totally relate to what your saying. I find the older ones get bored when we're out visiting and its hard cause they're not old enough yet to stay home alone but don't want to play with little kid toys either. I have to watch what bub might be putting in her mouth and what Mr 4 could be breaking. I too often find it easier if we have people over instead of going to their place.

[forbetoel]

I can so hear what you are saying. But time will fly by and pretty soon, you won't have 4 little ones and it will get a lot easier. Have you got a playgroup that you can go to? Playgroups are great for both mum and kids to socialise.

[mysonroger]

my friend had twins and another about 2 years older and she said it was just too stressful to go out so people came to her house. it works well for me to take my kids to her house because she's got all the toys , etc. although i'd have to check the floor for small toys that could get stuck in a mouth.

i'd be the same as you...doing the socialising at home. its not forever. and its alot easier on you.

[busymummyof4]

I have 4 under 7 and I dont go out much with them all. It is hard. I have to say I like my own company and my time with my children. Basically I go out when I can, invite people over when I can and all the time make the time I have with my children count because it is true the time does go and they will be off doing their own things and I will be back to socialising without them.

SJA If it suits you best to have people over, have them over. I'm sure your good pals completely understand. If they don't then you making an effort for them would not be worth it.

[sja]

Thanks everyone. It's good to know I'm not alone with this. I do belong to a playgroup, but I don't really go that much anymore as the 2 mums I really clicked with no longer go. I should probably look for a new one, but I do find it hard to find mums like me, with similar values etc.

My 4yo will be starting kindy next year and I keep joking to hubby that we should probably send her to a Catholic school just so I can find other mums with lots of kids for me to befriend ;)

[Meemo]

I completely understand how you feel.
I have a DD 4 yrs, and 3 SS's.. When DD was born and we had the boys (4 under 8), I used to HATE going out with them, and I had DP's help! But at that stage NONE of my friends had children.. I like to think I started the trend!
We used to be able to share the load, when possible, I'd take 2, he'd take 2... OR I'd organise to go to play centres/parks etc to catch up.
I also think playgroups are a great place, I personally never did it, but friends of mine rave about how great it is for them and kidlets!!!
BUT I also didn't (and still don't) have a license, it made it easier because if people wanted to see me they had to come to me!

Jus do whatever makes you comfortable!

[erinjacob]

i no how u feel i have 3 under 3 an im 21 weeks pregnant. i used to take offense to those that dont invite us places because i have to many kids but now my mum does the same she dosnt invite us out because theres to many kids an they will have to look after them so i just dont care any more we go to places were i no all my kids are welcomed but i always warn people haha. hopefully it will pass maybe when there at school an i only have a few at a time.

[CJJHRA]

the joys of a large family.
my kids are mostly all older now (the yougenst being 3) and we still dont go many places with them all.
I try to go when the boys are at school and its just me and DD. But with having so many kids, most times when something is planned, on of them happens to be sick that day and I cant go!