View Full Version : Advice on Partner problem
Hi guys... im just in need of advice or ideas... Df and i are very much in love but the problem is we just never have anything to do togehter. WHen the kids are :sleeping: and we finally get time alone we are at a lose as of how to spend it. :thumbsdown:
I have seen on here alot of you saying that you are your partners are like best friends and while i know that it would have taken a lot of work to get it like that... i just wanted to know how you guys got so close or what people do with their other half when they get time to themselves.
Its becoming a real problem in our relationship as we just dont seem to be able to relate to each other the way we used to and i dont want to lose what we have.:banghead:
Any advice or suggestions
:( Hmm i have the same prob.....ive never mentioned it to dp though
he works two jobs so i dont see him much but when he is here i find that we have nothing to talk about or do..... he plays playstation and i do what i always do....chat away on here lol
we watched a movie in bed last night...but i fell asleep and only woke up as he was turning it off after it had finsihed!! He is always too tired to do anything and even when we go to the shops or something we look at bub stuff an thats it..... hes just not home much and its not like it was when we first met...we just dont have fun like we used to
i would love to hear any sugestions also....
hmmmmmm sorry im of no help im at a loss myself:(
Make time for each other every day, whether it is a 10 minute conversation at bedtime or conversation over dinner.
Having kids makes it hard to concentrate on your relationship, so we have "date night" once every couple of months, whereby the kids are minded overnight and we go out for dinner or a movie. The rule with conversation is that we are not allowed to talk about: the kids, friends, work or family. It's a good way to find out things about each other, kinda like getting to know you again.
Communication is the key, tell each other what you miss from your relationship and try and work out together how you can maintain those qualities.
Thats ok... just good to see that im not the only one with this problem. DF also plays one of his consols or the computer when he is home because we just dont have anything else to do.
I agree with you that this can become a big problem, which is why I have been so conscious of keeping up our activities together. I don't want to get to a stage when the kids leave home (:eek: ) and we look at each other and think "who are you?"
I would definitely suggest getting a "hobby" together. My DH & I play tennis together, and I am also involved at the club where he is a soccer coach. I think this provides a great opportunity to spend "us" time and remain partners not just parents.
I know it is hard to get out when you have kids, so maybe you could try a few things at home. I know this may sound totally daggy, but what about games such as scrabble, cards, backgammon etc. If you are both into it, they can be a lot of fun.
What kind of things did you do together before you had kids? Is there any chance of re-kindling some of these activities?
Hope this helps!
We have always been able to spend time together. Our first date ended up lasting for 13 hours. We even worked together for 2 years we went to work together and came home and did stuff together as well. And we've only been apart since if uni or work has called for it.
Before the boys came along we used to play sport together. We'd have a game of tennis or we'd play indoor netball with some other friends.
Since the boys have come along we go for a walk every afternoon, and when they go to bed we usually have a coffee and a chat, then I will fall asleep on the couch... most nights anyway.
We also tend to go to bed for a cuddle and watch telly.
Maybe you guys need to get back to the basics. When the kids go to bed turn off the TV make a coffee and sit down for a chat.
Or have you got anyone close by that could stay with the kids and you guys could go out on a date, just the two of you?
Sorry I couldn't be more help
Dh and I have been going through the same thing since dd came along.
We have started to mainly on Friday & Sat night watch a dvd together or picking a foxtel boxoffice movie (we get two free a month). We got out our board games that we haven't played in ages out. The other night after we had put dd to bed we just sat in bed together talking which was nice for a change.
We are planning on going away for the night up to montiville (sunshine coast hinterland) for our 2nd wedding anniversary and my mum is going to look after dd.
Although I can see that the footy season will be taking over our fri & sat night movie soon.
We communicate most at the dinner table! Perhaps if you sit down at the table to eat your dinner every night no TV on etc that might be a start!
But maybe you do that already I don't honestly know!:p ;)
We were starting to get back into the date night type of thing but then we moved out of kev's parents place and it wasnt as easy to leave logan with them. Since having chase it seems as tho we have gone back to square one with not having anything to do. I know once the kids get older it will be better but i still want us to have a relationship left then and not just be MUMMY AND DADDY.:crying:
My DH and I have the best talks when we're sitting outside with a glass of wine in the evening. If there are no distractions you have to talk! I love my nightly TV and DH hates it so he often sits out the back and has his time out, which doesn't bother me as we work together all day and it's good to have time alone. But once a week I'll join him and we talk about everything that's going on with us, our families, the news and our lives in general. I'm lucky my DH is a pretty good communicator, but it has taken a few years to get to that I must admit!
Now with our first bub due in 6 weeks I know it will be harder to find this time, but we are both committed to making that time to stay connected with each other, because you have to make the effort to keep things working in a marriage. So if it means taking the baby monitor outside and having half and hour that is just our time to re-connect that's what we'll do. I also agree with the other suggestions about playing a sport or board game together, anything that involves turning off the TV and talking is a good thing.
Hope this helps, good luck!! :hugs:
I think its really important to have shared goals in life. DH and I continually review our long term goals including kids, career, investments etc. We are both keen to continually improve ourselves and our lifestyle and to try our best to set ourselves up for early retirement. We also go for walks together about 3-4 times per week and make a point of having a glass of wine after work on the deck and having a family dinner together most nights.
As Shelby and some of the others mentioned as well, we'll even get scrabble or trivial pursuit out after DS has gone to bed - although most night's we're happy to watch a bit of TV together.
We do a 'date' night once every 3 months or so but really prefer being at home with DS. We also have friends over for weekend lunch most weekends - it's casual, the family is all together and everyone's having fun.
I generally only use BH now when DH is asleep or out. It became very antisocial for our relationship and I respect his feelings on that. Likewise, he ony uses the Playstation or similar if I'm not around - or we use it together !:D
As others have said, making the time for each other is so important. I didn't know how important it was, until Connor came along.
My DH loves his computer games - but I prefer him to be involved in those - than other activities. I asked him to set up another PC for me, that way we sit in the same room - me on bubhub and DH on his computer game. Allows us to spend time together on his level.
But he surprised me the other day, he has booked us in for dancing lessons!!!! He said it will be 'our' activity together every week, Connor is being minded by my mum for an hour, while we enjoy ourselves.
I think you need to find a happy medium, get to know each other again, take an interest in your partners activities, and he will want to know about yours. Sometimes you want meet half way - you may have to go all the way - but if you love them - its worth it.
DP and I are together pretty much 24/7, he works from home and I play on another computer opposite him during the day. We also spend our weekends/weeknights together pretty much without a break...
Anyway, some activites we do...
*Pretty much every day we take the dude and the dog for a walk, for about an hour.
*I kick his butt at scrabble at least one a week :D .
*We often go to bunnings and buy some stuff for the garden and then do some gardening together.
*DP loves to cook, so I often sit on the kitchen floor with little dude and we watch dad cook.
*I play indoor soccer so once in a while we go down to the park and kick the soccer ball around.
I guess these are quite inane things, but this is what we do :laughing: .
I found i was having the same problem with DH. On his days off all he would do is play computer games, but mainly cos there's nothing else to do. So the other day i got out a few card games and we sat down and played while DS was asleep. You can make it more interesting too by saying the looser has to do something for the winner. I scored a massage! :yelclap:
I found the very best thing to reignite the romance is turning the lights low, putting some music on (turning the tele off!!!) & dancing together. Sounds stupid, but leads to relaxation & conversation (the next day ;) )
We just try to make time to talk - about anything and everything, sometimes after bubs asleep we go and sit outside and just chat. Someone mentioned hobbies - we play both play hockey and this gives us something to talk about other than bubba stuff:)
Why was my thread moved???
Why was my thread moved???
Threads may be moved if they are best suited to a different section of the forum than where they were first started. Where did you start this one?
My DH and I donít do anything much exciting but that is mainly due to the fact that we are both tired come nite.
But we always make time to just lay on the lounge together to talk, we also garden together, wash the cars together (9/10 times will end up in a water fight), we have also been known to have huge food fights (I know we should really grow up).
We are both members of a forum where we like to get online next to each other as we currently share the same desk, not only do we laugh our butts off online but off line as well.
I agree with others though, communication is the key.
Hi Martha M... i originally started my thread in the general section but im not to sure as to where it was moved.
It's been moved to the Family & Pets section. If you look up near the top of the page when you open the thread you'll see the new path:
Bub Hub Community Forums > Friends' Chat > Family & Pets > Advice on Partner problem
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